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If I had one wish it would be that he didn’t have a key – child, nine years old.
Daddy says he wants to kill himself – is that a feeling? – child, six years old.
I’m scared Dad will come back to the house and break the glass – child, five years old.
Daddy bit Mummy’s face. I was scared. I told him to stop – child, four years old.
LIVING IN A household where domestic abuse occurs can cause lifelong damage to a child.
Children who witness abuse suffer from anxiety, they act out, they blame themselves and they can become violent.
“It is, simply, a form of child abuse”, Barnardos CEO Fergus Finlay said today, as his charity launched a new report focusing on the impact domestic abuse has on children.
Many children are referred to the charity’s services because of their behaviour. It is only after a few sessions that support workers realise that domestic abuse is the root cause.
One boy began mirroring his father’s treatment of his mother and was shouting at her.
“They’re getting mixed messages about the situation they’re living in,” project worker Karen Hughes explained. “They get the message that you need to use violence or aggression to get your own way, or that’s how you communicate.”
Children growing up witnessing violence are more likely to become violent or victims of violence themselves.
Cormac’s story
A 10-year-old boy, named in the report as ‘Cormac’, told support workers: “I don’t want to be like Dad”.
The boy’s parents are recently separated but his father still has access to the family home and visitation access with him and his older brother.
He told the charity about his last birthday when his father still lived at home. Cormac had a party in a local restaurant with his mother, brother and cousins. His father didn’t come and later when he came home, he said his mother had not told him the right time.
The boy’s mother said she must have made a mistake and his father pulled her to the ground and kicked her.
Cormac said he wished his mother had got the time right, but he also felt guilty because it was his party that had caused her to get hurt. He was very anxious about his birthday.
‘It’s Mammy’s fault’
Children like Cormac, who live in abusive homes often blame themselves or the parent who is the victim, whether that is their mother or father.
I know it’s my fault when Mammy and Daddy fight. I can be naughty sometimes – child, four years old.
One child said the violence was “Mammy’s fault”.
“She makes him angry. She says so herself,” the girl told workers.
Living in a household where domestic abuse occurs impacts on every part of the child’s life. Some miss school or have trouble concentrating, others exhibit bad behaviour or find it difficult to make friends with other children.
The teacher keeps giving out to me because I’m late. They don’t know it’s because Mam is too embarrassed to drive me to school with her bruises, so I have to walk – child, aged 10.
A girl who suffered from terrible anxiety was wetting the bed at 13. She spoke of being afraid of going to friends’ houses for sleepovers in case it happened there. Now they have stopped inviting her.
“They’re trying to make sense of the world they’re living in but it’s very hard for them to put understand it or make sense of it,”Hughes said. Children love both their parents. This means they are often caught up in the abuse. They try to intervene to protect the parent who is the victim, they are forced to pick sides, they are used by the abusive parent to pass on nasty messages or spy.
My mum loves him, but he doesn’t love her because he makes her cry. He loves me and I love him. – child, eight years old.
‘Shameful in their cowardice’
“We have a problem and we have a problem dealing with it and facing up to it,” Fergus Finlay said today.
He said the issue is “enabled by secrecy” and as a country, we need to “get it out from behind the locked front door of homes.”
Minister for Justice Frances Fitzgerald had a strong message for abusers, describing them as “weak” and “shameful in their cowardice”.
“They seek to derive false strength by preying on vulnerable people in their own homes.”
There are no innocent bystanders here, she told the crowd gathered at today’s launch. “When we turn away, we are complicit”.
If you think you may have witnessed or experienced domestic violence or abusive behaviour, you can access advice and support services for both women and men at whatwouldyoudo.ie.
The Women’s Aid 24-hour National Freephone Helpline is 1800 341 900.
Amen provides a confidential helpline for male victims of domestic abuse. It is open Monday to Friday, 9.00am to 5.00pm and can be reached on 046 9023718.
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People have not forgotten about Rabbitte, Burton et Al – Labour will be consigned to the dustbin of history after the next general election. Connolly and Larkin would turn in their graves.
