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SHOULD YOU BE after a meaningful relationship, a fling or to ‘get out there’ and experience new things with new people, guess what? There’s an app for that.
Along with most single girls in London, I have tried them all, Tinder, Happn, Jswipe, the list is endless. 30 year old female, GSOH, WLTM similar male with no live-in ex-girlfriends, commitment issues or bodies in the garden. What could go wrong?
Well, several months and several apps later I have found that they all have a familiar thread running through them; a steady barrage of photos that will turn us off quicker than you can say ‘duck lips with snake hips’.
‘A picture paints a thousands words’: In 2015 never was a truer word spoken. In this era of dating apps, your photos are your mating call. Trust me, wrong set of snaps can be as detrimental as the tag line “4ft 8. Interests include my mother, Victorian dolls and cardigans”.
If you’re wondering why your photos haven’t been getting your desired result… Ring the bell, school’s back in.
Here are the worst Tinder crimes that I’ve seen in my time swiping left.
The Bed Selfie
The Aim: “Oh what a hunk, look at him all rugged and wrapped in cotton. Push over and make room.”
Reality: After sending a screen shot to our Whatsapp group ‘Tinder twats’, we cannot escape thoughts of you trying to get your pose right, propping yourself up, t-shirt on, t-shirt off, eyes squinting, smile, no smile, filtering and the ones of you topless and alone in your little bed on a Sunday morning that didn’t make the cut but you so eagerly took while holding your breath. Just stop it.
Date Warning: Should you manage to actual meet the Bed Selfier (notorious for using apps for ego boosts only), avoid like the cake your boss made while she was off with food poisoning.
The Topless Selfi
The Aim: “What a hunk, look at him all rugged and muscular. I just want him to bench-press me”
Reality: Man, does this guy have any friends/ interesting things to do/jumpers? Dating apps are filled with guys doing fun things with friends, indulging in their hobbies, jumping out of helicopters, skydiving and you think you in a pair of grey tracksuit pants in your mam’s hallway is going to cut it.
Date Warning: It will be all about him. Just him. Oh and how much he likes grilled chicken, protein shakes, Ibiza, the lads and hashtags. Be warned, he wears pastels, hair gel and shares pictures of David Beckham on Facebook.
The Telfie (toilet selfie)
The Aim: “Wow, great angles”
Reality: This guy has put up a picture of himself having a poo. The lighting in your jacks is flattering and you want to indulge us in it. Doll, the tiled wall behind you, frosted window and the Duck bottle cap are a huge give away.
Date Warning: Even if he has five other pictures that include him rescuing children from a fire, winning a Nobel prize or anything else that could swing the balance back in his favour – never touch his phone.
The Faux Sleeping Selfie:
Not even going there. You and the guy that sends selfies as his Tinder Moments need to join the queue waiting for the rest of us to care. We’ll send sandwiches.
The Ex-girlfriend Selfie
The Aim: “Ride”
The Reality: Listen, just because you’ve cropped her out we can see her manicure, the rosé on the table, the two glasses. Never doubt our ability to know everything. Instantly. I am of the opinion that we need just three women, after 6 bottles of wine, to succeed in locating all of ISIS.
The Date: If most of his pictures are basically a visual history of his last relationship, he hasn’t been single long enough to take new pictures. There’ll be tears and they wont be his.
The Animal/Grandma/Baby Selfie
Aim: “Stand up guy! Holding Granny’s hand, making that baby giggle, cuddling that cute, little doggie woggie. I just want to rip all his clothes off, have winter walks, bake him bread. Be still, my beating womb.”
Reality: This guy will stop at absolutely NOTHING to get a ride on Tinder. He made that poor woman stand for over a minute with knackered knees until his beard looked good.
Date Warning: The ‘Prop Selfie’ guy is one to be wary of. RUN. Unless that is, you’ve a hankering for an STI.
The Suit Selfie
The Aim: “Well if it isn’t himself, James bloody Bond.”
