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NIAMH, 39, WAS 14 weeks into her pregnancy when she found out her baby had a fatal foetal abnormality and would die in her womb before the end of the final trimester.
“I remember just sitting in my car in the Phoenix Park after I found out, roaring crying,” she tells TheJournal.ie.
I thought, ‘Well, I’ll just give up work, and go back home to mam and dad.’ I’m married and I live with my husband, but I really thought I’d just be able to hide out until it was all over – because no-one knew I was pregnant.
Faced with a long waiting list at UK abortion clinics, Niamh travelled instead to Austria, where her husband is from, two weeks after the diagnosis.
Her parents had wanted to go with them, but flights were too expensive at the time.
They flew in for the burial instead.
She told only a few others – two friends, two bosses and immediate family members – about the termination.
The most difficult part, Niamh says, was returning to Ireland without her longed-for baby.
The worst thing for me is that I’ve no grave to go to here – I’ve no physical place to remember her.
Frustration
Katie, 24, had just ended a relationship when she found out she was pregnant.
It was about a month after she turned 21 and her former partner, who was 11 years older than her, was “too immature” to have a child.
He booked the appointment and travelled over to Manchester with her, Katie tells TheJournal.ie.
She remembers having to make excuses at work before she left, knowing there was still a stigma about what she intended to do.
But the rhetoric of those who would criticise her decision is more frustrating than upsetting, she says.
I almost pity them for not seeing why it’s important for women to have these options. It feels like my needs aren’t being met because of a few people shouting louder than me. It’s like having a teacher telling you what to do.
Alone
Claire, 25, found out she was expecting nine weeks into her pregnancy.
A single mother, she felt it was not the right time to have a baby and flew to the UK with a friend.
She had never left Ireland before, she tells TheJournal.ie.
The journey would have been too expensive had she not received funding from the Abortion Support Network, a volunteer-run British charity.
The clinic, however, told her to come back in a fortnight because her iron levels were too low.
By the time Claire returned to the UK, 20 weeks into her pregnancy, the price of the procedure had nearly doubled.
She was alone this time.
It was really scary. You’re leaving home and having to be secretive because you feel it’s frowned upon, all while trying to manage the kids and get your head around what you’re actually doing.
Other than the friend who joined her on the first trip, she had no-one to speak to about what had happened.
I even got the bus back from the airport by myself.
Common journey
Official UK figures show that 3,735 women travelled from Ireland to England or Wales for abortions in 2014.
And many others have made that journey before them.
According to an Amnesty International report published last month, some 177,000 women with Irish addresses have had terminations in the UK since 1971.
Mara Clarke, the director of the Abortion Support Network, tells TheJournal.ie that her organisation provided financial assistance to 342 woman travelling from Ireland to the UK last year.
The charity also helps migrant women living in Ireland obtain the visa they need to travel, she says.
Restrictions
For other women, without access to that kind of support, there is no option but to stay in Ireland.
Nicola, 38, had spent nearly all of her savings when her baby was diagnosed with a fatal foetal abnormality.
Travelling to the UK with her husband – between flights, accommodation and the procedure – would have cost upwards of €2,500, she tells TheJournal.ie.
If it had been available in Ireland, I would’ve had the termination the day after I got the news. It would’ve been hard, but I could have at least started grieving then.
The baby survived in her womb for five weeks after the diagnosis and was removed only once a doctor was able to confirm he had passed away.
For over a month, Nicola says, she struggled to carry on with everyday life, knowing there was a sick baby curled up inside her.
Most people get a scan to check their babies are well. I was getting scanned once a week to see if he had died. That’s just not humane.
Some names have been changed.
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Absolute disgrace that our country still exports our problems in 2015. Thanks for sharing your stories and don’t let the abuse any anti-choice eeijit throws at you get you down.
That house on Howth Head was owned By Gay Byrne for many years
Err… ok Tony?
These are the stories of only 25% of the women EVERY DAY who are forced to travel and suffer in silence. Yet more again self-administer the abortion pill at home alone and frightened of the 14 year jail sentence they could face if they need to seek medical assistance or are otherwise caught. Repeal the 8th amendment NOW.
The women that risk termination at home are those that need most support, as they run they greatest risks both mentally and physically often with no support as they don’t want to implicate others through their decision.
€2500 for the trip. Let’s hear no more bull from people who think women use abortion as a form of contraception.
Repeal the eighth now. End the sanctimonious hypocrisy and treat Irish women in Ireland.
@ Daisy. Word! <3
A few of the thousands & thousands of women who have had an abortion. These are the voices that matter. Let’s hear them
Every Irish women that speaks out about the reality of travelling for termination services is brave beyond belief. Brave to share such a personal decision and -sadly, brave to face the inhumanity of those who don’t believe in the right to choose.
Times are changing and I don’t believe we want to do this to each other anymore. Repeal the eighth.
Reading these stories has made me very sad that Ireland can be so cruel and indifferent to the needs of these women. Anyone who cares should donate if you can via this link above https://www.abortionsupport.org.uk
I live in London and will be contacting this organisation to see if I can help in anyway.