@McMurphy: does anyone know Ivana tinkle
@McMurphy:
You do know they are dead?
Connolly was a wife beater and Larkin did a runner with the union funds.
@H Woo: Of course he knows they’re dead, he said turning in their grave, can you provide evidence of the claims you’ve made or are you just making up stuff in your little brain
@H Woo: You do know what the saying “turning in their graves” means, don’t you?
Liebour’s pledges, for those with short memories , say what you will to get elected and then , bite the hand that feeds you. All for water charges Kelly, Burton for attacks on single parents and not forgetting Pat R for say what it takes to get elected and then you know your self, renege. We’ve heard it all before.
Well sure we only need to look at Fine Gael and Labour’s biggest house building strategy in the history of this state in 2015, still waiting on it and that is why Labour is where Labour is.
@Brian D’Arcy:
Shira Fein have not met their home building promises in the six counties yet again.
@H Woo: I presume you were attempting to say Sharia but as you failed in that, there is no point in attempting to educate you on how the Irish were treated just like peoole like treat Muslim’s now, those who forget their history are doomed to repeat it.
@Brian D’Arcy: And what do you have to say about the way Muslims have treated non-Muslims throughput history? Stop elevating Muslims to some uniquely persecuted class. They’re not. And they certainly can not claim any higher moral authority than others.
@Brian D’Arcy: it’s called auto correct. Islam is a cult, even more dangerous than the Catholic Church ever was. They do the exact same thing to children and will slay any non believer in their path.
‘90% of primary schools still under to control of religious orders’
Indoctrination plain and simple. Can you imagine any other organisation with their track record being let anywhere near a school again?! Not a hope. Unfortunately we’ve still far too many passive, go with the flow types allowing this to continue. Religion should be an adult decision. If you are grown up and decide to join up then fair enough. Polluting kids brains with anachronistic Bronze Age rubbish is wrong on so many fronts.
@SerotoninWars: governmental indoctrination is no less dangerous
@Oh Mammy: There are many forms of abuse and bad practise for sure. The tension between aspiring for widespread human rights and the fact some people will find it offensive is a problem without a solution. The best we can do is have open and democratic societies with a big space for discussion and expression. The line between one persons right to express their opinion and another’s right to not be abused or bullied is very thin though. It’s tightrope stuff that needs continuous attention.
@SerotoninWars: as I simply said, governmental indoctrination is no less dangerous than any other type of indoctrination.
@Oh Mammy: Life, ethics, politics, beliefs, standards and morals aren’t simple though. They’re evolving, sometimes devolving areas that are usually contentious to some group. Governmental indoctrination is far too vague a term to reply with a basic yes/no answer. There are groups who believe in zero government, no laws, no guidelines whatsoever even if there are usually a few areas most people agree we should have some common laws and standpoints on. Indoctrination is a highly subjective term. Taking humans at their youngest, most malleable stage and filling their heads with some very strange and specific beliefs that wouldn’t be given the time of day if they didn’t fall under religion, is indoctrination though, no question.
@SerotoninWars: I say this as an atheist who requested an opt out of religion for my kids, I think there are more pressing issues with schools, lack of teachers, lack of places for children with additional needs, lack of spaces in general for children in their areas.
While a child may have to attend a school with a religious ethos, I don’t know any schools now that force the issue. I know plenty of parents who opted out their children from doing religion, and found it was parents wanting their children to do religion so they could have the “day out” for communion and confirmation. Local school had looked into divesting and it was actually the parents that voted against it.
@SerotoninWars: I’d also add, would you say the same to a family who strictly adhere to the Muslim religion? Female children wearing a hijab in primary school, who practice Ramadan?
@Mary Kelly: I understand where you are coming from on some levels. Also that people are finding life pretty exhausting as it is, so taking on more fights especially when it involves sticking your head above the crowd, is a bit of a pain. But there’s also the reality of the situation. Can you imagine ANY other vested interest group with THAT track record being allowed to swan in and present theirs highly partisan, hugely strange take on life and existence at such an important developmental stage? It’s crazy!
