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Opinion We were a normal married couple who fell on hard times. Now, we sleep in our car.

When we see homeless people, we only look at where they ended up – not the road that took them there.

WE WEREN’T RICH. My wife wasn’t working, but I had a job. We paid the bills on time and, although foreign holidays were out of the question, a night in a good hotel every now and then was achievable. We had just given up on the idea of having children, but were determined to make the most of life. Our house was rented – rented, but our long-term home. I had turned 40 and, to my huge surprise, I liked being 40. Settled and content.

We had made our decision to give up on having children in September 2012, partly due to medical advice. In many ways, being told that we shouldn’t try took away a lot of pressure.

In March 2013 we suffered a miscarriage, it was early stages but a huge hammer blow. We’d given up trying, given up hope, and now here was a sign.

We fell on hard times – very hard times

The eventual road to where we are now had a lot of other incidents on it, too. From May to October that year I suffered a head injury in work, bullying, my wife’s parents had both had long hospital stays, and I lost my grandparents in the space of 12 weeks. My two heroes gone. In October, my wife’s father diagnosed with terminal cancer.

In the middle of all that I was working without a weekend off. I was starting to suffer headaches and went to the doctor. It was stress-related, she said. At home or work in quiet moments I would cry.

At work the roster for September/October went up, I was left without a weekend off. I asked my manager for a weekend off, explaining I was tired and close to breakdown. I was told I was unimportant and if I was close to breakdown 400,000 people would happy to fill my job. After months of bullying from this man, I snapped and walked out.

After walking out on work I was afraid to leave the house. Some days my wife would dress me because I was unable. My doctor diagnosed me with anxiety and depression and prescribed antidepressants, calmers and sleeping tablets.

The bills began to stack up

As I had been working, my wife had been getting just €93 per week Jobseeker’s Allowance. Three different people in the same social welfare office gave us different advice on what we would be entitled to. The result being that for 13 weeks we subsisted on €93 a week. In mid December we started getting the correct payments. However, we were three months behind. It would be easy to paint our landlord as a bad guy, but he tried to work with us. In late January, though, both sides realised that the situation was beyond saving and we left our home on 16 February. We stayed with a family member for a time, but overcrowding meant it wasn’t feasible.

In April, with our dogs in tow, we started sleeping in our car. A 14-year-old Skoda Fabia. We slept wherever we thought quiet and reasonably safe. We washed when we could in petrol stations. All the time having ultimately pointless meetings with the council over our situation. For the last month we have been sleeping in the car in my wife’s parents yard. That’s it. Life hasn’t got easier. We aren’t allowed to shower or wash our clothes, or cook hot dinners.

When you lose your home it’s amazing how quickly family and friends become vultures. “Can I have that TV/coffee table/couch, you have no use for them?” became a familiar cry, as did “you’ll be glad of the money”. It doesn’t matter that these were things we worked hard for, didn’t matter one bit.

As I write I haven’t had a decent wash in two weeks, I last changed clothes three days ago. Coincidentally my wife has an interview tomorrow, she is dreading it because body spray and perfume can only hide so much.

It’s so hard to get our of this situation

Why don’t we just rent? We have no deposit, and most ads now say NO RENT ALLOWANCE. We are lucky we have a housing association looking for a house for us, and we can look ourselves, but any agents/landlords who answer are not interested despite the long-term stability.

Living in a car has had an impact on my health. Whereas I was slowly recovering, I am now back on more meds. Each morning suicide runs through my mind. I have the place picked to go through with it. Not wanting to leave my wife as a homeless widow stops me. She and I have no joy in our lives. All our conversations revolve around our situation. We sleep seperated by the handbrake in the car, but might as well be worlds apart. Even if she doesn’t blame me, I carry this guilt. I’ve failed us.

At the moment I will be honest, I don’t want to work, I don’t feel ready – and there is a fear of a recurrence of what happened in my last job – but that doesn’t mean I’m happy to sit around. I have volunteered to mentor intellectually disabled people, and I hope to start a course to become a tutor so I can teach adult literacy.

So many people misunderstand mental illness

We look at people with mental illness as freaks, if a person isn’t wearing a bandage, then they aren’t really sick. If it’s in the mind, surely the mind can fix it? How many times have we looked at a homeless person and thought they could change their situation easily, or it’s their fault? If it’s a mentally ill person who is homeless we view them with disgust, abhorrence. We see where they ended up, not the road that took them there.

Homelessness. It’s embarrassing. I’m ashamed of my current situation, I feel my dignity stripped and gone. Our car is our prison. And yet… we are the lucky homeless, many sleep in the streets and have no voice, they don’t have associations to help. I haven’t seen a bed in two months, I very rarely have a hot dinner, but I don’t sleep in the street to be abused and pissed on at night by drunks, and I do get to eat.

