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The following article contains some explicit language and content.
IRELAND’S ATTITUDE TO dating and, in particular, online dating has changed.
Research compiled by Ipsos MRBI shows that, as of May, about 5% of Irish people aged 15+ have a Tinder account – that is about 180,000 people.
This figure has remained relatively static for the last year. Once a quarter, Ipsos MRBI contacts 1,000 people aged 15 and over by telephone to discuss their social networking habits.
Looking at Tinder in more detail using four waves of data from August 2014 to May 2015 – a sample of 4,000 interviews – the gender split in Irish people using Tinder is about 60:40 in favour of men.
The app is most popular with adults under the age of 25: 24% of 15 to 24-year-olds have an account, compared to 6% of 25 to 34-year-olds. Some 16% of those surveyed used the service daily.
As part of our Sex Week series, TheJournal.ie spoke to several people about how and why they use Tinder.
Most of them want relationships – or at least the chance of one developing. Some have found happiness via the app, while others have had more negative experiences. And some have been puked on.
Here’s what they shared – the good, the bad and the ugly.
Sharon (29) is Irish but now living in London. She started using Tinder about a year and a half ago.
“I was nursing a broken heart and had just moved to London so it seemed quite new and exciting. It was a way to date without having any pressure or hassle.”
She says she never uses the app for hook ups.
I’m too Irish to be casual, but unfortunately you can get quite duped on the app – especially in regards to what the other person is looking for.
“There’s also no mutual friend or connection so there are no responsibilities or consequences if someone acts like a complete asshole. It is based on a few filtered pictures and short dates so you can’t ever be really sure what you are getting yourself in for.
No guy is going to say in their tagline ‘I’m an emotional mess who will wreck your head as soon as you start to like me and take all the angst I have for my mother out on you (I’ll also cancel our fourth date ten minutes before by text)’.
Sharon tells us she is seeking to “meet someone that I have chemistry with, have some nice dates and a good evening”.
“My workmates and flatmates were on it and London seems to have this dating scene where single people are all actively dating a few times a week. It’s not unusual to see a group of girls in a bar all on Tinder comparing matches.”
So, what’s the best Tinder date she’s had?
My first Tinder date was on a really rainy afternoon so we popped out to the beer garden when the sun came out and whatever way the wind caught the tarpaulin above us it emptied a bath load of water all over him. It was excellent.
And the worst?
“First dates are usually great as both parties are on their best behaviour, but it’s the second date you have to worry about.
Where to start? The guy that burped in a waitress’s face, the guy that was still living with his ex and told me every single detail of his break up – with dog pictures, the guy that made everything I said in to a sexual innuendo, the guy that kept trying to kiss me while I ate, the guy that got so drunk I had to carry him home while he shouted at people.
A lot of Sharon’s friends use the app and some have found “really lovely boyfriends”.
I would say that all single people here that I know has the app, but maybe half actually use it to date. Some people just use it to pass time.
“The only advice I would give is to use with caution. There are horror stories of guys running out on the bill, asking the girl to sleep with them on the first date then storming out when rejected, people getting dropped once they have done the deed. I think you have to be aware that not everyone will be using it for the same reasons as you be it serious or casual, so be cautious.”
John (36) started using Tinder about a year and a half ago and is looking for a relationship.
“The girls I’ve met have told me about different approaches they’ve received and things like ‘Fancy a ride?’ early in the conversation seem common enough with them, but it’s not an approach I’d ever go with.”
John says he’s lucky and none of his Tinder dates have been a “disaster”.
There are times where very quickly you realise it’s probably not going to go anywhere, but it’s fine. You chat for a few drinks and then call it night. I tend to message with them a bit beforehand on the Tinder app or Whatsapp so usually I know if it’s someone that is just going to be a disaster if I meet up.
“I’m not a big drinker, but would normally invite the girl out to a bar as I’m too unoriginal to think of anything else to do. One girl said she was off the booze though, so we went to the Tea Garden on the Quays one evening and had a very nice time chatting, drinking tea, smoking a shisha pipe.”
