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Nathalie Marquez Courtney

Anxiety cure? 'I decided instead to stop trying to run away from my anxiety and accept it'

Instead of attacking your anxiety like the enemy, you have to work with it, dealing with both the physical and the emotional symptoms, writes Caroline Foran.

IT HASN’T QUITE sunken in yet that I’ve written and published a book; my guess is it will require several pinches as the next few weeks unfold.

Why did I write it? As a former sufferer myself, it’s the very thing I needed – or felt was lacking – when anxiety came along and knocked me off my feet, seemingly out of the blue. I figured it might make a difference for someone like me.

In it, I offer my own experiences, what it felt like, what happened to me, what worked for me and what didn’t, because it’s hugely comforting to know that someone else understands. There’s also a whole lot of research and expert input from some of the most inspiring health care professionals in the country. But it’s less a book about me and more a tool for you.

I so wanted to hear from somebody like me

You see when I began suffering with acute anxiety to the point that I couldn’t leave my house, I wanted so desperately to hear from someone who wasn’t a professional but instead, someone who was just like me, and had lived to tell the tale.

Aside from all of the resources and tools and apps, and all of which the various and well-meaning professionals I met with, I really craved an empathetic voice who could wrap their arms around me and tell me everything would be okay. My essential caveat? It had to be someone who knew just how debilitating it can be.

Anxiety is mind-boggling enough without having to navigate your way through heavy theoretical texts. I wanted to reassure others who are facing the same fears that I was dealing with, and that I get it. I’ve been there, and there is most certainly a way to get yourself back to a point of living a life that isn’t entirely defined by this rather disconcerting sensation.

Both for the book and for my own learnings, I did a lot of work to wrap my head around both the inner and outer mechanisms that promote and give rise to anxiety, which in and of itself helped to dissipate a lot of what I was feeling.

What did I learn?

While you’ll find every single nugget of useful information chronicled throughout the book, there are a few key standouts, on which Owning It is based. For starters, I’ve learned that trying desperately to unearth a “cure” will get you nowhere. In fact, for me, it only exacerbated my symptoms.

Although it wasn’t easy, things made a turn for the better when I gave up this struggle; it was getting me nowhere. I decided instead to stop trying to run away from my anxiety or live a life devoid of it entirely.

I accepted it and said “alright, anxiety is something I’m dealing with, it’s not fun, but it’s here, and the more I resist it, the more it rears its ugly head.”

I stumbled upon a Pinterest quote – this was another thing I devoured daily for some kind of lift – that said “Darling, just fucking own it” and something sort of clicked. I then discovered a TED Talk by the incredible Professor Kelly McGonigal who spoke about the fact that it’s not the presence of anxiety or stress in our body that really matters, but our perception of it. Give it a watch. It was a major eye-opener for me.

So instead of trying to hide away from anything that might bring about stress or anxiety, or looking at anxiety as public enemy number one, what if I worked on my perception of it, and befriended it instead? That, I learned, was a lot more doable – and fruitful – than searching endlessly for this elusive “cure” and then berating myself for not being able to just “get over it”.

From there, I devised a two-step coping technique around which I’ve structured the book: the Assess and Address approach. It’s something I turn to again and again, though anxiety is less of a sinister presence in my life since I learned the art of owning it.

Assess (Or as I like to call it, the What-the-f*ck-is going-on? part)

Beyond your own set of circumstances, you first need to understand what anxiety is, how it functions, why we feel it, why so many of us experience it, and why the presence of stress or anxiety in our bodies is actually nothing to worry about.

You also need to wrap your head around something known as the “negativity bias”. Having a firm grasp of exactly what anxiety is and precisely why you’re feeling it is half the battle. It really is. Most of my own suffering was born from not having the faintest clue about what was going on, an unwillingness to address why I was feeling it (out of fear, naturally) and just totally panicking about the fact that I was panicking, which, as you can imagine, was a fairly self-perpetuating quandary.

Then you need to look at your own personal circumstances. What’s going on? Did it really come out of the blue? How long have you been feeling this way? What’s happening in your life, eg healthy or unhealthy relationships, exams on the horizon, mounting pressure at work?

At first this can be quite a hard task. We tend to look for really obvious, traumatic life events to justify our anxiety – such as a bereavement – but anxiety can slowly creep up on you as a result of what seems like the most insignificant set of reasons; remember, anxiety is really just an exaggerated form of stress.

When your nervous system is worn out, it can take very little to push you over from prolonged stress to anxiety and the feeling of not being able to cope. Whatever the reasons that have contributed towards your struggling right now, you have every right to feel the way you do. Your body can’t tell the difference between potential triggers.

The What-the-f*ck-am-I-going-to-do about-it? part

The first time you educate yourself about anxiety is always the toughest because it’s when you tend to feel the worst and the most overwhelmed. When you’ve got a general understanding of it, it’s then a matter of assessing individual bouts of anxiety as they arise, and eventually you’ll get really good at saying, “Oh yes, I can see why I feel this way, that makes total sense”, before practically addressing it by employing the specific anti-anxiety tools that you know will work for you.

