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Alan Kendle Alan Kendle

'I don't hear anything or see anything in my head': Aphantasia... A life without mental images

Researchers believe that 2% of the world’s population could unknowingly suffer from it.

CLOSE YOUR EYES and picture a sunrise.

For most people, the ability to visualize images – such as a sunrise – seems straightforward, and can be accomplished with ease. However, for millions of people around the world, conjuring up an image in one’s mind’s eye is not possible and attempts to visualise images just bring up darkness.

Two years ago, scientists at the University of Exeter coined a name for the inability to see images in your mind – Aphantasia. They believe that 2% of the world’s population could unknowingly suffer from it.

Alan Kendle, from England, has never been able to visualize images.

He explained to TheJournal.ie: ”It’s an inability to visualise in your mind. It’s not that you can’t think of something, but the thing you think of doesn’t have any physical structure or form as an object in your head.”

Since the discovery of the condition, scientists have also come to understand that some people with Aphantasia can’t hear sounds in their mind.

“I don’t hear anything in my head, people say they can hear music in their head but I don’t hear anything,” Kendle said.

When I read a book, I don’t hear words. If I’m speaking to someone and they say something it doesn’t pop anything into my head, nothing at all.

A life without memories 

A person’s ability to remember past events is deeply intertwined with the visual images that come along with them. This, of course, poses a problem for those that cannot visualize mental images.

People with Aphantasia can only remember events because they know that they happened, thus making many mundane events difficult to recall.

“I can’t recall an image and say we did that. I’m not recalling the image but just the knowledge that it happened,” Kendle said.

For example, Kendle remembers going to the US when he was 18 solely because he knows he travelled there, but he has no physical memory to look back on.

Most people may consider the inability to look back on major life events a negative, but Kendle admitted that it has its benefits – he doesn’t have to suffer any bad memories from traumatic events.

“When I was in my 20s I saw a boy who bled to death because he cut the artery in his leg accidentally with his bike frame. He died shortly afterwards but I don’t have a memory of that,” Kendle told TheJournal.ie. 

I don’t have memories of my parents dying. I don’t have bad memories of them in the same way people have vivid memories of their parents’ last days.

On the flip side, Kendle has no visuals to accompany positive events in his life, but with the help of technology, he has discovered ways of helping him recall important moments.

“I rely more on technology now than I would’ve been able to do years ago. Google Photos is my best friend because it chronologically displays pictures in the order I upload them,” he said.

I’m 56, I’ve reached a point in my life where you just accept that you are who you are and you don’t think too negatively about your situation. You just accept who you are.

‘I just didn’t see it coming’ 

Kendle has lived with Dyslexia for his entire life. Before realising that he has Aphantasia, he never noticed that he might have a condition that prevented him from seeing mental images. He simply believed that his brain worked just like everyone else who has Dyslexia.

It was only when his wife was listening to BBC radio and heard an interview with someone with Aphantasia that she put two and two together that this could be what Kendle suffers from.

“I was surprised, I just didn’t see it coming. I thought it was just my Dyslexia, I didn’t think it would be a unique condition,” Kendle told TheJournal.ie. 

“My wife heard about it on BBC and she told me about it. I downloaded the podcast, listened to it and understood that’s what was going on in my head.”

Before discovering his condition, Kendle, an engineer by day, had been working on a book about living with Dyslexia. Upon his discovery he scrapped his book about Dyslexia and began writing about Aphantasia. He soon bagged a deal with a publisher.

Because the discovery of Aphantasia came about through university research, most medical professions have no understanding or knowledge of the condition. When contacted by TheJournal.ie, the HSE confirmed that it had not heard of the condition.

Because of this, Kendle said that the book was important, to spread the message of the condition because, as noted above, up to 2% of the population could have it and be completely oblivious to that fact.

He told TheJournal.ie that he just wants to help those who may have the condition to understand it and be able to preserve memories they haven’t been able to.

He said that his conversations about Aphantasia have already made some of those around him realise they have the condition.

“I know of three or four other people in my work building of over 200 people who think they have it,” Kendle said.

“My colleague in work who found out he has it… something he started doing this year, which is something he doesn’t normally do, is taking more pictures.

“He said: ‘Well, I know now that they’re my memories.’

“What it meant was that he has changed what he does because of the knowledge he has and he’s able to have more memories now.”

