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I GREW UP in a place called School Street, the flats in School Street there. It was me, my Mam, two sisters, my Dad kind of moved away when we were fairly young. We would have struggled an awful lot. And I guess we were one of those inner city families that would have been really hit by drugs.
Like I mean a lot of my family members would have been on heroin or would have died from drugs. My Mam just tried to help us understand everything that was going on around us. But growing up in the flats was great. It was really, really great craic. All the kids used to be around. Everyone in the Liberties knows everyone anyway.
So, I really enjoyed my childhood. I enjoyed growing up, especially when I came out. I enjoyed being a young gay person, being able to go to my first gay nightclub with all of my friends on my eighteenth birthday. I had a weird impression of gay clubs. I thought they would all be suited and booted. So when I got there I was very disappointed, and overly dressed. I was kind of, ‘Oh, this is just kind of like anywhere else really.’
I felt like something was different
Growing up I never really felt in myself that I was just like anybody else around me. I don’t know why. I felt like something different was happening to me that wasn’t happening to other people. From about the age of ten I had begun to start thinking about what it was about, and from about twelve or thirteen I started thinking, ‘Am I gay?’ My first reaction was, ‘Oh, I can’t be gay. This isn’t happening to me.’ I was really upset.
No-one else knew until I was fifteen when I finally came out because of my Dad. We were walking through the flats and it came up in conversation. My Dad asked was I gay? I stopped for a second and thought I could either say ‘no’ and let everything continue, or I could just answer him. So I said ‘yes’. He was fine, and he said my Nanny and Grandad were worried about me and wanted me to know that everything would be alright.
He asked if I wanted him to tell everything. I thought that would be the easiest thing to do. And after that conversation I never really had anything to worry about. I came out in school in my final year. I had been bullied in school. Some people had called me gay without even knowing I was gay. There was really bad abuse. There would be comments in the classroom and the teachers wouldn’t do anything about it. It was very hostile and stressful. But I wasn’t lonely.
I knocked on one door canvassing during the referendum, and when it opened, there was a crucifix straight on the wall. And I was like, ‘Ok, here we go.’ There were a couple of shut doors in the face, but you just went on with it. People were also shouting from their balcony, ‘Have you got a leaflet, have you got a badge, have you got like a registration form to vote?’
It was great that people were so vocally supportive. But you could definitely see the difference in demographic, like in the older population maybe not being as forthright or even not wanting to talk as much about it. I guess the younger people very much got it.
My family never really voted. They had no interest in politics
My issue was actually getting people out to vote full stop. My Mam never really voted. She knew how much I had done about the referendum, and on the day she was like, ‘I am not going to vote.’ And I was like, ‘Why?’ She was like, ‘I don’t vote. I don’t ever vote.’ And she doesn’t. My sisters don’t vote. My Dad doesn’t vote.
But I got really really angry, really pissed off. I had to walk away from her. But my two sisters were going to vote for the first time ever so then mam was like, ‘I will vote. I was being stupid.’ She just wasn’t into politics. And actually I think the next day she felt really good about doing it. I went to my Mam’s, and she was watching the Vincent Browne results, and she was just like ‘It’s going to be a great day today, isn’t it?’ And it was, because she actually did vote, and other people voted on that great day.
On the 23rd May 2015 the people of Ireland made history by becoming the first country in the world to introduce marriage equality by popular vote. This is an edited extract from A Day in May – Real Lives, True Stories by Charlie Bird, published by Merrion Press. The book compiles a powerful collection of 50 deeply personal interviews with LGBT members, their family and friends, recorded at the time of the Marriage Equality referendum. Taoiseach Enda Kenny is launching the book this evening.
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Why do people act like being gay is such a night deal still? Some people are gay, so what?
Big deal. Not poof reading before posing again. Soz.
Poof reading ? Lol…
Last years referendum did show the majority of people on this island are supportive of gay people and it’s a great indicator. Before then, there was really no way to know fully.
When you’re a kid going through all those changes, and you feel different than the other boys/girls, it can be quite tough to deal with. You hear/read stories of people being bullied, kicked out of their homes, assaulted etc just because they’re gay. So you build it up in your head as this big, massive thing with a lot of self-doubt thrown in. Most of the time, it turns out fine and the reactions of people will be much better than you expected – either congratulatory or indifferent – and you feel like you wasted all that energy hiding it or worrying about it.
So, while it’s not a big deal for most people, it can still be a difficult thing to deal with as a teen.
Posing?? Oh dear..
First in with the anti gay Sentiments Tony. Noting new there,
Dry your eyes Jimmy, I was referring to the comment above mine that’s all.
The word puff is a word that is used to insult gay people. But you can go ahead and laugh at that if you wish Tony. Nobody cares what an ignoramus who has called for children to be taking away from their loving parents here on the Journal so many times has to say.
