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'My daughter is my life': Mother pleads with judge to return child from care

The child was taken into state care after concerns about physical abuse.

A DISTRICT COURT was the scene of an emotionally-charged hearing earlier this year that highlights the complexity of issues that can run through a single family law case.

On the face of it, it was a mother pleading with the judge to return her daughter to her care.

“I am willing to do anything so she can be reunited with me. I humbly plead to you,” she told the judge.

The court was told there were concerns that the child had been subject to physical abuse by the mother who had experienced mental health difficulties.

The Child and Family Agency, Tusla, was seeking an extension to an interim care order but the mother was not consenting, stating that she wanted her child back home.

Addressing the court, the social worker in the case said the situation remained the same.

She [the daughter] is happy in her placement and says she does not want to return home.

Lawyers representing the mother said the State was relying on an older report by a consultant psychiatrist on the mother’s mental health status.

Mother getting support 

The court was told by the mother’s lawyers that since her child was taken into care, she had found a new residence, was holding down a new job and getting support.

“She is getting on well,” her solicitor said.

When asked if that changed the social worker’s opinion on the matter, she replied that it did not.

From my professional point of view, there is a risk that the child would be neglected if returned to her care.

She said extending the care order would “protect the child” stating that there are still concerns about “emotional and physical abuse”.

The mother’s solicitor said the consultant psychiatrist’s report was “historic” and also disputed the report, stating there were a number of “deficits” contained in it.

The lawyer put it to the social worker that she was making her own assertion about the mother’s mental health. The social worker denied this and said she was relying on the report by the psychiatrist.

The court was told that the child had asked to see her mother, with the mother’s lawyer stating that the child had said she “loves her mother”.

The social worker said the child has met with her mother numerous times. The social worker said she knows the child well enough to know when she is scared and said the child did not want visitation with her mother increased.

The mother’s lawyer asked what the mother had to do differently in her lifestyle to change her circumstances.

Steps to get her child back 

“Have you informed her [the mother] about the steps she needs to make… like do X, Y, Z and this would have a positive effect or would prove helpful to access the child?”

“We haven’t given a step-by-step plan – I don’t think that would be appropriate,” responded the social worker. She added that the mother had been told that she had to “get better” in herself and that this was not going to happen in a matter of weeks.

The mother is also critical of the supervised visitation she has with her daughter, in which a social worker sits nearby. Her solicitor said there is “no degree of privacy”.

The reason for this is because the mother says things that upset her daughter, said the social worker.

“She would like some alone time with her daughter,” said the lawyer. “That won’t be happening in terms of our department,” responded the social worker.

The guardian ad litem (for the child) said she spoke with the child before the court date, stating the daughter said she was happy with her foster parents and was “happy in herself”.

“You did not meet with her before preparing this report, correct?” asked the mother’s lawyer. The guardian said she was out of work and a meeting with her had to be rearranged so she did not have the chance to before preparing the court report.

He put it to the guardian that the report presented to the court was just a “follow through” report from the last one.

“[The mother] has gone to maximum efforts to improve her life and therefore the life of [daughter's name] and wants to get back to her child,” said the lawyer.

Mother-daughter bond 

He said the mother had not been given a “road map” on how she would be best placed to win back the custody of her daughter. The guardian said no one was disputing the efforts the mother was going to, but said it was “complex” and there hasn’t been a “noted improvement” with the mother-daughter bond or connection.

“It begs the question, what must [the mother] do for the purpose of forming a bond with her daughter?” asked the lawyer, stating that it was impossible due to the limitations on visitation.

“Has she said she does not want to be with her mother?” he asked. The guardian said when the child is asked about her mother she “shuts down” and says she doesn’t want to be asked any more questions. The guardian said she does not want to push her on the issue.

“I don’t ask her direct questions,” said the guardian, who stated that interaction with a child must be done carefully so as not to lead her in the conversation.

Addressing the court, the mother said she believes her daughter is very happy. She said she would like the chance to see and speak to her daughter more.

It is hard when people are around, there are so many things to talk about.

“Before, she was a chatty, outspoken child… she used to tell me everything that happened in school and all matters of her life,” said the mother, who told the court that has changed since she was taken into care.

She said they both needed space to talk to each other and said it had been a long time since her daughter was open and chatty with her. “I have seen a change in her,” she said.

‘I will do anything’ 

When asked had she been told about what she needs to do to get her daughter back, she said she was told to improve her lifestyle and meet with her doctors regularly, which she told the court she was doing.

