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Column Here’s why I directed an opera about IKEA flatpack furniture

Building flatpack furniture is nothing if not dramatic, writes Conor Hanratty – which is why opera suits it perfectly.

Conor Hanratty is the director of FLÅTPÄCK the opera, which opens next Saturday as part of ABSOLUT Fringe 2012. Here he picks out his favourite tunes for assembling beds and bookcases.

LAST SUMMER I moved back to Ireland from LA, and twenty-five boxes of books and CDs came with me. Obviously, I needed storage for them – something affordable, feasible, and maybe easy on the eye. There was really only one place I could go, and sure enough, my books now all live in a set of four floor-to-ceiling Billy bookcases, accompanied by Benno CD towers for my music. (Well, some of it.)  A year later, I’m directing an opera about the process, so in retrospect I’ve put together a list of some great opera moments that belong on anyone’s Flatpack playlist.

Rather like directing a play – or an opera – one needs to approach self-assembly furniture with rigour. Get all the pieces lined up. Imagine the space and the conditions necessary. Ensure that all the correct tools and equipment are at hand. But first and foremost – pick the right soundtrack for the work!

The first part of working with any flatpack furniture is, of course, buying it. Anyone who has been to the Swedish superstore in Ballymun is aware of how nightmarish the place can be. Just like Orpheus in the underworld, you can only move in one direction, and you can never look back. Opera composers throughout musical history have recounted Orpheus’ sad tale, but thankfully Gluck wrote a happy ending for his version of it. Similarly, most people manage to emerge from the superstore labyrinth unscathed, if not exactly singing its praises. Gluck’s music is very beautiful and soothing, and probably ideal for the drive or bus-ride home.

Ever since I saw a very clever production of The Marriage of Figaro, I can’t look at a measuring tape without thinking of its opening scene. In it, Figaro is eagerly measuring the space in his room that will soon be occupied by his marriage bed. Geek that I am, it’s the music that always crosses my mind on the rare occasions that I’m measuring anything at all.

Foolhardy flatpacking

Flatpack furniture always comes with those smug little instructions – doodles of maimed and injured cartoon characters who dared to build their furniture without help. Not for me! I was foolhardy enough to go it alone, and lived to type the tale. In defiant homage to anyone else who won’t be tied down by silly instructions, next on the playlist is Leporello’s aria from Don Giovanni. The servant sings gleefully that he won’t obey anymore, but of course, he does. And likewise I followed the rest of my instructions…

Flatpack furniture is usually designed so that there’s minimal hammering to be done – but where’s the fun in that? Thankfully my Billy shelves all required a bunch of nails in the back, thus giving me the chance to blare out the Anvil Chorus from Verdi’s Il Trovatore. (Any excuse, really!) By the time I was working on my fourth bookcase, admittedly, the fun was wearing off, so I switched to some other hammering music, the Forging Song from Wagner’s Siegfried. My poor neighbours.

Thankfully, the entire process of building my shelves didn’t take quite as long as Wagner’s opera – indeed I had moved on to a more contemporary piece called Flight by Jonathan Dove. The whole opera is set in an airport, and the first act ends quite spectacularly with the entire orchestra simulating the sound of a plane taking off. What better music to get the completed bookshelves off the floor and up against the wall!

Next up, of course, was the challenge of deciding how to arrange everything on the shelves. But that kinda work requires a whole different playlist…

Conor Hanratty, directs Ulysses Opera Theatre’s contemporary opera, FLÅTPÄCK, which runs at the CHQ Building as part of ABSOLUT Fringe 2012. For further details visit fringefest.com or call 1850 374 643.

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    Mute Jimmy Chickens
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    May 15th 2022, 7:49 AM

    Shocking. Guns shouldn’t be so freely available.

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    Mute Nora McElhinney
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    May 15th 2022, 9:25 AM

    @Jimmy Chickens: will they ever learn????? Just gather around the campfire, light a few candles, sing a few verses of kumbya and wait for the next armed lunatic….. so sad RIP

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    Mute Leadóg
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    May 15th 2022, 8:04 AM

    Nothing changed after Sandy Hook. I don’t wish harm on anyone but maybe it’s going to take the death of a top NRA person or an NRA supporting politician in a mass shooting for things to change.

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    Mute Ciaran
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    May 15th 2022, 11:37 AM

    @Leadóg: true but they all carry guns with them so it’s unlikely they themselves would be a victim.

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    Mute JPM
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    May 15th 2022, 2:49 PM

    @Leadóg: exactly. When nothing happened after Sandy Hook it’ll never happen

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    Mute Colm Coughlan
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    May 15th 2022, 7:58 AM

    It’s all okay though, President Biden is praying for the victims and their families.

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    Mute Jason Ebbs
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    May 15th 2022, 8:01 AM

    @Colm Coughlan: not just Biden, that’s all any of them did.

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    Mute pkunzip doom2.zip
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    May 15th 2022, 8:29 AM

    @Colm Coughlan: and his wife

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    Mute Michael Byrne
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    May 15th 2022, 9:42 AM

    @Colm Coughlan: Just like Trump did for the countless number of mass shootings that happened whilst he was in office. It’s quite clear the problem lies in the easy access to guns and the fear mongering and hate news that’s spread by OAN and Fox News…..

