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'See you in two minutes, ma': A 15-year-old boy's last words to his mother

Linda Allen describes the harrowing experience of losing her teenage son to suicide.

TheJournal.ie / YouTube

“SEE YOU IN two minutes ma,” Linda Allen’s 15-year-old son, Darragh, said to her on the afternoon of 9 December, 2012, as he left their Co Kildare home.

Those were the last words he would ever say to her.

The body of the teenager – who was described as bright, intelligent, musical and boisterous – was discovered by his football coach the next morning after a frantic search. He had taken his own life.

In the awful aftermath of her son’s death, Linda Allen wrote a journal to document her pain and her struggle to come to terms with his suicide. Now, she has written a book to share her experience with those who have suffered a similar loss – a book she published through crowdfunding.

Darragh 2

Darragh, who left behind a 19-year-old sister and a three-year-old half-brother, was a “very typical teenager”, his mother told TheJournal.ie this week.

He loved football. He was very musical, he played the drums. There was always a feeling of life around him, which is ironic now. He was always full of life.

The Junior Cert student had difficulties in school, and changed schools six weeks before he died. But on the whole, there was no indication he was struggling with mental health issues before he died.

“A lot of what was going on with him, I would have called teenage issues,” Linda Allen said. “I wouldn’t have felt there were particularly red flag issues. I certainly didn’t think he was harbouring any ideas.”

The day he disappeared, Darragh helped to decorate the local community hall for a Christmas fair. He then went home to collect a lift from his mother to his dad’s house. When he saw that she was ironing and not quite ready to leave, he told her: “See you in two minutes”.

“We knew something was up”

Darragh’s mother recalls the moment she found her son’s body:

We saw a crew standing around the bridge and we knew something was up. It’s pretty traumatic. It’s pretty horrific. There’s an imagery in that that will probably never leave me. It’s very hard to digest a scene like that. I’d say it takes years. I’m not sure you ever really make sense of it.
“…I remember this loud ‘no’ and and it came up inside of me and I kept saying ‘it can’t be, it can’t be him’.”

The following days and weeks were a blur for her as she attempted to process what had happened.

TheJournal.ie / YouTube

There’s something about being a mother and losing a child. There’s something about that loneliness that no matter who you’re with, or how much support you have, it’s just hard to fill that space with anything that feels OK.
You never stop wondering why, and what if, and why did he choose it.

“Did he know where he was going?”

A toxicology report found Darragh had no alcohol or drugs in his system, and nothing unusual was found on his phone.

His mum believes Darragh made a spontaneous decision. “I think there was stuff going on that he was trying to deal with, which wouldn’t be big enough for the action he took, but at some moment he felt it was too big and he saw that as a way out for himself,” she says.

I’d love to know what was it that made him think that that might be [an option]. When he said ’See you in two minutes ma’, did he know where he was going? Was that decision made that last time he saw me?

Processing grief

A former special education teacher who now works as a therapist, Linda Allen has been writing journals since she was a child. Two months after Darragh’s death, she started writing again, documenting the pain, grief and anger she was often gripped with.

“I was able to be so raw and honest and real with this, because it is a real account of what was happening to me,” she says.

She turned the journal into a book and sent it to some publishers without success. It was then that someone suggested crowd-funding.

She went on to raise €6,900 online, which allowed her to publish 1,000 copies of her book, See You In Two Minutes, Ma. It’s being launched tonight by musician and mental health activist, Bressie, to coincide with mental health awareness month.

TheJournal.ie / YouTube

“I want to say to people that even if your life transforms and changes completely, it doesn’t mean you can’t have moments of happiness,” she says.

You have moments of absolutely hitting the ground and darkness – and suicide in particular leaves you with so many unanswered questions, it is really so difficult if you continue to ask questions you can’t answer.
…But I have a resilience that decided that I was not going to die. I had to do something else. I had to change. There was a part of me that needed to find the light in the dark. Because I felt if I kept cursing the light in the dark I’d just get deeper and deeper into that.

Darragh would be 18 now, and Linda Allen says she constantly thinks of the life he could have led. She wants to see more government support for services like Pieta House, Console and Aware and a change to the system that sees mental health sufferers being dealt with in emergency departments.

