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“OH – NO, SORRY”
Its 2am.
I’m standing outside The Front Lounge with my date, whose attempt at a goodnight kiss I’ve skilfully side-stepped. As way of explanation, I give a subtle nod towards the line of taxis that hug the pavement. Comprehending, she settles for a brief hug.
The following day at lunch, a lesbian friend is eager to hear how my date unfolded. When pressed on whether we locked lips, I’m left with no choice but to tell her.
“Ah Chris! Who cares if people could see?! You’re out like, what’s the problem?” For the remainder of our lunch, we discuss little else. I leave her questioning whether I’m as ‘out and proud’ as I claim to be.
In an attempt to validate my reluctance to engage in PDAs (public displays of affection) with other women outside the confines of an LGBT establishment, I invite friends to give their opinions on the topic. To my surprise, the vast majority claim that they are more than happy to hold hands with a partner whilst strolling around the city centre. When pressed further however, they acknowledge that their decision on whether or not to be openly affectionate depends on location, context and time of day.
‘You have to be vigilant’
“Ill rarely do it at night – unless I’ve had a few. Even in the daytime you have to be vigilant.” One lesbian pal warns, “I’ve experienced some scary incidents where myself and my girlfriend have had to do a runner for our own safety.”
Citing Operation Aughrim, set up in 2013 by An Garda Siochana in response to a number of violent robberies and assaults around the George’s Street area, a male friend expresses his reluctance to engage in any behaviour on the streets that will give away his sexual orientation. “It’s not worth the risk. If I was a gay woman – maybe. Girls are naturally affectionate with one another – I think that explains why lesbians get away with a lot more.”
When asked if he believes that PDAs between gay men have increased in recent years he answers in the negative. “I’ve only ever seen two men holding hands once. That was on George’s Street, and they literally walked from The George to The Dragon.”
An increase in the visibility
Despite the fact that my trepidation in regards to expressing PDA with other women has been validated, as I listen to my friends experiences, I begin to feel angry. I’m also now questioning my decision not to kiss my date on Parliament Street. After all, how will homophobic attitudes and behaviours ever be eradicated if individuals like myself continue to let go of another woman’s hand at the first sign of a straight person?
We’ve all heard the saying ‘there’s safety in numbers.’ Isn’t it true that an increase in the visibility of our relationships would not only render us less vulnerable to negative attention, but ‘normalise’ our relationships to those outside of the LGBT community?
Having spoken to a Spanish friend, there appears to be some merit to this line of argument. In her hometown of Madrid, PDA between same-sex couples are as “frequent as the rain in Ireland” and subsequently, “nobody cares.” Should we as a community follow in the footsteps of our Spanish counterparts, and make the concious decision to no longer hide our partnerships when out in public – irrespective of context, location or hour?
Wise or foolhardy?
Then again, aren’t there times when “playing the hero” (as one friend coins it) would be foolhardy? Would it really be wise for a gay man to greet his boyfriend at the Spire on a Saturday night with a kiss? Isn’t it fair to say that this action could result in verbal, if not physical, abuse?
For the purpose of this piece, I have focused on couples that wish to engage in PDA. I am well aware however that PDAs are not everyone’s cup of tea. Like most, I don’t particularly want to be subjected to two individuals sucking the face off each other at my bus stop either. In saying this, I strongly believe that everyone should have the option to outwardly express, at a socially acceptable level, their affection towards the person that they are romantically involved with, without fear of harassment or attack.
Although there can be no doubt that we have come a long way in regard to LGBT people being viewed as equals within our society, same-sex couples in Dublin’s city centre do at times still feel restricted in what they can and can’t do. As PantiBliss so eloquently articulated in her Noble Call speech in February of this year at the Abbey, homophobia within Dublin has created an ‘oppressive’ atmosphere, one that causes us to ‘check ourselves’ and our actions.
Our relationships are not confined to a gay pride parade
There is no shame in an individual deciding not to engage in PDA when they feel that their safety is under threat. There are other ways in which we can tackle homophobia head on – through conversation with our straight peers for example. The more allies that stand by us, the less vulnerable we become.
Situations in which we are likely to feel more at ease in regard to partaking in PDA will, however, arise. It is within these contexts that we should show society that outward expressions of our relationships are not confined to a gay pride parade or an area sandwiched between two of Dublin’s largest gay bars.
