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HIV diagnosis 'I went into a spasm of shock. My mother knew the result just by looking at me'

But HIV is no longer a terminal illness, it’s a chronic disease and is manageable, writes Gary.

LAST SUNDAY 26 November was a significant day for me. Not only was it my parents’ wedding anniversary but it also marks the 28th anniversary of the day I was diagnosed as HIV positive.

I was 30 years old and at the time was in a psychiatric unit being treated for depression when the test results came back positive.

I went into a spasm of shock and my mother knew the result just by looking at me. Back in 1989 the life expectancy for someone with HIV was 12 to 18 months. I felt I was facing a death sentence.

Doctors didn’t have much information for us

It was such a new disease that the doctors didn’t have much information for us. My mother decided our weapon of choice would be information, so we started arming ourselves with research.

The next two years were extremely low for me. I found it hard to get out of bed. Funerals of friends seemed to be always happening, with one friend passing away and six months later his partner too, both due to HIV.

I lost my job. Ambulances left without me. Prescriptions got mixed up and accidently poisoned me. It got to a point where my mother had to feed me to ensure I ate.

My depression was compounded by the fact that I had HIV. I was completely struck down by it.

I can’t describe the hope it gave me

Eventually change started to occur. I’ll never forget the day my doctor told me my HIV was now deemed long-term non-progressive. I can’t describe the hope that gave me.

My hectic social scene pre-diagnosis became a distant memory. Anyone living with a chronic illness knows that you must make lifestyle changes. It was tough but I stopped drinking and smoking and began eating well and exercising regularly. These changes had a significantly positive impact on my mental health which has given me increased strength to deal with my chronic disease.

My crutch throughout this whole journey has been AIDS West. I first heard of AIDS West five days after my diagnosis in 1989. It was World AIDS Day and they were on RTÉ Radio 1.

I went to the nearest payphone with a couple of 50 pence pieces and called RTÉ to find out about this support service. The following day three of the team from AIDS West came to visit me. I was assigned a befriender and the support I have received from them in the last 28 years has been invaluable. I didn’t think I would grow older with this virus so have relied on the support of the organisation to help navigate the journey and I continue to do so.

A sense of purpose

If I was to give one piece of life advice to someone who has been diagnosed with HIV it would be to get a dog. My dog Rufus has given me a sense of purpose and helped take the focus off myself and my illness. I have to get up every day to walk him and care for him.

When I was in my early twenties I knew nothing about HIV or the risks. I simply thought I would live forever. I suppose one of the greatest lessons for me in all this is that there are consequences to our actions and taking a risk is not always worth it.

I’m 58 now and I expect to live well into my eighties or nineties. As well as HIV, I experience all the same aches and pains as anyone else in their fifties.

Thankfully today, access to services is far greater, treatments are more readily available and there are more clinics to diagnose and treat those with HIV. Stigma still exists however though in my experience it has abated somewhat since the 80s.

HIV is no longer a terminal illness, it’s a chronic disease and is manageable if treatment is adhered to.

My advice to anyone who is concerned about exposure to the virus is simple: go and get tested. It’s not easy but the support systems are in place to help make the process more manageable.

To anyone who has been diagnosed as HIV positive, keep asking questions, stay informed, take your medication and live your life to the fullest. I never expected to age with HIV let alone age positively.

Written by Gary* who wishes to remain anonymous. AIDS West is a voluntary organisation based in Galway. For anyone seeking information or support visit aidswest.ie or call 091 562213.

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    Mute The Risen
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 10:45 AM

    …or homelessness…or hunger…or poverty…or being stuck on a trolley on A&E for 2 days….

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    Mute Gordon Hughes
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 10:52 AM

    @The Risen: all same things SF have inflicted on the north through their continued absence from stormont

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    Mute JusticeForJoe
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 10:59 AM

    @Gordon Hughes: Clever. You must be really clever

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    Mute Peter O Donnell
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 10:59 AM

    @The Risen: or hard honest work.

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    Mute Brin
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 11:01 AM

    @The Risen: he worked as a junior doctor for years! And why would he experience homelessness or poverty, as like the 99% he worked hard. Whether or not you like the man, or his party, this is just nonsense shouting “homeless”! It’s an article about racism and homophobia – we don’t ask people in hostels how much homophobia they have experienced, and turn them away. Jesus!

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    Mute David Corrigan
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 11:16 AM

    @Gordon Hughes: Pitiful.

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    Mute herp
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 11:26 AM

    @Brin: Brin it’s all spin….

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    Mute Clifford Brennan
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 11:30 AM

    @The Risen: Interesting how Gemma O’dohertys most vocal supporter here would deflect from an important message on this topic. Whats the story with that? He was asked about his experiences as a person of colour. You have literally dozens of articles to comment on homelessness etc. Poor effort.