What on earth are you on about ? Chill out man, you’ll give yourself a heart attack.
What on earth am i talking about? LOL You know only too well what i’m talking about Tony.
“Why do people act like being gay is such a night deal still? Some people are gay, so what?”
because for a young boy of girl it is still a big deal. Being a teenager and being in any way different from the perceived norm is hugely troublesome for young people and when going through those tough teenage years anything which can cause you to be labeled as different is an issue.
Yes, Ireland has come a long way but it’s still tough for young people. While 100 people being fine with it is great, it’s the one person who isn’t who can bring you down.
Alan’s 100% right here. Nobody has to right to diminish this guy’s experience, especially if you haven’t had to go through the experience of coming out as a teenager yourself. You don’t just hit puberty and think “oh yeah I’m gay, I must go tell everyone and of course they’ll be OK with it”. Regardless of the support that’s there it is an extremely difficult process to go through and can take years to become comfortable with. We’ve come through leaps and bounds in terms of the referendum but a lot needs to be done in terms of developing a support system for teenagers and their parents.
A major part of the problem is that we raise our children to assume that they are straight. Lgbt children reach a point in their lives when they realise they are not what they are expected to be. All children should be let know from a very early age that they are loved regardless of whether they are gay or straight.
Why is it that every member of the LGBT community has abusive and/or divorced parents? Guess going against your biological instincts must be a psychological disorder.
@ ‘ Right’ Human Why is it that homophobic morons of the lie and create their own false statistics community have been brainwashed by their parents that to be homophobia should not be a part of mankind’s history.
Guess going with your disorder parent’s must be genetic flaw.
Look On the bright side though they have found a cure. It’s called education.
WTF?
To paraphrase…’me da asked me if I was gay, said I was, I went canvassing for the referendum’.
Give me back that 3 minutes of my life Journal.ie
Why did the journal. ie forced you to read it.
Well in fairness JJ O read it in my fluffy clould of happy SSMref memories, but the writing was such crud, I’d like to have those minutes of my life back too.
Why does he mention the crucifix? My ma’s house is covered in them and she voted yes
Religious intolerance. It’s ok as long as you don’t stray into Islamophobia for some strange reason.
Because religious people are far more likely to be hateful bigots than non-religious people?
Tom: What could you possibly mean by that, I mean muslim bakeries would surely bake a gay wedding cake, they aren’t homophobic like the Ashers bakery in the North.
Im not anti religious, each to their own. But when I canvassed last year everyone without exception who said they were voting no said so because of “religious reasons”. I was spat at by a woman who said God would judge me. By far the most positive reactions I got were in the “flats” in inner city areas that people would normally think are no go areas.
Mursim, it takes a hateful bigot to know one. Take a minute to think about that one.
Dean people uses the same paint brushes to cover everything, just because A happens then B must be true as well, the same with Christianity, the Catholic Church and funny beliefs people have in their heads about things?
I would think that Jesus would support free will not because he would agree with certain decisions but as a gift of having free will to choose?
Because the Catholic Church were advising their adherents to vote no. A crucifix on the wall indicates the person in the house is probably Catholic and, as such, might well follow the dogma that views homosexuality as a sin. Any canvasser for the ‘Yes’ side would, quite rationally, be more nervous and less confident of a positive response on such a doorstep.
But I suspect you probably know that and just wanted to take this opportunity to undermine his point by implying that there was some less rational form of ‘anti-religious’ bias going on.
True. There were interesting deomgraphic going on. I was stuck for help one evening in Cork HQ and the loviest bunch of ladies in the twilight of their years came in to help me. All devout Catholics on their own way. Each, however, had a story to tell. The nephew or niece they loved who had to go, the brother that never came back, the tragic loss of life. These devout Catholics cut through the BS of what I consider to be an intrinsically evil organisation, they asked their hearts and knew what was right. The voted Tá for grá.
attention seeking, self indulgent crap . get over yourself.
Steve, going by your avatar, when was that Matey bottle out lol.
Hey all. This is not an article I wrote, it’s an excerpt from Charlie Bird’s book ‘A Day in May’ I was interviews for rather than an abstract article. Was asked to tell my story. That’s some of my story. The choice was goes as to whether you wanted to read it or not :)
Well done ;)
Well done patrick. Dont let the bigots get to you. We don’t need their approval to celebrate the first anniversary of been equal citizens .
To be fair this is the journal. People aren’t as bothered about your sexuality as they are about your stance on water charges. For my part I judge people on whether they buy their round.
Normally people only read things they agree with and those who don’t just comment by using the headline…
Nice story, thanks for sharing.
