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The Daily PollTHERE’S BEEN A lot of talk today about who should foot the bill on a first date.
Last night, a woman on Channel 4′s First Dates refused to split the bill. Her argument? “I never pay on dates. Why would I? Come on, I’ve been hot and fun.”
A lot of viewers were very unimpressed by this, saying it’s only fair to go Dutch.
With this in mind, we’re asking: Should a man pay for the meal on a first date?
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If I asked someone to dinner I would pay, If a woman asked me I would assume she was paying but would offer to split the bill. Not sure what the wife would have too say about me going on dates though.
I would always offer to pay half, I or any my female friends have never been date with Irish guy, were they have accepted half cost of the bill. Th As such, I would always buy some drinks.
Irish guys are such gentlemen, a
G’wan yah boyo.
How do the gays work out this conundrum?
Who ever doesn’t pay is the bitch for the night..
Depends on the circumstances. Say she’s a student and I am working full time, I’d pay and would reject any offer on her part to pay. Generally speaking though, I think it should be even stevens.
You could always bring the wife too as a designated driver for the night?
Eh… if I asked you out for dinner I would assume I’m paying. If you offer to split, that would make me feel god but I’d totally decline your offer saving you money for more of the alcohols. Then we drink. And we drink. And I black out and the whole night becomes a massive blur. I love dates.
And that’s why she’s on a dating show…..
Don’t mind paying, but an offer to contribute or the 1st round of drinks goes a long way to showing she’s not high maintenance…..
Exactly.
She probably knows from experience that with even a modestly attractive woman most guys will, in sheer desperation for the mere possibility of sex, park their dignity at the door and give her full control.
Then they can’t understand later why they’re not getting laid “I don’t understand, I’ve been so nice!”
No you weren’t nice, you were a doormat, theres a difference, you came across as a limp dick weakling and that’s not much of a turnon for women.
Ryan….you seem well informed on such matters?
Anthony Ryan is the man! He’s a man of the ladies.
From what many female friends have told me, women started paying for their own grub and drinks – not in any spirit of feminism – but because they were tired of the typical gobsh!te’s assumption that they were entitled to a ride because they bought the woman a drink. Looking at some of the comments here it appears that not much has changed.
Just because he’s gay, doesn’t mean he’s far wrong in what he’s actually saying on this. He has a fair point.
Well 40% of those responding to the poll seem to think it is the man’s place to pay for the meal. Good to see progress as 25 years ago that would have been closer to 90%. Paying for a meal on a first date is not romantic or gentlemanly. It is simply tradition, and traditions change.
Yeah Ryan is correct imo. Have many female friends. All say the same. overly nice is never good. No rom com crap guys. They hate it. 3 things I keep hearing. Good dress sense ( pay particular attention to shoes). Good sense humor. and above all else is confidence. They like to feel their man is there in control. That they are safe and secure. Maybe it is just the women I know. Could be wrong. But I know woman who discounted a fella because they got flowers on first date.
Daz agree with everything you said especially the flowers how did he know she wasn’t allergic? While some see this as a romantic gesture there are others who see a waste of money I’d rather he spent the money on a decent bottle of wine we could both enjoy.
I always want to go to the toilet at this time and funny but it resolves itself .
Ah still Rashers ,a ride is a ride .
I would insist on paying on a first date, but if the girl didn’t at least make an attempt to pay half or reach for her purse that would be the end of that. If I found out she didn’t even bring money and was expecting a free meal, I would pay my half and leave,
Wat if you noticed she was wearing no knickers.wud u still leave?
What if you noticed she was wearing a dick. wud u still leave?
I’d assume she was riddled and break out the holy water
only if it was bigger the mine, can’t be dealing with that
Shawn wearing a dick no problem, having a real one might be a deal breaker.