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    Mute Paul O'Sullivan
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 11:38 AM

    @Gordon Hughes: can you not get it into that thick skull of yours that SF run canadites in the occupied six counties, on the pre-text that they will abstain from taking their seats if elected… it is really a silly point you are making. The people know what they are getting when they elect a SF candidate… unlike our own in the 26 counties that are frequently absent from the Dail or away on a junket at our expense.

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    Mute Red Pirate 71
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 11:52 AM

    @JusticeForJoe: he’s right. How’s that mr clever.

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    Mute Devilsavocado
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 11:58 AM

    @Gordon Hughes: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, it will be a cold day in hell before SF get my vote,, but what the hell has SF got to do with this Gordon??

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    Mute Frank Cauldhame
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 12:14 PM

    Fair enough Leo although your party have been embroiled in controversy recently by putting forward a candidate who was not properly vetted resulting in embarrassment for Fine Gael due to her raising her racist views which go against everything you appear to aspire to in your comments above. Don’t just talk the talk to deflect from that despicable episode, we’re all veronly human beings at the end of the day.

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    Mute Seamus Murphy
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 12:32 PM

    @Brin: well said! Some people aren’t happy unless they’re whinging.

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    Mute The Risen
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 2:03 PM

    @Clifford Brennan: LOL! Clifford, Gemma O’doherty lost my support at around the same time she lost her marbles. I’ve mentioned that here before. Do try to keep up, good chap!

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    Mute Clifford Brennan
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 2:27 PM

    @The Risen: You were advised of those lost marbles at the time, by myself & others, when you were canvassing here for her free of charge but you wouldn’t listen. Congratulations on eventually catching up with the rest of us. You took your time!

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    Mute Tommy Roche
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 4:30 PM

    @Gordon Hughes: Have you not been following the news this past week ? Or are you just ignoring it because to admit the truth would expose your views for what they really are. An agenda driven distortion of reality.

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    Mute Gordon Hughes
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 5:08 PM

    @Paul O’Sullivan: good lad Paul, you’re clearly ad bright as me so, I clearly mentioned stormont not Westminster, don’t let the facts stop you putting 2 + 2 together and coming up with 34,972. Jump to the wrong conclusion there Einstein, everybody knows what you get you elect a SF candidate…. Absolutely nothing worthwhile

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    Mute JKtucker
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 6:36 PM

    @Brin: who’s side are you on Brin, the people or them doesn’t matter what the article is about, he’s a smug arse hole that needs to be made out to be the smug arse hole he is…

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    Mute JKtucker
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 6:42 PM

    @Brin: who’s side are you on Brin, he’s a cock and needs to treated as such, he does the country no favours… Don’t do him any.

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    Mute Bill ORourke
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 9:50 PM

    @The Risen: winner of post of the year – well done you!

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    Mute James Dooley
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 10:46 AM

    He is in Leo land. Where all media for him is vetted and filtered as I have seen it on social media as I’m sure others have also

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    Mute Still-Not-News
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 12:48 PM

    @James Dooley: Time to drain the FG swamp.

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    Mute JusticeForJoe
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 10:46 AM

    Yeah but what about the general animosity felt towards you by large swathes of the population on account of your ‘I hate poor people because they make me look bad’ policies?

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    Mute dick dastardly
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 10:49 AM

    That’s because he has swarmed himself around both brown nosing politicians and media,come out onto the streets of us normal people.he won’t be long told this country is in dire straits that’s been led by a very poor leader in government

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    Mute Paul Whitehead
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 11:09 AM

    @dick dastardly: Dire straights? Really? We are doing very well as a country and economy. There are big issues with homelessness, but that is just about policy. It could and should be resolvable.

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    Mute john
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 12:00 PM

    @dick dastardly: we’re a wealthy country dick

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    Mute Beer Wolf
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 12:08 PM

    @john:

    As one that lives out in the country I take offence to you referring to me as a dick!

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    Mute PJ Higgins
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 12:29 PM

    @Paul Whitehead: the country is on the brink of collapse. Hello wake up little man. The government will be disbanded very soon and there will be yet another crash. Can you guess where? Can you guess who caused it and can you guess who will pay for it. Ireland on the up and up hey everyone is on 55k minimum a year sure leo said so hahaha.

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    Mute dick dastardly
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 1:01 PM

    @Paul Whitehead: take a drive outside the M50 some day.its a complete different economy to Dublin

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    Mute Sean Barry
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 1:38 PM

    @Paul Whitehead: absolute rubbish. Worst government in terms of health, housing, education and climate

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    Mute Billy Nomates
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 2:40 PM

    @john: We’re only a ‘wealthy country’ because of corporate tax take from multinationals. The ERSI has pointed this out. Those multinationals won’t be around forever. The day that those companies leave, I dread to see the state of the country then.

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    Mute r-k
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 11:52 AM

    If he was brought up in the estate I was from and went to the primary school I was in he would’ve been destroyed. He’s part of the elite and therefore detached from reality. His hero is bizarrely Churchill, a man who’s responsible for the deaths of millions of Indians, a country in which his family is from and that he’s visiting now. It’s this lack of understanding of what the majority of people have to go through in this country is why he should never be leader again. He has nothing in common with us

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    Mute Clifford Brennan
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 12:00 PM

    @r-k: Your estate sounds lovely.