The Reality: People that have to wear a suit to work don’t actually think it’s that big of deal. Just so you know next time you’re in the toilets in Dundrum shopping centre taking a lunch snap, check yourself.
Date Warning: You’ll find out that when he said he works in finance he actually meant that he’s the only one on the late shift that’s allowed to cash up. Oh and he’s four years younger than advertised.
The Gym Changing Room Selfie
Veins. Veins. Vain.
Delta Bravo is a single Irish woman on the London dating scene, armed with sarcasm and wine – and making bad decisions so you don’t have to.
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That’s a good one there Mattie, I hope you don’t collect an attendance allowance or whatever it’s called today.
The only way the Irish people will riot or revolt is when the Internet is turned off and they can no longer sit cozy with the laptop and tap away on the keyboard thinking they are making a difference. Change only comes when you get off your fat asses and join the others in the streets. But that won’t happen until you are forced too.
Telecommix wouldn’t allow it to be switched off.
Dear sweet Lords of Irony, Damian.
You’re being Ironic, right. I mean seriously, taking to the internet to complain about how bad the internet is at spreading change. This is actually happening? On a news forum. On the internet?!?!?!
Not only that, your comment could only be more misinformed if you signed off with Betamax will win the video format wars!!!!!
Heard of the Arab Spring? I think it had something to do with a revolution somewhere that only happened because of the internet.
FREEDOOOOMMMMM!!!
Can I give u a green thumb in support of your comment. Now I gave to get back to my tea.
More occupying to follow.
You can put an air to that and sing it.
Looks like the people have had enough.
These financial institutions think they can do as they please. Patients are running out, People Will revolt.
no they won’t! if u haven’t noticed yet Irish ppl are all talk!!
@Mike, wait till you see whats going to happen, after the budget.
We heard all the same stuff before every budget since this crap started slapstick.
We won’t do shit. We never do.
Nothing, that’s what
I have to reluctantly agree with ManontheStreet. The only sector of society who have stood up in a meaningful way against the austerity have been the elderly on the medical cards issue. There have been numerous threats by other groups such as nurses and students but these have been hot air. About as much chance of real revolt here as Kate Middleton’s child being called Paddy,
Well He is representing a constituent so He is carrying out His public duty & fair play to Mattie & lot of FG/FF/LAB politicains wouldn’t go these levels to get fair play for Our People as is the case here finance company playing hardball & coming to this resifdence at 5.30am & you can be sure this wasn’t an arranged time with the farmer involved to try come to a resolution they had come to take this tractor under the cover of darkness whilst these people slept. People Power this is the start of it.
Except Monaghan, Mattie is a TD for Tipp, the farm is in Wexford. Nonetheless, whatever the full facts, which will no doubt come out in time, someone somewhere is trying to do something about anything. Cause most of the time we have noone, nowhere doing anything about nothing.
As was said, we irish are nothing but full of hot air and fat asses. The turnout at the last march and demonstration on the 24th Nov was abysmal. Whether it was 5k, 10 or 20k, its a disgrace that we didnt at least get half million on the streets. All the internet warriors can chew the cud all they like, but doesnt matter a damn. Heres a thought. Since your sitting in front of your screen, how about challenging your local TD to explain why they voted as they did in any of the last Dail votes, particularly the Home Help one. They wont reply immediately, none of mine did, but you have to hassle, harry and badger them. They wont like it, but who the bloody hell cares. The more uncomfortable we can make it for them the better. Stop howling at the moon, and make your voice heard somehow. We’re being raped and pillaged by bankers and their political protectors.lets grow a feckin backbone and show these 107 men and women who are runing our lives that they cant just roger us anymore
but I expect this will just fall on deaf ears and blind eyes again….as is typical of the modern irish citizen. Suppose we get the representation we deserve then.
I suppose we are due another eye sore outside the central bank!! #alltalk
Fair play to him and those with him.
It’s nice to see at least one politician is doing what he’s paid for – to work on behalf of the people.
