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6 foolproof phrases to convince your mates you're a wine connoisseur

Fake it til you make it…

ALWAYS WANTED TO be a wine expert, but haven’t quite got the time (or spare cash) to hit the vineyards and study up?

Well, never fear. Wine doesn’t have to be daunting. We’ve got the ideal, failsafe crash course in sounding like a sommelier – oh, that’s a wine waiter to you and me. See? You’re learning already.

Just a few more quick lessons and we’ll have you blagging your way to the top table in no time…

1. First things first

The basics: back to brass tacks. It might sound obvious, but everyone has to start somewhere, so start with the country, colour and grape. There are many grape varieties around the world, including newer hybrid grapes. Italy, France and Spain are the three top wine-producing nations, and therefore account for some of the world’s most popular wines.

Forget whether or not you were crap at Chemistry in school, because this is one periodic table you’re going to enjoy studying.

What to say: “Ah, this is a Beaujolais? I love French wine.”

What you really mean: “Beaujolais definitely sounds French, I know that much.”

periods meta-synthesis.com meta-synthesis.com

2. Walk the walk

Once you’ve figured out what kind of wine you’re getting to grips with, it’s time to store it – somewhere cool, dark and dry. Then drink it, of course. When you’ve got the wine in your mits, one dead giveaway is the way you hold your glass. Yep – always by the stem, and never by the bowl.

How to hold wine glass Matti Mattila Matti Mattila

3. It was a very good year

Ever wondered why dates are important when it comes to wine? Well, the good news is that 90% of wine is meant to be drunk in the year it’s produced, so vintage isn’t something that many people will need to worry about. However, some wines do improve with age. (Just like people, wha’?)

What to say: “Ah, yes. 2014. A very good year.”

What you really mean: “Where’s the corkscrew?”

judge

4. Buzzwords

There are four stages to wine-tasting: the appearance, the in-glass aroma, the in-mouth sensation and the finish (or aftertaste). Wines are often served “blind” so that the bottle or label doesn’t affect the tasting. Once you’ve got those basics down,  try breaking out some of the more out-there phrases wine experts use like: “astringent”, “zippy”, “legs”, “unctuous”, “fleshy” and even “angular”. Yep. Really.

Cheat sheet: “Wow, this full-bodied Merlot is really refined.”

Meaning: “Hope they bought that.”

winepour Giphy Giphy

5. Olfactory settings

Swirling a glass aerates a wine and releases its aroma - go on, get in there and give it a sniff. To taste a wine, swish it around your mouth and make sure it rests on your tongue before you swallow.

Cheat sheet: “Did you know that swirling a wine releases its aromatic compounds?”

Meaning: “Jaysus, I hope I don’t get this up my nose.”

swirl YouTube / expertvillage YouTube / expertvillage / expertvillage

6. Match made in…

Pairings can bring out the best in wines. Traditionally, a regional match is considered best – so if a wine is from a certain place in France, cheese from that area will often complement it. Other things to think about are: acidic food with acidic wine, sweet with salty, bitter with fatty, etc.

Cheat sheet: “This Bordeaux is ideal when paired with a steak.”

Meaning: “Let’s be real – wine goes with everything.”

PastedImage-69470 Shuttershock Shuttershock

Lidl are delighted to bring you an extraordinary and diverse selection of fine French wines, in store from Monday the 2nd of March, while stocks last. Choose from our hand-picked selection of wines from regions such as Bordeaux, the Rhone Valley and Alsace – with a nose to suit every taste. Find out more at lidl.ie.

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    Mute John
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    Aug 28th 2015, 3:56 PM

    I bought a ticket in the last General Election for a Better Ireland, turns out it was a fake too.

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    Mute Garwig
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    Aug 28th 2015, 4:02 PM

    Brilliant , Me too turns out they didn’t even sign the contract either.

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    Mute Mr N
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    Aug 28th 2015, 3:55 PM

    Ticketmaster aren’t exactly innocent in this, with their ticket reselling companies.

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    Mute John S
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    Aug 28th 2015, 6:44 PM

    Well if somebody buys a ticket to Electric Picnic 2014, more the fool he….

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    Mute funkybuscuits
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    Aug 28th 2015, 4:17 PM

    this is just propaganda to make sure you buy tickets from ticketmaster! I have 2 spare ones for electric picnic anyway if anyone’s looking. legit as fcuk

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    Mute Mark Noonan
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    Aug 28th 2015, 4:37 PM

    Are they more legit than your user name?

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    Mute funkybuscuits
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    Aug 28th 2015, 4:59 PM

    slightly funkier

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    Mute RMcG
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    Aug 28th 2015, 4:45 PM

    My rugby world cup tickets were stolen, I moved address & the mail redirect didn’t work, someone signed for them with an illegible squiggle, RWC have cancelled the barcodes on the tickets and the tickets are now void. I just hope some unsuspecting person doesn’t buy them from whoever stole them. Whenever you buy tickets from someone without a licence to sell them you are talking a huge risk.

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    Mute RMcG
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    Aug 28th 2015, 4:46 PM

    *taking not talking obviously :)

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    Mute Fiona K
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    Aug 28th 2015, 6:25 PM

    Ticketmaster used to advise to do your ticket exchange at a Ticketmaster outlet and they would verify the authenticity of the tickets for you. Are they no longer offering that service? Also stop posting pictures of your tickets to social media as the barcodes can then be copied!

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    Mute Michael cunnane
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    Aug 28th 2015, 5:05 PM

    I’m looking forward to this year’s eccentric picnic..uh oh :-o

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    Mute John Joe
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    Aug 28th 2015, 4:03 PM

    I used to buy the tickets and give the touters the money when I got into the event, not much that can go wrong

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    Mute Mr N
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    Aug 28th 2015, 4:31 PM

    From your point of view no, but what if you don’t pay them?

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    Mute Ray Farrelly
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    Aug 28th 2015, 4:58 PM

    Well you won’t be getting a counterfeit beating.

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    Mute Paul Cooper
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    Aug 30th 2015, 4:51 AM

    Beware of fake acts

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    Mute Joe Haverty
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    Aug 29th 2015, 5:46 AM

    Gas, sure they’re in control of security features on their tickets, perhaps improve them!

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