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Opinion The simple, powerful gesture you can make to balance the sadness of the past week

Anyone who keeps up with current affairs in Ireland would be hard-pressed to find a smile these days. I’ve decided what I need to do to change things – if even in a small way.

IF I’M HONEST, I haven’t been in the best of form lately. This isn’t a time of year that suits me and, anyway, anyone who keeps up with current affairs in Ireland would be hard-pressed to find a smile these days. I’ve decided that I need to do something to cheer myself up and, hopefully, as Bruce Springsteen said, “What you do for other people comes out of what you’re trying to do for yourself”.

I’ll return to the Boss’s idea in a moment, but I mentioned current affairs. The last few days have been pretty depressing. We talk a lot in Ireland of respect for the dead, but it was hard last week not to suspect that, when we think we won’t be found out, some of us show little respect for either the living or the dead.

A complete disregard for human dignity

Reading about “Tandem Burials” – the practice of burying deceased newborn and stillborn babies in the coffins of strangers – I was struck that the story had very obvious resonances with the Tuam mother and baby home mass grave. Yet again we saw a complete disregard for the dignity of the dead. Yet again the bereaved have had an extra layer of needless cruelty added to their suffering. 
Respect is something which was also – at least sometimes – in short supply in Bungalow Three of the Aras Attracta residential home. Watching Prime Time last week and what seemed to be casual, everyday and often gleeful cruelty toward terribly vulnerable people, left me despairing. If you haven’t seen it, “sickening” is a word we overuse but this was literally, pit-of-your-stomach, sickening.

Prime Time’s presenter, the usually affable David McCullagh, appeared angered close to tears as he tore into the HSE’s Pat Healy. “I am ashamed,” said McCullagh, speaking for most of his audience, “I am ashamed to live in a country where that could be done to those people.”

It’s a horrible thought, but it seems that we do live in a country where, unless monitored very closely, some of us still appear to have little respect for the dignity of others. Maybe we do need CCTV everywhere. Not so the CIA can spy on us but so we can’t abuse people who can’t speak up for themselves. Then again, Ireland once believed itself monitored by an omniscient God and just look how we treated those most in need of kindness then.

Stephen Daedalus said, “History is a nightmare from which I am trying to awake” but in Ireland nowadays that nightmare is also the present.

How many more Aras Attractas are there? How many kids go to bed hungry? How many times do we walk past the homeless? How long might Jonathan Corrie have waited to be found, had Sophie Pigot not noticed how uncomfortable his position looked? How many of us have called into a Direct Provision centre and asked the people living there if there’s anything we can do to help? 

I was reminded lately of the Jewish legend of the hidden Tzadikim. Neil Gaiman used that concept to great effect in his “Sandman” series: “They say that the world rests on the backs of 36 living saints – 36 unselfish men and women. Because of them the world continues to exist. They are the secret kings and queens of this world.”

We’re all of us heroes and villains

We all know of one or two genuinely selfless people who inspire us, (I’m thinking of people like Brother Kevin, Sister Stan and Father Peter McVerry now), but reality is usually more mundane: we’re all of us heroes and villains at different times throughout our lives, even at different times throughout our day. Most of the time we mean well and most of the time we get distracted by life.

I said I haven’t been in the best of humour lately. I’ve become a bit more unfriendly, a bit more angry and a bit more standoffish. Too much worrying about money, too much negativity and (I’ll admit it) too much feeding the trolls.

I’ve decided, for my own sake, that I need to start remembering to be a decent human being. I’ve decided, corny as it sounds, that one good deed a day would do me the world of good. (I know this will leave me open to accusations of sanctimony but you know what? (a) It’s Christmas; and (b) Have this one on me.)

I quoted Springsteen earlier. Here’s Bruce again: “Whatever divinity we can lay claim to is hidden in the core of our humanity and when we let our compassion go, we let go of what little claim we have to the divine.”

So here’s a suggestion for a good deed. I’m indebted to TheJournal.ie’s Deputy Editor Christine Bohan for tweeting about @DapperZo’s idea. It’s really simple and it’s the loveliest thing I’ve seen in a long while and, for the cost of about a euro, it’ll do a power of good.

Let’s all send a Christmas card to The Residents, Bungalow Three, Aras Attracta, Swinford, Co Mayo. Let’s show people like Mary Maloney, Ivy McGinty and Mary Garvan that we all wish them a very happy Christmas and let’s show the people whose job it is to look after those women that we care.

I’ll leave you with a quote from another rock icon, Bob Dylan. In his autobiography “Chronicles”, Bobby speaks about his grandmother. “She was filled with nobility and goodness, told me once that happiness isn’t on the road to anything. That happiness is the road. Had also instructed me to be kind because everyone you’ll ever meet is fighting a hard battle.”

Happy Christmas.

Donal O’Keeffe is a writer, artist and columnist for TheJournal.ie. He tweets as @Donal_OKeeffe.

‘Elderly, disabled Aras Attracta resident was hit with a stick’

Bereaved parents condemn burial of babies in coffins with adults

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14 Comments
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    Mute jonathan masterson
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    Dec 15th 2014, 1:33 PM

    Nice article Donal..Im going to do 1 good deed a day..Hapoy Christmas

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    Mute Donncha Foley
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    Dec 15th 2014, 4:24 PM

    Sorry, but the idea that you think sending a card is some sort of positive response is depressing. It may help the residents and you feel a little better temporarily, but it will make no difference. Making a difference takes courage, determination, wisdom and its bloody hard. Sorry but your idea is a distraction, however well intended

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    Mute Zoë Georgina
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    Dec 15th 2014, 5:33 PM

    I understand your frustration, but there has to be two sides to this response. One side is the structural response- looking at the policies, the legislation, the culture and the changes we can make as a society to the situation. The other side, which has been lost, is to remember that there are women who have been treated terribly. Who most likely will be cheered by a card. No, it’s no going to solve anything. But what it might do is put a smile on someone’s face while the work goes on to change the situation that arose in the first place. The two are not mutually exclusive.