And Wexford isn’t even part of his constituency…
yes buying votes
Why did the farmer in question purchase the tractor if he could not pay for it. If the farmer was owed money would he forget about it. Yes they are people who have been screwd by the banks but the banks are owed money this money should not be forgotten about.
All the above comments seem to have been made without knowledge of the facts of the case. That shows their value.
What are the facts ,
I guess there will be sharp practice by the financial company.
Rather sweeping comment there Rory.
True Rory but, I guess people see a bank involved and that is more then enough for most people.
Do you know the facts of the case? Just a request for information on it.
People of this country are being crucified with debt (billions paid to bondholders). Those are facts enough.
Good lad Mattie
Wonder does he have his Playboy with him to keep him company.
Your 100% correct Mark Prendergast with your comments……When a customer doesn’t pay , what he agreed to pay, for whatever reason, Banks don’t normally send out there recovery agents until a lot of other methods are exausted…….They send out reminders, maybe solicitor’s letters, and if they are being ignored, then the recovery agents go out…We don’t have the full facts of this case, but what i have said is usually the norm.
Why didn’t a TD from wexford act on this man’s behalf.?????I will refrain from commenting on the ‘GOMBEEN.
From reports I don’t think the actual repossession is the issue but rather the manner in which the repossession was carried out I.e in the middle of the night, breaking into property leaving family traumatised! If I do recall Mattie spoke out about this in the Dail before, will search for article so maybe family asked him to assist them!!
Friends First what an appropriate name
Well done Mattie ,the lads in the pub say your a man of the people I’m tempted to join him but some one has to work.
Quit your typing and pull me another pint!
Wouldn’t say he’s being paid for it but fair play mattie. Bloody ridiculous how our Govt stands back and let’s the financial institutions run riot over people’s lives.
So lads I should cancel my monthly payment on the car and the machinery because you all will support me by protesting at the Banks Headquarters. Could you guarantee a couple of wacky TD’s as well because that would really frighten the Bank Executives.
Jeez lads if enough of us did that sure wouldn’t they need another Bailout which we can pay for with another five years of austerity.
Aren’t these Banks who lend money to people like us awful eejits to think that we might pay them back. What a bunch of monsters to even dream of asking us to pay.
Well done Mattie!
Mark – is that what happened in this case?
Nobody should (and most don’t) shirk their responsibility to pay their bills but these days often banks don’t try to renegotiate loans which are capable of performing.
In this particular case one thing we can say is that repossessing farm machinery will directly effect a farmer’s ability to earn. In cases such as this surely every effort should be made by a lender to permit a business owner to continue to earn rather than cutting the throat of a business?
We can assume little else with respect to this case as no further details appear to be available. We don’t yet know if Mattie McGrath’s support is fairly placed or misplaced.
Tony
Mattie wants cheap publicity because he’ll be swallowed whole by the Budget and the Abortion issue over the next few weeks. This helps his credentials with rural voters. Without getting into the issues here I am certain that Financial Institutions don’t repossess farm machinery without cause and cause is always a refusal or unwillingness or inability to pay.
Are we supposed to consider these lending institutions as charities? Not even the Department do Social Protection would extend monies for these purposes.
Starry Eyed Surprise
The repossession of this vehicle took place at five thirty am which is breakfast time for most hard working farmers as opposed to the middle of the night that you claim. I think you will also find that the Bank was at the end of a long long process before they attempted to repossess their property in a lawful manner.We are so quick to come to judgement on Lending Institutions who have seen vast sums of money unpaid by borrowers over the past five years and when they attempt to recover their position they are somehow evil and immoral.
Listen Mr Magic Economics. If the Banks fail to return their businesses to profitability we as taxpayers may have to fork out again to bail them out or never see a penny of the money we have pumped into them in the first place.
Somehow people like you don’t understand basic reason never mind economics and you believe in magic economics and the tooth fairy as far as this country is concerned. Your Social Welfare is not paid by Santa Claus and people who are in business are entitled to make a profit and Banks aren’t the Salvation Army or fools to be hoodwinked and conned out if their monies.