Self indulgent, tripe. Tomorrow I’m sending in an article about how I’m proud to be straight even though I’m constantly told to check my privilege. Oh hang on I don’t need everyone’s affirmation to be comfortable with myself. I’ll skip it.
What did I just read.. Can we please get over the ref.
The easter rising was 100 years ago and we’re still going on about that. I mean ffs give it a rest, right?
Contrary to popular belief in the Journal’s comment section last year’s marriage referendum was not as significant to the people of Ireland as the Easter rising. Running the risk of death by firing squad and having the door (which you yourself approached an knocked upon) slammed in your face aren’t exactly comparable consequences.
Maby not to most people Link. But what do you think would have happened to gay people had they come out in 1916? An openly gay man in 1916 would have certainly have been kicked to death. Declan Flynn was an Irish gay man attacked and killed in Fairview Park in Dublin on 9 September 1982. His killers on been found guilty walked free from court and never spent as much as 5 minutes in jail. 1982. I was 14 years of age at the time. We were still seen as criminals until 1993. For me and many more Gay men last year’s marriage referendum was as significant to us as the Easter rising.
Graham, I suppose one reason we are taking about the Rising so much is because it takes away from the E.U. beast ready to introduce TTIP / TiSA Agreement on us all?
It was indeed JJ. And finally all of the children of our nation can be cherished equally. I remember the surreal experience of taking my mother to the polling booth in my childhood district. Despite being away for years, I am still well-known. People smiled at us, no beamed at us. Some patted me on the shoulder. Mostly older people. The people at the voting centre must have had some inkling of how things were going. They just filled that place with such good will towards both of us. The voting started Sat morning but the atmosphere hung in the air. Sonething historic was going to happen and it did.
Lovely Story Ian. It was indeed a fantastic day.
Just waiting for the DO’B / waaaaaterr chaaarrrrges comments……
Any second now….
Irish Water voted no!
If anything it proves how normal being gay is. It’s likely going to resonate with those struggling with it themselves and wondering whether or how to come out. Hopefully, some day soon, it’s a non-deal. Ireland’s vote (our vote!!!) last was a huge step towards that.
I actually really liked it!! Thanks Patrick, great article
old news yawn
Jasus Eddie you yawn on every lgbt article on the journal. If they really make you that tired maybe you shouldn’t bother reading them.
Haters gonna hate, James.
Sad, pathetic, angry, petty little haters.
True Alan. They are more to be pitied than laughed at.
Self indulgent?! And why so many down votes for someone posting positive comments toward this story?! Also, you complain about the content…. but what did you expect!? You either read the heading & went straight to comment without reading or read the story & are a horrible human?
I agree it was a great article. If you don’t want to read about the referendum then just don’t read it. Plenty of other articles to occupy your free time
Seriously.
Still banging on about the same sex referendum?
Some people need to get a life.
most notably you.
it was a significant moment for a lot of people on this island, and actually it was a significant moment around the world.
Significant moments have a way of popping up again and again. I’d advise just not click into any article that might be related.
It’s over. Done and dusted. A thing of the past.
Build a bridge – move on.
You should take your own advice Cal. Love won and hate lost. Good thing to celebrate in my book. Build a bridge – move on.
Let it go James.
Let it Go.
Again Cal You should take your own advice.
Great read, well done Patrick!
Choice was yours* autocorrect, eh?
Brave lad. An inspiration to many.
I would really like co-habiting couples to be able to avail of all the tax icentives of marriage. I always said i would never get married. I was always against it. I ended up having to marry as my family were losing out. Not that I dont love my now wife. I just never seen why marriage would change that .
Don’t mind the begrudges in her Patrick. Most of them probably struggling with their own sexualities .
* on here
Very heartwarming. Some of the most deprived parts of Dublin had the highest % of yes votes. They know what exclusion feels like and by their votes knocked a wee hole in the wall. Don’t let that hole be filled again.
James….”as significant to gay men as the Easter rising”…bloody hell mate you didn’t half undersell the moment! Fair play to you both lads….the gays…a great bunch of lads
Yes we are indeed Jim. 1600 year reign of terror and gay people by false Christians is coming to an end. Worthy of celebration is not?
You made the right choice as the state uses fanancial incentives to women to split up cohabiting couples. I hope it works out for you because if it doesn’t you will know all about real equality in Ireland should she becomes dissatisfied with you.
@theviking
Do the key board warriors want to meet for coffee and we can see the faces behind the bigotry or do they want to remain in isolation. No one forced anyone to read the column but it’s ironic those who are giving out about reading it are the ones who didn’t want to read it . Like everything else in your lives the problem is you not the column. Il happily discuss any problems Ye may have in person , i don’t just sit behind a keyboard chastising everyone I stand behind my views. Peace
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