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My wonderful gay family I was raised by two loving, beautiful lesbian mums

As a child raised by gay parents, I can tell you that my childhood was full of joy and laughter and the same as yours in every way that matters.

I AM WRITING this because I was recently made aware that people were interested in where I stand on the debate concerning the upcoming referendum. It utterly shocked me to realise that some people would be unsure whether or nor I was in favour of a referendum to ensure that gay people are recognised as equal by law. Of course I am.

I am currently away travelling, so thankfully have been spared much of what appears to be a pretty distasteful debate back home. For me the issue in question is one of equality. Are homosexual people equal to heterosexual people? Of course they are. Should they be treated equally by the law? Of course they should. The more equal a society is, the happier and healthier it is.

Much of the debate seems to be centering on gay people’s suitability to raise children. I don’t think this is the core issue in question, however, as others seem to, I would like to share my experiences growing up with lesbian mothers.

Before I begin I want to acknowledge the limits of this piece. It is just my story, it is a happy story, but it is just one person’s experience. I’m sure there are stories where gay parent’s have failed their duties as parents, just as there are countless instances of straight parents failing their children. So my story is admittedly inherently limited in it’s scope, I just hope that it might be enough to make some people stop and consider what really matters when considering a person’s or a couple’s suitability as parents, and to help them realise that it has absolutely nothing to do with sexuality or gender.

I grow up with unconditional love

I grew up in an environment of abundant love, this makes it impossible to feel like I could possibly have lacked for anything. Love is the key element in a child’s development, food and shelter are obviously needed too, but if a child is unconditionally loved it will thrive.

My immediately family consisted of me, my biological mum, my other mum, and my two brothers (who are from my other mum’s previous marriage). My biological father was a sperm donor whom I know nothing about and I’m pretty sure knows nothing of me. It can be quite confusing for people, but I managed to figure it out pretty quickly.

Aside from my mothers’ sexuality we are a pretty normal family. Of my childhood I remember mainly joy, laughter, and happiness. Naturally I also remember some tears and fights, but these were much much less frequent. I remember watching Star Trek and the A-Team together. I remember music evenings where friends and family would come together to celebrate life (while I ran around in a frenzy demanding attention). I remember tickle fights with my brothers. I remember my mums reading me stories together as I fell asleep. These are all admittedly viewed through the gold-tinted glasses of nostalgia for one’s childhood, but on an objective level also, it was totally awesome.

I never had a father and it didn’t affect me in any negative way

The No campaign are citing a child’s need for both a mother and a father as a main reason to vote no. I never had a father and I don’t feel like it affected me in any negative way, so I utterly refute this claim. What children need during their development are positive role models who will provide them with all the love and support they need in finding their way in life. The gender and sexual orientation of these role models is entirely irrelevant.

While I don’t have a father, I did grow up with some wonderful male role models, and I feel like this would always be the case. Children with same-sex parents will always find role models in their lives from the opposite sex. I was extremely close with my two older my brothers, their father and my uncle. I also found many other male role models along the way, family friends, teachers, football coaches and Captain Planet.

That being said it was my mums who between them helped me to figure out shaving, were the biggest fans of my football career (even if they never did understand the offside rule), and gave me increasingly cringe inducing sex-talks throughout my my puberty and adolescence.

I grew up surrounded by many gay people and I had a great time. I think gay people are amazing – I mean, they are exactly the same as everybody else, but I feel that because society has generally forced them at some point to stop and really consider who and what they are, that they often have an added depth or wisdom. This is an invaluable asset to any would-be parent. Is life not all about discovering who we are and where we fit into this crazy world. To have a parent who has been forced to face these issues head on is an amazing resource for any child finding it’s way.

Screen Shot 2015-05-15 at 17.57.02

They did dress me in pink quite a lot…

How did other children react?

People wonder whether it’s difficult for a child from a gay household with regards to their peers. Yes, it can be, especially during the phase when all you want to do is fit in. But, I remember being teased much more for having an English accent or for being chubby, kids will always find something if they want to.

To be honest, I think for the most part my peers were too scared to bring up my lesbian parents, it was probably so alien to most of them that they considered it out-of-bounds or taboo. I do recall somebody wittily changing my name from Taisce Gillespie to Taisce Gay-lesbian, classic schoolboy stuff, but that was as a rarity and as bad as it got. Ultimately we all have to come to terms with where we come from and the things that make us different, and now it’s a great conversation piece. Besides, this cannot be an argument against same-sex marriage, but rather for ensuring we properly educate our youth about equality.