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    Mute Catherine Sims
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    Dec 15th 2014, 1:33 PM

    This is nice to read. I have been doing the one good deed a day thing for a long time now. It really doesn’t have to be anything huge . We don’t get the opportunity to do huge things often but the tiny things we good can often have a huge effect . The smallest kindnesses from strangers has often meant the world to me. I have to say I was hit hard by Aras Attracta this week. I always forced myself to read and to watch the reports but it has gotten to the point now where I cant. I am taking a break from heavy news in order to regroup. Part of what has helped is the consensus of disgust and utter outrage by everyone . That gives me hope. I think we forget how much we impact the lives of others . Perhaps the realisation of the power of our words and actions will help us all to be a big nicer and be a bit kinder .

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    Mute mrs b
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    Dec 15th 2014, 2:08 PM

    Hi Catherine. .I agree it can be hard watching and reading reports of cruelty and abuse..I think you do have to take a break now and again otherwise your head would melt..certainly that’s how I feel at times. I try to remember that we hear the bad more often than the good..theres so many good people out there – that’s what keeps me going :)

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    Mute Catherine Sims
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    Dec 15th 2014, 2:18 PM

    You are so right. I keep saying to myself it’s an ebay situation. :) when you are buying something you look at seller feedback and even if they have 99.6 positive feedback I always go through the comments to find the often only one poor feedback comment. I often ignore the huge amount if positive feedback and am guilty of doing that in real life in situations like this. So thank you for the very timely reminder. Much needed right now xxx

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    Mute ITsLaraMarlowe
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    Dec 15th 2014, 1:46 PM

    Love the Dylan quote about being kind as everyone you’ll ever meet is fighting a hard battle

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    Mute Padraig Mac Floinn
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    Dec 15th 2014, 2:05 PM

    Fair play –
    Here’s one little thing I did do that costs next to nothing but helps hardworking , but poor , people to set up businesses , invest in tools , materials etc and support themselves and their families –
    It’s called ‘Lend With Care’ . There’s pictures of the people and a description of their business and why they need the loan
    Give any amount from £15 up – it’s loaned out , then repaid and can be reloaned
    A Christmas gift that keeps giving

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    Mute Rachel O' Meara
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    Dec 15th 2014, 2:47 PM

    It’s actually an Ian Maclaren quote but yeah the truth of it rings through especially when someone’s barely hanging on, a kind word or gesture can go so far as to save someone’s life.

    So far I know three people that have taken their own life, three people who on the outside appeared to be fine but on the inside were crumbling away, I look back looking for signs or something that stood out, there was none, sometimes I wonder who’s going to be next? It’s a sad sh*tty world we live in, a world where we’d prefer to appear strong even if we’re not. A soul can only take so much, it’s time we changed that! My own personal motto is: “Be kind because unfortunately you can’t rewind!”

    Excellent article Donal!

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    Mute Rachel O' Meara
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    Dec 15th 2014, 2:53 PM

    First part @it’slaramarlowe

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    Mute Donal O'Keeffe
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    Dec 19th 2014, 10:30 PM

    Hi Rachel.

    Thanks very much for reading and for taking the time to comment. It’s a Dylan quote, alright, from page twenty of “Chronicles”. However, thanks to you, I now know that Bobby lifted it from Ian Maclaren.

    I shouldn’t be too surprised. I once had a long chat with Liam Clancy, Dylan’s old hero, and he lovingly told me of Dylan’s legendary ability to swipe anything that wasn’t nailed down.

    (I blogged about that meeting here: http://wp.me/p3MdWm-3f)

    “Little Bobby Dylan! Little Bobby Dylan and his Instant F*cking Copyrighting Machine! Oh, he’d sidle up to you and he’d say,” (and here Clancy became Dylan, the nasal sneer and the affected accent perfect,) “Liam, ya gotta hear this. I wrote this!” And he’d play something and there’d be silence until I’d splutter at him, Bobby, that’s ‘Brennan on the Moor‘! Myself and Tommy Makem played that in The White Horse only the other night! And you were there, you little b*stard!

    “And Bobby’d just smile, angelically, at you. ‘It’s called Ramblin Gamblin Willie, now Liam!’ Ah Bobby.” He gazed out the window, far beyond the swimming pool and garden outside.

    “It was a different time back then, it’s nearly fifty years ago, now. And it was a different world too. New York was a different world to us, coming over from Ireland. I mean, New York City? Can you imagine it? And you have to remember, Bob was from the sticks too. He’d follow us around and– Bob looked up to us, you know. Can you believe that?”

    Thanks again for putting me straight.

    Best,

    Donal.

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    Mute mrs b
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    Dec 15th 2014, 2:05 PM

    I’m not a massive fan of Donal ,finding him more than a tad biased & scornful in some regards..but that was very well written and hopefully will strike a chord with many.

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    Mute Michelle O Sullivan
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    Dec 15th 2014, 9:37 PM

    Lovley article Donal, my children are doing the 12 days of Christmas, they must do or say something nice, paying it forward. We need to have kinder human beings so I’m starting when they are young

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    Mute pongodhall
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    Dec 19th 2014, 9:48 PM

    I think many would admit low, if not depressed.
    Card nice to have but opening a few tins, chopping veg. A bit of cleaning would make such a difference to elderly, disabled you know.
    If villages could ensure the odd visit, once a month might not be too much to ask, it would mean so much.
    Do not forget a little shopping could be life saving.

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