With this in mind, I’ve made a decision. Date No.2 takes place this weekend with the girl whose kiss I avoided at the opening of this article. We’ve arranged to go shopping on Henry Street and so, when the right moment presents itself, I’m going to take one deep breath and (Beatles style) tell her “I wanna hold your hand.”
Christine is 26 and entering her third year of Information Technology at DCU – a part time course funded for those that are unemployed. In between trying to get to grips with JAVA programming and looking for work, she loves nothing better than sitting down at the laptop with a cup of tea, and writing. She has been published in DIVA Magazine, on TheJournal.ie and Gaelick.com. She is also Opinions Editor for the DCU newspaper, thecollegeview. One day she would like to be known as the lesbian version of Carrie Bradshaw. Follow Christine on Twitter here.
This article was first published in TheOutmost.com.
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There should be no question of support for a united Ireland.
We owe it to ourselves, our country men and women north of the border and most importantly, we owe it to the generations and generations of our ancestors who suffered the yoke of imperialism.
@Ooby Dooby: There should only be a united Ireland if it benefits the people of Ireland and Northern Ireland. At the moment, and for the foreseeable future, that is clearly not the case.
@Ooby Dooby: Your ancestors where pro British and pro empire and participated in colonialism along side their neighbours . Considering that more Irish men fought and died for Britain over three hundred yrs means you own it to them to rejoin the union and side with Britain not Germany .
@CrabaRev: Based on economists from Germany and Canada, within 5 years of reunification, the Island would be better off to the tune of 15 billion, so can relax and be assured everyone will be better off.
@Cal Mooney: That was a Sinn Féin sponsored study and has been completely debunked. But you know that.
@CrabaRev: The German economist review was completed at the request of the EU, but you know that already. Both economists came to the same conclusion. Can you send on a link to an equivallently extensive economist report that argues the case the other way??
@CrabaRev: Debunked by whom?
@Cal Mooney: There’s already an all Ireland economy . There are no trade barriers across the island of Ireland . Free movement of goods and people . So how is changing a flag on a pole going to make you 15 billion better off .
@Todd: by basically anyone with a simple grasp of maths. And besides it’s all well for SF and their welfare supporters to vote yes. They won’t be paying for it.
@CrabaRev: the people of Northern Ireland are the people of Ireland and Ireland has always been one country regardless of the views of those who try to impose manual borders across it dividing rivers, lakes, fields, townlands, etc. Go away and boil your head, will ye.
@Airblazer: Are you implying that all Sinn Féin voters are on welfare? Do the half million Sinn Féin voters in Ireland not pay taxes or is it just pro-british racists like you?
@Larry Doherty: Ireland wasn’t one country , It was broken up into kingdoms before the Normans came . It was the English that united the island into one country and created the 32 counties .
@John Smith: created for themselves, not for the Irish who they murdered and expelled. How considerate of them bringing their civilisation over to us. You’ll be telling us next that Hitler provided a benevolent service to the peoples of Europe during the Second World War by uniting them under one Reich and, like the British in Ireland, carrying out genocide on the remainder. Jaysus, the arrogance and hypocrisy of some people.
@Larry Doherty: Ahh Larry, everybody had avoided feeding John Smith the troll up to now.
Leave him be.
@Larry Doherty: The Celts , vikings and Normans where all invaders . You have been planted in Ireland by invaders at some time in History . Why do you assume that if the Normans hadn’t come to Ireland in 1169 that you would be one nation of Irish people . The island of Ireland would have broken up into more then one country . Is there a law or rule written somewhere that a island has to be one country .
@Larry Doherty: So Republicans want to use violence against Irish Protestants to create a 32 county all Ireland but cry about the English that use violence against catholics to create and 32 country all Ireland . How does that work then .
@Airblazer: That is not proof.
@CrabaRev: it’s very hard to imagine them giving up on all the health benefits they have. It would be very hard saying goodby to free GP care, free maternity care, free hospital care… the list goes on. It’s all very romantic dreaming of a united Ireland but what benefits can we offer them to entice them to vote to leave all that they know behind.
@Cal Mooney: Definition of an economist ——Somebody who can clearly, calmly and eloquently explain to the “non economists” the reasons why his predictions for the preceding year-years were so completely wrong and outline why he is still so accurate and why he will be in the future!