This too requires patience and time. For me, addressing it can involve just one or a mixture of many things, from acupuncture to increased mindfulness to adapting my diet. It’s important here to explore all options, from what you put into your body to the many treatments and tools that are available to you.

Instead of attacking your anxiety like the enemy, you have to work with it, dealing with both the physical and the emotional symptoms on the road to Owning It.

Caroline Foran is the author of Owning It: Your Bullshit Free Guide To Living With Anxiety, published with Hachette Ireland, and available nationwide from May 11th.

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35 Comments
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    Mute Gisbert Bayertz
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    May 13th 2017, 8:54 PM

    Those here commenting as if anxiety was some really funny thing……..I hope you’ll never suffer from it

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    Mute Suzie Sunshine
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    May 13th 2017, 9:02 PM

    @Gisbert Bayertz: agreed .. it’s not really something to make fun of.

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    Mute Ryan Carroll
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    May 13th 2017, 9:46 PM

    They just confuse their own “oh i hope i got that job” anxiety with the kind of anxiety that one can be diagnosed with.

    It’s like the difference between a heart flutter and a cardiac arrest, nothing alike.

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    Mute Suzie Sunshine
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    May 13th 2017, 10:35 PM

    @Ryan Carroll: good comparison there ..

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    Mute Jenny Matthews Lyons
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    May 14th 2017, 12:44 PM

    @Gisbert Bayertz: I hope they do, might make them more empathetic to the suffering of others

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    Mute bobs
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    May 13th 2017, 8:44 PM

    Really glad I read this article!
    I got anxiety as a result of a big change in my life and I began to fear more changes. I was never a ‘worrier’ before.
    I found getting anxious about getting anxious ended up being half the battle.
    Thankfully Things are better now

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    Mute Fran Heavey
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    May 13th 2017, 7:38 PM

    Good piece.very true

    139
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    Mute Alison Maguire
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    May 13th 2017, 10:28 PM

    It’s extremely debilitating. Im diagnosed with general anxiety disorder it has been so severe it landed me in hospital, I’ve tried it all. Pills, hypnosis, psychotherapy, exercise, meditation, mindfulness the list goes on. I still take meds….but after 10 years I found a book called ‘dare’ by barry mcdonagh. It has actually changed my life in such a short space of time and the results were almost within a day. It focuses on 4 steps of a technique called DARE. Diffuse, accept, release and engage. Similar to dr claire weekes self help for nerves but a more modern day version. It comes with a phone app and a Facebook page to motivate you. It’s honestly so simple but so effective. I would urge anybody suffering from any type of anxiety to read it. It’s bloody brilliant.

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    Mute Din8rtd
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    May 13th 2017, 10:16 PM

    Anxiety is no laughing matter but then again that’s typical of Irish people no wonder people with mental illness are scared to get help for their illness.

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    Mute Stephen
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    May 13th 2017, 9:51 PM

    Some clowns on here making stupid comments, I wouldn’t wish anxiety on my worst enemy, it’s as debilitating as any other disease. I’ll be sure to buy the book and watch the Ted Talk .. thanks

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    Mute Ricky McCabe
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    May 13th 2017, 11:17 PM

    Excellent article

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    Mute Matty kinevan
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    May 13th 2017, 7:37 PM

    I get awful anxiety when I can’t think of a witty comment, happens a lot to me.

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    Mute Irving Chubbie
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    May 13th 2017, 7:43 PM

    @Matty kinevan:

    I’m anxious to read the above article but I couldn’t be arsed. Maybe I don’t suffer from anxiety.

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    Mute Matty kinevan
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    May 13th 2017, 7:50 PM

    @Irving Chubbie: Would you like me to read it to you?

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    Mute Matty kinevan
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    May 13th 2017, 8:26 PM

    @Matty kinevan: Troll imposter gimp

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    Mute Denise Daly
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    May 13th 2017, 8:34 PM

    @Matty kinevan: Matty your arrival to any thread on the Journal is a blight on something that could be useful.
    Next article you read, just hold back from typing what drivel is in your head please.
    You can read without commenting you know.

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    Mute Matty kinevan
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    May 13th 2017, 9:00 PM

    @Denise Daly: I didn’t comment on this article. A total loser with no life is impersonating my account.

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    Mute irishred
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    May 13th 2017, 9:35 PM

    @Irving Chubbie: na just a sap

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    Mute Irving Chubbie
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    May 14th 2017, 1:42 AM

    @Matty kinevan:

    The point is that I’m not worried. You special person you.