Mattie Mc Grath is a right wing sack of old Irish Catholic sh*te.
Fair play to mattie standing up for the family who will loose their ability to earn a living by removing the tractor. If you have been listening to mattie he is the only one that has been standing up for the ordinary rural people. Most of the td’s just get elected and disappear.
Provided they aren’t woman.
“women”
I expect to see him at the anti-austerity march tomorrow then if he is so opposed to austerity measures. I’ve haven’t seen him at one yet?
Not a fan of Mattie. There is still a stink of FF about him and that doesn’t square with him actually helping people or doing right by someone, yet this might be an exception to the rule.
It should be welcomed and not whinging.
Sorry DaffodilDaze, but that doesn’t mean we should gloss over the reactionary crap he said about women in the Dail last Wednesday.
If a Fianna Gaeler did this he’d be accused of being a gombeen with no positive comments here
Name a Fianna Gaeler that isn’t a gombeen….
haha your having a laugh where would you get a Fine Gaeler to stick up for an ordinary citizen
i agree mike mcinerney iirish people are whimps talk talk talk.i like many attend marches etc and the amount of people standing looking on is embarrassing.yet they wil benefit if anything comes from it.dont they realize we can make the gov changr. there not touching there own wages or exps. but they understand the pain people are going thra aaaahhhhh bless
We don’t have to pay our finance arrangements anymore? Good news. Free car for me so.
Whether we buy a tractor or a bar of soap it has to be paid for…simple as. If we have difficulty meeting our payments we talk to our dreaded bank! I don’t believe for one second that this farmer and his son did not know their tractor would be repossessed for non payment. Don’t know the full facts, but banks are not that stupid that they would pounce on people in arrears without exhausting every method possible to be repaid for the loan. As for Mattie!!!!!! must be a slow day in the Dail!!
Opportunistic gombeen.
See the wealthy are already protected plus have made the future people who made be newly unemployed harder to gain access to unemployment services has been flagged and more attacks on the poor for being poor or unemployed will commence but no cut in TD’s allowances or bar bill or pensions
the people need to send the strongest message possible that as a society we have had enough, i suggest we occupy a symbol of the irish state #occupyGPO
#Declan, Don’t block up the GP0 for jasus sake I have stuff coming from the USA that was bought on the internet.
Complete and utter opportunist with no political principles !
I would welcome these actions from a proven campaigner for the rights of ordinary people but not a sham like McGrath.
Clare providing that this guy has done everything in his power to sort it I think it is a bit heavy handed to turn up at 5:30 am .
Heavy handed? Any farmer would be up by then, and it makes sense to repossess before he drives the tractor out the fields, as they’d need another tractor to follow him otherwise before leaving him stranded out there.
The most likely time to find the tractor still in the yard was observed. This is not some dead of the night smash and grab, just because it happened before you might get up yourself.
Wonderful you are awake you cannot speak for every farmer know lots will not be out of bed.
Wonderful you are awake you cannot speak for every farmer know lots will not be out of bed. oh and less of the yourself as it so happens I am out of bed very early in the am
Oh hang on, you’re right. I forgot about those 9-5 family farms.
Does anybody know the facts in this case? Hello Journal. Any chance you might give us the context of this story?
Jim – We have some details of the story, as given by one side but disputed by the other.
If we were to publish the details as we understand them, and they turned out not to be true, we would be in a gravely difficult legal situation.
Fair enough Gavan. Can you not put such a disclaimer in front of those facts as in “So and so claimed that…”. Does that not cover you in those sort of circumstances. I mean its very hard to comment on this without knowing the full facts (not that its stopping some from their usual assumptions!).
Thanks for your understanding Jim. Unfortunately, no – even if we attribute the comments or allegations to someone else, we are liable for them by virtue of having published them and giving them a larger audience than they would otherwise get.