I am happy to do anything. I am more than willing to do it. I am more than willing to do whatever the court wanted me to do. I don’t seem to know. I am really missing my daughter. I have a job, I have accommodation, I attend all my meetings, there are none I have not attended.

When asked had she ever been abusive during visitations with her daughter, she replied:

[Daughter's name] is my life. There is nothing I would not do for her.

She told the court she believed her daughter had changed for the worse since being placed in care and said she was worried about the impact it was having on her.

“I am really scared and worried. I am willing to do anything,” she said.

“I have lots of help now. I am in great form. The doctors will tell you.
The delays are not helping me and it is not helping her. I am really missing my daughter, judge. I am pleading with you… I am willing to do anything to make this time shorter for us. She is growing every day. I am willing to do anything so she can be reunited with me. I humbly plead to you.

Addressing the court, her lawyer said his client had done what was demanded of her.

“Is she a drug user? No. Is she being accused as being an alcoholic? No,” he said. He stated there was no evidence of what she was accused of, which he said was on the “low end” of the scale. He said she deserves the benefit of the doubt.

He criticised reports from the State, saying they were merely “copy and paste exercises”.

The solicitor said there are assumptions and references made to the mother’s “mental instability” where there is “no evidence for that whatsoever”. He concluded by saying that mother and daughter should be reunited.

The judge said he was satisfied that grounds existed for the interim care order to be extended. He said he accepted that the mother was “striving” to deal with her issues and said he recognised that every case is distinct.

He said it was the obligation of the social welfare department to provide a framework for the mother to work towards reunification, while he said that may not be something that is easily done.

He said the onus was on the Child and Family Agency to assist the mother in any way possible. The judge said there was no doubt the child had been affected after being placed in care, adding that he understands the mother’s concerns about seeing changes in her child.

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40 Comments
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    Mute Jp Vaughan
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    Dec 27th 2015, 8:03 AM

    The health safety of the child has got to be paramount in all cases no matter what the wishes of the parent is.

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    Mute Del Haven
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    Dec 27th 2015, 8:10 AM

    I feel that if the child shuts down when asked about her mother that their relationship is possibly irreparable, it sounds that if the mother got custody tomorrow the daughter would not be happy despite what any doctor is saying. How old is the daughter?

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    Mute Deborah Behan
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    Dec 27th 2015, 3:23 PM

    If the mother has changed then how would the daughter know. Nothing is irreparable. I hope everything works out for them. Don’t know why there are comments allowed on this, is this not an ongoing case?

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    Mute Jp Vaughan
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    Dec 27th 2015, 6:12 PM

    The mother carried out emotional and physical abuse on her own child. She doesn’t deserve a second chance, what if the mother relapse and harms the child again. You cannot put the child’s life at risk by giving the mother another chance, it’s not fair on the defenceless child. Personally I think she also should be sterilised so she can’t have more kids!!

    12
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    Mute Gerard Wall
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    Dec 27th 2015, 6:40 PM

    If your kids where not taken by the state stop commenting on things you don’t understand kids should be with there parents at all times and the coruption of the social workers and the so called professionals locked up for lying and making up fake reports against parents so they can steal them though a family law court of injustice for profit and make it look like the parent are not looking after there kids when they are people the Cfa does not care about the interests of the child etc and kids are worse off with foster careers end of it’s all about money and always has been that’s why they gag parents in courts because they know they are telling the truth

    20
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    Mute Maria
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    Dec 27th 2015, 9:09 AM

    It seems to me that if social workers remove children from neglectful homes they are slated on here and if they don’t remove children from neglectful and abusive homes they are slated. No wonder people don’t want to work in this area! You can’t seem to win!

    192
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    Mute Deirdre Maher
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    Dec 28th 2015, 1:16 AM

    I know of a social worker who had her own step child taken into care because of abuse years before she became a social worker !

    6
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    Mute Avina Laaf
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    Dec 27th 2015, 8:08 AM

    Sad situation, but if the daughter has said she’s happy where she is and doesn’t want to move back in with the mother it sounds like the damage has already been done.

    173
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    Mute Celtic Fern
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    Dec 27th 2015, 8:21 AM

    Read child – parent alienation , read foster care and ritalin , read huge budget that employs many government reliant workers. That’s not to mention the pharma industry and their side kicks in the psychiatric business it needs product to survive , hence the increased removal of children from parents who haven’t been criminally charged with any form of child abuse.