@John Smith: Who did Henry sign The Treaty of Winesor or with and why?
@John Smith: Crystal ball time now. All of Ireland had the same language, same laws and customs. All of Europe evolved into nation states but John Smith thinks Ireland would have been the exception to the rule.
DNA proves that Irish people with Irish names are descendant from those who build Newgrange.
You’re just a loyalist troll imagining a history that never existed.
@John Smith: Some choice these men had, starve, emigrate or join the British Army.
2 million Irishmen died in British uniform in little over 120 years for all the thanks they got for it. Their families were starved to death, evicted or forced into emigration.
Stupid ungrateful Irish. What!
@CrabaRev: State your case then.
@John Smith: In the same way Protestants used violence against the Catholic Irish. Do keep up.
@2thFairy: They can say goodbye to Irish passports and citizenship too then.
How long more can people from NI be allowed to benefit from Irish citizenship and pasdports without contributing to the very state that grants them the benefits.
@Ooby Dooby: unlike Sinn Fein and others who would try and force a united country, common sense dictates that can only happen if both communities want it and respect each other’s traditions and loyalties , the Orange Order for instance would have to be accepted by all of us down south for starters, can’t see that happen in the near future ?
@Cal Mooney: how many dead?
@John Smith: if you need that explained to you then you don’t deserve to have it explained to you
@2thFairy: spot on. NI can’t balance its budget and receives billions from Westminster every year. Where will all the civil servants who work in NI find alternative employment should the UK pull out?
Do the citizens of NI fancy taking on the euro? Giving up cheaper motoring?, Will the GardaI send 25 recruits into NI the day we take over to maintain law and order.
NI benefit from the best of both worlds and realistically the Republic couldn’t afford to take on NI without receiving massive funds from the UK and Europe and possibly the US for many years.
The Republic can’t afford it and has some issues with running its own house ,the UK won’t do it as it all boils down 10s of Billions and a decade or more of unrest.
@John Smith: No and Yes.
@John Smith: well if thats your opinion John and you have no issue with the english using violence in historic battles to shape Ireland. To limit the chances of being called a hypocrite you would have no problem with 1916 rebellion against the english or the armed struggle that the IRA brought about to shape the country into tgeir beliefs??
@John Smith: by your logic then,Indians,australins,Canadians and indeed all the conquered people’s of the biggest ever Empire should rejoin as all of them had B.A.regiments
@Thomas Devlin: Indian units where not part of the BA they where employed by the East Indian company . The British army only accounted for 2 percent of troops in India .
@John Smith: Talking absolute ignorant rot. No surprise. Ireland had many historical unopposed High Kings of all Ireland the concept of Ireland was established long before the ur French Norman conquerors stepped foot in Ireland. Why dont u fools join france where ur French Norman King who conquered the english is from & whose court spoke French. U just used the coat tails of power left by others to institute savagery & pillaging of other countries. In Ireland forced oppression, ethnic cleansing. Forced to perhaps live a little longer by fighting in an occupation army. You’re right that u would never have achieved anything but for the normans, danes, and Gaels. Ireland is full of Norse-Gael blood ur country has nothing but backwards medieval society & concepts & Germans at the head
@Cal Mooney: and Economists are always right !
@Ooby Dooby: not for this reason, just to stay in Europe, very bad idea this is. The north should be connected back to the republic because all involved want to be part of Ireland not because the north want to stay in Europe
@Larry Doherty: its funny but when ever someone cant argue their point they bring out the racist card oh look you did
There is a difference between thinking something is likely to happen and being in support of it.
Words matter as do the questions asked.
“Do you think something is likely” is not the same as “are you in favour of”.
“The annual Red C poll published today shows a marginal increase of 6% in public support for a united Ireland.
The survey, commissioned by pro-EU group European Movement (EM) Ireland, found that 50% of those polled said it was more likely – up 6% on the 44% of people polled in March 2018.”
@Bob Earner: The Journal seems to churn this cr ap out endlessly, between these pointless articles and the majority of the comments on all other articles being negative it has lost its appeal in my opinion.
@Bob Earner: your point being? Thinking something is more likely does not mean you support it..ho matter what the journal says.