Don’t confuse the unconventional with the dysfunctional 

A bigger issue has been the numerous adults that have described my family as dysfunctional. None of these people had ever seen my family closely enough, or at all, to make a judgement on whether or not, or how well we function, but this didn’t stop them.

It is this narrow-mindedness that leads people to confuse unconventional with dysfunctional that on 22 May we have a wonderful opportunity to leave behind and make real progress as a nation.

The No campaign would have you believe that if the referendum passes that babies will suddenly be dispatched to every gay couple who fancies giving parenthood a whirl. This is false. For straight couples today the adoption process is an arduous, drawn-out process. This won’t change. The thorough vetting procedure will rightly remain in place to ensure that any potential adoptive parents will be able to provide a suitable home to raise a child. All that will change is that a large sub-set of our society wont be automatically disqualified on the basis of their sexuality, something which has no relevance to one’s suitability as a parent.

Unfortunately the attitude of society forced my parents to suffer incredible abuse and difficulties simply because they wanted to provide a loving home to a child they could cherish. I was incredibly lucky to be that child and be raised by two beautiful human beings who provided me with all the love and everything else that I needed in order to flourish in life.

I can honestly say that I am happy with who I am… what greater achievement can there be in life?

The situation as it stands is wrong and needs to change. There are so many gay couples out there that are desperate to provide similar loving homes to children and there is absolutely no reason that they should not be allowed to do so. If my mother’s didn’t struggle to find a way to create and raise a child 26 years ago I would not be here today, I find it tragic to think of all the unborn babies who would be denied this same opportunity to grow up surrounded by love, if we fail to escape this antiquated and bigoted way of thinking.

I wont try and justify myself or my upbringing by listing my achievements in life. My mothers raised me with strong values revolving around love, compassion and understanding that I do my best to live by. They made me the person I am today, and I can honestly say that I am very happy with who I am (though of course it has taken a lot of work), what greater achievement can there be in life?

Our country prides itself on maintaining our traditions and culture, this is a beautiful and increasingly rare thing in today’s globalised world. However we must be careful, just because we have long standing rules and social norms does not automatically justify them; when considering what moulds our society, everything must be held up for intense scrutiny and debate. For centuries now there has been a global shift towards equality, whether it concerns race, religion, gender or sexuality. The tide has turned and these trends will continue. Ireland now has a wonderful and unique opportunity to make history, to be a shining example of progressive-thinking, love and compassion, for the world to follow.

Screen Shot 2015-05-15 at 17.58.16

With my proud mums

Let’s generate love, compassion and tolerance in our society

Please, if you are considering voting no, stop and truly consider why. Why do you think that gay people deserve to be treated differently to you? Do you really think that they are an unequal member of society? Please try to recognise the scare tactics of the No campaign for what they are, out-of date, backward, and entirely baseless, not to mention embarrassing. As a child raised my gay parents I can tell you that it was the same as your childhood in every way that matters.

Please, if you are considering voting yes, make sure you do. There is a large proportion of the population who cling to traditional values with a blind and fervent fundamentalism and they will definitely vote. We need to make sure that everyone who can gets to the polling booth and helps move Ireland forward.

I will end by stressing the point that what matters in a parent is not their sexual orientation, nor their gender. What truly matters is their capacity to love a child unconditionally, to play with them, to cuddle them, to put them before all else and to trust them. These are all things my parents did for me. They are all things that in no way are affected by one’s sexuality. I mention love repeatedly throughout this piece, and that is because it is the all important factor, I am going to unashamedly finish with a cliché because it couldn’t be more apt or true: all you need is love.

Come on Ireland, let’s send a powerful message of positivity to the world, let’s be the trailblazer for equality. Let’s generate love, compassion and tolerance in our society. Unfortunately I wont be able to vote so I urge anybody who knows me or my family, or has been touched in any way by this article to be my Yes vote.

Taisce Gillespie is a 26-year-old law graduate and washed up actor. He loves travelling and just spent six months in India before travelling to Nepal with his girlfriend; they are working their way to Vietnam to work as English teachers. He plans to devote his life to studying psychology, yoga and Eastern philosophy and building some kind of therapy from that.