    35
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    Mute Liam Kennedy
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    Dec 27th 2015, 8:34 AM

    I have to disagree. Based on my experience the very last resort.is the removal of a childfrom the family home and if this child was removed then it was probably for good reason, not to line the pockets of big pharma

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    Mute Celtic Fern
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    Dec 27th 2015, 8:41 AM

    Child abuse is a crime in Ireland so therefore the woman should have been prosecuted in a criminal court, she wasn’t therefore no crime happened except the removal of her child.

    Social workers by & large are childless graduates who have human emotion and can be total fkwits when personalities clash , they power trip with no interest or knowledge of what’s best for the child. And in most cases are believed by the judge.

    44
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    Mute Del Haven
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    Dec 27th 2015, 8:49 AM

    The removal of the child was not a crime

    108
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    Mute Celtic Fern
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    Dec 27th 2015, 8:55 AM

    Kidnapping is a crime , even when the state does it, sure aren’t they well practiced.

    23
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    Mute Chris Mcdonnell
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    Dec 27th 2015, 8:56 AM

    Just because a court doesn’t convict someone doesn’t mean a crime wasn’t committed.

    115
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    Mute Liam Kennedy
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    Dec 27th 2015, 9:10 AM

    @Celtic fern would you prefer a proper prosecution be done tsking at least two years to come to the courts or immediate steps be taken to protect the child and their childhood? I doubt the child because the mother used decided to used a brand of wet wipe the social worker did not like. I for one would prefer the child is protected

    67
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    Mute Gerard Wall
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    Dec 27th 2015, 6:45 PM

    It’s the social workers not the child that is saying it they are using the child’s name so a judge will live them everything they do is fake and coruption end of this woman should be given back her child and ss looked up for lying and using bullshit

    16
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    Mute Gerard Wall
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    Dec 27th 2015, 6:48 PM

    Liam shut up your talking though your back side I hope the day comes they never remove your kids because then you know what pain is that’s if you have kids

    13
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    Mute Gerard Wall
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    Dec 27th 2015, 6:50 PM

    The removal of the child was a crime because the child was removed though lies these people are corupt and tell lies to get what they want

    13
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    Mute Gerard Wall
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    Dec 27th 2015, 7:05 PM

    Liam the wool is being pulled over your eyes regrading the state they are not protecting kids they are stealing them for the sake of money from parents how they get the order s in the first place is they ask the parents about there past they do fake reports on a parent though a professional of there choosing who they bribe so the report favors them in court/ phyos etc they even get a mam and dad to separate on the promise that if they do the kids will be given back. To them knowing that the idea is to break down the family so they can control parents even the guardian they use was once a social worker and works with them then when they steal the child the brain wash the child make up sickness and get more money they even use the child’s name in things when it’s them not the child who is writing the bull so look things up and know what your talking about before you comment

    14
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    Mute Liam Kennedy
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    Dec 27th 2015, 9:49 PM

    Thanks for your advice what hole use when talking. I am lucky enough to have support around me and i would hope this support would move into place if i ever began to exhibit behaviours which would hurt those i hold most dear. I have a child and have lost one so do not begin to question what pain I would endure to ensure my child was not hurt by my or anothers behaviours

    10
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    Mute Aoife McCarrick
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    Dec 27th 2015, 9:48 AM

    The rights of the child are the most important, not the parent. I am glad that the mother is getting her life back together but she needs to accept that she may never have a relationship with her daughter. She is not being fair to her daughter trying so hard to get her back against her wishes.

    69
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    Mute irishcrisis
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    Dec 27th 2015, 9:32 AM

    Where is the father in all this?

    56
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    Mute Rosie Gluten
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    Dec 27th 2015, 8:40 AM

    It does seem that the child’s relationship with her mother has been damaged by their separation too ..
    Social workers can have too much control over peoples lives and this sounds like one of them,imo.

    42
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    Mute Mick Kenny
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    Dec 27th 2015, 9:02 AM

    The damage was done before the child was taken into care. Social workers usually take action like this to protect the child after all the protection and Wellbeing of the Child has to be paramount.

    92
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    Mute Avina Laaf
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    Dec 27th 2015, 9:09 AM

    You don’t think the child’s relationship with the mother had already been damaged by the abuse?

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    Mute Rosie Gluten
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    Dec 27th 2015, 9:26 AM

    “The judge said there was no doubt the child had been affected after being placed in care, adding that he understands the mother’s concerns about seeing changes in her child.”

    We don’t know the mothers own history and what she might have gone through in her life ..Was she or one or both of her parents abused by a state institution or the church ?

    She seems to be making great inroads into changing her life around-why punish her more by not making any road map into increasing her time with her child ?

