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THE FESTIVE SEASON is here again, a time for friends, family and light up novelty knitwear. Hot on its heels of course is everyone’s (not so) favourite month, and with it the inevitable flurry of “New Year, new me” mantras.
Every January, we are hit with a litany of articles that encourage us to adopt of series of punitive habits as resolutions, and advise us how we might stick to them. Resolutions that have a tendency to revolve around restrictive diets, rigorous exercise regimes and other ways in which we might force ourselves to be “good”.
This kind of thinking has us convinced that rigid rules, strict regimen and self-criticism are the way to incite change, when in fact research would suggest otherwise.
Self-criticism steeps us in shame, and keeps us stagnant, whereas self-care and compassion helps us to learn, grow and understand ourselves better. This in turn helps us lead healthier, happier and more fulfilling lives. For those of us looking to be healthy and resilient in the New Year, self-care is a must.
What is self-care?
Ireland seems to be one of the only countries where the phrase “you love yourself” is considered an insult of the highest order. We’re a nation of self-deprecators, we fob off anything that even comes close to praise, lest we get a “big head”.
The result is a population who often confuses self-care with self-pity, indulgence or the shirking of responsibility. In reality self-care is not selfish, it’s not a matter of telling ourselves that we’re never wrong, it is simply a matter of taking care of your mental, emotional and physical health. It is the key to a good relationship with yourself and others and paramount to enact change in our lives.
So with that in mind, here are four ways to incorporate self-care into your New Year’s resolutions.
Be kind to yourself
This might seem pretty obvious, and yet it’s something that so many of us neglect. Like I often say to my clients, it’s simple but not always easy.
Many of us are unaware of the way in which we speak to ourselves and often develop an unkind inner monologue. It can sound like a cliché, but a good rule of thumb is to treat yourself the same way you would treat your best friend.
When a loved one makes a mistake or experiences a setback, we don’t judge or predict terrible outcomes. So when you experience a difficulty, ask yourself “what would I say to my best friend if they were in this situation?” Then direct those kind words to yourself.
Set healthy boundaries
In the words of Brazilian novelist Paulo Coelho, “when you say yes to others, make sure you are not saying no to yourself”. Your time, energy and emotional reserve is valuable and limited, so try to become aware of the people, activities or responsibilities that no longer serve you.
It can be difficult to say no, especially to those we care about, but establishing healthy boundaries is good for both our self-esteem and our relationships.
Try creating a “no” list, with things that you no longer want to do. Examples might include, no checking my emails after 7pm or no attending functions because I feel I “have” to.
Look after your physical health
This is one of the most basic elements of self-care, and yet it frequently gets neglected. Make sure that you get enough sleep, a reasonable amount of exercise (not excessive) and are eating enough.
If you have any health complaints that you have been neglecting, be sure to prioritise a doctor visit.
Use your resources
This can refer to both internal and external resources. Internal resources include how we speak to ourselves, what we tell ourselves about the way we are, happy memories we may have or reminding ourselves of positive traits we possess.
External resources might be calling or texting a friend, reading a book, cuddling a pet, watching an episode of your favourite series, the list is extensive and dependent on the individual. It’s about giving yourself permission to do the things you enjoy.
One of the first steps to prioritising self-care is to revise our thinking on the matter. Taking care of ourselves is not selfish or weak, but rather a basic human need and a catalyst for change.
If you want to see improvements in your mental health in 2018, then give up the self-criticism and judgments. In the words of Carl Rogers “the curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change”.
Amy Plant is a counsellor/ psychotherapist working in Dublin City Centre. She has a special interest in the areas of PTSD and trauma, anxiety, anger management, sexual issues and couples counselling. Find her at amyplanttherapy.com or contact her on 0876279243.
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The Roman Catholic organisation is completely infested with Pedophiles. Surely it’s time to close it down for good.
The power dominance of the Roman Catholic Church,its days are numbered. No one to blame for that but themselves. A vilest organization.We won’t miss it when it finally collapses into the gutter, where it belongs.
Who or what will replace it ?
