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Festive FOMO 'Nobody is going to take a photo of a singed Christmas ham'

He may have said it over a hundred years ago, but Theodore Roosevelt’s claim that ‘comparison is the thief of joy’ could be more relevant now than ever, writes Amy Plant.

IN AN ERA dominated by social media, we are constantly bombarded with images, peddling the notion that other people are living lives that are vastly more exciting, more glamorous and happier than our own. This may be particularly true during the festive season, when social media goes into overdrive, filling our feeds with images of the ideal Christmas.

While it’s traditionally a period of celebration, for many Christmas can be a source of anxiety. Some of us will be looking forward to time off work, but others may be impacted by increased family conflict, alcohol misuse, financial concerns or loneliness. This time of year can be tough and often it’s made worse by the underlying assumption that you should be having a great time.

Add a Facebook feed that’s stuffed to the virtual seams with carefully crafted images of idyllic Christmas scenes, and what’s left is a recipe for annoyance and suffering for many. So what can one do when the festive season feels more like a stress fest than a haven of festive joy?

Try limit your time on social media

We live in a culture that places a high value on social media so this one might seem like a challenge, but it’s the simplest solution for those of us comparing ourselves to others on the likes of Facebook.

If you don’t want to go cold turkey (pardon the Christmas pun) by deleting or completely ignoring your social media accounts, try limiting your online activity to a few minutes a day.

Keep Perspective

“The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel.”

This quote from Steve Furtick reminds us that perspective is paramount, especially when it comes to what we see on social media. Not a single person is going to take a photo of a singed Christmas ham, a tangled mess of fairy lights or a pair of bickering family members, let alone share it on Facebook. But that doesn’t mean it’s not happening.

Social media is like a family photograph album made public, with all the best bits put forward for the world to see. It is important that we recognise it for what it is, a carefully constructed snapshot and not an accurate representation of real life.

shutterstock_203343031 Not a single person is going to take a photo of a singed Christmas ham, a tangled mess of fairy lights or a pair of bickering family members. Shutterstock / Andrey Armyagov Shutterstock / Andrey Armyagov / Andrey Armyagov

Be kind to yourself

The nucleus of the Christmas spirit is caring and compassion for others, but it is crucial that we extend this kindness to ourselves most of all.

If you’re having a stressful festive season, there’s every chance that plenty of others are too. Give up on self-criticism and unhelpful virtual comparisons. Allow yourself to relax and do some things you enjoy.

Connect with others

Christmas is largely thought of as a time to spend with friends and family, but for those who do not have this option, it can be a solitary time of year. This loneliness can be made more acute by constantly seeing images of happy families on social media.

If you are alone this time of year and would rather not be, think of ways in which you can reach out to people who might also be in your position. Volunteering is an excellent way to spend time and has been shown to have positive effects on mental health, both for the volunteers and the service users.

Whether it be staying in touch with loved ones abroad or reconnecting with old friends, it would be unfair not to recognise the benefits of social media. It can increase our connectivity and be used to revive or preserve relationships.

Gone is the era of the “American wake” when a loved one moving continent meant rarely or sometimes never seeing them again. There are teenagers alive at this moment who have never known a world in which social media did not exist and studies have shown its effect on mental health to be both positive and negative. However, like most things, moderation is key.

So if this festive season sees you stressed and anxious, remember to be kind to yourself. Maybe step away from the phone or laptop and go for a walk. Eat mince pies and watch a cheesy Christmas movie, and remember not to compare your behind the scenes to someone else’s highlight reel.

Amy Plant is a counsellor/psychotherapist practicing in Dublin. She works extensively with depression, anxiety, anger issues, sexuality (LGBTQ), grief, low self-esteem, relationship issues and stress, www.amyplanttherapy.com.

Guess what? It’s OK to be single, feel sad or have a few pounds to lose>

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    Mute Ando Winters
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    Jul 29th 2011, 3:24 PM

    out of the 253 incidents, how many were carried out by foreign nationals?.

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    Mute David McDermott
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    Jul 29th 2011, 3:42 PM

    Are u taking the piss.

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    Mute Brian Lighthouse
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    Jul 29th 2011, 4:03 PM

    David, I don`t think Ando is taking the piss. This activity seems to be the exclusive domain of foreign nationals. I don`t know the set up, but a check of the stats will show you that nearly all of those caught at this ATM game are of Eastern European origin. That is not a racist remark, simply the facts.

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    Mute Danny D
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    Jul 29th 2011, 5:08 PM

    How does it matter?

