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Column Does Tony Humphreys believe I don't love my children enough?

The psychologist suggested autism could be linked to a lack of parental love. Here the mother of a boy with Asperger’s syndrome describes her experiences.

Last week, clinical psychologist Tony Humphreys published an article drawing a link between autism and parents not expressing love and affection for their children. Here, the mother of a child with Asperger’s Syndrome responds to Humphreys’ assertions.

OFTEN THE MOST dangerous theories are those which contain a grain of truth, and that is why this article is so upsetting to me.  You see I can relate to some of it, I can tick the boxes in each paragraph, and as my son was only diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome in 2000, my feelings are still quite raw.

And please note that this is a personal account.  Other parents of children on the autistic spectrum may have completely different views – I do not intend to offend anyone.

Tony Humphreys mentions research that suggests that the children of high-achieving parents, especially engineers, scientists and computer programmers are more likely to have children with autism.  And guess what, family members on both sides have worked in these professions.  Such people are more likely to ‘live in their heads’ he says, and as a result there is an ‘absence of expressed love and affection’ in their lives.  Well anyone who knows me will know how much I adore my kids and how much I’ve done for them.

And yet.

My son’s birth was difficult and I didn’t bond with him as quickly as I did with my girls.  I was also accused of being ‘cold’ during the breakdown of my marriage.  Difficult and different behaviours were clearly shown by my son at school, but everyone assumed their escalation resulted from that breakdown.

I imagine that Tony Humphreys would argue that they did.

‘He might find it very easy to blame the parents?’

He might find it very easy to blame the parents for causing Asperger’s in my son, based on his theories.  And perhaps other people who read the article, even people we know, will do the same.  Perhaps my son will blame me when he is older.

And that’s why the article hurts.  My son was less than 6 months old when I began to worry about his development.  I kept thinking that I had the solution: a tonsillectomy, counselling, resource hours.  And I gave him lots and lots of love.  But none of it was enough.  And to hear another expert on the radio today saying that many high-functioning children would do just as well with no intervention at all – you should have seen my son in his old school.

Suspension was the next step.  How would that have helped him?  And he was so angry. And neither of us knew why.  Having an explanation and a diagnosis helps both of us.  With a diagnosis we have access to advice, information, services, support and a fabulous school where he is starting to fulfil his potential.

And I have to keep reminding myself that just because the some of the facts of my son’s life may fit with Tony Humphries’ theories, it does not prove cause and effect.

I do suspect a genetic component in Asperger’s syndrome and I see many Aspie traits in myself.  But I don’t think that I’m a refrigerator mum, do you?

The author is the mother of two girls and a 10-year-old boy with Asperger’s Syndrome, and a blogger. You can read more at Looking for Blue Sky.

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    Mute Sheila Murphy
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    Feb 10th 2012, 9:03 PM

    Very interesting.

    Andrew Wakefield released findings linking MMR to autism caused untold damage to children and worry to parents with his falsified work. And this is another example of someone confusing theory & opinion with fact, Tony Humphreys should behave more responsibly

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    Mute Sheila Murphy
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    Feb 10th 2012, 9:04 PM

    And Author, best of luck with all your children; they all have their own greatness ;-)

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    Mute Shanti Om
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    Feb 10th 2012, 10:02 PM

    Just to correct that statement.

    Andrew Wakefield never said the MMR jab caused autism.

    He was studying a gastrointestinal disorder which they theorised may have had some relation to autism (the GI tract is connected directly to the brain via the vagus nerve and has the highest concentration of seratonin outside the brain and many autistic spectrum disorders are accompanied by very delicate GI tracts), he said that he found the vaccine strain of measles in each one of them, and suggested that a combi vaccine was a bad idea for children with these already existing problems. He advocated the use of the individual vaccines used before the MMR jab, just not the Combined MMR jab.

    This was twisted and churned over the years, media like the infamous daily fail saw vaccine strain measles and autism in the same paper and jumped the gun, unnecessarily scaring people as you said. It was one study, about something else completely, that’s not how medical research works.
    His claims have been backed up, but they are not, nor were they ever what has been attributed to him.