I’m a Trustee of ASN, and I just want to say thanks so much! We’re always looking for support, whether that’s donations, people willing to fundraise, or volunteers. If anyone else is interested, here is the link with all the ways you can help people forced to travel: https://www.abortionsupport.org.uk/support-us/
I just want to make one comment, this should be a woman’s vote it’s their body their blood tier organs they may do what they want I get that fathers have rights yes, but with support etc. .. Men should not be arguing or debating this as they will never bear a child end of! Pro choice
My thoughts exactly, only those affected should have a say.
So would that include the potential father, the potential child and the potential grandparents, brothers, sisters, uncles and aunts.
No person is an island.
Try telling that to some of the women that have been left high and dry by father of the child, no support whatsoever and unable to work etc.
Obviously, in that situation the potential father couldn’t give two fs. But would that account for most abortions, where it is available on demand?
I know 2 girls in that situation, both were promised the earth, 1 father has seen his now 7 year old daughter half a dozen times and provides no support and the other hasn’t been seen since the day after his daughter was born, now as I live in a rural area and work abroad the whole time I don’t know many single mothers, but if you scale up the numbers based on that there must be thousands.
So it’s ok to have abortion on demand if the father says it’s ok or doesn’t care either way?
And would you or the mother prefer those children did not exist now.
I have a close relative whose fate could have ended in the sluice room but is now a proud mother of 5 children.
It is not a black and white issue.
Running out of steam with your debate now Theo.
Well that may be that you don’t want to consider that there is another narrative that is neither pro-life or pro-choice but a humane less cold answer where humanity’s greatest trait, empathy, that trait that sets us above all other species is given consideration. Empathy for both the pregnant woman, the foetus/fetus and others concerned.
I started out many years ago of the same opinion as you, and that was before the 8th. amendment which I opposed.
Be proud Ireland and hang your head in shame due to what you put these women through.
Propaganda
Honestly even after years of campaigning for women’s choice it still shocks me that anyone could read their voices like this and be as utterly callous as you Myles. It really shouldn’t, but it does. Women’s stories matter. Women’s voices matter. We are real. Women’s grief and suffering is real. Women’s health matters, women’s choices matter. We are not propaganda.
Sinead. Nice speech. Are you speaking for pro life women too?
Well said Sinéad
@Sinead Redmond. Nice speech. Do pro life women’s stories matter too?
Myles will never have to make that decision, Sinead, the hurler on the ditch.
Sinéad Myles will never be in that situation unfortunately because if it happened to him it might remove his blinkers.
Judgemental.
Cods wallop. 3,735 is far too large a number to be a propaganda stunt. Once they go to England, the deed is done. If they were allowed the same facilities in Ireland then there is at least the possibility of some abortions being cancelled. So if you want to save some lives then repeal the abortion protocol and give women control of their bodies. They are the ones who should make the decision, help them to see the possibilities and you may save some lives. Currently the Anti-abortionist are delivering only death not life and should be mightily ashamed.
A million thumbs up Sinéad
Yes and the story of a 20 week old child dying should also matter. A child that can feel pain just like any other child. But they are blanked out of the equation completely as if they don’t exists. Well they do. If you want to get sterilised; your body your choice. If you want to have mastectomy carried out; your body your choice. But please don’t claim that the destruction of another human life is “your body; your choice”
How’s your uterus this am? Oh you don’t have one!!!! Therefore you’ll never have to make the desperate decision as to whether to carry a baby with a fatal foetal abnormality to term or to terminate. You’ll never experience the bond you have with on unborn child the minute you discover that you’re pregnant.
I would not be able to carry a baby full term knowing it would die ! It would destroy me. I couldn’t do it! I couldn’t do it to my children.
You really don’t comprehend nor can you ever imagine how difficult it would be to make that decision.
Yes women do carry babies that aren’t compatible with life to term- maybe it’s cause they’ve no CHOICE but to or it’s because they are amazingly strong.
Try getting your info from somewhere other than lifenews.
http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/jun/25/human-foetus-no-pain-24-weeks
One of the reasons women in Ireland have to have abortions at 20 weeks is because it takes them that long to save the money to travel to England and pay privately for an abortion. If you want to reduce the number of women in Ireland having later abortions, make abortion safe and free in Ireland. I have the feeling you’d be against abortion at 18 weeks or at 10 or at 4, though.
Hi Stephen, I’m actually 24 weeks pregnant with my second child so unlike yourself am perfectly well aware of what pregnancy entails at what stage, and for that matter raising children. As Daisy’s pointed out, a 20 week foetus can’t feel pain. However and existing woman and her already existing child can and do and as a mother already that woman knows perfectly well what the best decision for herself and her family is and why.
Out of interest as you’re so concerned with the foetus, what have you followed this up with for existing children? Do you support SPARK, the lone parents campaign to try and fight the poverty this government is forcing them? Have you tried to ensure that any lone parents around you and their children aren’t going cold and hungry and homeless by raising money for them in your groups? Have you emailed your senators in order to plead with them to stop the callous cuts to lone parents that are passing through the Senate this week? Cos I’ve done all these things, Stephen, and I’d bet money you haven’t done a tap. Because the reason I’m prochoice is that women, children and families genuinely matter to me and I see beyond the anti-choice rhetoric of trying to claim the foetus is the most important thing of all into understanding that without being in her shoes I can’t make the right choice for her. Only she can do that.
