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MANY MALE VICTIMS of domestic abuse who are separated from their partners and wives face a lonely holiday season without their children, a charity has said.
AMEN, a charity supporting men who have been victims of abuse in the home, said women often use their custodial status to punish fathers by refusing access to children over the Christmas period.
One father of four shared his story with TheJournal.ie, describing three years of violence against him by his wife.
“We were married for a good number of years and she gradually just changed and started to get violent,” he said. “I thought she was just going through a phase but it only got worse and eventually I had to leave the family home with the children”.
The man said most of the abuse happened when he was standing up for his children.
‘I had a knife lunged at me’
“I got knocked out once when I was hit on the back of the head and I also had a knife lunged at me – I have scars on my hands from that,” he said.
He eventually reached out to Amen for help but before that he said he “felt ashamed about it”.
“It was making that phonecall, to get the initial help – that’s the big thing.”
A lot of people don’t understand when a woman is hitting a man, not many think that would happen. I didn’t think they would believe me.
His youngest daughter lives with his wife in the house on his family’s farm, which he still runs.
He rarely gets to see her as he is not allowed inside the house and though he has his three other children for Christmas, he said he doubts he will even get to give the youngest her present in person.
‘Lonely’
“It can be a very lonely time for men and to think that you’re not at fault and you still can’t see your children – it’s crazy,” he said.
Amen said this is just an example of the many fathers who will be spending Christmas away from their children.
From January to October this year, the charity helped 1,997 individuals contacting the service using a range of methods including the helpline, one to one meetings, court accompaniments, emails and text messages.
Manager Niamh Farrell commented:
Many fathers are now dreading spending Christmas without their children. They feel lonely, frightened, isolated and helpless. Mothers who use their custodial status to punish their former partners in this way should stop and think about the damage they are also doing to their children.
Farrell said demand on services is ever increasing and this can be attributed to a number of factors.
“Many men are now retiring and their wives or partners feel no longer able to live with them everyday, financial situations are becoming more difficult with unemployment and a rise in everyday living costs,” she explained. “Many of the men who contact the helpline can no longer deal with the abuse by themselves. The abuse that these men have and are suffering could be ongoing for years.”
Farrell said women should be “judged by the same standards as men, and women who are violent should be held legally responsible”.
“Domestic violence is an issue that hurts every member of a family,” she added.
If you are affected by the topic of this article, you can contact Amen on 0469023718 or email info@amen.ie.
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I think it’s too soon to get worried about the Icelandic volcano, we should at least wait until the dust settles……..
I see what you did there ;)
I sold my hoover – it was just gathering dust….
Care to share with us whose joke that is?
I preferred the fish one.
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall
DAM!!!
Dunno Red – heard it in the pub, last night.
that joke won top joke at the Edinburgh comedy festival this year.
“I’ve decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust” – Tim Vine.
“I’ve written a joke about a fat badger, but I couldn’t fit it into my set” – Masai Graham.
“Always leave them wanting more, my uncle used to say to me. Which is why he lost his job in disaster relief” – Mark Watson.
“I was given some Sudoku toilet paper. It didn’t work. You could only fill it in with number ones and number twos” – Bec Hill.
“I wanted to do a show about feminism. But my husband wouldn’t let me” – Ria Lina.
“Money can’t buy you happiness? Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal” – Paul F Taylor.
“Scotland had oil, but it’s running out thanks to all that deep frying” – Scott Capurro.
“I’ve been married for 10 years, I haven’t made a decision for seven” – Jason Cook.
“This show is about perception and perspective. But it depends how you look at it” – Felicity Ward.
She gonna blow Jim,
Bárdarbunga (Bar-dar-bunga) volcanic system is the largest in Iceland, Eyjafjallajökull and Grimsvotn could easily fit a corner of it. It’s main crater is 10km wide and entire volcanic system is 200 km long and 10 km wide. It erupted more lava than any other volcano on Earth in the last 10,000 years.
It’s largest historical eruption was in 1477, it was VEI-6 level of intensity i.e. it erupted > 10 km3 of ash and ash column was > 30 km high. It was like Pinatubo (1991).
The ground is now swelling as the magma tries to reach the surface. Geologists installed several GPS monitoring stations across Iceland and they are detecting the swelling / movement caused by the ascending plum of magma. Two GPS stations, 25 – 50 km away from where the earthquakes are happening have so far moved 7 to 8 cm in the last 4 days. This station shows the trend suddenly changed last night, it might have started erupting within the last ~24 hours.
http://strokkur.raunvis.hi.is/~sigrun/DYNC_3mrap.png
One geologist so far thinks there has already been a small eruption (I agree), that lava has already reached the surface (the eruption is hidden beneath 0.5 km of ice of Vatnajokull Glacier). This eruption would be meting the ice under the glacier, potentially creating Glacial lake outburst flood called a Jökulhlaup, which can exceed the flow of the Amazon river. If the eruption reaches the surface, it will look like this but possibly allot bigger.
http://glacierchange.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/grimsvotn-mjr_07.jpg
The Laki eruption of 1783-84 in Iceland is estimated to have killed 23,000 people in England due to poisonous sulphur dioxide pollution and a further 8000 died died to the extremely cold winter weather caused by ash and sulphur dioxide haze obscuring the sun.