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    Mute Sharon McDaid
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    Feb 10th 2012, 10:20 PM

    Shanti Om, Wakefield has been thoroughly disgraced and discredited, he falsified data knowingly and used children as guinea pigs while hoping to have his own patented measles vaccine taken on. He has in the pay of lawyers running vaccine damage claims. He has been accurately outed as a con man and a dangerous charlatan.

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    Mute Sharon McDaid
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    Feb 10th 2012, 10:23 PM

    Shanti Om, Wakefield has been thoroughly disgraced and discredited, he falsified data knowingly and used children as guinea pigs while hoping to have his own patented measles vaccine taken on. He was in the pay of lawyers running vaccine damage claims. He has been accurately outed as a con man and a dangerous charlatan who confused parents. Vaccination uptakes dropped because of this man and children have died of preventable diseases. He deserved to be struck off.

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    Mute Anita Koppenhofer
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    Feb 10th 2012, 10:35 PM

    When my youngest son was born, I had a strong gut reaction to having him vaccinated with the MMR , i never understood why i had this feeling but i went with it.and didnt have him vaccinated. I had an older son with ADHD and asked the workers to monitor my younger son to see if there was any traits etc …There was none . In junior infants the children received the booster for the MMR and i allowed my son have it done as i felt he was older and could handle it. My son went on to develop problems in school and was diagnosed with Aspergers ETC, I believe the vaccine triggered these disorders in him and i regret i never stuck to my gut feelings, so yes i believe there is a link and it should be researched more !

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    Mute Shanti Om
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    Feb 10th 2012, 11:37 PM

    @ Sharon, I would direct you to the paper itself. Nowhere does it say the MMR vaccine causes Autism. It does suggest that the triple dose may be a little too much for the already fragile digestive tract of a child exhibiting behavioural problems. It wasn’t even all autistic kids in the study.

    Every person I have ever met who suffers with an autistic spectrum disorder has a restricted diet, I have discussed it with one or two of them and they said that this is quite common. I have a few friends working in social care scenarios who confirmed that all their autism / ASD guys have restricted diets too.

    That was what the paper was about. It was a small study, that’s well known. The fact it got so blown out of proportion is what is crazy. Far more interesting studies than that come out everyday that have a far more drastic impact on medical issues that very few people ever hear of.

    As for Wakefields credentials, maybe he did commit fraud (he never said what he’s accused of but lets ignore that).. When you bear in mind the sheer amount of medical research fraud carried out daily, how come only one man has the big bad reputation?

    Richard Smith in his paper “Classical Peer Review: An Empty Gun” estimates that up to 99% of what is printed in med journals is fraudulent. Ben Goldacre in his ted talk on battling bad science pointed out that there are over 600,000 ways to rig a trial.

    Yet companies like Pfizer can be done for fraud and are allowed to set up shell companies to take the hit for them because they were deemed too big to fail, Merck left a drug that they knew increased the risk of a fatal coronary event by 40% on the market until the compensation claims start to outweigh the profits (Vioxx), Avandia was allowed on sale despite suppressed evidence of similarly fatal effects.

    Why aren’t these other fraudsters being made a bigger example of? Especially as some of them are directly responsible for deaths as a result of the evidence of harm that they suppressed.

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    Mute Ed Mooney
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    Feb 10th 2012, 9:14 PM

    The Irish Examiner as a news outlet has gone down hugely in my estimation for their standard of journalism.

    My sister has fought the system for the past 6 years on behalf of my nephew and he has been surrounded by love since the day he was born. She responded to the Examiner as follows.

    http://www.irishexaminer.com/opinion/letters/people-with-autism-deserve-better-183136.html

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    Mute Rosa Fleming
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    Feb 10th 2012, 9:44 PM

    My cousin’s child is severely autistic and I think if he stood in front of her She and her husband would have one or two things to say to him. His arrogance is outstanding….

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    Mute Anita McNerney
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    Feb 10th 2012, 9:44 PM

    This psychologist with his theories can come over to my house any day of the week. My son has aspergers syndrome and it’s absolutely nothing to do with lack of love. I love both my children to infinity and beyond,one has aspergers the other doesn’t. Explain that mr.psychologist or rather don’t even try

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    Mute Proinsias Ó Fearghail
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    Feb 10th 2012, 10:18 PM

    I have,as part of my techaer education,been forced to read Tony Humphreys on occasion. I have little or no respect for the man. He is essentially a self publlicising tabloid psychologist. Ignore him.