@Bob Earner:
I don’t see the poll on the Red C site, so I can’t really comment on it properly. But the journal’s statement: “found that 50% of those polled said it was more likely ” would imply the poll is pretty meaningless. To determine if something is more likely you need to understand how likely they thought it might be in the first place.
@SFNutters: Yes………. that was my point…….. did it go over your head?
@CrabaRev: They are equating a change of 6% in the likelihood of a United Ireland with a 6% increase in public support.
That’s the issue I’m having. It’s deliberately worded to imply support has increased 6% which (based on the information provided) is not accurate.
@SFNutters: I think this is what hes saying – the Poll says one thing(“most think more likely”) – the Journal says another (“most support it”) unless there was a second question on the poll that led to this statement.
93% of in favor of EU membership is an amazingly high result.
@Bob Earner: The Irish times has a better article on it, but it is still not clear as to what the question is. you really would need to see the actual poll.
A much more interesting point from the poll is: “Some 58 per cent of people believe that Ireland should be part of increased European defence and security co-operation” (from the IT)
@CrabaRev: And as anyone that’s watched “The West Wing” knows, Polling questions matter :)
@Bob Earner: the only poll that will matter is a border poll as enshrined in the Good Friday Agreement. But look, the self professed “impartial” British now have a veto on whether there ever is one and goodness hav nt the goal posts also been moved in the meantime. Now Leo and the DUP say that 50% + 1 is no longer a majority. Those that told us that we were “the minority” for years now apparently want to reverse the laws of democracy when they become the minority.
@Lancer: has nt lost that much appeal for you, Lancer, old boy. Still gets you going doesn’t it. Go on, go on, go on, ya boy ye.
@Larry Doherty: The fact that Secretary of State makes a decision on whether or not a poll is held, is enshrined in the Good Friday Agreement. 98% of the people of Ireland voted for it to be that way. There is no veto.
Clearly 50%+1 is a majority. It would be a very unfortunate result, and any legislation to implement it would be politically a minefield. Look at Brexit. There would very likely be a significant return to violence.
@CrabaRev: Why a return to violence, are you saying British terrorist groups will act out?
@Stephen Devlin:
I think it will be a little more complex than that. Loyalist violence will flare up and nationalist violence will reciprocate. It will descend into a spiral of tit for tat violence, as bad as it every was in the 70s, 80s and 90s.
Its likely loyalist terrorist would consider a similar strategy as the Provisionals did in England, and they will bring the violence down to Irish cities.
@Stephen Devlin: no republicans in the last century have started 4 conflicts on the island of Ireland . 1916 , war of independence, civil war and NI troubles . Here we are in 2019 and once again republicans are threatening violence.
@CrabaRev: why would loyalists start trouble . There’s no border in Ireland . It makes no difference to them if a border goes up or stays down . It’s republicans that are threatening violence if there’s a border in Ireland .
@John Smith: In a united Ireland why would “republicans” need a conflict
I can’t see it a border poll passing. The cost of running the North would cripple the Republic, and probably a return to violence.
@Do the Bort man: If the majority want in the north then under the Good Friday Agreement (which is enshrined in international law) it has to happen.
@Mr Hume: Not unless the Republic vote in favour as well. Unity requires the consent of a majority of the people, in both jurisdictions in the island.
@Do the Bort man: As it stands a United Ireland is economically a bad thing but say brexit happens and it’s no deal and obviously that’s terrible economically for the Republic too, well then maybe a united Ireland, removing the border would be the lesser of two bad things? It might still be worse, who knows, but it’s definitely worth exploring.
@Mr Hume: The poll has to pass in both the North and the Republic.
@John Black: While the border issue in relation to Brexit is a hot political and social issue, It is only a minor issue economically. Ireland’s trade with Northern Ireland is significantly less than our trade with the rest of the UK.
@CrabaRev: Our trade with the EU is 3 times more than our trade with Britain. A United Ireland will benefit everyone on the Island.
@Cal Mooney: Two of Ireland’s top economists would disagree: https://www.irishtimes.com/business/economy/united-ireland-would-see-living-standards-in-republic-fall-by-15-1.3629748
@Cal Mooney: “Our trade with the EU is 3 times more than our trade with Britain”. And irellevant point.
@CrabaRev: Just read the article you posted. It says that London has deliberately driven down investment in the North andvacknowledges that once reunited that initial subvention cost would reduce. It doesn’t do a 5 to 10 year look ahead. It literally talks about the first year impact. Can you possibly send one a link that incorporates the 5 to 10 year look ahead into the cost benefit analysis?