‘Back to basics’
John says only a few of his friends use the app, noting: “Most of them are using it jokingly, i.e. couples seeing who they can match with, with no intention of contacting them.”
As for recommending it? “Definitely”
This just brings it down to the basics: ‘Do I fancy you? Do you fancy me?’ and take it from there. Most relationships, casual or otherwise, start with a physical attraction, Tinder gives its users an easy option to people who aren’t into the pub or club scene to find people they might like to meet up with.
Lynn (26) also started using Tinder after a break-up “as a way to make myself feel better”.
“It felt easier than interacting with real-life people. Nowadays I only use when I’m insanely bored or hungover and haven’t been on a date in about three months.
Source: Giphy.com"I think at first, when I was naive to the ways of Tinder, I probably did use it in the hopes of actually finding someone or at least someone half alright to go on a few dates with. However, my patience has worn pretty thin with endless rude or explicit messages."
I would go as far as to say that Tinder has actually ruined my opinion of men or, should I say, boys my age. The thing that annoys me most about it is that I can't understand why the internet turns men into a bunch of sex pests and borderline psychotics. I see my actual friends who are nice, polite, caring boys speaking to girls like shit on Tinder and I can't see where this behaviour comes from.
How have her dates been?
It's hard to pinpoint either a particular best or worst date as they're all kind of the same. They either go one way or the other:1. You arrive, they look nothing like their pictures, you have a chat, you don't like them, they're a banker with a horrible ego, you leave thoroughly disappointed that you wasted your time and potentially your dignity on snapchat.2. You arrive, they look like their pictures (I'm definitely not an angel in the 'look like your pictures' front but...), you get on quite well, you get horrendously drunk, you sleep together, you go to work in the same clothes, you never message each other again.Anyone who says this isn't the two scenarios is lying. This is the Tinder I know and love (to hate).
"I have never been on more than two dates with anyone from Tinder."
Lynn says most of the people she knows don't 'use' Tinder, they 'play' it.
Boys play it as a game, a test of their lad-ness. A game to be won by shaming girls and duping girls into dates and notches on their bedposts they'll later regret.
Lynn would recommend the app to a friend - but only on one condition: if they're recently out of a relationship and want to boost their self-esteem.
If a friend of sane mind asked me about Tinder I would have four words: 'Avoid like the plague'.
James (35) has been using Tinder "on and off" for about 18 months, since he broke up with his girlfriend.
"I was using it in the hope of meeting someone long-term - or even just a bit of fun, but I got neither."
"Despite swiping numerous girls, and I'm probably talking hundreds or over a thousand, I only actually got a very low number of matches, maybe 1% of the amount that I had swiped Yes to."
Of the matches that I got, most of them looked like complete weirdos or massive elephants in their photos. I even swiped girls who were terrible looking, but very surprisingly didn't get a match from them - I would have assumed they'd be desperate and swipe Yes for any fella on there.
What about his dates?
"I went on two dates in total. One was quite good looking, like in her photos ... but it didn't progress past a couple of drinks and I never saw her again. She was quite boring personality wise, kept going on about how she likes to play games on her Xbox all the time."
The second date was absolutely bloody awful. She didn't really have great photos on her profile, but I thought I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. When I met her I was appalled. She was horrible looking and stank of smoke and vomit-inducing perfume. Personality-wise I had nothing in common with her and she was quite annoying to talk to. We stayed for two drinks and then I made my excuses and left.
After that I never matched with anyone that looked normal, so haven't been on any more dates.
Basically, I find the whole Tinder thing a bit of a waste of time and definitely not the shagfest that it's made out to be - unless your shagging standards are in the gutter to begin with.
"I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. I have one friend who uses it and has shagged a few girls from there, although I've not met any of them so can't comment on what they were like."
Joanne (30) has been using the app for a few months, but hasn't been that active, telling us: "You need to put in a bit of effort."
I would be looking to possibly start a relationship, but also to just get out on a few dates for the craic. Meeting new people whether it works out or not is usually a good laugh.