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    Mute Shanti Om
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    Feb 10th 2012, 10:07 PM

    I have a few friends with autistic spectrum disorders, and a few friends with kids who have them..
    I have never seen any shortage of love in these families. Nor would any of my friends say their parents did anything but love them..

    This guy seems to have plucked these comments from thin air or something, I see no evidence of it whatsoever..

    To the author, the very fact that you worry about whether or not you show your child enough love is proof that you do. Don’t let this hairbrained theory upset you. You sound like you’re doing your best – and no one could ask you to do any more.

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    Mute Karen dunne
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    Feb 10th 2012, 10:07 PM

    Any credibility is had is now gone. Even the professor who tony based his article on disagrees with his findings. He also has stated that children with caner in the arm happens because parents don’t hold a child’s hand enough . I heard he has a new book out. Publicity I think. Well I for one won’t be buying his load of rubbish . He’s just an attention seeker. He reeds help.

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    Mute Lisa Duggan
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    Feb 10th 2012, 10:23 PM

    My friend is waiting on a diagnosis for her middle son. I can guarantee she is a dedicated stay at home mother who has definatley loved her sons and shown it. I can’t imagine the motivation of Tony Humphries for these ridiculous suggestions. I think the author is very brave to tell her story and I wish her the best with all of her children x

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    Mute Amellia Gormley
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    Feb 10th 2012, 10:32 PM

    this was the theory back in the 60′s , thankfully healthcare professionals nowadays would agree that this article is a load of claptrap!!

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    Mute Anne McInerney
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    Feb 10th 2012, 10:59 PM

    I have experience of this issue both as an Educator and a Parent. Tony Humphries article totally outraged me. Its fine to offer contoversial theories but firstly be prepared, very prepared to defend them in the same media you propose them. He has totally lost all creditability . The refridgerator mother theory (why is it always the mother,what about the Paternal Gene input into the equasion)?is old hat. His refusal to engage with the understandably emotional parents is pathetic. Its way to glib to offer those theories and refuse to debate them. Its in no way helpful to those parents doing their daily best for their children and now he adds these comments which might have some credence to those not involved with Autistic Child Development by virtue of his public profile.Tony Humphries seriously needs to walk a week in the shoes of the parents of an Autistic Child before he offers another “considered comment”

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    Mute Shanti Om
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    Feb 10th 2012, 11:40 PM

    Hmm, glibness, lack of compassion or consequential thinking.. Maybe he’s a sociopath lol!

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    Mute Anne Marie O'Beirne
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    Feb 10th 2012, 11:36 PM

    “Such people are more likely to ‘live in their heads’ he says, and as a result there is an ‘absence of expressed love and affection’ in their lives”.

    I ‘live in my head’ a lot and have worked in studied and worked in software in the past but when it comes to kids they bring me down to earth and I have no problem expressing love and affection for them. So I disagree with that theory. Such a generalisation. Never make assumptions in life.

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    Mute Gavin McDonald
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    Feb 11th 2012, 9:51 AM

    Sorry Paula did you hear the “woman” defending tony humphreys honour on liveline. She was a previous student of his. Brainwashed. Tony would definitely not intentionally have written that article to cause harm. Tony is this, tony is that, tony, tony, tony, tony, tony. She even questioned the motives of the woman named Jackie who tackled him at the end of the conference. I take offence to your comment about men talking shite sometimes, and should stay quiet when they don’t know what they are talking about, and you talk about your son “had” asd and aspergers? Really is he still on the spectrum? Or was it just a typo?. I’m a dad, a father, a carer, and most of all my sons best friend. Whilst your theory of men knowing nothing might have been in your case, its not general view of most women. T humphreys is an idiot, he has resurfaced theories that died with the dinosaurs. Not all men or women are like him, even the so called the professionals who live and work in their heads. He is a shame on his profession and a sham of a human being.