@Cal Mooney: ” Can you possibly send one a link that incorporates the 5 to 10 year look ahead into the cost benefit analysis?”
No, your Majesty
@Do the Bort man: yes, bring it on old Bortman. The majority in the South would support it and we’re nearly there in the North. Rejoice, old boy. Get out the bunting – green, white and orange of course. Ahem.
The political geography of the North should hopefully change in the coming days leading to equality for all and a border poll. When the Scots get their IndyRef2 and independence a United Ireland is a sure fire bet
@Greg Dunne: indyref2 is already falling apart on the SNP.
@Darius Guppy: you’ll have to back that up lad, unless of course if you’re a fg/ Tory, then the truth means nothing to you
A United Ireland would be wonderful. More unites us than divides us. If we can keep religion out of the debate even more likely.
@Paula Mackie Senior: the DUP would appear to love their religion more than the shinners.
@Bruce van der Gutschmitzer: sad that a God gets dragged into these issues. He must get very upset. Glad I’m a. Atheist, I don’t bother him!
@Bruce van der Gutschmitzer: sad that a God gets dragged into these issues. He must get very upset. Glad I’m an Atheist, I don’t bother him!
We should worry about uniting the Republic that our ancestors fought for first.
@Mr Hume: Your ancestors fought for the British . Very few Irish men fought for the republic . If you fought for the British in WW1 you where on the wrong side of history .
@John Smith: Tell me then how exactly was the republic achieved?
@Mr Hume: By a bunch of terrorists that took up arms against the wish of the Irish people . They had no mandate from anybody . https://youtu.be/QSwiq52Ka_w
@Mr Hume: WHY would you respond to an obvious troll who has been desperately trying to hook anyone on this thread into a response?
@John Smith: more mandate than the British had invading and planting Ireland and killing her people. Tell me how many Irish invited them, you good old supporter of democracy? My ar$e.
@Larry Doherty: Britain come about till 1707 . The Normans came to Ireland in 1169 after been invited by a Irish king to help him regain his kingdom . That’s the same Normans that invaded England in 1066 that defeated the Anglo Saxons at the battle of Hastings .
I am not talking about William and harold and knights of old. skirmishes, etc. I am talking about the systematic invading, planting and economic plundering of Ireland over a number of centuries, genocide, war, plunder and famine. Cromwell, Penal Laws, etc, etc. Need I go on? Whether they were called English or British is of no concern. No-body invited that.
@Larry Doherty: The Irish made up 40 percent of the British armed forces and fought for just about every imperialist country in world . They seem themselves as nothing more the victims in history . Republicans and their rewriting of history .
@John Smith: And the mandate for the creation of NI came from where?
The mandate for British rule came from where?
SF ran the GE in 1918 on a platform of total independence and won the election
Can’t get anymore democratic than that.
What you are implying is that he Irish have no right to independence.
@Teresa Ryan: From the Unionist population . They have as much right to own part of this island as republicans . Is 26 counties not enough for ya .
@John Smith: Really, and who gave them that right? No referendum was held. It was nothing more than a land grab.
half the jobs up there are in the public service, don’t think they would all like the idea of finding a new Job.
@Daithi Ó Raghallaigh:
Why do you assume the UK could just walk away from their commitments regarding jobs and economic subsidiary payments?
@Finbar: my thinking is more on the line of duplication. We wouldn’t need two revenue collected ,health services, welfare ,ect in a United Ireland.
@Daithi Ó Raghallaigh:
I would expect that we would, at least for s certain number of years in any possible transition period.
It’s not very likely that if the island is ever United that the British just leave the very next day, whole kit and kiboodle.
I envisage their being dual revenue collection agencies, dual social services, and even dual policing, at least in the short term.
These things will take time to harmonise, and better integrating an already in place civil/public service into the Irish one, with voluntarily and age related retirements etc taking place
The amount of unionist on this column is staggering, any mention of a UI and suddenly the pretend names come out, with “it will cost us to much” & “now isn’t the time”.
The insecurities in unionism is well known and should not be permitted to sway anyone in either jurisdiction as to the benefits of a UI.