Anyone who is willing to give up that amount of power and control for a ‘day out’ is a lazy sheep who honestly doesn’t really deserve consideration in a serious conversation.
@Mary Kelly: I would say the same to everyone.
Including those who practice their version of Lent (Ramadan).
@Mary Kelly: Yes, I would, 100%. I’ve met plenty of nice Muslims who like many Christian’s go along with it because it’s always been there, they grew up with it, had it drilled in from an early age etc. Pure inertia comes into it too. But I feel very strongly that this should be an adult decision. Not something foisted on kids. They are too young to have this big label slapped on them when they don’t have any of the life experience or knowledge to make an informed decision. It’s an abuse of power forcing kids into any unscientific, unverifiable and highly dubious faith.
@SerotoninWars: I agree there should be no religion at all in schools, that this is something that is part of children’s home life. I never had a problem in my kids schools requesting an opt out from religion, principal kids were opted out too, it was actually other parents commentary and the lame excuse of pleasing grandparents and thinking their kids would miss out. Most of the kids hadn’t been in a church since their own baptism. I recall in my eldest sons class a parent telling me I was mean spirited for not letting him do his communion, I said he was worshipping the gods of football as we brought him to a premiership game the weekend of the communion! 9 years later and none of his mates remember anything of their day but he remembers his trip
@SerotoninWars: Given the track record of the church and reluctance to pay any compensation to their victims, the schools should be simply taken off of them and put under 100% state control.
A few (10% ?) can be left for the parents still living in the past and that’s it.
In 10 years, all religious managed school should be 100% privately funded.
@SerotoninWars: ok, point towards the evidence that stipulates how earth and man kind was created if it wasn’t by a ‘god’
@Wolfgang Bonow: I take it you don’t seek medical treatment in the majority of Irish hospitals in the state?
@Wolfgang Bonow: I’m a life long atheist and I really don’t know if giving the state 100% control over our kids minds is such a good idea. Not least because of what we’ve seen recently with the Family A debacle. Truly frightening.
@SerotoninWars: No such thing as nice muslims when it comes to what prevail. The Quran is clear, Islam first, everything comes after. Of their goal is to spread Islam, they won’t spare you. Most monotheistic religions are bad, Islam takes the lead for the last century. The only religion who shakes hands with Hitler and promised him to remove from life all the Jews they could find.
@Mary Kelly: Yes I can imagine! On this one issue I get why the believers have a problem too. It’s a bit daft to do nothing, attend nothing, put nothing into practise and then show up for the photo opportunities! It’s wishy washy to put it as nicely as I can. Maybe some would argue that it’s good that the control has lessened but what’s the point of doing the the Hollywood stuff if you don’t even believe in the rest of it enough to shake a leg the rest of the time? Why put the kids through it and sign them up for membership of something with a history like that? Again it’s impossible to separate it from the stories we’ve heard this week, on the back of many many others over the years. Although I’m not sure I’ve read anything as extremely depraved as the stuff that came out this week. I’m not easily shocked but that was a level of brutality, barbarism, exploitation and perversion that truly sickened. Pure evil.
@Wolfgang Bonow: With their track record there should be a barring order. I get that there’s some kind people in there but when the worse possible abuse has been that institutionalised and so recently, it’s simply insane that they get to have such a huge involvement still. The sole reason is that they fall under the big ‘R’ and get all of the allowances, validation and unearned respect that incredibly, still come with the territory and uniform.
@Alex: I’m not into religion at all. However I can separate the people who fall under the cultural and traditional umbrella of the religion they fell into, from the die-hards, literalists and people who only want the most regressive of steps taken. I’m not saying it makes sense how people can turn such a blind eye and cherry pick. But there are so many like this, in all religions. They want the nice bits and ‘the hope’. I might not agree with them but I’ve met too many decent people to castigate all of them as bad individuals, as opposed to banine passengers hoping for the best, as they understand things.