Taisce is running an online fundraiser for humanitarian relief following the Nepalese disaster. For more information or to donate, please visit: http://www.gofundme.com/syzgk8 .

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373 Comments
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    Mute George Wakefield
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    Jan 24th 2016, 7:24 AM

    When in Rome…..No- ditch that comment. This time Rome should do what the rest of Europe has done: Equality for all!

    105
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    Mute Josephine Sweeney
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    Jan 24th 2016, 9:47 AM

    No roaming hands now!

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    Mute Diarmuid
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    Jan 24th 2016, 11:06 AM

    They should check out depictions of homosexuality in their ancient Roman mosaics, statues, paintings…

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    Mute T Beckett is back
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    Jan 24th 2016, 5:11 PM

    Come on Italy’s the gayest country in the world….. Well after Brazil.

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    Mute Eddie Nugent
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    Jan 25th 2016, 1:53 PM

    i though we were,

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    Mute Richard Cheney
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    Jan 24th 2016, 9:11 AM

    Catholics,giving everyone a pain in the face since 400AD.

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    Mute T Beckett is back
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    Jan 24th 2016, 5:08 PM

    I think you’re thinking of Christianity, idiot.

    It’s amazing how many people are incapable of knowing the difference. A lot of Northern loyalists are the same, and that’s no compliment.

    It’s funny the way when Protestants are homophobic they’re “Christian”, yet when the AFP refer to these Italians as Catholics.

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    Mute Richard Cheney
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    Jan 24th 2016, 5:24 PM

    Nope,if I was thinking of Christianity I would have said Christians,from the article; ‘the self-styled ‘Family Day’ organised by mainly Catholic groups…’ You’re suggesting Italy is a predominantly Protestant country,either that or the structure of your comment is extremely poor and unintelligible.

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    Mute CMac59
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    Jan 24th 2016, 9:38 AM

    The Christian tradition is an essential part of European civilization. Homosexuality is not in the natural order of things and pretending so is to lie. They can live their lives quietly like us all, no need to parade themselves in our face all the time. This fixation with gays and trans is all mist unusual.

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    Mute Gavin Lawler
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    Jan 24th 2016, 9:44 AM

    Tell that to the Muslims and other religious orders. Perhaps you should worry more about your own dysfunctional religion where abuse has been covered up for years than the private lives of LGBT people. It’s 2016, live and let live

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    Mute John Ward
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    Jan 24th 2016, 9:50 AM

    @CMac59: You need to read some books without pictures.

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    Mute Dell
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    Jan 24th 2016, 10:00 AM

    I think you are a little confused the reality is that Christianity is not in the natural order of things and pretending so is to lie. Christians can live their lives quietly like us all, not to parade themselves in our face all the time whilst trying to indoctrinate new generations through our school system. This fixation with sky fairies and zombies is most unusual.

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    Mute David McDermott
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    Jan 24th 2016, 10:41 AM

    There are recorded instances of homosexuality in Europe before Christianity so technically the gays predate your made up religion. Bye bye

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    Mute JimmyMc
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    Jan 24th 2016, 10:54 AM

    Indeed. Didn’t the gay roman soldiers take up a young boy

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    Mute David McDermott
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    Jan 24th 2016, 11:10 AM

    Actually it would have been a Greek soldier and technically a straight one at that as he was most likely married.

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    Mute Larissa Caroline Nikolaus
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    Jan 24th 2016, 12:23 PM

    CMac59, homosexuality is found in more than 1500 species, homophobia only in one, so, tell me again about the natural order of things

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    Mute P-anti matter
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    Jan 24th 2016, 4:28 PM

    @CMac59. Replace “homosexuality” with the word “priesthood”. There now, that’s fixed it. Dont mention it.

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    Mute James Joseph Superior Power
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    Jan 25th 2016, 1:18 AM

    No as usual Jimmy you got it wrong. It was Roman Pedophilies, Hebephilies and Ephebophilies that took up young boy’s. So sorry for you that the Irish are a well educated people and can tell the difference. It must be a really difficulty for those of you dedicated to the homophobic agenda.

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    Mute James Joseph Superior Power
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    Jan 25th 2016, 1:36 AM

    @ Cmac. The Christian tradition is an essential part of European historical barbaric treatment of lgbt people. Homosexuality is, always has been and always will be the natural order of things along side hetrosexualty and pretending otherwise is to lie. The religious can live their lives quietly like us all, no need to parade themselves in our face all the time. This fixation by the church with with gays and trans is really freaky.