@LUCY Thomas: what are the benefits of a UI . The benefits of Ireland joining the UK are . Ireland’s 200 billion debt absorb across the whole of the UK . The Irish identity protected along side the Scottish, Welsh and English identity in the Union . An all Ireland 32 county Island . Financial support from UK . Free trade with the UK the 5th largest economy in the world . Trade with the rest of the world outside of the EU after Brexit . MPs elected by the Irish people to represent Ireland in Westminster.
@John Smith: that sounds delightful. What could go wrong? Sign me up!!!
@Bruce van der Gutschmitzer: WHY are people not ignoring the obvious troll.
@John Smith: OK, I’ll play.
So you want Ireland to absorb the UK’s 1 trillion debt?
NI gets 10 billion subvention annually for 1.8 million people. 40/50 billion would be need in an UI. Where would the UK get fault kind of money except to borrow.
Protestants would love an UI in the UK so they can become minority in a 32 county Ireland. LOL.
As for identity being protected, the Prods in NI won’t even endorse an Irish Language Act in NI.
Ireland’s trade with the UK is only 11%. So that’s no good.
A few Irish MP,’s won’t make a jot of difference in Westminister. See Scotland and NI.
Dear John, stop longing for a past that the British blew apart and one that you never knew and never will know again.
Although i would love nothing more than seeing my country unified , there are stll a lot of extreme unionist who dont seem to support it and unfortunately there the ones in power.
Plus i doubt that the north woul like the type of cartoon politics and social media hungry leaders in dublin.
@Eddie Mc Keown: “Plus i doubt that the north woul like the type of cartoon politics and social media hungry leaders in dublin.” Oh COME ON!? Really!? Have you HEARD some of the rhetoric that comes out of the North!?
@Eddie Mc Keown: If we are in United Ireland, I hope we would all become Unionist. United Ireland Unionist. If someone wants to have a romantic view of the empire days, let them have that view. But there won’t be any point in them fighting to join a country that gave them up. We will eventually remove the cause of repeated fighting that dogged the Island for the previous 800 years.
@Cal Mooney: You mean like the Protestant population in the south that fell from 11 percent to 3 percent after independence from ethnic cleansing.
@Eddie Mc Keown: And the politicians in NI and Britain are so wonderful. Jesus wept, have you been living under a stone the last three years.
@John Smith: Not comparable to the Irish Catholic population which fell by 60% from 1845 to 1911.
Dry your eyes.
@John Smith: where? I think a lot more moved north because they felt aggrieved at being cut off by the gerrymandered border. Haven’t heard of any being driven out like nationalists were driven out of the shipyards.
It is plain that a considerable number of denizens of this island inhabit property which was “improperly” come by.
I wonder what might be the Statute of Limitation on land theft, rustling, piracy, ethnic cleansing and religious persecution.
If these are to be allowed continued enjoyment of their ancestors’ plunder they should, at least, show some modicum of appreciation that they are not required to make amends.
Here’s 2 no brainers for ye..
1 Reunification of Ireland.
2 Seperation of Scotland from the UK.
@Colm Molloy: here’s another no brainer for ya . A united Ireland resulting in a civil war killing over 100 thousand dead like what we saw in Bosnia . That could never happen in Ireland could it .
@John Smith: Why would there be a civil war after a majority vote on both sides?
Nearly everyone here has been diverted by the UI issue. Is no-one suspicious of an EU sponsored poll that claims increased support for the EU despite recent developments like the scapegoating of the UK for daring to carry out the democratic wishes of its people and an EU Army to impose absolute authority on the remaining puppet states.
United Ireland should be a slow twenty year political settlement. A crash UI following a border poll will bring the inevitable culture war, blame game and potential revival of the troubles. What’s the rush ?
same cut and paste discussion/posts following every time the journal reports these poll findings. So what have we learned today?
That 6% more people now feel a UI is more likely because of Brexit, than was the case a year ago. Not surprising, but its still news!
Most of my mams family went to england worked and reared families there we need to stay friendly with E ngland for financial reasons should perhaps look at regoining commonwealth nations like 53other nations Aus.N Z. Canada we only left it in1948 worth discussion no borders then
Bed reason for a United ireland vote,
not for this reason, just to stay in Europe, very bad idea this is. The north should be connected back to the republic because all involved want to be part of Ireland not because the north want to stay in Europe
have your say