For example: let’s say Ann’s mortal enemy Eve starts making up rumours about Ann. “Ann kicked the crap out of Bob in the middle of a street” or something. We can’t report that rumour – even if we say, “Eve has made allegations about…” – because if it turns out Eve is wrong or lying, we will have published the untrue rumour and therefore Ann can sue us for the damage we caused to her reputation.
Libel laws are a tricky business sometimes!
we are like lambs been led to slaughter
Lambs have to be led to the slaughter. The Irish will happily walk themselves up the ramp. A nation of castrated bulls.
ouch,,,crossing legs now!!
Anyone want to join in occupying the Dail tomorrow….stop the budget !
Sorry Al try as I might, I couldn’t decipher that one.
The polarization of society is only beneficial to those truely at fault. Stories with only half truths and little facts, keep everyone arguing, while the big crimes against society go almost unnoticed!
A TD is boycotting the offices of a company acting within its rights, while tomorrow we are going to see 3.5 billion drained from our economy, to do what? To pay the next promiseary note next March, for exactly 3.5 billion.
Also since we pretty much own the banks, these farmers that are being hailed as working class heroes, for failing to maintain their payments (maybe through no fault of their own, who knows, certainly no one posting here) owe us the citizens of Ireland, so what should the banks do? Not attempt to recover the money and just get more money off the state to write it off?
Slap an tick . we pay. up and shut up after the budget because nothing we say or do will change any thing and i bet my house on. it that a in few weeks we will hear of an other pay. rise for some body. or an other job for the boys scandal this is the Irish way . and its not our fault because we are special . ENDA said so . must be true . he would never lie to us.
Alan, I think Ronan has a point about being heavy handed , except for having a go at you about the time you get out of bed.
Daffodildaze what has castrated bulls got to do with it? lol
A user has left a couple of comments here which I’ve had to delete, as they went into the alleged specifics of this case, as stated by a member of the Oireachtas in the chamber this afternoon.
I understand that user’s concerns but would ask that they have a read of the other comment I’ve left on this thread (http://www.thejournal.ie/mattie-mcgrath-occupy-friends-first-700955-Dec2012/#comment-770610) for some guidance.
While members of the Oireachtas enjoy absolute privilege in their remarks in the Dail or Seanad, we do not (unequivocally) enjoy such privilege – even when it comes to simply reporting what someone else has said.
If another media organisation has taken the decision to repeat the remarks, this is up to them: either they are more willing to risk being sued in a court case, or they are in possession of more facts than we are. Either way, we’re not prepared to publish such details as, in the event of those reasons being proven untrue, we would be open to legal action from the parties against whom the allegations were made.
With all due respect Gavin it is available on the public report once a TD/ Senator has made the statement in the Dail! Are u seriously trying o tell me that you can not cover what is on public record! This is a very serious incident and people are only getting one side of the story due to the failure by the media to cover what is on the public record! If the media don’t cover these stories how on earth are we going to stop them!
@SES: I completely understand (and totally share) your frustration. However, with the laws as they are, we do not share a parliamentarian’s right to absolute privilege.
In short, yes, I am trying to tell you that sometimes we are not in a position to tell you things on the public record.
If one of the parties involved in the alleged incident was to face criminal charges in a jury trial, it is possible that our reporting (and that of anyone else) may be seen to influence the case – or, indeed, make it impossible for that person to have the fair trial they deserve.
If it so happens that the person is then acquitted, they can sue anyone who spread the untrue and malicious suggestion about them in the first place. They cannot sue the TD or Senator, because their comments were protected by parliamentary privilege, but we don’t enjoy that same level of protection and could easily be sued – simply for having reported someone else’s claims. (The law is slightly different if the person has been charged, as the courts have enshrined the right of the media to report on matters taking place inside them and the claims made there, but because nobody in this case has yet been charged, any reporting we’re doing would be making allegations against a person who, legally speaking, has not been found to do anything wrong.)
What it boils down to is that reporting something as a ‘rumour’ or an ‘allegation’ is no defence if it turns out to be untrue. Oireachtas members have the defence of their office; we do not. It’s crappy, but as they say: the law is an ass.
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