We live day to day. At the moment my wife and I are living close to each other, you could say on top of each other, but we are worlds apart. Homelessness eats at our relationship, you can’t have a relationship where there is no happiness, where one carries a guilt and both carry little hope. As for relationships with other people? It’s impossible when you are ashamed to even face them. I never went to work to become rich. I just wanted a normal family life.

Now? As for my hopes and goals… I want a home. I want us to feel safe and secure. I want to do the course, I want to make people’s lives a little better. That sounds too good? Too much like a poor man’s Bono? Maybe, but when you have nothing but time you realise how little you have really achieved and, especially when you have no children, you have no legacy.

The author of this article wishes to remain anonymous. 

Read: This blood-stained mattress was offered to a family in a Dublin homeless shelter – Councillor

Read: Housing shortage could see “tsunami of homeless” in Ireland

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    Mute Awkward Seal
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    Dec 27th 2016, 8:21 PM

    They’re not going to make that journey anyway. Look at how Australia stopped the boats.

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    Mute Nazerene
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    Dec 27th 2016, 10:05 PM
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    Mute Marlowemallow
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    Dec 27th 2016, 10:16 PM

    @Awkward Seal: “Withdrawing support doesn’t work, he says.”

    What a careful question he was asked. You’ll notice he wasn’t asked whether or not towing the boats safely back to the coast of north Africa would ‘work’ – i.e. save lives equally well while also reducing the incentive for others to risk drowning. Or whether or not sinking the trafficker boats after safely returning the passengers, or offering a bounty for those who identify the traffickers, would work. Or any question other than the one to which he obviously gave the correct answer – which is why his opinion is being published of course.

    Fortunately members of our military don’t make policy anyway Although arguably they couldn’t do much worse on this issue than our politicians currently do.

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    Mute Ben Moylan
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    Dec 27th 2016, 8:07 PM

    Why don’t the journal.ie bat out of the woods and give us a poll.. Should we send the Irish Defence Forces Into Libya and protect the coastline and exterminate the smugglers.. WE are great at talking the talk but useless at walking the walk..prevention is better than the Cure..

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    Mute Joey Westland
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    Dec 27th 2016, 8:08 PM

    @Ben Moylan: Are you suggesting the Irish Army invade Libya and carry out non-judicial murders?

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    Mute Frederick Higginbottom
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    Dec 27th 2016, 8:12 PM

    Of course they’re going to risk the journey if they know they’ll be “rescued” into a permanent cosy European life, at the expense of that country’s citizens through added pressure on housing, jobs, welfare, education, and so on.

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    Mute Joey Westland
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    Dec 27th 2016, 8:34 PM

    @Frederick Higginbottom: How selfish of them to want to have a better life like the one you have, the cheek!!

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    Mute Maurice Bourke
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    Dec 27th 2016, 9:03 PM

    @Joey Westland:
    Breaking rule 14 but if they want to they can follow the legal route to do things instead of going the illegal route.

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    Mute Jason Culligan
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    Dec 27th 2016, 10:35 PM

    @Joey Westland:

    That’s what visas are for. If you want a better life in Europe and have skills that we need, you’re more than welcome. We are not obliged to take in unskilled, poorly educated and socially backwards individuals who will only be a drain on our economy and cause social problems such as mass sexual assault and terrorism.

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    Mute Peter Martin
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    Dec 28th 2016, 2:31 AM

    @Jason Culligan: Stupidity and ignorance cannot be legislated for but, there is a law on the statute books which make it an offence to incite hatred against others on racial and several other grounds. You and others might bear this fact in mind before indulging your racist proclivities on this site.

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    Mute Jason Culligan
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    Dec 28th 2016, 9:25 AM

    @Peter Martin:

    “You and others might bear this fact in mind before indulging your racist proclivities on this site.”

    Thanks for that utterly useless comment Peter.

    I’m well aware that inciting hatred based on racial grounds is illegal. You’ll note that I never once called for violence towards migrants or called for them to be returned to their port of departure because of their race. I simply pointed out (and Eurostat agrees by the way) that the majority of those coming in have a poor level of education and poor understanding of European languages and culture which will mean that they will struggle to adapt to our culture and attain gainful employment.

    Do try harder next time.

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    Mute Pat Stapleton
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    Dec 27th 2016, 8:13 PM

    Answer the Irish Navy better ,if they Ran These Supertankers from the Irish Sea,stop them sucking OUR Future Food source from Our Sea.

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    Mute Bob Beaman
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    Dec 27th 2016, 9:18 PM

    Ok Pat, two things disturbing about your comment. One, you know those fishing vessels have a right to be there as our government sold our waters as part of the EU package?? And two, you are saying you would prefer to watch human beings drown so a part of our food source is protected??? Seriously?