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    Mute Paul Furey
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    May 15th 2022, 10:39 AM

    @Colm Coughlan: you do realise trump was far worse….even though he has recently repeated he is the best thing ever for Christianty. Biden may be sincere, but trump is always ever only playing his twisted little game.

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    Mute Tricia G ☘️
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    May 15th 2022, 11:38 AM

    @Colm Coughlan: At least when Biden says he’s praying for them you’d actually believe he is…..

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    Mute Dave O'Keeffe
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    May 15th 2022, 2:22 PM

    @David Bohane: fun fact: you’re not a criminal until your convicted so the number of criminals who’s bail they paid would actually be a small minority, so that’s two things you’re blowing out of proportion. Also, bail is not a crime.
    The system of policing in the states is diabolical and has over inflated budgets. The idea of defend the police wasn’t that there shouldn’t be police. That’s strike three

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    Mute David
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    May 15th 2022, 2:58 PM

    @David Bohane: if the far left didn’t vote for Biden do you think they would of voted for Trump instead lol

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    Mute Seamus Mac
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    May 15th 2022, 3:06 PM

    @Dave O’Keeffe: strange for the democrats to be bailing people out of jail no? Do the republicans engage in such practices as well?

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    Mute James Lough
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    May 15th 2022, 7:45 AM

    RIP. Senseless waste of life

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    Mute Teresa O'Halloran
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    May 15th 2022, 8:39 AM

    What a còward. Put the gun to his own neck but didn’t pull the trigger, yet he had no problem shooting thirteen innocent people. His parents have questions to answer for bringing this piece of ßhit into the world.

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    Mute lelookcoco
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    May 15th 2022, 8:52 AM

    @Teresa O’Halloran: His parents? Are you actually serious? So this guy is innocent because his parents are to blame? Engage your brain before making a comment.

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    Mute Jason Ebbs
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    May 15th 2022, 8:57 AM

    @Teresa O’Halloran: He’s 18, so an adult. This makes him responsible for his own actions and not his parents.

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    Mute Teresa O'Halloran
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    May 15th 2022, 9:09 AM

    @lelookcoco: I didn’t say he was innocent. But he has all the signs of a spoilt brat. We need to find out why these kids are doing this by examining their upbringing and their home life. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Which means his parents are probably white supremacists also.

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    Mute Teresa O'Halloran
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    May 15th 2022, 9:13 AM

    @Jason Ebbs: what about the case of Ethan Crumbley, do you think his parents didn’t know what he was planning?

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    Mute Jason Ebbs
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    May 15th 2022, 9:34 AM

    @Teresa O’Halloran: Difference circumstances. He was 15 at the time of his shooting, so a child.

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    Mute Roy Dowling
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    May 15th 2022, 11:42 AM

    @Teresa O’Halloran: Do you know everything your children are doing?

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    Mute Dave
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    May 15th 2022, 11:24 AM

    Horrific stuff, after seeing the footage.. When you can just roll up with an automatic weapon like that without a second thought, there is something seriously wrong with the American society and the obsession with guns…

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    Mute Lynne Colson
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    May 15th 2022, 9:28 AM

    Unfortunately the U.S. constitution would need to be so changed from “The right to bear arms” for any of this to stop or lessen even. Because the American “forefathers” wouldn’t have been able to have the foresight this far in to the future. A U.S. president is unable to simply change the constitution and the gun lobby is large and vocal. Republicans would never allow this change to the constitution.

    Contrary to popular belief there are a lot of people in the U.S. have no interest in guns.

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    Mute Paul Furey
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    May 15th 2022, 10:43 AM

    @Lynne Colson: true! Even if they could change everything just to exclude automatic and assault rifles and all those other mad guns they have over there.

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    Mute Seamus Mac
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    May 15th 2022, 3:08 PM

    @Paul Furey: I think there is an automatic weapons ban but it needs to be strengthened.

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    Mute Bramley Hawthorne
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    May 15th 2022, 8:13 AM

    A gun-totting society is a contradiction.

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    Mute E.J. Murray
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    May 15th 2022, 12:23 PM

    He probably thinks that he’s going to be found innocent like Rittenhouse. The US continues to destroy itself, and all that it’s supposed to stand for.

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    Mute Jonhayes38
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    May 15th 2022, 9:17 AM

    Thoughts & prayers…

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    Mute Seán Ó Briain
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    May 15th 2022, 2:50 PM

    Another MAGA loon.

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    Mute Seamus Mac
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    May 15th 2022, 3:10 PM

    @Seán Ó Briain: no just a loon.

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    Mute Jimmy Reid
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    May 15th 2022, 7:54 AM

    What’s NY policy on the d penalty. You’d want this boyo to go for this. Crazy

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    Mute A$AP Ragnick
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    May 15th 2022, 9:10 AM

    @Jimmy Reid: dont think new york have it. Could be wrong though.

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    Mute Peter Sutton Fitzgibbon
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    May 15th 2022, 11:26 AM

    …and two were white before surrendering… ?

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