She also wants to see more discussion around adolescent mental health amid her fears that other teenagers like Darragh are taking their own lives at the spur of the moment.

Darragh

“Suicide rates in Ireland are scary,” she says.

“If I could do anything, I would build teenagers’ resilience and resourcefulness. They live in a world that is so virtual. They don’t even know reality anymore, everything has become online…

When their boyfriend breaks up with them or they’re not sure about their sexuality, they need to be able to go somewhere to talk to their friend about that and not feel that it might be on Instagram or on social media.
That’s causing a lot of problems because they are trying to live up to an expectation that’s surreal. Nobody can live like that.

 If you need to talk, contact:

  • Samaritans 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org
  • Console 1800 247 247 – (suicide prevention, self-harm, bereavement)
  • Aware 1800 80 48 48 (depression, anxiety)
  • Pieta House 01 601 0000 or email mary@pieta.ie – (suicide, self-harm)
  • Teen-Line Ireland 1800 833 634 (for ages 13 to 19)
  • Childline 1800 66 66 66 (for under 18s)

- Camera and editing by Nicky Ryan.

More: WATCH: Bressie gives impassioned speech about the ‘epidemic of this generation’

More: Amid Dáil uncertainty, Clare Daly reads letter from woman whose sister died by suicide

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    Mute Mike Clinton
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    Dec 30th 2013, 8:25 AM

    Drink driving is not just for Christmas & New year.
    This behaviour goes on all year round.
    My Son was involved in a car accident last night where two eastern europeans out of their heads on alcocol crashed into the back of his car and then drove off.
    And before the sarcasm kicks in “yes they were eastern europeans, well over the speed limit in a housing estate”

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    Mute joan donnellan
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    Dec 30th 2013, 9:11 AM

    @ Mike.. I hope your son is ok

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    Mute declan hegarty
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    Dec 30th 2013, 9:22 AM

    Them Eastern Europeans they always up to naughty stuff we should send them all back home to africa

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    Mute Mike Clinton
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    Dec 30th 2013, 9:22 AM

    @ Joan, he and his friend are grand thanks.They were slowing down to go over a speed ramp and the other pair crashed into the back. The Garda in fairness were on scene very quick and went looking for the other car.
    We got registration and insurance details so now it’s in the hands of insurance & Garda.

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    Mute Martin Flood
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    Dec 30th 2013, 9:46 AM

    Mike, reporting an individual case in this Comments section is ridiculous. We all have similar stories but if everyone does the same, there’ll be no room for proper, reasonable and constructive comments.

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    Mute Mike Clinton
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    Dec 30th 2013, 9:50 AM

    And the constructive comments thus far are !!!!!.
    Please enlighten us as to your infinate wisdom.

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    Mute Sean Macc
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    Dec 30th 2013, 12:47 PM

    How do you know they were out of their heads on alcohol?

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    Mute Mike Clinton
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    Dec 30th 2013, 12:55 PM

    Slurred speech, stink of alcohol, golloping down water (spilling most of it in order to sober up.Agressive behaviour . Stink of alcohol in their car….
    All fair indications, also when the Garda were called they jumped into their car and drove off.

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    Mute John Buckley
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    Dec 30th 2013, 3:18 PM

    I see you’ve ‘flooded’ the place with comments.

    Actually, the one from you is quite sufficient, thanks!

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    Mute Mike Clinton
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    Dec 30th 2013, 3:29 PM

    @ john, and your problem is what exactly ?.
    This is an open public forum .

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    Mute declan hegarty
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    Dec 30th 2013, 8:08 AM

    All aboard the Healy-rea express

    Choo choo

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    Mute John Doee
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    Dec 30th 2013, 9:42 AM

    Drink driving is only a problem, if you get caught .fill it and mill it home

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    Mute nocturnal paramedic
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    Dec 30th 2013, 10:33 AM

    No, it’s a problem for those of us that have extract you from a mangled car at 3am and attempt to keep you alive on the way to the hospital…. Have some sense and take a taxi!

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    Mute John Doee
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    Dec 30th 2013, 12:09 PM

    Look I can have 5 pints and drive better than most

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    Mute Shawn Rahoon
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    Dec 30th 2013, 1:52 PM

    It’s not the amount of pints determine whether your over the limit or not. It’s the amount of alcohol – blood ratio in your system. A lot of people on the journal seem to be getting their nickers in a twist about Healy Rae’s proposal on drink driving. He was NOT looking for an increase for private motorists, but for those driving a commercial vehicle to have the same drink driving limit as private.