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    Mute Michael Shimaoka
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    Dec 27th 2016, 9:25 PM

    @Pat Stapleton: So, you’d prefer it if people fleeing from active warzones drowned? Okay?

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    Mute Bryan Yelahw
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    Dec 27th 2016, 9:25 PM

    @Pat Stapleton: Maybe, that was not the question though.

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    Mute Jason Culligan
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    Dec 27th 2016, 10:42 PM

    @Bob Beaman:

    “One, you know those fishing vessels have a right to be there as our government sold our waters as part of the EU package??”

    Those fishing vessels are also under quotas to prevent overfishing and the destruction of the environment. Our navy is primarily built around the task of patrolling our waters and enforcing quotas on these fishing vessels.

    “And two, you are saying you would prefer to watch human beings drown so a part of our food source is protected??? ”

    As harsh as it sounds, they are not our problem. There are plenty of Spanish, French, Italian and Greek navy vessels in the area that can conduct the task. Our paltry naval force is already overstretched patrolling our waters with all of their assets available. It’s not just about ‘protecting the fish’, it’s interception of dangerous narcotics which have a lasting and damaging effect on our society that is suffering as well.

    @Michael Shimaoka:

    By all means, pick them up. They should be delivered right back to source once they are. Providing them with the guarantee that a ship will pick them up 20 miles from shore and deliver them in safety to Europe only serves to encourage more migrants to take the risk.

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    Mute Brian Ward
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    Dec 27th 2016, 8:16 PM

    How about instead of spending millions helping out the smugglers and saving them money by ferrying people to Europe we educate the migrants as to how dangerous the journey is. If they knew how bad it was they themselves said that they wouldn’t go. All we are doing at the moment is encouraging people to make the journey and in the process spend probably their life savings in doing so. That’s if they don’t get shot, raped or drowned in the process.

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    Mute Maurice Bourke
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    Dec 27th 2016, 9:01 PM

    @Brian Ward:
    How dare you introduce common sense into this humanitarian issue. You must be a racist, misogynist, transphobic, kkk-supporting, Donald Trump voting, fake news spreading, heartless, ableist, capitalist, bigot. We must listen and respect these peoples views but you deserve to be silenced.

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    Mute Michael Shimaoka
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    Dec 27th 2016, 9:26 PM

    @Brian Ward: How about actually trying to fix the problem? Educating the migrants isn’t going to solve very much.

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    Mute Maurice Bourke
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    Dec 27th 2016, 9:42 PM

    @Michael Shimaoka:
    Informing them about how dangerous it is, might be a start.

    ‘The documentary ends with a question put to one of the migrants: would you have gone on the boat if you had known how dangerous it would be?

    No, is the resolute reply.’

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    Mute Jason Culligan
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    Dec 27th 2016, 10:31 PM

    @Michael Shimaoka:

    “How about actually trying to fix the problem? Educating the migrants isn’t going to solve very much.”

    Why is Eritrea being an economic backwater suddenly our problem to fix Michael? Why is the fact that some people can’t get jobs in Pakistan all of a sudden relevant to us?

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    Mute Beachmaster
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    Dec 27th 2016, 8:27 PM

    https://twitter.com/BILD/status/813775197283061760 7 asylum seekers were arrested in Germany for attempting to set fire to a homeless person in Berlin. 6 of them were already known to police.

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    Mute Mike Cantwell
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    Dec 27th 2016, 8:55 PM

    Now Beachmaster they weren’t any old Asylum seekers they were Muslim Asylum seekers , oh the cultural enrichment that’s coming to us just imagine Pakistan , Libya , Algeria , Syria , Somalia just look what these places have to offer us , it will be like time travel but instead of going to the future it will be going back centuries , back to the Middle Ages

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    Mute Maurice Bourke
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    Dec 27th 2016, 9:41 PM

    @Beachmaster:
    Why bother with that just put up a link to the einzelfall map

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    Mute Ben Moylan
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    Dec 27th 2016, 9:40 PM

    Amount of comments being deleted. the Journal.ie can’t handle the truth..

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    Mute HOTBank
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    Dec 27th 2016, 9:48 PM

    I guess the journal has lawyers who determine whether they might face legal action if they leave certain comments up which either defame individuals or are in breach of the criminal law. Perhaps, Ben, you should consider that and find a way to express your opinion in a proper way.

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    Mute Marlowemallow
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    Dec 27th 2016, 10:33 PM

    @HOTBank: They have a much more comprehensive policy on comment moderation than that. And their implementation of it is questionable.

    I say that as someone who’s been the ‘beneficiary’ of comments being deleted that engaged in speculation about my being a member of some far right party. I didn’t report those comments, because I support free speech within the limits of the criminal law and because you can’t slander an anonymous egg, but the journal clearly have a problem with such speculation.