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    Mute Paula Mcilwrath
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    Feb 11th 2012, 10:45 AM

    Sorry Gavan I didn’t see the programme .. And the had was a typo . I know great fathers out there who put a lot of time into their kids and even more when they have kids with problems. And their voices should be heard. But ( as far as I know ) he , Humphreys didn’t say that kids get autism because their fathers didn’t love them . Kids don’t get autism they are born with it. Humphreys doesn’t know what he’s talking about and most people who don’t have kids with ASD don’t understand the difficulties parents have to deal with regularly . It doesn’t mean we don’t love our kids. After being. CAlled a lazy mother , heartless mother because I didn’t hug my son !!!!! And anyone who has a child with ASD knows that a hug from your child with ASD is very special. A detached mother , a cold fish ! And from people who didn’t know me , or watch the struggle that parents go through to get the condition diagnosed . Yes I do get a bit naffed at some Man telling me I’m to cause of his autism . I have also had women call me names too and to them I have said…. Stop taking S*** and to shut up too.

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    Mute howzat
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    Feb 11th 2012, 9:29 AM

    Humphries has been spouting this for years looking for a gullible audience to rant with and got the recently poor examiner as the main vehicle
    The guy that wrote the original article was on the radio this week contradicting the dribble and quotes
    Shame on the editor of the paper
    For all those parents that have read this dribble and feel infuriated don’t be as any sane person sees this dribble for what it is
    Move on

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    Mute Lisa Saputo
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    Feb 11th 2012, 10:07 AM

    My brother is profoundly autistic and in hindsight the signs were there from the very beginning. Without intervention everything just got worse though. But at no point was there ever a lack of attention or love for that kid. This theory is a load of shit if you ask me, as are any connections to the MMR jab. My feeling is that autism is genetic and hopefully we will know that for a fact in a couple of years.

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    Mute Paula Mcilwrath
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    Feb 11th 2012, 9:16 AM

    It always seems to be the men blaming the mothers.! I lost a baby a year before I had my son. So I loved him to pieces. I had difficulties with the pregnancy and had to be checked every week incase I lost him too. He was delivered a month early. He was a great baby , although a difficult feeder. Then he went to school and all hell broke loose .! My son had ASD and Aspergers. I did nothing wrong as a mother . However …. His problems weren’t spotted until he went to school. I’m a great mother! Made all the better by having to cope with a child with ASD that has only made us closer.
    Men talk a big load off S*** sometimes and should just stay silent when they don’t know what they are talking about….

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    Mute Lisa Saputo
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    Feb 11th 2012, 10:09 AM

    It’s true Paula, mothers get blamed for a lot of things.

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    Mute Gavin McDonald
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    Feb 11th 2012, 10:28 AM

    I do hope so Lisa saputo. But every story is different. It may be 100% genetic. It may be triggered by the mmr. Nothing can be discredited except except ” cold parenting”

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    Mute Stephen Johnston
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    Feb 11th 2012, 10:53 AM

    Tony Humphreys is mistaken and willfully unable to see it, and yet again more hurt is caused to the parents of kids with autism by irresponsible journalism parroting discredited or misinterpreted science without context. Newspapers employ lawyers to vet their potentially libelous output, if only they had scientists to do the same for this sort of drivel.

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    Mute Gavin McDonald
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    Feb 11th 2012, 1:10 AM

    Shanti om I didn’t do much research on wakefields theories or views but I can 99.99% blame my sons autism on the mmr vaccine. Never had any concerns with him, yet after his mmr he went downhill, withdrawn and diagnosed at 3. Everyone has an opinion on genes and mmr and I for one aren’t an expert, but I certainly know that nothing, except tony humphreys theory of no love,should be discounted in the autism world.

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    Mute Barbara Mcguire
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    Feb 11th 2012, 8:15 AM

    MMMM autism, genetic, linked to other neurological conditions,,,,,PKU epilepsy and ADHD, now recognised as a neurological disorder. I think it is dangerous and distressing and irresponsible of Tony Humphries make such blanket statements. If Tony Humphries wants to research this I am happy to meet him to show the links I have researched

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    Mute Gavin McDonald
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    Feb 11th 2012, 11:32 AM

    tony humphrey is apparently going to talk on the mary finucane show which is on rte radio 1 now. tune in

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    Mute David Holbrook
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    Feb 10th 2012, 11:31 PM

    Just dipping into this…Tony seems like a nice guy..who has done quite a bit of good along the way..he needs to be a bit more scientific…learn and come back with what he has to offer…

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