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    Mute Danny D
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    Jul 29th 2011, 5:08 PM

    David, care to provide source of your statistics?

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    Mute jackass ireland
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    Jul 29th 2011, 5:40 PM

    Maybe he asked Homer Simpson…. Seems to work for Danny.

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    Mute Big John
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    Jul 29th 2011, 5:59 PM

    Where you get your stats is a valid question…so where did they come from???

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    Mute David McDermott
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    Jul 29th 2011, 7:32 PM

    Do u not mean ando???

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    Mute David McDermott
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    Jul 29th 2011, 9:27 PM

    Plus I believe it was irish low lives that crashed a JCB into a shop and stole the whole ATM.

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    Mute Derek Marten
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    Jul 29th 2011, 10:38 PM

    In 2006, I was at a seminar on ATM Security and Fraud.The speaker (Head of Security for a major Irish Bank) stated that 9 out of 10 devices found on machines were traced back to an Eastern European or Russian crime syndicate.We were informed that some of the devices, that are extremely high tech, are worth €250,000 euro each!Many of the guys who plant them on the machines have been people trafficked into Ireland and to repay their exorbitant travel costs, they must attach and collect data from ‘skimming’ machines!The other ‘skimming’ machines (1 in 10) that were found were far more crudely made and attributed to Nigerian crime outfits.

    So going by what this guy told us, in 2006, 100% of ATM ‘skimming’ machines were foreign made and owned. Maybe this has changed and other nationalities (including Irish) have taken up what is a highly lucrative activity estimated to be worth anywhere between €3.5 and €10 million every year!

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    Mute dirpaddy
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    Jul 29th 2011, 7:41 PM

    One word…Romanians

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    Mute fizi_water
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    Jul 29th 2011, 7:53 PM

    One word: Romani. Romanians and Romani quite difference, ignorant heads will never comprehend. In Romania there is lot of decent hard working people (in Ireland too), these are gypsies from Romania that give them bad name and awful presence all over the world.

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    Mute Karl Power
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    Jul 29th 2011, 10:29 PM

    @dirpaddy.. I have been to Romania and they are a lovely race of people who are sick to death of people like you who confuse them with Roma.. have you ever met a real Romania as opposed to a Roma? it’s very hard to spot a Romanian person a they just look continental.. of all the countries I have visited in Europe Romania was the biggest suprise, its a bit backward but the people are friendly charming and very kind.

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    Mute Barry R.
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    Jul 30th 2011, 3:20 AM

    Gents,
    You should know well by now that you cannot say a word about anyone from abroad because you will be immediately accused of not being a happy-clappy multiculturalist.

    That we all know the answer is not enough.

    its simply not PC to talk about foreigners ( yes, there, I said it, the F word !!) and their involvement in anything, other than religious festivals and projects run by women with double-barrelled surnames

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    Mute Finbarr O Sullivan
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    Jul 29th 2011, 8:14 PM

    Ah come on The journal, ATM Machine? Really? Automated Teller Machine Machine? like pin number? pcb board?

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    Mute fizi_water
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    Jul 29th 2011, 7:30 PM

    @Brian @Ando
    Yeah sure, everything bad in this country is because of foreigners. They steal your jobs, they steal from your atm’s, they steal your women, etc. etc. :-)
    To be bit more serious, I doubt there are any statistics showing what you are suggesting, most likely these stats are nothing more than a product of your prejudiced imagination.
    In fact there were few news in past year or two saying about some eat european gangs skimming ATM’s in Ireland, but I don’t think there is more info than just that. And reason for it is probably only that Irish thugs didn’t have technology that other thugs brought in, not that they were so noble they decided not to ever touch any ATM’s… You want to comment, get your facts right, otherwise you just create biassed lies.

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    Mute fizi_water
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    Jul 30th 2011, 1:37 AM

    @Derek Marten

    OK, thanks for that info, but even knowing these facts, what difference that makes who they are?
    If somebody can afford 250K worth skimming equipment, they are not average guys, but mafia.
    I’ve googled couple other news from around the world about ATM skimming that took places all over the world, and indeed they quite often mention Bulgarian, Serbian and Russian involvement, whether that be USA or France or Ireland.
    However these are clearly people not linked with any East European minorities living in Ireland or any other country, but they are professional criminal groups doing their “jobs” all over the world. Suggestions made here in couple comments were quite obviously made towards East Eur. immigrants leaving in Ireland like they were to blame. Believe me that east E.U. people bank accounts were robbed too, I doubt criminals were doing refunds for non English sounding names :P

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