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IS THE NEWS getting you down? Current affairs causing a frown? Satirical site The Mire has an alternative angle on the week’s hot topics.
Syria divided over O’Rourke-Kenny radio battle
Monday, 2 September
Syrian radio listeners were split this morning as to who they preferred in the O’Rourke-Kenny radio battle.
Many Syrians stuck with Sean O’Rourke and Radio 1 despite Pat Kenny’s obvious attractions.
Of those who moved to Newstalk, most were confused by Kenny’s first guest.
“Who is this Bono?” they asked. “Should we know him?”
However, they were very sympathetic to Ivan Yates and his bankruptcy plight. “God love him,” one Syrian said. “You’d wonder how he copes.”
Kenny and O’Rourke to wrestle live in Dundrum
Tuesday, 3 September
In an exciting escalation of the radio wars Pat Kenny and Sean O’Rourke will wrestle live at the Dundrum shopping centre this morning.
The initiative, co-funded by RTÉ and Newstalk, will see the two men coated in oil and wearing only the briefest of briefs.
“It will be manly stuff,” a source close to the production said.
“They’ve been practicing behind closed doors all summer.”
John Waters mural removed from prison for upsetting inmates
Wednesday, 4 September
A mural of John Waters by John Waters has been controversially removed from Wheatfield Prison for upsetting inmates.
Prisoners were apparently traumatised and took to their cells when Waters was incarcerated there for non-payment of fines.
Two hours later, when the iconic opinionist was released from their ordeal, the inmates slowly emerged from their cells only to recoil in horror.
“My eyes, my eyes,” a hardened criminal cried.
“Prisoner Waters used his two hours in prison to paint a giant mural of himself,” a prison officer explained. “It was hard to get him to leave, he seemed mesmerised by it.”
Bankers accused of mistreating their politicians
Thursday, 5 September
The country’s leading bankers have been accused of cruelly mistreating their politicians.
The accusation comes as the heads of the country’s banks have again paraded their disdain before the Oireachtas Finance Committee this week.
Campaigners claim that politicians are bamboozled by bankers about mortgage arrears solutions and don’t have trusting relationships with their owners.
“Some people should not be allowed to keep pets,” a campaigner said.
‘It’s not Stockholm syndrome. I love Permanent TSB.’
Friday, 6 September
Once proud homeowners who participated in “assisted voluntary sales” of their homes have since developed deep bonds with Permanent TSB.
The former homeowners, who now sleep in doorways, often wish they could still give the bank money.
“If I had anything left in the world I would like them to assist me in voluntarily selling it,” a destitute man said.
“It’s not Stockholm Syndrome,” he insisted. “I love Permanent TSB. I love the way they assisted me to volunteer to be homeless. I couldn’t have done it without them.”
Ireland in the Bailout Years – a trot through 2009 – present day through the satirical lens of The Mire’s Donal Conaty – is on sale now here.
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@dangle,what a nasty comment!!Wonder what was said by people like you about the Irish in the famine times!Same on you.
Amazing how these people keep on breeding even though food and water is had to come by in a poverty stricken kip
that it is!
You’re talking about human beings, not animals. Saying they are breeding is disgusting.
They are some of the poorest people in the world. Without access to basic needs like food and water, do you really think contraception is available?
Also, culturally African people generally have larger families for a variety of reasons, not unlike Irish people only two generations ago.
But it IS a poverty stricken kip, and they ARE breeding even though they know they will not be able to raise their kids. If I did not have the resources to take care of myself, I would not even think of bringing a child into the world. It would be a life of misery and starvation; nasty, brutish and short.
Gerry b does it need to be breaking news to keep these atrocities in the public domain???
Yawn
That’s the third time in less than 24 hours, that “the journal” has posted a news article on this same issue. It’s not big news, is it?????
I reckon u guys think this sort of story will provoke some interesting comments, as people’s attitudes on this sort of aid appeal tend to be so extreme.
Gerry B, if 10 MILLION people suffering drought conditions, destitute and barely surviving is not big news to you, what is?
Maybe you prefer to live in a bubble where we rehash the bank bailout arguement day in, day out.
Kinda puts our predicament into perspective I think.
Lenny, I accept your point, however, my comment still stands valid. This unfortunate situation Is not really breaking news and the fact that it has been featured on the journal 3 times in 14 hours, seems bizarre. I dont recall any reference to this story on tonights rte 9 pm news.
Ok, well I’ll stick with the journal covering everything from Irish news, columns, live sport updates to chocolate printers than
rte’s biased political reports to dinners flying on fair city.
I accept our differences.
have your say