Kendle’s book – Aphantasia: Experiences, Perceptions and Insights – was published on 7 December. It includes insights from contributors across the world, detailing their life and experiences with the condition.

Read: Scientists have managed to recreate exactly what this fluffy, toothy dinosaur looked like

More: Why do your ears hang low? New research shows the answer to that question can be very complicated

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    Mute Celtic_Horizon
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    May 5th 2017, 3:39 PM

    Once should be put on first plane out of country once finished his time

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    Mute Ciaran Kehoe
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    May 5th 2017, 4:55 PM

    @KevinMunster: Racist because he wants a thug deported. Are you for real

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    Mute James Halligan
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    May 5th 2017, 4:59 PM

    @KevinMunster: What is racist about deporting the bad bollix.

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    Mute Kevin Moylan
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    May 5th 2017, 8:38 PM

    @Celtic_Horizon: should be thrown out of the plane over the Atlantic you mean ,but dont let the bleeding heart nut jobs know

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    Mute Celtic_Horizon
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    May 5th 2017, 10:54 PM

    @Ciaran Kehoe: Racist are you fu€k!ng kidding me. Your talking to irish man born in uk who has lived in usa. And believe me I have gotten more greaf from my own kin than I did from brits or yanks. But lets be clear I believe that anyone that isn’t irish causing trouble should be kicked out as I do any Irish living in other countries, if they are booted out should be sent home although if there plane found it’s plane landed in Siberia it wouldn’t be worst thing to happen. Toss pot

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    May 5th 2017, 11:04 PM

    @Celtic_Horizon: sorry aimed at KevinMunster

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    Mute Declan Murphy
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    May 5th 2017, 3:44 PM

    Who could have predicted a man with multiple previous convictions in multiple different countries would commit crime in our country? Keep that door open! #criminalswelcome

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    Mute Paul Culligan
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    May 5th 2017, 3:39 PM

    Nothing works better than a ‘warning shot’ straight into the mush.

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    Mute Sean
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    May 5th 2017, 8:07 PM

    @Paul Culligan: You honestly couldnt make it up, think of the amount of money this investiagation cost the state after a shaky garda with a gun!

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    Mute Tom
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    May 6th 2017, 3:16 AM

    @Paul Culligan: He probably sang like a canary after that.

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    Mute Kieran OKeeffe
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    May 5th 2017, 3:47 PM

    Freedom of movement seems to have as many minuses as advantages..hard to believe criminal gangs can move about Europe so freely

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    Mute Seany#NoCeta#NoTTIP
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    May 5th 2017, 4:05 PM

    @Kieran OKeeffe: freedom of movement ensures the easy Islamisation ,whatever percentage of Muslims involved ,of the west. Don’t believe me ? Check out western Europe today and the census

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    Mute Ibhar Mac Suibhne
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    May 5th 2017, 4:17 PM

    @ Kieran this has f*ck all to do with Islam! Gee you must see Islam in everything, this article is about ram raiders… Did you need read the article?
    Stop hyping up the threat of Islamic extremism, it’s all hype and the media are just as much to blame for hyping it up and the extremists themselves

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    Mute Michael Burke
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    May 5th 2017, 6:37 PM

    With several prior convictions for theft in Holland and Norway, how or why was he ever allowed into Ireland? Seriously searching for an answer to this simple question.

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    Mute Scundered
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    May 5th 2017, 5:22 PM

    How about a worldwide rule that criminals are not allowed to travel?

    It would help to stop people making the choice to become a criminal.

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    Mute Tom
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    May 6th 2017, 3:20 AM

    @Scundered: He wouldn’t get into Australia or Canada anyway based on the border security shows I’ve seen.
    Likewise he probably wouldn’t get into the uk once they brexit and start to pull up the plank..

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    May 5th 2017, 4:51 PM

    How do you weigh a car with a concrete block? :/

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    Mute Colm O'Sullivan
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    May 6th 2017, 10:14 AM

    5 year jail sentence, out in 3 for good behaviour. More nonsense from Tom O’Donnell, another joke of a judge.

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    May 5th 2017, 11:40 PM

    Euthanasia is the answer to this guy!

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    May 6th 2017, 8:23 AM

    I didn’t know trannies and cross dressers were so desperate to get their fix.

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    May 5th 2017, 4:06 PM

    GET RID OF HIM

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