Even if you are fairly sure someone is paying, you should at least make an effort. At least take the purse/wallet out and refuse once or twice before saying ‘ok ok’. If they don’t, or didn’t bring money at all, then you have saved yourself a lot of time and hassle, you’ve gotten a sample of the kind of personality you are dealing with, and if that’s how entitled she is just as a first date imagine as a girlfriend, you’re going to become a taxi driver, a foot stool, a shopping bag carrier and an atm.
It’s dependent on her reaction to the dick pic I send her during dessert.
You pay the meal, she provides dessert. ; )
I would pay, but i’d be turned off if I didn’t see my date at least attempt to split it.
If a guy asks me out on a date then I’m going to presume we are splitting the bill and drinks etc for the evening.
Totally unfair to expect the guy to pay for everything. I’d feel uncomfortable with it if he wanted to pay for me anyway
Not many of you around ha
I think you’re wrong there Scorpiowhatever.. Most of my mates (myself included) would definitely split the bill or, kick up a Mrs Doyle-esque stink if he insisted on paying, and then be on drink duty for at least a few rounds. I think it’s nice of a guy to offer to pay, but it is 2015, and we have the vote and all.
I’m only joking there’s plenty of good women out there that pay their way
‘Good looking women pay for nothing… or at least have no need to pay for anything (food and drink wise) unless they wish to. Men with working penises are particularly stupid creatures.
I’m old fashioned, I’d insist on paying.
Yeah sure McDonald’s isn’t expensive anyway
I’d offer to pay. But if she insisted on splitting it that’s cool too.
I let them order whatever they want as long as its from the Eurosaver section
I’m old fashioned. I like my women pregnant, barefoot and in the kitchen.
sucker !
People still do this? I never feel comfortable when people pay for me. Unless it’s my birthday or something.
X 1, it’s too expensive to expect the man to pay all the bill. Hold the door, pull out my chair, etc goes a long way with me.
We didn’t do that in the 70′s and 80′s Joanna, always went Dutch, otherwise you’d feel beholden. That young one is only a scrounger and a sponge, not a nice individual, at all.
I know its old fashioned but I think as a gentleman you should at least offer to pay.
whoever asked for the date should pay
Seanie, that’s exactly right. First sensible comment here. If you invite someone you pay. simple
Exactly ,when I asked my first date for a drink ,she loved the Fanta .I paid up .
If you think he should then that’s sexism. Plain and simple.
well where I come from, when the bill arrives and if the lady reaches for her purse, I would more then likely say, your grand Il get this,[you can buy me a pint later] if she says nothing and expects me to pay, well first impressions.
I’d have no problem paying, but last night she was getting him to order extra shots, extra dessert and then pushed the bill onto him, in that case I would have only paid half. She was an eejit anyway. let her off. plenty more fish in the sea. Wasn’t there a guy in a episode a few weeks ago where they were splitting the bill and he was totting up what extras the girl had.? Think she had an extra bun or something and he made her pay for that.
whoa! – you watched that shite?
Chief needs to get out more. Anybody willing to go on a date? – provided you don’t go over board and order extras, he’s willing to pick up the tab.
Yep, sorry Matt I’m guilty of liking people interaction for the first time they meet each other, it’s my guilty pleasure. It’s actually quite fascinating sometimes whether it be on First Dates or in real life.
I’m more shocked now that nobody has jumped at the chance of a date with you yet.
I think if you invite someone to dinner, the general expectation is that you will be paying; especially a first date…but I would always offer to split just in case and also, no-one is made of money. Having said that I was asked out to dinner a couple of years back. The guy spent the entire meal talking about how much money he had and generally bigging himself up. He insisted we get a bottle of wine with the meal and then insisted on us ordering dessert. All the while I’m thinking, ok this is starting to get pricey. The bill comes and I have my purse out, ready to offer to split. I didn’t get the chance; he promptly informs me what my half costs, takes my cash from me and uses his CARD to pay. After the meal we go for a drink…to be fair I am so shell shocked at his rudeness I go along with it….and I need to go to an ATM because he’s just cleared me of any cash I had! He goes along with me and watches me withdraw yet more cash. He then uses the cash I’d just given him to buy drinks…rounds that is. He literally stood in front of me with an empty pint glass at one point while I was only half way through a glass of wine and basically told me to hurry up, it was my round…! Worst date ever.