She's only been on one Tinder date, but it wasn't entirely a success.
"It was fine, nothing to write home about. Nice guy, pretty shy - felt more like an interview really. Not much banter, but it was pleasant. Needless to say, there won't be a second date.
I had arranged to meet one guy the following week, but I had to call it off after his behaviour. He kept texting me over the weekend and even when I did not reply he continued: 'Are you out? Have a good night? What you up to? Are you ok? Morning, how was your night?' I think I got 17 messages in all and then he asked if we were still on for the date on Tuesday. I said: 'Eh, no.'
Joanne says a lot of her friends use it "although none have had any dates work out for them".
She would recommend it, but adds: "I am in two minds about it. I haven't heard many success stories come from it."
One definite Tinder success story is Niamh and Eoin. The couple met via the app in February 2014. They now live together in Dublin.
Niamh (26) began using the app in January last year and struck relationship gold just a month later.
"I didn't expect to meet anyone. I tried OkCupid when I was living in France and found that extremely nerve-racking and awkward. I didn't really like online dating, but Tinder was different as it hooks up to your Facebook and it's simple to use. I saw it as a game and an ego boost, plus everyone was on it so it didn't seem naff."
What did she make of her first date with Eoin?
It was a bit awkward at the start as I caught my hair in the button of my coat just as I was walking in the door and he had to help me untangle it. So that was quite stressful, but other than that it was lovely.
"We met in February 2014 and we're living together now, so I guess it's going okay!"
This is Eoin's version of their first meeting:
She was a bit late. I was a tad nervous. She arrived down the stairs to the basement of Cassidy's bar on Westmoreland Street in a bit of a fluster. Her hair was caught in the button of her jacket. She was so embarrassed, but I thought it was hilarious. What an ice breaker. To this day, I'm convinced she did it on purpose. If she did, fair play. It was really stuck in there.
After that the date went amazing. We spoke for hours and went for a walk around the city.
"We met in real life on Valentine's Day - yes, I know. Honestly, the reason for this was because it was really the only time I was free. I have a daughter from a previous relationship. My spare time is mostly spent with her.
"So when [Niamh] said she was free the Saturday evening, I jumped on the chance. I think we were both also quite eager to meet as our chat on Tinder was going so well."
Needless to say, both said they would recommend the app. Eoin (28) has this advice for anyone considering downloading it:
"Keep an open mind. Not everyone is there to hook up nor are they all there for something serious. Have a chat and get to know each other for a bit. Unless you just want the ride."
Colm Flynn (27) hosts The Feed on RTÉ Radio 1 Extra.
The show has covered Tinder before, including Olivia's date from hell.
Being a good sport, Colm has agreed to share his own experiences with the app.
"Around a year ago my housemate was ranting and raving about it and convinced me to give it a go. I've had it on my phone since then.
"Because of the job I'm in I'm up early almost every day of the week and working long hours. Weekends are usually taken up with TV shoots and edits too. So going out to Coppers until six in the morning isn't really a goer.
I don't use it for hook ups and I've never met anyone on it who does, I think that's a big misconception.
"I think for someone like myself, who works a lot and doesn't get to go out to bars and clubs every weekend, it's a great way to meet interesting people, go on a few dates, whatever.
"I think for a lot of people my age who are really career-focused, it can be one of the only ways to meet people without spending hours in a bar. Then if you hit it off and it leads to more dates, all the better."
So, what about his best date?
I met a girl from the US who was working here and we had a really nice evening sitting in a restaurant by the canal chatting for hours. She was telling me all about what her life was like in Texas and comparing it with Ireland. We had loads to talk about, and being American she was well able to talk. The best part about it was that it was laid back and relaxed.
And the worst?
I remember going on one Tinder date and it turned out the girl was obsessed with '90s TV shows. So for the entire duration of the date she would talk about nothing apart from shows like Saved By The Bell, Kenan & Kel and Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Don't get me wrong, good programmes - but not really good topics of conversation for a first date.