Exactly Sinéad, it’s easy to waffle on about babies when it comes to controlling women’s bodies but when it comes to actually helping women and babies after they are born, these people are nowhere to be seen.
I wish I could say I was shocked at the lack of compassion being shown here for these women who have bravely shared their stories. To those going on about late term abortion, perhaps think about WHY someone would have a later abortion. Grow up. Life isn’t black and white.
Well Sinead why exact does having two children makes you an expert on whether children feel pain or not is beyond me. The point at which children feel pain is well before 20 weeks. But here’s a bit of reading that may enlightening you and enable you to approach the topic from a more informed prospective. . http://www.mccl.org/unborn-babies-can-feel-pain.html
Daisy provides you with an article speaking about reports done by the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists.
Your response?: “Read this little pamphlet that looks like it was put together in the 90′s”!!
REPEAL THE EIGHTH!!!! To all the loons who seem set on enforcing their minority views on the majority, here is my message. You don’t want abortion? Fine. Don’t have one. Just like same sex marriage really. Don’t want one? Well, don’t have one. See ye at the polling stations.
The babies don’t have any choice. So incredibly sad.
Two of the women were carrying babies with fatal foetal abnormalities. Have you no compassion for these women who will give birth to dead babies? Why fetishise the foetus?
What’s sad is the babies that are born and suffer at the hands of adults none of the pro life people seem to care about those babies.
2 women? You need to read the article again.. And talking of pity, one of the children that died was 20 weeks old. Have you any idea how advanced the child’s development would have been. To me, one of the annoying aspects of this debate is that we have people like you presenting themselves as “compassionate”. In my opinion, you’re anything but…
Felt sick when I read about one of the unborn being 20 weeks. Am 23 weeks pregnant and have been feeling kicks since about 17 weeks, which means baby moving and kicking weeks before that. A fully formed tiny little person.
Theo do you have stats to back up your claim that a high percentage have more than one abortion in the UK?
I can honestly say there is no casualness associated with abortion. Its never an easy decision and it is a medical procedure. Not a trip to the chemist to pick up a prescription.
U.S figures.
Moreover, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates that more than 44 percent of these were repeat abortions, and 1 in 5 represent a third or even higher order abortion.
Spike Milligan.
Unto us.
I wonder if anyone is ever persuaded to change their mind on these discussion fora or modify their opinion?
I used to have the opinion that limited abortions should be available in the case of rape or suicide etc. Then my father asked me what right have I to ask anyone to prove to me whether they were raped or suicidal? I realised then that I agreed I had absolutely no right to hold anyone in that situation to my personal opinions. Repeal the 8th and give women in vulnerable situations the dignity they deserve.
At least you have shown a capacity and willingness to change or modify your opinion. But then did you not try to examine further the philosophical and ethical answer to that question rather than the social?
Well ethically how are you speaking? Do you think that our country was right ethically to subject the multiple cases previously such as X, Y and Savita to the treatment they received? This treatment is deplorable and just proves that it’s a complete grey area that we are improperly legislating. I would be rather left wing and liberal with my philosophies so it’s fairly understandable that my opinion would call for trusting women to make the right decision for themselves.
No I don’t think it was ethical in those cases. The amendment is too restrictive and should be repealed.
I am all for trusting women to make the right decisions for themselves, I just wish they would make them earlier more often.
Abortion is not just a personal issue, it is societal one and says something about the society we live in.
I have been struck by the casualness with which abortion is practiced in the UK. The percentage of women who have more than one abortion is quite high.
I don’t think that reducing a potential human life to an inconvenience that can be easily disposed of is good for society. It cheapens life.
Women are fertile for ~40 years. Is it that surprising that they require this type of service more than once in that time?
Also, if abortion was affordable and accessible at home, abortions would be earlier.
My point about multiple abortions was about the casualness that some women treat abortion. It is often said that it is not a decision that is taken lightly and I’m sure that is the case for many women. However, the percentage of repeat abortions would indicate that it has become routine and mundane to many.
What harm is there in going to England? It’s not that bad of a place?
A “gentleman” here flippantly said about sterilization, its almost impossible for a woman to get a sterilization unless she has had children, especially difficult if that woman is in their ’20′s. Given that senerio, with a failure in contraception, and as Ive seen myself, men being casual about contraception when its their responsibility.
What else can a woman do?
Can people stop using the choice word. I am all for the right to choose for yourself even euthanasia but pregnancy involves two people. You can’t choose for the other person.
Can we stop using the word choice. It is wrong and misleading. I am all for personal choice even euthanasia but pregnancy involves two people. You can’t choose for someone else
They don’t have waiting lists in abortion clinics . Get your facts right next time you fabricate a story to support your ideology !
It is unfortunate that procreation involves a woman carrying a child. But it does. I am pro choice when it involves yourself only. But you can not choose for another. I am shocked at the views disregarding the growing child’s choice. But as it seems some people regard this as only a boil to be removed then maybe it’s not surprising.
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