You mean he took the cash you had withdrawn from the ATM or the cash you had split the bill with?
I’m curious why you didn’t just go home after the meal? Guy sounds like d***k
To be perfectly honest, I didn’t know if I was right to be outraged until I talked to people the next day who agreed with me….splitting the bill was fine, but he came with an empty wallet, used his card to pay for the meal and the cash I gave for my half of the meal to buy his share of rounds. He was an unabashed scrooge.
I wouldn’t do that to you, but taking out the fact that he was arrogant about his money etc, the Id say he was genuine. Try thinking without the arrogance, imagine another man(not him) who was humble, but insisted about wine, dessert, pay half, hurry up is your round, etc. This is what friends do, what do you thing 4 men do when they go out? they tell each other the same “hurry up is your round” What do married people say at a meal? I want wine, I want dessert “come one baby, I don;t want to have dessert alone” I assume that you were dating with the idea of a long term commitment/marriage/family? A husband/wife supposed to be best friends, this is how many male best friends behave. Do you think he will remain all the same after 10 years? When you reach a level of love and trust, getting used to each other is when you will see the real him, with his virtues and defects. I would prefer dating a woman who behaves the way she behaves with her friends, to be herself, not nicely perfect with a Barbie smile because I know this won’t be the real you after 3 years.
I think for me, it comes down to manners. He asked me to dinner, I actually suggested just drinks but he was insistent on the dinner thing. Then he comes with no cash on him and uses my share to buy drinks. It just looked really bad for him in my opinion.
so i assume your married to him now?
I don’t really get why you think that’s a bad thing , he used his card and you gave him your share in cash which then became his money , so he used his money to buy a round ?
So by the end of the night you were better off to the tune of several free drinks, correct? It seems to me you did quite well out of the exchange. In fact I can’t for the life of me see what your problem was.
my thoughts exactly tadgh !
I may have missed something but from what I read she didn’t get so much as 1 free drink.
She paid for her own rounds and half the meal so in a nutshell her own night out and he paid for his.
cliodhna , he paid the whole lot on his card , she have him her share , when he gets his statement from his card , who pays that card bill ? he does . so the money she gave him was his .
Yes as I said Suzie she paid her half of everything what he choose to do with that cash was up to him but she paid her half of the bill he chose to pay the bill in full with his card and pocket her cash to use later as is his right.
clíodhna , I misread your last comment !
Maybe ye should make another poll saying “should women cook & clean” and see if the results are as closely related.?
And make sandwiches. My mrs goes nuts when I give her the oul I cut the grass and you make the sandwiches
Depends on the circumstances….If I asked a girl out for dinner, I wouldn’t expect her to pay as I had asked her out. I would like to think she would at least offer to pay half or get some drinks in. I wouldn’t take it but the gesture is nice. Also, if you meet someone on line that’s completely different. You agree to meet up rather than being asked out so I think whatever you do (cinema, restaurant, drinks) should be split 50/50
What if its two men or two women on a first date ? Article assumes everyone is heterosexual !
What people are gay ewwwww?
Article referenced a programme on C4 last night where the date in question was a heterosexual couple.
The butch lesbian always picks up the bill while the feminine one is off flirting.
Is it nice if the guy pays? Of course it is but I’d never expect him too. It’s not fair on the guy
I’d be embarrassed going half.
Meals definitely on her.
In this day and age can we practise what we preach and be full advocates of equality? What about when the two people on the date are of the same gender, who pays then? Let’s put all genders aside when we’re talking about footing the bill on dates for the moment. The person who asks the other person on the date should pay the bill, or 50/50, or one person pays the first time and the other promises to pay next time (a good way of suggesting a second date).
Jaysus you should all stay at home ,youre boring the dick off.
Stupid question. You should never go for a meal on a first date.
There is nothing Uglier on this earth than a gold digger.
