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LOCAL PLAYGROUNDS ARE great places to entertain the kids, for sure, but they’re also rife with people-watching opportunities.
Aside from the many types of Small Child you’ll come across (the Swing Hog, the Tantrum Thrower, the Freerunner, the Autocrat and the One With Zero Boundaries), there are many varieties of parents and guardians you’ll meet too.
Let’s kick things off with the most well-known creatures in this habitat…
You’ve spotted them or may even be one yourself (I know I am). Foreseeing danger at every turn, the helicopter parent’s ideal scenario would involve the children wearing bubblewrap onesies in a playground made entirely of foam.
Jibber-jabbers don’t stop talking and often come in pairs. When jibber jabbers are not laughing uproariously and talking over each other, they’re conversing too loudly to hear little Sorcha repeatedly saying “Mummy, watch this, Mummy! Daddy, look at me, Daddy! DADDY!”
This enthusiastic specimen spends most of his time shouting encouragement to his 18-month-old from the precipice of the climbing frame. “COME ON, FIONAN, DON’T GIVE UP! JUST 18 RUNGS TO GO.”
From the Adventure Dad family, this particular species seeks out kids of a similar age for their child to compete with. Most often heard saying such things as “Who wants to go higher?!” and “Let’s see who hang off this for longer!”
This caregiver happily sits in their car with a smartphone or book while their little pirates plunder the playground. Sightings are rare due but on occasion you may spot a remote parent rolling down the window to shout something out the window.
I definitely fall into this category at times. The screen addict opens their phone to check a work email or a family WhatsApp, but once he or she has addressed whatever is pinging, decides to check Twitter “just for a minute”, coming to 15 minutes later as someone roars, “Sorry, is this YOUR child?!”
A subspecies of Screen Addicts, this offshoot dedicates their smartphone use to getting the best Boomerang of their offspring on the seesaw. Often heard saying “Can you do that again, Saoirse?! Just one more time!”
This caregiver is generally 100% detached, and is often found sitting on the sidelines. Avec headphones. Its sister species is the over-enthusiastic au pair/nanny, usually found flinging themselves down the slide.
A distant relative of both Adventure Dad and the helicopter parent, this species spends most of their time encouraging their charges to have fun while simultaneously coaxing them down; shouting “CAREFUL NOW!”. They’ll often get into such a flap that they wind up spooking several children in close proximity.
Help! Am I being unreasonable? We’re looking for parenting dilemmas from our readers for our Am I Being A Bad Parent? feature. Drop us a line with your reader dilemma on family@thejournal.ie.
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Leo is giving a presentation called “The Black & Tans… history’s most misunderstood peacekeepers”
@Patrick Agnew: no one in the comments has mention that arlenes leverage is gone boris johnson has a majority now the only thing that will come from the UK is cuts, austerity and privatisation thats nearly as bad as the Tans usually kills way more too
@Matthew O’Kane: She was thrown under the bus by him but still happily willing to pose for a nice smiley photograph. Spineless muttt
@John kane: Borris tells porkies to suit his agenda.Now he’s where he wants to be all those he made promises to will be phobbed off.Idiots to have believed “one who is economical with the truth” in the first place.
@Matthew O’Kane: On first read of your comment l read it “Arlene’s cleavage is gone…” lol
@Seamus McLaughlin: not lol – just immature.
Question is will Leo shake Michelle O Neills hand.
These two plonkers make me laugh as they meet to shake hands and steal the glory from the hard painstaking work of Simon Coveny and Julian Smith.
@Paul O’Sullivan: Well he is the leader of the political party i.e. FG who claim to have steered Ireland off the rocks and back to the sweetly run machine that it is today.
Boris trying to grab Arlene from under the bus after he pushed her under,Arlene must know her motherland don’t care about her and her creatures anymore,unionism is dying
@nicknack: That would be hard for him to do as Boris is also driving the bus ;)
@Jim Buckley Barrett: schrodinger’s Johnson in every sense of the word!
Now they’ll really start earning their money…
What a way to start a wet windy Monday, having to talk to those two.
Does anyone in Sinn Fein work they appear to be on social media night and day going on with the usual gibberish . Knocking on doors lads is the way to win elections
@jerry slattery: Perhaps their job IS promoting the party on social media? I know FFG pay people to do this.
@john doe: They never???
@jerry slattery: Good man Jerry, top class discourse. I work all day from my home office running my own business and doing a good job at it. Occasionally I look at comments section and participate in favour of my political leanings. I’m voting SF.
Leo vs Bertie? Garett vs Charlie?
@Rúraíocht: All four are mutually exclusive.
A pair of incompetent buffoons due to meet a bunch of crazed uncontrollable sh¡té throwing monkeys. Not a portent for a newsworthy story.
@Keith Mac Suibhne: Whatever one might call Johnson he’s not that… as for the other fella
@Keith Mac Suibhne: If it wasn’t for some of them so called sh¡té throwing monkeys forcing changes and standing upto the British attitude towards Ireland in the past perhaps , then they would all only be shaking Boris Johnson hands and that same buffoon would be telling you what to do…. Eaten bread is soon forgotten.
There’s f all in the kitty could be the main reason for Boris fiscal silence
no one in the comments has mention that arlenes leverage is gone boris johnson has a majority now the only thing that will come from the UK is cuts, austerity and privatisation. The North is gonna face some horrible tory gouging
@Matthew O’Kane: calm down Matthew. They all know what their facing. Those tory cuts and indeed the future Brexit fallout might indeed tax the minds of citizens -including unionists and perhaps the focus might turn back to where it inevitably will – a border poll and a shrinking unionist majority.
@Angela McCarthy: Well I hope you’re right on the Border poll Angela, hurry up with it, and hopefully there will be a 32 county Ireland soon.
The DUP abandoned Borris when he needed support, he was willing to shower them with cash to get it.
Now he doesn’t need the north for anything it will see nothing but cuts going forward.
The DUP are glad to be back in stormont and on the mews because they have become less relevant in the world than ever before.
Tough time’s ahead for NI as the easy cash will dry up and cuts will need to be implemented.
Leo part 2 hide and seek champs
A billion pounds?? They’ll be lucky if he bungs them a voucher for iTunes. Here’s your bus lads..
There you have the first tory cut – cutback on information around funding.
@Angela McCarthy: Well hopefully when they have the Border Poll, and there’s a 32. We wont have to worry about the Tory cuts? That would be good?
He probably thinks will swing the election for him
Great photo of the four on the steps of stormont. Boris and Michelle o Neill could pass as bother and sister!!
have your say