Bet it will be an organisation that does not tolerate whistle blowers , will charge them with Blasphamy and silence them .
Surely they are not a ‘scapegoat’ if they actually did it!? A scapegoat is a metaphoric goat laden with the sins of others. The Catholic Church is guilty of so many sins of its own that there isn’t space for anyone else’s on its goat!!!!
As its mainly just little boys getting molested wouldn’t it make sense to just remove the gay priests who are the main culprits and the ones obviously dragging the church down?
Julia – what a vile comment. Shameful.
Julie, read the article – one of those guys DAUGHTERS were raped by their parish priest for years.
Pedophiles are not gay. They are pedophiles. They like children, not adults of the same sex. They do not care which sex, they like children, do you get it?
Here’s an idea. Perhaps clergy – from any religion, should not be allowed to interact with children at all. Allow them to preach to adults who chose of their own volition and informed choice to join that religion rather than brainwashing kids – because that just lends them extra power over their victims.
It’s unbelievable! These are the same people that claim to give moral guidance?
Surely it’s time to tear the Vatican down and force them to acknowledge the horrible crimes they’ve committed?
Century after century, ever since its beginning the Vatican has been an obstacle to human kinds well being!
Police on a global level should carry out major criminal investigations of all church bodies including the Vatican itself to uncover the full extent of the cover up and knowledge of those in authority.
I’m sure they are not all bad, assuming 10% of priests are bad and in 2010 there were 412,236 priests that’s only 41,223 bad priests! Problem is another 50% cover for the bad 10% while 25% believe it is all media lies and there is nothing wrong.
So guess that leaves 15% good priests!
Research the Vatican, that’s where you will find the head of the problem.
There are probably a majority of decent people in it..but the institution is rotten and using them as a shield.
Otherwise Ratzo would ask that individual priests not be scapegoated. He defends the institution yet again.
There is much good work done by priests and religious personnel all over the world. Often in life threatening and difficult circumstances. The problem here is a management failure at mid and senior level to deal with the bad apples ( a minority ).
Church management who are found to have hidden, ignored, failed to properly investigate abuse cases should stand trial beside those who perpetrated the heinous acts.
Pat, problem is we have people in Ireland that have been shown to have been part of the cover up and even been involved in interviews of young kids but yet they are still in positions of power….Cardinal Seán Brady still has his position.
I guess he was only following orders.
http://www.rte.ie/news/2012/0503/victim-of-brendan-smyth-calls-on-brady-to-resign.html
Sean Brady is a disgrace. What he did, making those poor children sign oaths of silence, and not telling their parents what had happen to them was nothing short of evil. It was the 1970s; so this guff about people not knowing what we know now (that child rape is wrong and should be reported to the police) should be treated with the contempt it deserves.
The church welcomed the inquiry to separate fact from fiction. Great! Facts like the church facilitated endemic child abuse for decades and still refused to acknowledge the depth of its involvement. Fiction like virgin births and zombie bread. Now we’re getting somewhere.
If the Catholic Church were any other business would we allow them to keep trading? If this abuse had occured across branches of a supermarket chain their premises would be burnt to the ground and they’d be run out of the country.
try again..if you think it corrupt and dangerous call a cult a cult, not a church.
And its priests are operatives, bishops managers cardinals the boardroom up to CEO Joe Ratzinger.
Demystify this corporation, or it will persist and prevail to stalk again smells, bells and liturgical spells.
Cue the vitriolic, bigoted anti religious comments.
Hey Cian,
They started it
Problem is Cian the hatred of the catholic church is due to its actions, its abuse, its coverups all the way from the top, Its moving around of priests who abused and its failure to pay and compensate its thousands of victims.
The catholic church hates people because of the way they were born as they hate gays and lesbians,
I doubt you’ll find many anti-religious comments here. What you will find are comments against an organisation which for decades has aided and abetted the rape and torture of children while at the same time preaching to everyone on morality. If the Catholic Church wants to gain back any respect it must tear down its hierarchy and genuinely repent for its horrendous sins. Or it can do what you’ve done and bury its head in the sand and pretend the deserved criticism only comes from anti-religious bigots and watch its influence disappear.