Especially if you can see the butt crack as they are digging. ; )
I would pay, but if it she expected it of me it would be the last date.
If she’s showing you her butt crack on the first date yer in like Flynn.
Times like this I’m glad I’m gay, and don’t have to treat my date like a fragile little flower that is incapable of paying their own bills. I’ve had situations where one person has paid before I got a chance to object or vice versa, where we took turns or seen a situation where two people in a relationship have a set up where one is kinda broke and ones really not, so the latter tends to pay…but the obligation to pay just based on gender…how is that not sexist? How can a woman seriously say ‘treat me as an equal’ and then demand ”the man” pay for the meals?
gay guys don’t give a shit one way or the other about these things.
gay friend told me there is a hierarchy, if your dominant or plan on being a top as he put it, you pay for first meal to establish your perceived role..( but then again that is only his experience of dating.)
I must be old fashioned but I think the man should always pay! All women want to be wined and dined… Well it worked for me anyway :-)
Wow, what is his name Martin? He sounds like a right “Price Charming”.
“Prince”
Pun ruined :-(
Let’s not generalise with sentences like “all women…”. I’m sure plenty of men want to be wined and dined as well.
As a woman, I would always expect to or try to pay. Have always felt that way even though my dating days are well behind me. I’ll also be installing this in my son and daughter. I’ve been stung by guys who never wanted to pay for anything or were niggly about bills or rounds and that’s a big turn off for me.
If he invited the woman out to dine, then she is his guest and he should pay. It is that simple. I would never invite someone to a meal and expect them to pay for it.
I am oldskool and would pay but then again I would offer a Woman a seat,hold a door open,remove my hat/cap when in company. That’s what my parents drummed into me as a child and I passed it on to my Son. One of the first memories I have is being thought respect,manners and table etiquette and it has stood to me. I get a massive burst of pride when I see my Son behaving like a gentleman in company. We never had a pot to p*** in but we could hold our heads up.
Whoever asked the other on the date should pay! Simple!
how can you say yes to this… you shouldn’t be expected to but of course it’s a kind gesture.
Taking Missyb211′s comment from the last article on board, eh??
It’s up to the person who does the inviting to pay. If someone invites you to dinner at their home it would be very poor etiquette to offer to pay for the food, so why would you offer to pay if they invite you to eat at a restaurant?
That’s true. Nowadays however, many a date comes through dating websites. That makes it a 50/50 responsibility to look after the bill. If you went back in 15 years ago men were very confused as to whether or not they should pay or not. Would the woman be offended if they insisted on paying for example was a big issue for them, and nor was it discussed in the media or anywhere else. Nowadays, men are far more self-assured and do as they please. They have expectations, and if they are not met, they walk. It’s equality.
Why anyone would pay for a stranger on a first date, regardless of gender, is beyond me.
Also, these comments saying ‘I’d pay but would be put out if she didn’t try to stop me or attempt to pay’ are ridiculous. You want her to bow down to you and acknowledge what a great thing you’re doing? If you don’t want to pay, don’t. If you do, don’t make a big song and dance about it. Jeez.
There’s no black or white answer on this, it depends on the two people involved what type of people they are.
that is a grey issue
Id pay. Wine’r dine’r 69 er !
ha ha ha ha classic
Hugh, you’re not fooling anyone by changing your first name.
It should not be an issue in 2015. If women want to win the argument about equality then they should stop using the gender ticket whenever it suits them.
yea, the good for nuttin baby making machines………
Like in divorce lol.
I don’t mind paying as long as Nat King Cole is on the dessert menu.
Why anyone would pay for a complete stranger, regardless of gender, is beyond me.
Also, the comments saying ‘I’d pay but would be put out it if she didn’t at least try to stop me from doing so’ are ridiculous. Either you want to pay or not. What? You want her to bow down and tell you how great you are?
yes
Should we not have a poll that asks if we should mind our own business when it comes to what people do in their private lives? I could care less about this and this proves that the journal.ie no longer is the differentiator of journalism vs main stream manufactured news. They’re not alone the huffington post and many other online journalist sites are the same. The channels may have changed but the media output sadly stays the same.