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    Mute Begrudgy
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    Dec 30th 2013, 9:48 AM

    Its about time we got tough. Caught drink driving thats it, you are off the road for 5 years minimum from time of offence. Not 12 months down the line before it goes to court. No sob stories of how you need your vehicle for this and that. You drink and drive then you, your license and your car need to be taken off the road ASAP.

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    Mute Mike Clinton
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    Dec 30th 2013, 10:11 AM

    100% agree with Begrudgery on this, no excuse for drink driving.

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    Mute Alan Scott
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    Dec 30th 2013, 10:12 AM

    It needs to be stopped before it reaches that point.

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    Mute Pilib O Muiregan
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    Dec 30th 2013, 11:20 AM

    My younger brother was the first road victim of 2012, he lost control and went of the road 150 meters from the house. the devastation it caused family and friends was unreal, my mother is a shadow of her former self, not a day goes by where we don’t think about what would have happened if he had of waited for a taxi home, not have drank and worn his seat belt. It’s about time people in Ireland realised the real danger about drink driving or speeding is not getting caught by the cops, it’s veering of the road hitting a wall and bringing devastation to family and friends. Slow down belt up, respect the road at all times and wait for Tue taxi home

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    Mute Rob O Reilly
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    Dec 30th 2013, 8:13 AM

    Its says alcohol is a contributory factor but does that mean that increase is down to drivers under the influence of alcohol ?

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    Mute Alan Scott
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    Dec 30th 2013, 9:46 AM

    One simple little test go by any pub at night and count how many cars are parked outside surely they are not all on bottles of orange what is stopping the Gardai from taking note of reg numbers if it saves a life it would be worth it.

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    Mute fm
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    Dec 30th 2013, 10:03 AM

    Not accurate at all, I often drive down to the pub and get a taxi home as it means I only have to pay one taxi fare. Then I can just collect my car in the morning.

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    Mute Grumpy Mule
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    Dec 30th 2013, 10:05 AM

    That’s called entrapment and would be thrown out of any court in the land

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    Mute Alan Scott
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    Dec 30th 2013, 10:09 AM

    But drive back to the same pub later and the cars are gone how do you explain that ?

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    Mute Grumpy Mule
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    Dec 30th 2013, 10:27 AM

    So I really need to answer that? Onus should be on publican’s to make sure they’re customers get home safe & sound and without breaking the law.

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    Mute Alan Scott
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    Dec 30th 2013, 10:28 AM

    Drink can be in your system the morning after for a few hours.

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    Mute Alan Scott
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    Dec 30th 2013, 10:36 AM

    So what you are saying go after the pub owner how unfair and unworkable

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    Mute Grumpy Mule
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    Dec 30th 2013, 10:42 AM

    How exactly did I say that? I said the onus should be on the landlord to look after their customers

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    Mute Alan Scott
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    Dec 30th 2013, 10:51 AM

    Looking after their customers means making sure they don’t drink to much and not driving how many bar staff and door staff would be needed for that job.

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    Mute Eric Davies
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    Dec 30th 2013, 10:52 AM

    in the uk it has been the case for a good few years, that if a publican or his staff serve someone with alcoholic drinks knowing that thay are going to drive ,the publican or staff member can be held responsable, don’t know if anyone has ever been prosecuted for it but its on the statute books.

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    Mute Anthony Conlon
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    Dec 30th 2013, 10:52 AM

    Don’t be silly, the onus is on you to look after yourself. Exercise some personal responsibility. No publican can be held responsible for the stupid decisions you make after a few pints.

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    Mute Grumpy Mule
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    Dec 30th 2013, 10:54 AM

    Loads of pubs around the country have courtesy buses while alot of city pubs allow taxis to park and collect fares around their premises, if more publican’s did this I’m sure the scourge of drink driving could be eliminated

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    Mute Alan Scott
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    Dec 30th 2013, 11:05 AM

    Is it also the case in the UK that Police can put a sticker on a plate of a car parked in a pub car park and it shines up in the lights of a police car so they can pull it over .

