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abused man image via Shutterstock

Abused husband was 'knocked out' and had knife 'lunged' at him

One man told TheJournal.ie of years of abuse and of how he will be forced to spend this Christmas away from his youngest daughter.

MANY MALE VICTIMS of domestic abuse who are separated from their partners and wives face a lonely holiday season without their children, a charity has said.

AMEN, a charity supporting men who have been victims of abuse in the home, said women often use their custodial status to punish fathers by refusing access to children over the Christmas period.

One father of four shared his story with TheJournal.ie, describing three years of violence against him by his wife.

“We were married for a good number of years and she gradually just changed and started to get violent,” he said. “I thought she was just going through a phase but it only got worse and eventually I had to leave the family home with the children”.

The man said most of the abuse happened when he was standing up for his children.

‘I had a knife lunged at me’

“I got knocked out once when I was hit on the back of the head and I also had a knife lunged at me – I have scars on my hands from that,” he said.

He eventually reached out to Amen for help but before that he said he “felt ashamed about it”.

“It was making that phonecall, to get the initial help – that’s the big thing.”

A lot of people don’t understand when a woman is hitting a man, not many think that would happen. I didn’t think they would believe me.

His youngest daughter lives with his wife in the house on his family’s farm, which he still runs.

He rarely gets to see her as he is not allowed inside the house and though he has his three other children for Christmas, he said he doubts he will even get to give the youngest her present in person.

‘Lonely’

“It can be a very lonely time for men and to think that you’re not at fault and you still can’t see your children – it’s crazy,” he said.

Amen said this is just an example of the many fathers who will be spending Christmas away from their children.

From January to October this year, the charity helped 1,997 individuals contacting the service using a range of methods including the helpline, one to one meetings, court accompaniments, emails and text messages.

Manager Niamh Farrell commented:

Many fathers are now dreading spending Christmas without their children. They feel lonely, frightened, isolated and helpless. Mothers who use their custodial status to punish their former partners in this way should stop and think about the damage they are also doing to their children.

Farrell said demand on services is ever increasing and this can be attributed to a number of factors.

“Many men are now retiring and their wives or partners feel no longer able to live with them everyday, financial situations are becoming more difficult with unemployment and a rise in everyday living costs,” she explained. “Many of the men who contact the helpline can no longer deal with the abuse by themselves. The abuse that these men have and are suffering could be ongoing for years.”

Farrell said women should be “judged by the same standards as men, and women who are violent should be held legally responsible”.

“Domestic violence is an issue that hurts every member of a family,” she added.

If you are affected by the topic of this article, you can contact Amen on 0469023718 or email info@amen.ie.

Poll: Should a domestic violence clause be added to immigration law?>

Read: Over 45 per cent of men are unaware of the impact of violence on women>

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286 Comments
    Install the app to use these features.
    Mute Eric Lensherr
    Favourite Eric Lensherr
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    Feb 13th 2015, 12:58 PM

    I’d be more concerned with the cocaine all the other houses are storing on their roofs.

    383
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    Mute Vic
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    Feb 13th 2015, 11:37 AM

    That’s a standard way to catch people in the Netherlands, you can buy fake snow to put on the roof! Rookie mistake lol

    201
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    Mute Kevin Higgins
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    Feb 13th 2015, 2:51 PM

    Or just use LEDs and keep the snow on your roof, better quality cannabis aswell imo

    29
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    Mute Paul McGuigan
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    Feb 13th 2015, 7:59 PM

    Or a roofie mistake

    13
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    Mute Jamie McCormack
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    Feb 13th 2015, 8:42 PM

    So you wait for it to snow, and start sticking, even in the dead of night, and then you clamber up onto the roof with your pre-prepared several sacks of fake snow and proceed to cover your roof with the stuff. While it’s snowing.

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    Mute Ewan Scott-Douglas
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    Feb 13th 2015, 11:38 AM

    Next time get some better insulation.

    89
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    Mute dearg doom
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    Feb 13th 2015, 11:46 AM

    You can’t always predict the snow, and you can’t just go up there and put fake snow on the roof in case it snows overnight. That would look even more conspicuous.

    87
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    Mute Jamie McCormack
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    Feb 13th 2015, 8:45 PM

    Exactly dude, should have read all comments before i posted.

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    Mute Joe Bloggs
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    Feb 13th 2015, 11:35 AM

    Idiots!

    86
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    Mute Brendan Cooney
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    Feb 13th 2015, 11:53 AM

    Probably smoking too much of their own produce!

    70
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    Mute Robbie O'Flynn
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    Feb 13th 2015, 12:11 PM

    These guys werent obeying to the old saying…..
    “Dont get high on your own supply!”

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    Mute twonky kong
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    Feb 13th 2015, 1:20 PM

    Dopes !

    13
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    Mute Kevin Higgins
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    Feb 13th 2015, 2:51 PM

    (PUN)

    13
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    Mute Hoof Hearted
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    Feb 13th 2015, 6:04 PM

    Doh !

    1
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    Mute jason bourne
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    Feb 13th 2015, 11:47 AM

    Just paint your roof white

    83
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    Mute Alanearls
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    Feb 13th 2015, 6:21 PM

    Then when the snow melts the cops just drive around looking for houses with white roofs ;-)

    18
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    Mute Neil Corcoran
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    Feb 13th 2015, 12:14 PM

    That story is 2 weeks old, slow news day?

    82
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    Mute Pauliebhoy
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    Feb 13th 2015, 12:32 PM

    Snow news day?

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    Mute Neil Corcoran
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    Feb 13th 2015, 2:15 PM

    Badum tish!

    16
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    Mute The Dabbler
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    Feb 13th 2015, 12:24 PM

    6×6 grow tent worked for me. Minimal heat escaping.

    66
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    Mute Hank Schrader
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    Feb 13th 2015, 12:04 PM

    The big electricity usage is usually a good give away too, unless… You just bypass the meter.

    35
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    Mute Kevin Higgins
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    Feb 13th 2015, 2:53 PM

    For commercial maybe but for personal use its using no more power than your front garden spotlights.

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    Mute Dsl
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    Feb 13th 2015, 11:55 AM

    Just stop growing that Shyte

    31
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    Mute Kevin Higgins
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    Feb 13th 2015, 2:54 PM

    Can only think of 2 reasons why it may be “Shyte” 1) Useless Grower 2) Additives to add weight

    No cannabis consumer wants either of the two, they want good quality locally sourced organic cannabis

    20
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    Mute Critical Thoughts
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    Feb 13th 2015, 3:28 PM

    And I thought music snobs were annoying.

    15
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    Mute Dsl
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    Feb 13th 2015, 7:15 PM

    Under heat lamps and grow with chemicals is organic ! Then Possibly believe e. cigarettes are healthy too ! Ignorant !

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    Mute Tom Red
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    Feb 13th 2015, 11:39 AM

    Thick as bottled shit…

    21
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    Mute Shay Bourke
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    Feb 13th 2015, 12:34 PM

    This happen down in Tipperary a few years ago around the time of the big freeze. They were growing cannabis but their roof was the only one that had no snow.

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    Mute dabuyincojen
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    Feb 13th 2015, 3:02 PM

    Good way to weed them out! Drugs are for mugs.

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    Mute Wastrel
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    Feb 13th 2015, 8:27 PM

    thanks, dad.

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    Mute dabuyincojen
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    Feb 13th 2015, 3:01 PM

    Dopes!

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    Mute John Ward
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    Feb 13th 2015, 2:35 PM

    Snow use complaining!
    Snow use is bad for you!

    3
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