"I tried to shift the topic a few times but whenever we talked about something else she would eventually find a comparison to something similar that happened in some episode of Sister, Sister. I had 'Go Home Roger' in my head all weekend. It was a bit of a nightmare but I laugh when I think back on it."
I do feel lucky though because when we talk about Tinder on the The Feed, we always get real horror stories sent in. I remember one girl emailed saying her Tinder date got sick all over their taxi home and then did a runner. He actually legged it from the taxi and left her to pay the soiling charge. So when you hear stories like that you count your lucky stars.
Colm says "almost everyone" he knows uses it.
"Whenever someone asks me about it I tell them to download it and give it a go. The thing I hear all the time is 'It's so shallow and superficial', but I don't agree.
You swipe people left and right, but if we're being really honest we do that every time we walk into a bar or a club - consciously or subconsciously we do it in our head when we look around a room. If you're looking for your life partner I wouldn't rely on Tinder on its own, but in the mix with all the other ways you can meet people today, I think it's pretty good.
All names bar Niamh, Eoin, Colm and Olivia's have been changed to protect people's identity.
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Irish adults aged 15+???
“Too Irish to do casual”..I stopped there as I’m not into fiction
Is Flickr for lesbians??
My ratings on Tinder.
French women – 10 out of 10. Look great, dress great, sophisticated and charming.
Spanish women – 8 out of 10 (bit too gabby) Great looking, good conversationalists.
Most European women are cool.
Asian women – 5 out of 10. Good fun but looking for husband material.
African women – they’d wear you out.
Irish women – 2 out of 10.
No fashion sense, borderline alcoholics 90% of them, no social graces, overweight, plastered in make up to hide the deficiencies, cheapskates, haven’t a clue about art or philosophy unless you include Fair City.
Mutton dressed as lamb.
Avoid the cailins if you want to avoid hassle.
Have to agree on this
Any lads gonna defend the Irish girls?
You’re seething Sam, I can sense it.
@ Jack, how’s the male modelling career going? People in glasshouses and all that jazz…
Not seething. Pretty sad to see that’s all.
Let’s ask jack.. Just a few question, for starters, are you single?
People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones…. or sex parties.
Ok.. No answer.
Question 2. If you are such a big fan of French women, why are you not living in France?
Jenni, It’s gobshîtes like him who’d give Irish men(or men in general) a bad rap.
Fortunately most Irish men are gems so his attitude should not reflect.
I have to agree with you there Sam
Cmon girls, you’re taking it too personal, like I’ve touched a nerve or something.
It’s just a generalization.
Chill out.
I have many many ideas of what you can do with your generalisation.
I think you’ve both just illustrated Jacks point. A french or spanish lady would have ignored his bait. Classy
so you admit he baits, class man. and no I dont mean that as a complinent. Anyway, I have no more time for this, 2 guys on here have as much class as a postage stamp. I prefer to think Irish single guys are much more gentlemanly.
Yes, when ladies dont have an opinion and dont speak their mind its classy. Now u little boye retire ti the cigar room whilst us ladues drink out tea.
You’re certainly a keeper. Men love that attitude
Its an offensive generalization. Its like saying ‘all men are ba$tards’ etc. I dont appreciate it Brad Pitt
The patriarchy?
That didn’t take long.
He didn’t say all- just 90%
Thank god I don’t know any men like you’s!
Cowards who probably only have a relationship with palm and her five friends every night because no Irish LADY will entertain them.
Kinda sad really. Especially when they have to use someone else’s picture of the Internet.
Don’t let us keep you’s, I’m sure you’re off on a European trip tonight in your thoughts.
Let me guess Sam.
You write romantic fiction in your spare time.
Sam. Do you see many European ladies falling around the place skirt around their ears trying to shout over each other after they pass 21?
Another generalisation Jack? Where dd you sprout this one from? Your backside?
Rather crude Sam.
Can we at least try to maintain some standards.
This is the journal.ie after all.
John, that’s any country. It’s called young people of today.
Thankfully I don’t nor have worn skirts that could be considered hair bands.