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    Mute Eddie Nugent
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    Jan 25th 2016, 2:08 PM

    David you need to calm down a bit, your a bit to much out there , you dont need to attack everyone , the internet can be a dangerous place.some of the older hacks like Larissa and JJSP can give you a few tips, try to express yourself without offending those, who might take umbrage around religious and personal matters.

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    Mute Eddie Nugent
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    Jan 25th 2016, 2:12 PM

    JJSP enjoying your tread, well debated even gave you a thumbs up, living my life quietly, i like the concept

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    Mute Ewan Scott-Douglas
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    Jan 24th 2016, 10:29 AM

    The Pro-Vatican lobby are going to be awful on this one. They lost Spain and ireland, this is the last country where they think its still acceptable to repress LGBT people

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    Mute joocy_froot
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    Jan 24th 2016, 11:46 AM

    Hi Jimmy. I think you’re confusing schizophrenia with split personality disorder (although it’s called dissociative identity disorder these days). To equate either of these with transsexualism is way off the mark, transsexualism is not a mental illness. I can only imagine what being transgender is like (and what reading comments like yours must feel like for anyone struggling with their gender identity), but just because I have no first hand experience of it doesn’t mean I’m about to write off anyone who does as being “crazy”. A little empathy wouldn’t go astray here.

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    Mute Ewan Scott-Douglas
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    Jan 24th 2016, 12:19 PM

    Eh?

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    Mute Larissa Caroline Nikolaus
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    Jan 24th 2016, 12:30 PM

    My guess is, there’s been a hateful comment removed, Ewan

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    Mute joocy_froot
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    Jan 24th 2016, 1:20 PM

    Jimmy’s comment was removed.

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    Mute T Beckett is back
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    Jan 24th 2016, 5:16 PM

    Well Ewan, problem with that theory is in Protestant countries there is no “pro-Vatican lobby”, yet, for instance in the UK you have Bnp, daily mail, orange order, members of the upper house who are loudly Protestant and fervently against gay rights.

    This is the same misinformation the media spun years ago when they blamed the Vatican for Africans not using contraception, only to have it pointed out that the Africans they were referring to were predominantly Muslim or Protestant!

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    Mute P-anti matter
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    Jan 24th 2016, 5:34 PM

    @T Beckett. Except you are ignoring the official advice from the Vatican. In Kenya – where an estimated 20% of people have HIV – the church condemns condoms for promoting promiscuity and repeats the claim about permeability. The archbishop of Nairobi, Raphael Ndingi Nzeki, said: “Aids… has grown so fast because of the availability of condoms. http://www.theguardian.com/world/2003/oct/09/aids

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    Mute P-anti matter
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    Jan 24th 2016, 5:39 PM

    @T Beckett. More recently, In Pope Benidicts book it’s written : “In the book, the Pope says that condoms are “not really the way to deal with the evil of HIV infection”. The Pope’s attitude towards homosexuality and artifical contraception has not shifted, with other passages in the book reaffirming the Vatican’s opposition to both. The Roman Catholic Church’s traditional opposition to contraception has led to the Vatican being heavily criticised for its position in the context of the Aids crisis. The book – Light of the World: The Pope, the Church and the Signs of the Times – is based on interviews that the Pope gave the German Catholic journalist, Peter Seewald, earlier this year”…….. any comments ? http://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-11821422

    5
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    Mute JimmyMc
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    Jan 24th 2016, 6:19 PM

    Yes my comment was removed, despite not being abusive in any way. There was a book written recently called the Silencing How the left are killing free speech. The Journal are instruments of the silencing she writes about

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    Mute Larissa Caroline Nikolaus
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    Jan 24th 2016, 6:30 PM

    Aww, poor Jimmy loudly complaining being silenced while exercising his right of free speech, victim complex much?

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    Mute P-anti matter
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    Jan 24th 2016, 6:36 PM

    Play the ball larissa.

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    Mute Dell
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    Jan 24th 2016, 9:14 PM

    Jimmy you said something about transsexuals being mentally unwell and likened this illness to skitzophrenia.. personally I think they should have let the comment there so people could see the kind of ignorance people from the LGBT community deal with daily.

    8
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    Mute James Joseph Superior Power
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    Jan 25th 2016, 1:41 AM

    Jimmy Mc make an non abusive comment on a lgbt related article. Now that would be a first. It would appear that it is his favourite pastime.

