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CHRISTMAS SHOULD BE among the happiest days of the year, 24 hours to appreciate your loved ones. However, that’s not always the case for those who have been bereaved.
Whether it be the first year without them or the 10th, Christmas Day can be a tough milestone for the thousands in Ireland who have lost a child, a parent, a grandparent, or, indeed, any loved one.
Paul Dowling experienced the loss of his 23-year-old daughter Colette on 9 March 2012, after a battle with Cystic Fibrosis.
He told us:
Christmas will never have the blissfulness it had before, never again.
Dowling said that Cystic Fibrosis never really impacted Colette growing up. However, she got a serious infection when she was in her third year of Trinity College Dublin and her lung function dropped considerably.
After years of waiting for a transplant, Colette sadly passed away.
Dowling told TheJournal.ie that the first Christmas was the most difficult to deal with following her death. The Dowling family didn’t put up decorations and had no celebrations.
“The first Christmas… To be honest, you’re in shock, but everything is a first in the first year,” Dowling said.
This is Dowling’s sixth Christmas without Colette, and while he stressed that the first Christmas will always be the toughest, he said that the holidays remain a struggle.
“We set a place at the dinner table at Christmas. All we want is the Christmas dinner to be out of the way and that’s it, it’s over. Christmas doesn’t really mean anything to us,” Dowling said.
Every Christmas, my wife Pam buys a small piece of jewellery for Colette and we go up into the attic and put it in a box up there.
“In the lead up [to Christmas]… At times, I look around and I see the commercials and it means nothing. Instead of getting angry I have no energy to be angry, I just look at it with a very cynical view.”
It’s not just Christmas that can be difficult for those who are grieving, Dowling said that New Year’s Eve can be just as upsetting.
“New Year’s Eve is worse because there was always such joy in our house. We have three girls. Our house was full of people on New Year’s Eve and it was the girls who brought them in,” he said.
‘Keep it simple’
As difficult as Christmas can be, people who have lost a loved one should try to keep celebrations simple and to keep busy, Dowling urged.
Try and keep things as simple as possible because the first Christmas is really very, very difficult. You’ve got to think of yourself and if you can’t face people, get somebody close to you to act as a bodyguard for you.
Basically, some relations can say the wrong things but again you need to kind of think of yourself. If there’s someone that’s helping you and you know will provide some support, get them to tell others how you’re feeling, how things are.
He advised that if those grieving are going to have friends or family visiting to keep them short and to “pace yourself”.
“Your energy is at rock bottom in the first year. You’re physically and mentally drained, it’s a trauma that you’re going through.”
Dowling did, however, note the importance of getting out of bed on Christmas morning and keeping busy.
“It’s important that you actually get up in the morning, get your breakfast, get organised and do something over Christmas, it’s important to do something.”
Anam Cara, a parent bereavement organisation, has helped Dowling and his wife along their journey of grief. Dowling said: “I recommend people go to at least one meeting, it might not be for everybody, but it’s a great support.”
It has been five years since Colette Dowling passed away. Ending his chat with TheJournal.ie, Dowling left one last piece of advice for those who have the long road of bereavement ahead of them.
We’re five years down the road and it’s still a short amount of time. It’s hard for society to understand that it takes a long, long time but we’re in a better place now.
The grief doesn’t get smaller but we get better at carrying it. We get stronger and bigger and it’s important to actually have a bit of hope.
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Or maybe the entry fee is far too expensive
@cryptodon: we go once a year and I find it good value of an entry price for a full day, we go for 9.30am and leave at 5pm. Buy tickets online and save a few quid. We bring a packed lunch, and ignore paid photos/toys/extras. The food there is too expensive and of bad quality.
@Bleurgh: i bet they hate people like you
@cryptodon: it’s not.
@cryptodon: expensive and sh!te
High rent is forcing people to stop doing thing which are not required to live. Restaurants, shops, and places like the zoo are going to be affected the current housing crisis.
@bill2345: Well they will, but laugh away all you like pal.
@bill2345: It’s not just €16 if you’re a family of four or five, add on the food and it’s closer to €100 for a day out..
@bill2345: actually plenty of people can’t afford that. And it’s not only an individual ticket we are talking about. People tend to go with kids so it adds up quickly.
Having said that, I do understand that taking care of the animals doesn’t come cheap. I do wonder though if they would make more profit of they had better kids and family rates.
Or maybe do a kids go free month? Or a half price adults event?
@David Garland: pack your sandwiches
@bill2345: David is correct, your a moron
It’s a very expensive family day out, if it was more affordable I’d be there all the time
@Jeni Moriarty: If you are near enough to be able to go frequently then an annual pass is great value.
@Clifford Brennan:
The annual pass is fantastic value…..if you have €200 to spare.
I’ve bought it many times and gotten great use out of it. I don’t have €200 spare at the moment so I don’t have the annual pass.
Perhaps if there was a monthly direct debit option to pay for it more people might avail.
@moneymaid: hi Melbourne Zoo adult membership is $108 per adult can be be paid monthly and members child get free admission
@Clifford Brennan: actually not a bad idea, think I’ll ask santy, he’s sound like that
Seriously? The Popes visit? Phoenix Park was cordoned off for ONE day but yet had an impact on the Zoo’s profit. How about for a change blaming the price of the entry ticket
@Lien Lynch: It says in the article they had to shut for 3 days because of it. No business for 3 days in the middle of both the tourism season and kids summer holidays would be absolutely devastating for a zoo.
@Lien Lynch: Phoenix Park was closed off for more than one day (perhaps only after the first roundabout, I’m not sure). The Zoo and the visitor’s centre missed out on business in the last week of the summer holidays, which is normally a very busy time. I commented to friends at the time, that I thought both should be getting some compensation from the church.