If you’s have such a bad outlook towards Irish women Id hazard a guess and say mammy issues or some girl severely fûcked you’s over or you’s literally have no luck at all with women.
Your over inflated egos really don’t add to your already charming personalities.
Maybe if you look in the right place, maybe off hook up sites like tinder, you might actually find some true Irish ladies.
Jack, your standard dropped as soon as you posted your original comment.
Sam. Ask any foreign guy, or girl. Ask them what they honestly think.
Here’s another generalization Sam.
French, Italian and Spanish women are attractive also because they still know what feminine mystique means.
They don’t shove it all in your face the first time you meet them.
@ john spot on
You have to work hard to succeed with them.
I agree to a certain extent. Irish girls have a very high opinion of themselves. I have lived in Ireland, Scotland and America. Tinder really just feeds girls egos. I have been. on numerous dates in Dublin, brought girls out to dinner and made them laugh. Most of them didn’t even text back to say thanks and probably had no interest to start with but liked the idea that someone wanted to take them out to dinner. Like the girl says in the article ‘I only go on it when I’m hungover and haven’t been in a date in ages’ Definatley my experience of Irish girls in Dublin. I live in Scotland now and girls from all over are massively greatful if I ask them out in the street or bring them out to dinner….something that was met with ‘get lost’ or simply laughed at by some girls in Dublin. Kills me to say it but Irish girls could do with taking a leaf out of their European counterparts book..
‘Yeah, and you’d have to work hard to score in a brothel’
There.
Saved you the bother.
Judging all us Irish girls on bad experiences is a load of shite.
Grow up lads seriously. Defend your comments all ye’s like, I’ll still defend the ladies of Ireland that exist.
Id love to stay and really get into all this but I’ve a naggin to drink, a greyhound skirt to put on and wall to puke over.
Laters
Sam. What also demonstrates the point is the fact that Jack makes a series of what I assume were tongue in cheek generalisations-and you resort to personal insults, using toilet language. I think that sums up part of what he means perfectly.
Well you’ve done a great job representing the ladies of Ireland Sam
John, yup I sure have.
generalisations are usually right in fairness Sam. For example – all Jack DaCosta’s on the Journal are most likely socially awkward, attention seeking and lacking in the confidence to discuss issues openly. Oh and did I mention lazy (their ‘jokes’ are so regurgitated) and probably impotent. Hence the misogyny.
I think women like men who are different. When I was in Dublin I was the same as any other fool off tinder. When I played in a successfully band I got plenty of women. That stopped and so did the women. Over here in Scotland I ‘talk funny’ and ‘I’m cute’ all of a sudden. Some nights I’ve had been chatting up 3 girls at once. Makes no sense and annoys the f**k outta me lol Any girl care to shine the light?
Well done Nicola.
The Misogyny card, the Invirility card and Cowardice card all in one sentence.
Throw in Anger management and Puerilty cards and you’d have a full house of debate stopping ad hominems straight from the angry feminist bible.
Adam what band we’re you in
I’m shocking tired tonight Jack. Was up late reading my feminist bible and I’m up early in the morn to burn me bra. Can I just leave this here instead of a witty retort? https://www.google.ie/search?q=troll+food&oq=troll+food&aqs=chrome..69i57j0l3.7005j0j4&client=ms-android-samsung&sourceid=chrome-mobile&espv=1&ie=UTF-8#imgrc=hJoW4APQYnLy2M%3A
Will I gt a virus if I click on that link?
‘Adm.
I lived in Edinburgh for a year.
Scottish women are great.
Easy going, good sense of humour.
Like Irish women in many respects but with the added ingredient of class.
Yes Jack, I’m based in Edinburgh. Great town, loads of nationalities here. To think a couple of months ago in Dublin I had girls covered in fake tan and a fag in there hand telling me I wasn’t as good looking as I thought I was and all this jazz…pure mean stuff. Those days are over and I’ll raise a drink to that.
Have a great time Adam.
Aren’t British women from Europe John?? Have you seen Boozed Up Brits and shows like that before?? Or ever been on holidays in a resort full of English ladies?? Its the minority, but you just let that colour your opinion of all women!! There’ll be more decent women left for us decent men.