Is a major eruption imminent? I
oyal…there ain’t no being on the planet m8 (or on the ISS) wot knows the answer to your most stupid and extremely daft question
are you a 5 year old, m8?
So..:to summise…Iceland is fkd.
Just been for a major eruption myself there… There’s a large cloud rising from the crater, so I opened the bathroom window for a while
I nominate the volcano for the ice water challenge !!
Don’t forget to take out your volcano insurance if You are traveling.
Is it compulsory? will I get penalised for not taking it out when I was younger?
See this is what would have happened if we defaulted
GEOLOGISTS DON’T USE THE RICHTER SCALE!!!!!
WE HAVEN’T USED THEM IN FORTY YEARS!!
We’ve been using the moment magnitude scale since the 1970s.
Well I for one am esoterically outraged!
Fecking Iceland with its fecking volcanos .
every house needs a chimney Catherine …
Im going away the weekend and i dont care if im stuck there a few extra days or weeks once I get there……Viva Las Vegas …Viva Las Vegas….Viva,Viva Las Vegaaassss……;)
Anything more than 3 days in Vegas is a waste.
No more chemtrails for a few weeks.
Chemtrails …… that is absolutely ridicules considering they stopped spraying a few years ago.
They were spraying the other day Glen -
No seriously, the chemtrail switch is right next to the landing lights switch.
Dermot
They still do but nowhere near the scale they were spraying a few years ago …. I know this cause I’m always watching the watchers watching me watching them.
Hello again Glen ;-)
I thought you chaps were into chembursts from clouds now that your insane chemtrail conspiracy has been totally debunked?
@Glen, so they stopped a few yrs ago but still do it!!!!! which is it to be as im confused
Re Paul
I’m not too sure it’s a conspiracy when you have people like the ex Governor of Colombia in Canada stating he knew they were taking place.
have you checked out chunkymark on youtube Glen – he’s a gas man altogether ..well worth it ..no one’s fooling him and his rants are pure quality !
There are farmers in the marts talking about chemtrails…last summer was a great year for watching them …. big xs in the sky and the whole lot …
Lance
Around 2010 they stopped spraying on a massive scale almost daily.
In 2014 you see the odd chemtrails here and there but nothing like it was a few years ago …… Hope that clears it up.
Paul
You only sound silly denying chemtrails when there is thousands of vids of them and billions of witnesses.
I don’t know what a chemtrail (or a tracker mortgage) is!
I don’t know what a glen is
Must go to that country before im 50
…if that country doesn’t come to you first!
Gorgeous people, food and the landscape is alien. Though the hot water smells like farts.
So will ours when the frackin shale-lackin kicks off….. prob cost more too
Imagine if it got really bad and we would have to start taking the ferry again to Britain and France for a awhile instead of flying. ….. Methinks we are living in fairly easy times here in most of Europe
Well for all you home birds this is terrible news for me. I travel a lot and the thoughts of getting stuck like folks were the last time this happened is something I dread.
Guess which way the wind is blowing for the next week? From the North! Get the washin in !
My cat looks after all that. Some day soon – as a reward – I’ll feed him.
Etna to the South of us
Iceland to the North of us ,, and earthquakes from fracking in England …..
here I am stuck in the middle with you.
Good one sir …. Good one lol
well done simon that was the song in my head at the time , now it’s in your head ….ha,ha,ha…. funny how music works isn’t it !
Now now Dermot , stop that , no one believes a word of it .
They should take that bleedin volcano of them
Is this the same one which erupted a few years ago? I saw a science program a while ago saying it’s possible that Iceland could easily come apart as their is a plate that runs straight down the middle.
A crack in the Ice(land) so to speak?
That was shameful…. I’ll give you a green thumb though just because I feel sorry for you …!
A pit(h)y thumb so to speak?
Those Icelanders, up to no good as usual.
Personally I blame Isreal for all this UN should investigate.
This must be good news for the economy – can it be that geological change and the dynamics of plate technology will do what our useless politicians have failed to do – as in impede air transport and so stop all those euro fraudsters coming over here every month to pick up their dole and children’s allowance payments when they are not even living here…..Mother earth works in mysterious ways indeed.
have your say