    I’m also sure that there are enough clients in psychologists/counsellors rooms dealing with clients that are stressed more from dealing with social workers .

    That Social Worker seems to be playing God ,imo..

    .

    24
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    Mute Avina Laaf
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    Dec 27th 2015, 9:46 AM

    How can the social worker have been playing God when the judge made the decision?
    Look at the judge’s statement in its entirety instead of just cherry-picking the part that suits your argument.

    73
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    Mute Liam Kennedy
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    Dec 27th 2015, 9:52 AM

    @rosie I doubt the social worker woke up one morning and thought “i think i might remove a child from a wholesome and loving family”. I think the one playing God with this child was the one person who should have been doing all they could to keep the child safe. This woman does seem to be making huge changes and i am sure if the judge sees these are solid and permanent changes then the child will be returned

    58
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    Mute Rosie Gluten
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    Dec 27th 2015, 11:07 AM

    @ Liam
    You must live in a perfect cocoon where nothing untoward has ever happened to you or anyone belong to you… That woman ‘might’ have easily been in a psychotic episode for months on end without anybody noticing . She could have been alone rearing a child with no support and things got too much for her…

    Would you like the “professional” word of a guardian used against you in a court ?
    Would you like an old psychiatric evaluation used against you in a court?

    I know of people where they’ve had a brief psychotic episode and got well again within a month or so -yet ,their kids are still without a parent six months on …

    13
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    Mute Liam Kennedy
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    Dec 27th 2015, 11:51 AM

    @rosie what ever comments i have made.have not been directed at you or personal experiences you may.or may not have had. I would appreciate the same courtesy. You have no idea what may or may have happened to me or mine

    27
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    Mute Rosie Gluten
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    Dec 27th 2015, 12:38 PM

    “I think the one playing God with this child was the one person who should have been doing all they could to keep the child safe.” -Hence my response.

    I didn’t mean no offence to you,Liam..Sorry.

    3
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    Mute Rosie Gluten
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    Dec 27th 2015, 12:39 PM

    * I meant no offence to you

    2
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    Mute Dell
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    Dec 27th 2015, 10:53 AM

    A woman I work with has an ex with mental health issues who on paper looks like he has turned a new leaf, found accommodation and is holding down a job. but the reality is that the weekends he has his kids he still doesn’t act like a responsible parent, one of the kids has special needs and he pretty much ignores him, let alone caters for his needs. He fought tooth and nail to get them but it is becoming more and more obvious that this wasn’t because he wanted to be a loving responsible parent but because he himself needs them.

    42
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    Mute irishcrisis
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    Dec 27th 2015, 1:11 PM

    No one… Absolutely no one can understand what goes on between parents and their children behind closed doors. I know of many cases that children go through so many difficulties because of “mental issues” mental issues is a stigma that is used to cover so many areas within families. Child abuse is happening every second within homes and no one knows the effect it has in children. Children have not got the knowledge to understand why their parents behave how they do. It’s so sad what happens to children. Poison is not seen as a form of abuse that some parents in tail on their children, poison is a word I use when some parents sugar coat what their mental issues are. This case does not enclose all the details. But any parent that needs social workers to get involved, clearly there is something happening within the home. My only concern is the future of this child and I hope the child receives all the help needed to overcome and understand this situation. Very sad.

    26
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    Mute Michael Collins
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    Dec 27th 2015, 10:27 AM

    State over stepping it’s mark again!

    21
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    Mute Linda Downey
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    Dec 27th 2015, 1:26 PM

    seems the social worker can tell the judge how the daughter feels why doesn’t the judge ask the daughter, and how can a social worker give a report on a child when she had not kept the appointment to see her, something very suss here, are they getting paid to remove kids here like they do in England?

    17
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    Mute Maire Ui Riain
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    Dec 27th 2015, 10:39 PM

    Don’t be bloody stupid

    7
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    Mute Martin Gallagher
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    Dec 27th 2015, 4:29 PM

    Serious question here but do the parent(s) still continue to receive child benefit for a child that has been taken into care? Far as I know that benefit ceases in Britain after 8 weeks of the child no longer living with it’s parents.

    8
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    Mute Peter Buchanan
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    Dec 27th 2015, 9:38 AM

    Does the mother have a job ?
    Is the mother in an abusive relationship ?
    Does she have drug or drink problems ?

    8
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    Mute Avina Laaf
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    Dec 27th 2015, 9:43 AM

    She had experienced “mental health difficulties”.

    27
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