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    Mute Desmodromic
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    May 14th 2017, 6:51 AM

    I’m very grateful to the author for writing this piece. Witnessing at first hand the effects of anxiety on a loved one leaves me feeling helpless and frustrated. This article gives great insight based on personal experience that is very helpful. One thing that I would like to understand better is that during the process of suffering from anxiety and its many manifestations is there a stage where ‘acceptance’ (if that’s the right word) is reached? – as it was this point that the author found that she began the turn around. Well done for putting this out there. That book sounds very helpful.

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    Mute Edmond OFlaherty
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    May 14th 2017, 12:40 AM

    Anxiety is a common problem,especially in women. The biochemistry (brain chemistry) is not running smoothly and copper is the main cause of the problem. High copper makes adrenaline which can cause anxiety, panic attacks, insomnia, low libido and a problem with the combined contraceptive pill. Blood tests can be done and one of the most useful treatments is zinc which reduces the copper entering the body. It takes at least 2 months to recover.High copper is a problem with post-natal depression too.

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    Mute Dermot Foley
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    May 14th 2017, 9:22 AM

    Good solid advice from the author. Information that I have learned reading books from Thich Nhat Hanh (fear, breathe you are alive), Mark Williams (mindful way through depression) and John Kabat Zinn (full catastrophe living). Those combined with regular daily meditation and mindfulness retreats (Wake Up Ireland and Mindfulness Ireland) have put to bed anxiety for me after 4 years. Keep your chins up anxiety sufferers, there is a way through.

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    Mute Jenny Matthews Lyons
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    May 14th 2017, 12:52 PM

    @Dermot Foley: I’ve found mindfulness helpful. Mindfulness: Finding Peace In A Frantic World by Mark Williams & Danny Penman is the one I followed.

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    Mute Formost Yothin
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    May 13th 2017, 10:36 PM

    I to have anxiety, but its will slowly goes away when I thing positive.

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    Mute Government Sachs
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    May 13th 2017, 8:13 PM

    That’s it, I’m off to my GP to get some benzoate, these articles have driven me to it!

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    Mute Government Sachs
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    May 13th 2017, 8:14 PM

    @Government Sachs: Benzodiazepine

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    Mute Ryan Carroll
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    May 13th 2017, 9:47 PM

    Good luck, short of a recent suicide attempt or you climbing the walls you won’t be getting any.

    People think a diagnosis is made by ticking off boxes on stuff like the DSM, it’s not done that way, you can’t just go up and mimic symptoms and get whatever drugs you want, theres a 3D assessment, they’ve ways of telling your true condition.

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    Mute Labor Camp
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    May 14th 2017, 9:45 AM

    Great article. Great to see mental health issues being discussed.

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    Mute Bill Fitzgerald
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    May 14th 2017, 9:24 AM

    Interesting article.I have used Dr O’Flahertys copper test and still use his high vitamin dosage therapy since 2013.Found it to be great. It’s one of the tools I use.I was diagnosed bipolar I at 22 and was hospitalised twice. Last time 1998.It’s a diagnosis that i and my psychologist believe was misplaced.

    My Mum had breast cancer during my late sisters pregnancy. Siobhan would later die in a cot death. All of this happened within a year of my own birth. I was also premature by 2 months.

    It took my panic attacks in 2010 to bring me closer to my real anxieties. First I went to medication eipilim , lustral and xanax on top of what I had been taking since I was 22. Lithium and tegratol but then I found a mediation course with Dublin Buddhist school which changed a lot for me.

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    Mute Bill Fitzgerald
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    May 14th 2017, 9:29 AM

    Here are two articles that may explain more I’m really trying to reach others in my position it’s not about me now but passing on help to them. I don’t believe in my bipolar diagnosis always worked etc I believe had my health history being taken altogether it would have been different. I work with Dr John Cooney at St James Hospital and have reduced lithium by 50% since November 2015. Due to eGFR. I am not anti medication just think we use it without any alternatives

    http://m.independent.ie/life/health-wellbeing/health-features/battling-bipolar-disorder-i-would-go-to-bed-at-7pm-cry-and-dream-of-better-days-and-think-about-suicide-31443312.html

    http://www.tipperarystar.ie/news/news/207291/The-boy-with-the-thorn-in.html

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    Mute EdmundOrlando
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    May 14th 2017, 2:57 AM

    5htp.. a good starting point in tackling anxiety.

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    Mute Paul Jennings
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    May 14th 2017, 12:15 AM

    Well, if Caroline was my partner I’d be anxious on a full time basis that I was going to lose her to a rich rock-star dripping with gold type of man. That’s​ not irrational fear – that’s normal!

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    Mute Bill Fitzgerald
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    May 14th 2017, 4:15 PM

    What’s really happening is way more in depth than books like these will ever be as well meaning as they are?

    Will the reality of anxiety and dependence psychotropic\prescription drugs be looked into? (Not anti medication btw)

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    Mute Tracy Gaughan
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    May 22nd 2017, 3:05 PM
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    Mute Mairead Conroy
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    May 13th 2017, 8:47 PM

    Irving and government sach, aren’t ye the lucky ones. If you can’t say anything positive, say nothing then.

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