Calling for that organisation to be closed down is neither anti religious or bigoted Ciarn. That organisation is completely evil, yet I still watch brainwashed parents bring their children to that evil organisations churches every Sunday.
I am unashamedly anti religious.Religion is an evil,manipulative,form of brainwashing and deserves to exposed as such.Anybody in this day age that still believes these cock and bull stories are either,very say,completely devoid of logical or reason or just thick as a shit.The human race would be in a far better position if it wasn’t for religion.(Religion has absolutely nothing to do with having a relationship with god)
Glad to hear your enthusiasm Ru Ni Digs. People preach tolerance, but I think they overlook the sheer absurdity other human beings accept as literal facts. There’s less talking animals in Farthing Wood. Not to mention the offensive “morality” it extols. If your moral guidance advises you to smash babies heads off rocks and that the punishment for shaving your beard is death by stoning then you should probably be put away for the good of society.
Barry you do realise that most pedophile Priests, those who molested boys, were/are in fact Homosexuals .(Gays) they infiltrated the Church and orphanages to take advantage of their vulnerable prey. their same sex desires should have excluded them from the Priesthood, but they never mentioned this at the time or they simply would not have been accepted .
John that is vastly untrue. A huge number of abusing priests have abused both sexes, gender didn’t enter into it, power did and fear, the tools the church has used for centuries. The church has had major sexual issues within itself, of an oppressive nature, for all those centuries, the church has instilled those fears into many of its followers, fears of normal sexual expression and normal sexual urges, like masturbation.
A question for you John, ‘Is the rape of children a sin, if so is it a venial sin or a mortal sin? Please use your faith as a guide in answering this question. Cian can answer the question if he’s brave enough.
John, I’m going to say the same thing to you as I did to Julie above..
READ THE ARTICLE.
There was a man quoted who’s DAUGHTERS were raped for years by their parish priest.
Pedophiles are not gay, they are completely different. They do not care about the sex of the child, they care that it *is* a child, most frequently it is pre-pubescent children, but some prefer the early adolescence. Homosexuals are attracted to the same sex, but would have the same age preferences as a non pedophile heterosexual person, as in, most frequently a similar age grouping to themselves.
It’s quite apparent that your understanding on the matter is poorly researched. May I suggest you learn more about it before you comment on it in future lest you come off as sounding like an ignoramus..
Don’t feed the troll.
FACT: If a person is ‘Same-Sex-Attracted’
then, that person is ‘gay’
The Gay community are leading the Ani-Catholic charge but do not accept that simple fact.
A same sex attracted pedophile is a Gay pedophile.
John.
Typing FACT in big letters does not make it so.
Pedophiles do not have a gender preference, that’s the point. They are attracted to the innocence and purity of children, they don’t care whether its a boy or a girl. As I pointed out in this article reference was made to a presumably male priest (as the Catholic Church does not permit female priests) raping girls. Does that mean that all straight men are pedophiles too? There’s no such thing as a gay pedophile and a straight pedophile. They are just pedophiles.
I’ll tell you one thing that is a demonstrable fact, you know absolutely nothing about the subject and are attempting to pass off your poorly formed assumptions as knowledge. I sincerely hope no one was dim witted enough to think what you said made any sense at all.
Oh so sorry Santi Om, my mistake, you are right , there were some infiltrators attracted to both sexes , they are known as “Bi Sexual’s .
So claim to have such vast knowledge on the subject. Me thinks you are quasi expert, pushing your own propaganda
Barry, very true, I agree whole heartedly.
@Julie you live in another dimension! one without sense & reasoning & decency some of your comments on the journal are a combination of ignorance & delusion.
On a separate note: Royal Commission?! think it’s time the ozzies ditched the British monarch and grew up! Time to be fully independent and sovereign Australia! How’s about a president and a nice new flag, minus the Jack.
Maybe if they stopped aiding an abetting this sort of behaviour the scapegoating would stop
have your say