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HAVING A PSYCHOTIC illness has impacted every single part of my life in some way or another.
Although more children are now being diagnosed with and treated for schizophrenia, it is considered to be rare in childhood. When I was a child, it was pretty much unheard of.
Explaining that I hear voices in my head and live in a state of constant paranoia is hard enough as an adult, but as a child it was too much for me to even understand myself. So, I lived through a very dark and disturbing time alone.
I wasn’t diagnosed until my twenties
I have struggled with my mental health for as long as I can remember, everything from hallucinations, delusions, manic episodes, to anxiety, self-harm and obsessive-compulsive thoughts.
I was finally treated for psychosis in my early twenties and was diagnosed with schizophrenia. I remember asking a doctor if she could make me “normal” like all the other girls my age. I thought my life was over. I would never have the future I had imagined.
There was not some magic wand that could “fix” everything, and the prospect of having a long-term, incurable illness felt like a punishment. I had already lived nearly my entire life with psychosis thinking there would be an end to it. Finding out that this was a permanent, irreversible thing is what got to me the most.
It’s easy to get caught up with the stigma that surrounds schizophrenia. The word psychotic is constantly misused in everyday conversation, people use it to describe a person’s behaviour that they don’t approve of. Experiencing hallucinations, delusions or disorganised thinking is psychotic — psychosis is a serious illness, it is not an insult.
Movies promote stereotypes
Movies and TV programmes are continuously promoting negative stereotypes and myths associated with schizophrenia. It is a lot harder to speak up and get help for a condition which carries the weight of such strong misconceptions.
Every time schizophrenia is used for sensationalism, it sets us back. A lot of people, myself included, go on to lead normal, successful lives. Schizophrenia may be a long-term illness, but that does not mean it is unmanageable or untreatable.
Stigma has delayed my recovery many times. I am OK with having a psychotic illness, but sometimes other people’s ignorance can change that. Every time I experience stigma, it takes away a little bit of the resilience and self-acceptance I have worked so hard to build up. Every time I see my mental health problem used in the media as an explanation for a person’s crime or wrongdoing, it can bring on feelings of shame.
I feel the need to justify my illness to those who tar us all with the same brush based on negative stereotypes.
I’ve fully accepted and made peace with my diagnosis
At this point of my life I can honestly say that I have fully accepted and made peace with having schizophrenia. I even embrace it. I realised that all I was doing before was wishing my life away and putting myself in an angry, miserable place. I was self-stigmatising in a sense. I think everyone who is diagnosed with any kind of long-term illness, whether it be mental or physical, goes through a sort of grieving process for what might have been.
I eventually realised there is one thing schizophrenia cannot take away from me — who I am as a person. My illness does not define me. My own personality is far too important to be overshadowed. No matter how tough things get, I always try to keep my sense humour.
I am my own person first and foremost, psychosis is just one tiny part of all the experiences and life lessons that have made me into who I am now. I continue to experience psychotic symptoms every day, but having them for such a long time means I have actually gotten somewhat used to them.
That’s not to say things have been easy, it’s been a really rough journey, full of ups and downs. Every time I think I’m getting to a place of being content and happy, something always knocks me back. This, I’m afraid, is just how life goes. It is not always fair. I have to constantly manage my condition and be aware of the signs of relapse, which is something I have experienced many times now.
*Nicola is a mental health ambassador and blog author www.prettysane.com.
#StillJustMe is an anti-stigma campaign launched in 2017 by Walk in My Shoes, the education and awareness initiative of St Patrick’s Mental Health Services. Through a series of short films and blog articles written by mental health experts and those with lived experience, #StillJustMe aims to shine a spotlight on some of the most poorly understood and stigmatised mental health difficulties, including: eating disorders, depression, schizophrenia and psychosis, and addiction.
Visit www.walkinmyshoes.ie/still-just-me to view the full campaign. For mental health support and information, please call 01 249 3333, email info@stpatsmail.com or visit www.stpatricks.ie.
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Can we please stop propagating the lies of the English media? Brexit did the damage, not the protocol.
You can’t hold a poll asking people if they think the Protocol is good for Northern Ireland without clarifying what the alternative is.
That’s like asking a child if they think the settlement that their parents agreed to after divorce is good.
Let’s be clear… article 16 does not end the protocol. It can suspend a part of it for a short period of time. When the UK says it will trigger A16, call it out for what they want to do….they want to scrap it and force a border on the island of Ireland or a border between Ireland and EU. That’s their plan and I believe it’s been the plan all along. This mess has been made by the UK and the protocol is a plaster. The GB companies that send those goods that will never end up back in the EU (including ROI) need to be better catered for. The issue is that there is no trust between the UK and EU as, so far, the UK hasn’t implemented main parts of the protocol so all at risk goods must be considered guilty until proven innocent.
Ok theJournal…. Time to correct your headlines… “Is Brexit bad or good for firms in Northern Ireland?”
The protocol is a workaround to the main issue, Brexit..
While I’ve no doubt it has caused some legitimate disruption for businesses heavily linked to GB, how did the study take into account costs (for consultancy etc) that would’ve been incurred without the procotol because they also trade with the EU?
Or how did it take into account all the paperwork NI businesses save because they can trade with the Republic and the rest of the EU freely?
All these analyses seem to assume that trade with Ireland was either insignificant, or its continuity was a a given (neither of these are true) and that any disruption with GB is a cost without any quantifiable benefit (again not true).
It’s not the protocol that’s not working. It’s brexit that’s not working.
How dare the EU break away from the United Kingdom. They’ve made things very difficult for everyone, especially the Brits!
By leaving the CU and SM and going for a Sharia Brexit GB turned itself into a legal and regulatory Kaliningrad. Their call-their choice…If they hadn’t CHOSEN that there would be no protocol. They want a hard border in IRL or IRL out the the EU-they will get neither but what they will get is humiliation.
have your say