I agree with jack. I live in the south of France and the irish girls here make me feel ashamed. Fallin out of every bar screaming or singing at the top of there voices. Squatting between cars to urinate. Drinking hard alcohol from there handbags. french girls have a lot more class. There really is no comparison. They do the same think like they are at home. Funny to see them in public walking in herds, burnt to a crisp. Plastered in make up, thinking they are great.
If you want a lady Jack, then act like a gentleman! The flaws you mention in irish women are seen equally in irish men! I do see the type of girls you’re talking about however out and about and i’ll say this, they’re headwreckers (especially if you’re stuck behind them in a queue for the toilets that isn’t moving) but they’re also the girls who get all the attention in bars… I think that’s because men think they’re easy and they’ll get the ride outta them.. So in a nutshell, you may think these girls represent Irish women but really i think that’s because they’re probably just the only type of girl you talk to or approach. This could be for a couple of reasons 1) they may seem more approachable cos they’re drunk and loud and actively seeking attention, 2) You’ve had a few drinks and you’ve gotten to the point where you don’t care about meeting a nice girl, you just want some action and they seem easier and 3) You’re less intimidated to approach them because you don’t really fancy them and so if you get rejected it won’t hurt as much! I guess to cut a long story short there are plenty of lovely Irish girls and maybe if you behave like a lovely irish fella which probably deep down you are, you’d come across them!
The Irish girl is by far a more adventurous animal since I first started hunting
What happened to the fridget types of the late ’90′s.
To get the shift on a first date was a big deal
Sam I can’t fault the Irish Cailin . Better the devil you know!!!
Personally I think it’s the fault of this Fine Gael government and the Bankers.
Niamh and Eoin look a nice match.
Hopefully they’ll stay together, open a joint savings account and one day move into a nicer apartment.
I can see what she’s doing with the hair there.
What would that be Jack? Are you a dab hand with the hairdo’s yourself, can I book you for a do.. you creative mad man ya!
How you doin Orla?
She probably wants a guy with a more manly surname.
BURN!
I just use it for the crack…
The Elephant man would get the ride on tinder
She claims it has ruined her opinion of Irish men, yet still sleeps with them on their first Tinder date…
Classic case of playing with fire and then blaming the fire when you get burned.
Sounds like yet another thing I’d be too old for.
I dated a girl with a wooden leg
Had to break it of sadly
I’m banned from Tinder for e-groping and animal antics, but if any nice ladies are still interested then please write me a letter and send it to my parents house. Please mark the envelope “Kinky sex – Urgent”,
Jack, Yer ma looked great on Tider.
”Jack, yer ma looked great on Tinder’
One of the funniest comments I’ve ever read on the journal Jay.
Cutting edge humour at its finest.
At this rate you’ll be replacing Michael McIntyre on Mock the Week in no time.
Is Michael McIntyre on Mock the Week?
The fact that it annoyed you Jack is good enough for the rest of us :)
Tinder is far closer to being a social media app than a dating app.
I tired to use Timber once… but I’d not matches!
‘Lynn’ seems to have an axe to grind.
dial a ride
I know which way I’d swipe on Jack, a right hook to his ugly mush!
If a man said that he’d be a thug. Is a threat of violence acceptable when made by a woman?
tks lads just in after having a great night out and laughing my ass off at the comments
@louise.
Watching too much Katy Taylor methinks.
No one mention the fake spam accounts that that try and link you to @tindating.com/sexysin?? Infuriating!!
I use it to light a fire?
I caught my wife on tinder on a fake profile looking for women,
Probably not what you want to hear but that is hot.
absolutely
Why not call it slappers and save time?
.
Polish women for one look after themselves unlike some of their iris counterparts. They are more direct honest & genuine. that’s what I think and I married a polish woman
the thing about tinder you don’t know what your getting piers for a start underage members asking for money best place is meet face to face and you won’t go wrong
James sounds like a catch. Can’t think why he’s still single.
have your say