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    Mute P-anti matter
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    Jan 25th 2016, 1:48 AM

    @Dell. You serious cause that’s not right and absolutely it should be deleted. I have a close family member with schizophrenia and it has had a devastating effect on the family. What an ignorant simpleton and I still wouldn’t wish it on any of his.

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    Mute Cathal O'hÁodhagáin
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    Jan 24th 2016, 7:29 AM

    The last bastion of power of the Catholic Church in Europe?

    38
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    Mute P-anti matter
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    Jan 24th 2016, 4:25 PM

    Most of whom would personally wish for and accept this change, happily. Well according to the former senior vatican priest Fr Charamsa anyway. http://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-34654581

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    Mute John Joe Collins
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    Jan 24th 2016, 7:03 AM

    Good morning everyone jaysus its great not being hung over for a change and having a few extra 50s in me pocket…

    30
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    Mute Josephine Sweeney
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    Jan 24th 2016, 9:48 AM

    You should get a bank account, they are great too

    16
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    Mute P-anti matter
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    Jan 24th 2016, 5:29 PM

    The Vatican bank will wash those at the minimum rate Joe.

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    Mute Gerry Dunne
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    Jan 24th 2016, 2:27 PM

    The vatican is the biggest hypocrisy in the world, it has many gay clergy living within its walls .Its just a place of delusion and denial and has no place in a modern society.

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    Mute P-anti matter
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    Jan 24th 2016, 4:32 PM
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    Mute CuzzyRah
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    Jan 24th 2016, 2:08 PM

    Italy is not a Western European nation, she is Southern.

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    Mute Michael Sands
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    Jan 24th 2016, 9:41 PM

    And caused a big Earthquake…

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    Mute James Joseph Superior Power
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    Jan 25th 2016, 1:43 AM

    Does it upset you Michael?

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    Mute Michael Sands
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    Jan 26th 2016, 5:07 PM

    Are you mad??? lol.

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    Mute James Joseph Superior Power
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    Jan 26th 2016, 11:45 PM

    Not at all. Judging on your usual commentary on anything to do with gay people possibly getting any form of rights it seems to upset you. I am sure you are more upset then you are letting on. How dare us nasty gays even suggest that they should have the same rights as everybody else. And all that.

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    Mute Michael Sands
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    Jan 29th 2016, 10:52 PM

    I have nothing against any person, just how that person treats others as well as calling a turnip a turnip.
    What is it with you trying to put words into my mouth.
    Is everyone who doesn’t agree with you, a label you use on them in order to say your right?

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    Mute James Joseph Superior Power
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    Jan 31st 2016, 1:13 AM

    You Just don’t get it Michael do you? You don’t get a say in who I or any other LGBT person is. We exist get over it . Thankfully at least here in ireland you don’t any more get a say in the rights of gay people. In a nutshell Michael your agreement is not required for us to exist or have our rights afforded to us. And that is not to put words in your mouth That is calling a turnip a turnip. And to call a turnip a turnip once more. Your constant negative disgusting commentary on here about lgbt people is and is encouraging to others horrendous treatment of lgbt people.

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    Mute Michael Sands
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    Jan 31st 2016, 2:25 PM

    You Just don’t get it James, it is called debating but god forbid anyone who questions anything or debates it in your world, hay?

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    Mute Michael Sands
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    Jan 24th 2016, 9:43 PM

    Rome in the 90s had a big trouble with HIV positive Priests…

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    Mute James Joseph Superior Power
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    Jan 25th 2016, 1:44 AM

    What has HIV positive priests got to do with gay rights.

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    Mute Michael Sands
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    Jan 26th 2016, 5:08 PM

    As they were gay?

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    Mute James Joseph Superior Power
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    Jan 26th 2016, 11:36 PM

    So what. What is the connection? I had the flu last week and I am gay. Will the flu half any any bearing on my rights as a gay person.

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    Mute Michael Sands
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    Jan 29th 2016, 10:49 PM

    Who people are leads to what people do or do you not agree?

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    Mute James Joseph Superior Power
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    Jan 31st 2016, 1:15 AM

    “Who people are leads to what people do or do you not agree?” That statement makes no sense in relation to this conversation. Please do explain.

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    Mute Michael Sands
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    Jan 31st 2016, 2:26 PM

    It is called selective blinkers lol.

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