@Wolfgang Bonow: another clown
@SerotoninWars: so how do you explain the creation of earth and all mankind etc?
@Niall English: There are huge amounts of information out there about evolution, planet formations, star formations, physics, biology and so on. far too much to fit into a quick response here. We already cleared one hurdle with our understanding of evolution and how life modifies and adapts over time.
We don’t have all the answers. No one would claim that but over time we have been slowly but surely getting rid of our superstitious and irrational beliefs about why certain things happen and occur. Perhaps some questions are too big to know the full answer to. This doesn’t mean we get a free pass to insert any wild theories we want in there. We can think about them and test them of course but incredible claims require incredible evidence. That is sorely missing from the god theory. It doesn’t add up on so many fronts and simply opens another set of arguably even bigger questions to answer. In the context of this thread, I was referring to the supposed representatives of ‘god’ who aren’t exactly the best advertisement for organised religion.
Why is labour supporting people to stay in free state funded accommodation, who have lived for free there for years, have had their chance to build their lives (and savings) over those who have newly arrived and stuck in hotels and renovated offices?!!
@Mary Kelly: Give it over!
@Patrick Hamill: Great rebuttal, Patrick. You truly are a master(de)bater.
@Mary Kelly: They shouldn’t even be there in the first place, Mary. European countries who opened their doors have learned the hard way and Ireland will follow suit. Hard right govt incoming within five years. Watch this space.
We all know what Labour election promises are worth:
https://www.reddit.com/r/ireland/comments/14r5ay/pat_rabbitte_isnt_that_what_you_tend_to_do_during/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
A jurno some time back asked Comrade leader of the Labour Party about her choosing to use private fee paying schools.
I missed the answer she gave?
What is this nonsense. Woman is having a flaming giraffe.
Labour, are more right-wing when they get into power that FG, as we have seen in the past… and if they get into power after the next Election the country will pay for years
Not a word about climate change. Typical.
@Brian O’Brendan: I’m not surprised given that Ireland is responsible for 0.004 of the worlds green house gas. Almost nothing we can do about it.
@Dave Grant: If every small place worked in unison we could make a big difference. A 1000 voices make a big choir. Don’t belittle yourself or the power of your actions.
@Sean O’Dhubhghaill: 0.004 Toral
@Dave Grant: Wrong, of course.
@Sean O’Dhubhghaill: id rather enjoy living my life as opposed to worrying about what rubbish goes in what bin. 9% of the world’s population recycles. take a trip to Africa and have a look at their waste management programs.
@Niall English: Horrible attitude to have, I’d say your house is a tip
@Niall English: exactly. Worrying about nonsense
@Niall English: Surprisingly, I lived in Africa for 2 years. NOTHING WAS WASTED!
@Niall English: Africans would put us to shame when it comes to waste management, at least, those who have moved here do anyway. They would teach us a thing or too.
Double the dole for slappers if they go on the pill or IUD.
That will end child “homelessness “
@Paul: An now Paul.
Shur you would not be with us then.
@Paul: Disgusting
@Paul: sicko
Labour can spout whatever they want but they will NEVER get a sniff of a vote from me ever again, lies lies lies, that’s all they have to offer.
Hahaha,,,
Can we comment now? …fantastic, how nice of you
Who or what is Labour?
Is that her 1st time on da northside?
Labour can say what they like because they will get a chance to implement anything… Muppets.
Remember what they did for a bit of power. And it does not add up: ending child homelessness… Or ending Homelessness when you have children ? But not the others ?
Typical leftists. Don’t trust them
Of course they will.
Nope
In all fairness we won’t have divorce abortion free love without labour, keep voting gfg and u will kill your your choices
@Robert Halvey: What?
@Robert Halvey: in fairness free love is what it says free.. the other two had to be achieved through years of hard work and the will of the majority of the people voting for it instead of being told by religious nut jobs what people should do with their lives … you know the types that have ran schools for years
have your say