    Since you clearly haven’t even read their comments policy your ‘advice’ to Ben is worth just about what he paid for it.

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    Mute Martin
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    Dec 27th 2016, 8:21 PM

    Yes we should welcome them with open arms just like Cologne did.

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    Mute Awkward Seal
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    Dec 27th 2016, 8:22 PM

    They’re not going to make the journey anyway. Look at how Australia stopped the boats.

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    Mute Johnnie Sexton
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    Dec 27th 2016, 9:34 PM

    This should be tackled at the source rather than picking up at sea. There’s no point closing the stable door when the horse has bolted. The UN hasn’t been the much use preventing human tragedies, Rwanda and Bosnia for example when the un failed miserably to protect innocent people from being slaughtered. Not much has changed in relation to this.

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    Mute Ben Moylan
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    Dec 27th 2016, 8:17 PM

    @Joey Westland.Where Was Skin And Colour Mentioned? Pale face..

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    Mute Shawn O'Ceallaghan
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    Dec 27th 2016, 8:35 PM

    I think the anser is….. yes…

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    Mute Shawn O'Ceallaghan
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    Dec 27th 2016, 8:43 PM

    Answer

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    Mute Mrs M
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    Dec 28th 2016, 9:58 AM

    Where are the women and children fleeing from warzones ? the majority of “asylum seekers” are young male economic migrants !

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    Mute Dessie Deratta
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    Dec 28th 2016, 1:39 AM

    Libya is a mess created by Western foreign policy. Can I “sit back” and watch people drown?

    Of course – what else can I do?

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    Mute Mateo85s
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    Dec 28th 2016, 4:21 PM

    Why all of them going to Europe? Who start war in their country?

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    Mute Peter Martin
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    Dec 28th 2016, 2:21 AM

    Clearly, a majority of Irish are extreme racists. The hideous anti African venom being spouted on this site by fairly literate Irish makes me wonder about the precise origin of such hatred. I’m fairly sure that these commentators have never known any black people on a personal level. Not enough anyway for such clear hatred to develop. So, as far as these people are concerned it’s none of our business as to why thousands of refugees are risking their lives for years in order to cross the Mediterranean. Leave them drown is the consensus of opinion. It’s their problem, not ours. I’m sure few if any are unaware that the U S and Nato have been responsible for the continuous state of war waged by our neighbours on oil producing Middle Eastern countries causing loss of life and population displacement on a scale unprecedented since World War 2. So, it’s down to cheap fuel ! Rob their oil. Let them drown like rats. If anyone objects label them ‘terrorists’. What a f$$king country!!

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    Mute Jason Culligan
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    Dec 28th 2016, 9:33 AM

    @Peter Martin:

    “Clearly, a majority of Irish are extreme racists.”

    Considering the fact that you’re the only one making this about race, I must disagree.

    “The hideous anti African venom being spouted on this site by fairly literate Irish makes me wonder about the precise origin of such hatred.”

    Wanting a ‘return to port of departure’ policy is not anti-African venom. It’s a sensible and practical solution to the problem at hand which could save thousands of lives every year.

    “I’m fairly sure that these commentators have never known any black people on a personal level.”

    You complain about broad strokes and make a broad stroke assumption. You might want to look in the mirror before you judge others mate.

    “So, as far as these people are concerned it’s none of our business as to why thousands of refugees are risking their lives for years in order to cross the Mediterranean. Leave them drown is the consensus of opinion. It’s their problem, not ours.”

    You know, I’ve yet to find a map which places Ireland in the Mediterranean. In fact, we’re over 3,600km from Libya and even further from the countries which are the source of most of these migrants. We have no obligation to help.

    “I’m sure few if any are unaware that the U S and Nato have been responsible for the continuous state of war waged by our neighbours on oil producing Middle Eastern countries causing loss of life and population displacement on a scale unprecedented since World War 2.”

    You know, I wasn’t fully aware of the fact that the US and NATO have invaded and occupied Eritrea. What’s the latest news? How many dead and wounded?

    “So, it’s down to cheap fuel ! Rob their oil. Let them drown like rats. If anyone objects label them ‘terrorists’. What a f$$king country!!”

    The majority of those coming in are not from the Middle East, but don’t let that stop your ‘all of you are racists and only I am morally just’ rant.

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    Mute Peter Martin
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    Dec 28th 2016, 12:30 PM

    I don’t waste my time replying to racists.

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    Mute Mike Cantwell
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    Dec 28th 2016, 12:36 PM

    Try an be an adult Peter and respond to Jason !

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    Mute Raymond Power
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    Feb 25th 2017, 3:57 PM

    You just got OWNED !!!

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    Mute Dino Manning
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    Dec 27th 2016, 10:31 PM

    Give them the money we set aside for lone parents & children’s allowance.

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