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    Mute Ciarán Ó Duifinn
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    Dec 30th 2013, 11:12 AM

    ‘So I really need to answer that’

    Awful pig ignorant answer.

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    Mute Alan Scott
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    Dec 30th 2013, 12:09 PM

    Why would I get red thumbs on the truth it shows the attitudes towards drink driving what I call the Healy Rae attitude .

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    Mute Alan Scott
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    Dec 30th 2013, 12:21 PM

    Don’t agree it is up to the person to make sure a driver leave their keys in their pockets or failing that get a taxi

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    Mute Alan Scott
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    Dec 30th 2013, 12:33 PM

    So be it would rather see entrapment being used rather than a Garda knocking on the door to inform a family that one of their loved one has serious injury or killed by a drunk driver.

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    Mute Alan Scott
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    Dec 30th 2013, 1:59 PM

    That is just to get the numbers in and not anything to do with the law.

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    Mute Shawn Rahoon
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    Dec 30th 2013, 2:22 PM

    Alan Scott. What is the Healy Rae attitude?

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    Mute Alan Scott
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    Dec 30th 2013, 3:35 PM

    Shawn Rathoon drink and drive in certain parts of the Country

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    Mute Maria Devenny
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    Dec 30th 2013, 8:46 AM

    677 arrests in November alone!
    For gods sake this is shocking.
    I have never met a checkpoint where there was a random breath test (driving 11 years) driving a 30k commute into limerick the last 6, living in limerick city/surrounds the 5 years before that.
    So for the places where the checkpoints were this has to be a terribly high number of offenders.
    Ye are a shower of effin idiots.

    41
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    Mute Alan Scott
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    Dec 30th 2013, 10:20 AM

    Done a lot of driving myself over the Xmas and no Garda check points

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    Mute Johnny Bravo
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    Dec 30th 2013, 10:34 AM

    One reason it’s gone up is that the local Garda station in some towns is now 10 miles away so chance of hitting a check point running into the Gardai is slim now . But to quote a point made above Don’t Drink and Drive is not just for Christmas and New year !

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    Mute Sean Macc
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    Dec 30th 2013, 12:45 PM

    The gardai have cars and other vehicles. The distance from the station has nothing to do with it.

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    Mute Carina Clarke
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    Dec 30th 2013, 10:04 AM

    Yup I have my journey home planned. Wellies to get through the perma flood at the end of my road, torch and hi viz jacket. And yes my car is most certainly one of many that will be parked outside my local and one of many that will remain there until the following morning.

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    Mute Alan Scott
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    Dec 30th 2013, 12:36 PM

    Carina you are one one of a few who will do this

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    Mute Keith Dunne
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    Dec 30th 2013, 8:37 AM

    The revenue collectors AKA gardai get a bonus ! If he issues fines on every stop it’s there job to collect money not keep you safe !

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    Mute Mike Clinton
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    Dec 30th 2013, 9:47 AM

    Ah come on Keith, ask a Garda that has to knock at a door to inform some parent that their child has been injured or killed.
    There are no bonuses (mores the pity because it would soften the anti social drivers cough).
    If you are driving normal then you have nothing to worry about.

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    Mute Grumpy Mule
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    Dec 30th 2013, 10:11 AM

    What an irresponsible comment and narrow minded. Gardai aren’t out there to collect revenue for the government they’re out there to make the country safer for the public. A lot of gardai dint like issuing fines but have to because some people don’t actually see what they’ve done on the road as wrong

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    Mute Alan Scott
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    Dec 30th 2013, 10:59 AM

    Keith where in the name of heavens did you get that from ?

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    Mute Martin Stapleton
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    Dec 30th 2013, 8:25 AM

    Just a thought but is it possible to assign a number of roads to a Gardai traffic core team, i.e the N7 is patrolled by Garda Frank and Garda Joe for a month and another pair patrol another road etc., and come out from behind the bushes for God sake.
    Also officer you don’t have to fine everyone you stop you know. Advice on the witnessed situation can be a far better road safety result.