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    Mute J
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 12:47 PM

    @r-k: but isn’t that what he said. he was lucky in that he didn’t receive much hate and he has no reason to claim otherwise? maybe your experience is a reflection of the people who inhabit your estate and maybe they’re the ones that need to be a bit more tolerant.

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    Mute Francis Sally
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 1:42 PM

    @J: The hate he receives is for the disastrous policie not of who he is.

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    Mute Paddy J
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 2:08 PM

    @r-k: Your estate and primary school were racist and homophobic when you were growing up? Wow. Have things changed at all or is it still as bad as ever?

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    Mute J
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 2:21 PM

    @Francis Sally: what?

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    Mute Francis Sally
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 9:37 PM

    @J: Seriously???

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    Mute RobPup
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 11:19 AM

    Easy to say when you are in the elite Leo. Ireland is not getting more tolerant or progressive. There are concerted efforts nationally and by foreign actors to turn Ireland in the direction UK and US have gone. And sad to say, those of conservative inclination in our country are lapping it up with gusto… need proof? See below.

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    Mute TM B
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 12:06 PM

    Leo’s La La land is become extremely tedious he hasn’t a clue how those who struggle under his political policies live

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    Mute John Coogan
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 11:15 AM

    Better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you are not! Thank You Kurt Cobain for the words of wisdom.
    Politician or not , he is a fantastic individual to stand up against bigots and racists that try to isolate people of LGBT nature in society the world over because of inherent fear .
    He is also living in the public eye and living a good life! Fairplay to him!

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    Mute PJ Higgins
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 12:33 PM

    @John Coogan: living in the public eye? Where? When? Proof? Go to specsavers son.

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    Mute Francis Sally
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 2:02 PM

    @John Coogan: And what about standing up for the homeless, elderly, addressing rising rents, young people being trying to get on the property ladder, hospital waiting lists, the new maternity hospital the working poor etc. He’s completely out of his depth, incompetent and inept and lining his and his colleagues with tax payers money. I dont care what his orientation is I expect him to do his job.

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    Mute JDB
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 10:52 AM

    There is only one race the human race everything else hatred and ignorance.

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    Mute JusticeForJoe
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 11:00 AM

    @JDB: “People aren’t born with bigotry, it’s something you have to learn and anything you can learn you can unlearn”

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    Mute Divad Nayr
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 12:26 PM

    Just wait till the election starts, you’ll have ffgphobia

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    Mute Dermot Foley
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 12:11 PM

    Does he read the comments section?

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    Mute Seamus Mac
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 5:21 PM

    Thats because ireland is not a particularly racist or homophobic place in an international context despite what we are constantly told by the ever expanding NGO sector in Ireland.

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    Mute John Hartigan
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 6:50 PM

    It’s always the back door with leo

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    Mute paul clifford
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 2:30 PM

    Thats because your from a different world ffs

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    Mute Kay English Curtin
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 12:37 PM

    Headline on the independent reads very differently

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    Mute classic
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 11:16 AM

    @Paul Whitehead whats racist about that comment

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    Mute Mark Gough
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 9:52 PM

    Does he ever shut up a homophobia and racists. Seems they are more important than 10500 homeless, people dying waiting for medical care, chronic rent prices and a million other things people have to live with while the ffg elite squander money with no accountability to anyone. Time for referendum on politicians.

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    Mute Zlim Jody
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 9:49 PM

    Election time……everyone want’s to be a victim, even Leo!

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    Mute UCC Social Democrats Society
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 2:34 PM

    LGBT+ people across Ireland deserve to live happy lives free from prejudice. For that to happen, we must all step up to help bring homophobia, biphobia and transphobia to an end.

    If you see it, #call #It #Out

    https://callitout.ie/

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    Mute UCC Social Democrats Society
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 2:37 PM

    @UCC Social Democrats Society: further, racist discrimination is not welcome here.

    Report any form of discrimination to the Gardai

    And if they dont take your complaint seriously, contact GSOC.

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    Mute Zlim Jody
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 9:55 PM

    @UCC Social Democrats Society: But is it rampant in the real world or just in your head? I’m worldly wise, been around the block a few times (quite a few), mix with people from wide and varied backgrounds and cultures and I just don’t see this discrimination on every street corner, I really don’t and my wide and mixed friends don’t either. Just push the haters to the back, ignore the rubbish and get on with your life rather than spend your life complaining about it and taring whole populations with general assumptions.

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    Mute Damien Barton
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    Dec 23rd 2019, 12:45 AM

    Here’s a name for ya Leo the liar

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    Mute John Hartigan
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    Dec 22nd 2019, 5:34 PM

    What an ass hole doesn’t live in the real world

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