@Rochelle: they didn’t close for 3 days, the article might say that and believe that if you will
@Lien Lynch: it was closed for 3 days, just look at their twitter for August 2018 and you’ll see them telling people they were closed Saturday to Monday inclusive.
@Lien Lynch: OK, since you know how long they closed for exactly, do tell us?
@Martin Harte: one day, I said that earlier! Are you not able to read?
@Rochelle: the popes visit was the end of August which means it wasn’t the “middle” of the kids summer holidays, if that was the case the kids would be going back to school in october. Also the day of the Papal mass there was torrential rain. If the Papal mass did not take place do you think hoardes of families would still have went to the zoo that day?
@Lien Lynch: Brexit explains everything.
The junkies shooting up outside the gates under the trees wouldn’t help…
5 extra staff cost €500,000 !!
Wow
@Tom Kelly: it’s their new local wildlife attraction
@Tom Kelly: if those 5 happened to be vets that’s quite plausible, even more junior appointments may cost that much when you factor in not just salary but employer PRSI and pension contributions.
Seems a bit odd to have a 70% decrease in profits but have less than 9% drop in visitors. Have their costs jumped up a lot too?
It’s too hard to see most of the animals in Dublin zoo compared to other zoos in Europe
@Random_paddy: What?
@Chin Feeyin: Random paddy is right, they designed it so the animals like the silver back gorilla can have a choice to be seen or not,like in their natural habitat. Elephants are given the choice to amongst others.
@Random_paddy: that’s the point so the animals have there own choice, have you ever been to london zoo ,I’ve never been so depressed leaving a tourist attraction before
@Random_paddy: yeah you’re right. They should have them in much, much smaller cages where we can at least see them.
@Random_paddy: If you like animals that’s a good thing, if you want to see animals up close I suggest you go to a pet shop or watch Attenborough.
Here’s a tip round up all the loose horses running around Dublin. That should feed the lions tigers and bears for years to come. Think of the savings.
@stephen darling: that’s a great idea. And some of the feral youth could be fed to them too.
@Peter99: that’s a better idea!
I was there last week, boy has it changed a lot over the years, I remember going as a child, as a family, all animals were in cages, there was the chimps tea party, the petting area, I was there again about thirty years or so, about the time when the animals were given areas to roam around. but were very visible to all, the lions especially. Last week, firstly I was shocked at the price €19.50. So much had changed, so many areas overgrown, an extreme difficulty in seeing many animals, a lot of the viewing was through glass panels, and nearly impossible to see anything when the sun was shinning, Many of the animals were inactive, hiding, or maybe not there at all. the usual ones were,penguins,giraffes penguins,rhinos,chimps.But I didn’t see any Bears ( I know the Polar one is gone) Large Apes, Hippos, alligators or crocodiles. They were setting up a theme for Alice in wonderland, It now seems that the Zoo is more orientated towards children than any interest for adults. I not sure that all this righteous, animal welfare, is actually doing more harm to the animals, depriving them of any human contact, as many are reared by humans in the first place, they seems as bored as many of us were. I won’t be be going back again, no reason too. I’m no child anymore, over 60 in-fact. It is however worth a visit.
@Peter Dunwoody: areas are “overgrown” to provide a more natural environment for the animals. I’m sorry you were upset that the animals are no longer in small cages for you to view easily and “deprived of human contact”
You can see more on the tv programme than when you go!
@Niamh Donnelly: absolutely, if you walk around the place with your eyes closed!
I do think that if the price was cheaper off season maybe you’d still get a good footfall , it’s pricey for a family even if they bring a packed picnic ! Parking isn’t great either unless your there first thing in the morning
I was born in Dublin and visited the Zoo regularly as a kid. It never cost me much more than a couple of quid and this usually covered an ice cream.
Last year I was flabbergasted at the amount of money they wanted at the door for my family. My 4 year old granddaughter was expected to cough up the same as me.
That ended a good memory I had of the place.
In Zoo in Chicago has rates that are a lot less and it it even has a free day every week.
Pope’s visit was during bad weather so visitors would be down anyway
The article has inconsistencies but are they saying closing for three days had such an effect?
What a terrible sad story
I have an annual pass I tried to go to the zoo as much as possible and I love the food in the meerkat restaurant, I find the prices in the gift shop can be a bit high but it’s all about taking care of the animals. Can’t wait for the wild night at the zoo.
May buy a membership to help them out
€756k profit, and they are moaning about it? Jebus why does every business in this state think it has a right to make millions every year
rip off
Why was it forced to close when the pope was here?
Yet another article trying to whip up anti catholic sentiment by blaming it for dublin zoos woes. I hardly think one day in the year would make or break any attraction. How many days were they closed due to bad weather?
Think a bit more innovation with special deals and offers and reductions for families would attract the crowds back. It’s a great day out but you wouldn’t really splash out more than once a year. Nearly €50 for an online booking for two adults and two children would be quite a lot out of some people’s weekly budget. Also, reduce the prices in the restaurant or have a few more meal deals. It’ll increase profits in the long term.
@Maria Conroy Byrne: Think I’m just gonna throw 20 a week aside from January to June and head up, by next June it will be 2 adults and 4 children, but the newborn will get in free and I’m pretty sure my 1 year old who will be two also gets in free not 100% sure about the 2 year old
Personally I’m blame elephant farts…
At least they didn’t blame brexit
Seems your journalistic cant do maths..
Decease by 88xxx thousand based on 1108xxx to 1109xxxx doesn’t add up…
Seems a lot for a few days
have your say