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    Mute Mjhint
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    Dec 30th 2013, 8:58 AM

    Martin all. of us interested in road safety are only too happy for drink drivers to be put off the road. On your other point road safety is the bi product of the revenue collection by the gardai or the rsa. There’s no profit in safe drivers.We in the road transport industry are now being prosecuted with vehicles that are fully compliant. The reason this is possible is there no longer due process with traffic offences. We also need a process where if the state or members of law enforcement prosecute our members in the wrong we need a simple compensation process. The rsa have adopted the British model which means it costs you dearly to clear you name.

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    Mute Martin Stapleton
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    Dec 30th 2013, 9:16 AM

    Drink driving, mobile phone use, passing on the left, lane jumping on roundabouts etc all punishable offences for sure and should be dealt with severely.
    The point I’m making is that advice can have a life saving effect while a fine only raises the heart rate.

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    Mute Rob O Reilly
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    Dec 30th 2013, 9:26 AM

    To be fair sometimes you have to pass on the person in front of you is going 40 km below the speed limit.

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    Mute Grumpy Mule
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    Dec 30th 2013, 10:44 AM

    That’s unworkable as garda management are stripping back on specialist units e.g. traffic so they can fill places on regular garda units, soon there’ll be no traffic units outside of big cities

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    Mute Brian Smurph Murphy
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    Dec 30th 2013, 11:33 AM

    In this day and age it’s about time the practice of drink driving was properly, and downright severely, dealt with.

    There should be random breath test stops setup far more often than there are, I drove in Ireland for approx 8 years before moving to Australia and I was breathalised only once. Granted I dont come from a big city but that’s immaterial.

    More units out at night with random breath test check points. Breath testing on every person stopped for whatever reason they are stopped for, be it even a speeding fine or any offence, breath testing the person should be mandatory. You’d be surprised how many have the “one or two” during the day.

    As for the punishment, as I think someone else said, 5 years for first offence, none of this “oh you can get back in 2 though” rubbish. No exceptions and no bending them rules. Lads wouldn’t be long stopping, if even the rules alone were changed.

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    Mute conor hickey
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    Dec 30th 2013, 10:49 AM

    So much for GoSafe money making racket.
    Not one life saved by speed cameras.

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    Mute Bruno Bellone
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    Dec 30th 2013, 12:50 PM

    Drink driving and road deaths will continue to be a problem in this country until the judiciary and the government get serious about stamping it out.

    Every year, solicitors and barristers rake in the cash defending drink driving cases. The Government assist them by regularly introducing new, and deliberately complicated, legislation to give judges more and more technicalities on which they can strike a case out. It’s all one big game really, if you have the money, you will beat a drink driving conviction.

    Bottom line… There’s so much cash being made from drunk driving cases for that there is little appetite among the powers that be to tackle it in a serious manner.

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    Mute PJ Coogan
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    Dec 30th 2013, 1:02 PM

    I have to say that like every Christmas I’ve been on the road regularly at night this year around Cork City & County. Didn’t see a single checkpoint. My wife saw just the one – at 6pm. I suspect there’s a serious problem with resources to pay for them.

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    Mute Kieran Casey
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    Dec 30th 2013, 1:19 PM

    16 years driving in Ireland i was never breathalyser once.. Iv been 3 times in one week here in Australia?

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    Mute Mark O'Hagan
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    Dec 30th 2013, 1:59 PM

    Sadly, you cannot legislate for stupidity.

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    Mute PaulM1878
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    Dec 30th 2013, 12:12 PM

    Add drink and ignorance and you’ve a cocktail for disaster..

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    Mute Michelle o' Connor
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    Dec 30th 2013, 7:14 PM

    In a local pub last week, I saw a very full gentleman take his car keys out of his pocket with the intention of driving home. Barman took the keys and said ” you dont want to be doing that mike, take a taxi or just walk” (he lived a 10 min walk away) He decided to walk, got outside, tripped and smacked himself off the kerb outside….

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    Mute Patrick McMahon
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    Dec 30th 2013, 1:09 PM

    In France,you have to have a breath device in ur car.they are cheap and readily available.In Ireland,lower the limit and tell people to guess depending on weight,age etc..
    Ther should have been a campaign with the breath devices.15-20 euro cud save a life. put them everywhere.

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    Mute Robert O Doherty
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    Dec 31st 2013, 2:26 AM

    Drunk drivers should have their driving licence removed for life.

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    Mute Frank
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    Dec 30th 2013, 8:43 PM

    Alfa Romeo keys. WTF

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