Reminds me of that scene in the movie A Bronx Tale where Chazz tells the young fella about when you open the cardoor for your date and she sits in – when you go to the drivers side ,if she unlocks the driver door for you ,then she’s a keeper. If she doesn’t ,then nope.
Invite her out and go to pay for the meal – if she insists on going Dutch , douze points.
If she keeps her hand on her handbag, then Meh!
I would assume a gentleman would offer to pay. It would be up to the woman to accept or decline. If the offer has been made by the man and the woman prefers the cost to be shared then the man should graciously accept this and not force the issue. He shows a generous nature by offering and she while gently declining shows her own capacity to be responsible for herself. If she accepts she is appreciate of the man’s generosity. Either ways it is the woman’s privilege to accept or decline.
When I have asked men out on a date, I’ve paid. You’re inviting someone to spend time with you as your guest. When you get to know each other, you can have the discussion about who pays for what.
The hypocrisy of the female gender has raised its head in this poll anyway. Let’s push (rightfully) for equality in all aspects of society…..but not when he’s paying for the meal, I’ll happily play the chivalry card then.
If HE ask you out yes they should pay for the meal, I would pay for a few drinks in the pub etc.
If the man pays then that is downpayment for a blozzer… That’s the rule isn’t it?
I would probably pay first time but it’d be nice to see her reach for her wallet or whatever .. I do think though that you’d have an idea of what was expected by the end of the conversation. If she strikes you as the type to get offended if you even try to pay her share then best not.
Maybe it is 2015 but then why men are still paid more than women for the same job
If I invited someone out to dinner then I would feel that I should at least offer to pay, but it really is better for the bill to be split. Never ever assume the other will pay. You should always be prepared to pay half the bill. No one person is obliged to pay the full bill, male or female.
I would never go for dinner on a first day, it’s way too much time to commit when I might want to escape after half an hour. If I did accept a dinner invite, I’d assume he would pay or I’d think he was a complete loser. There is nothing quite so unromantic as splitting a bill! Of course, I’d make sure to even things out if we continued to date.
* first date
You’re all missing the point of the date in the first place. If the date went well and I have a decent chance of getting her in the sack, then I’ll gladly pay. Hookers cost a fortune nowadays.
You should stick to hookers Ivor.
There’s a name for girls who expect guys to pay for everything. Take a reality check and pay your share.Otherwise there’s no chance of a second date…once bitten…and all that
Yes wow a Real Powerful Man..first date last date and all the dates in between. Drinks too. We have enough to think about in our pretty little heads to get all dolled up and look perfect. I also like to know what the intention of the date before it even goes into a date. A thousand and one questions or else what’s the point. I know red thumbs and no date but hey happy lol.
the concept is outmoded and sexist. you wouldn’t as “which guy pays” with a gay couple or “which girl pays” with a lesbian couple.
Not if she cooked it!
Best comments I’ve read in ages on this site.
well done orla. keeping homophobia alive and well, alluding to the “norm”
But what if hes transgender lol…
Any woman who expects a man to pay for her on a first date needs to wake up and get a reality check …I’m all for equality .It’s the best course of action if you want a second date,otherwise any decent guy would have second thoughts about seeing you again.
That may have been your experience Anna, but for some reason I don’t think you not paying has anything to do with you not getting a 2nd date!! Not everyone is as desperate as you sound.
I’m not desperate…I’m a realist .And I’m married
No
Depends on what’s for dessert…..;)
Interesting article. I voted “no it’s 2015″ but I’m guilty of picking up the bill. I’ll have to have a chat with myself
Yes, the only reason that he is there is because he is looking for his hole, sure he should pay.
If you ask most women if they go Dutch the majority say yes. Most women you take on a date don’t in my experience. I don’t particularly mind paying, however, ‘sisters doing it for themselves’ is a myth.
have your say