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SQUABBLING BETWEEN SIBLINGS is fairly commonplace among younger kids, but as children get older, the conflict can become more heightened.
As a parent, is there ever a right time to step in – and if you don’t, do you risk raising kids who just don’t get on with one another? That’s what one frustrated mum of two is wondering this week.
Each week in our new series, Am I Being A Bad Parent?, we hear from a reader who can’t figure out if they’re on the right track with a parenting decision, or if they’ve gotten something 100% wrong. To get a balanced view of the situation, we put the dilemma to a group of Irish parents, keeping things anonymous to encourage honest answers.
Am I being a bad parent by giving out to my kids when they don’t get on? Myself and my sister have always been best friends and I wish my two daughters could be the same. They’re 12 and 15 now and there’s conflict almost daily. I know they need to work conflict out themselves, but I have friends who don’t get on with their adult siblings, so I know how things can go. Am I being unreasonable to step in?
Yes, you’re being unreasonable. I’m not sure that you can force your kids to get on – especially at such a difficult age for everyone. Take things slowly. I would maybe sit down with them both and encourage them to talk things out and see if you can manage conflict in the short-term that way.
No, you’re not being unreasonable, but don’t step in every time. From a family of seven, half of us tore strips off the other half. But in the end blood is thicker than water. Conflict is inevitable, especially with teenagers, but try to only step in when it goes beyond the bounds of acceptable.
Yes, you’re being unreasonable. With my teens I found if they were doing things together that they both enjoyed, then there was generally no conflict. We all went together to rugby matches with another family. It was a common area of focus for them which still stands good today.
Yes, you’re being unreasonable by giving out. With any conflict situation, there is a limited about that will be achieved by getting angry – it’s not going to help with the feelings that are leading to the conflict. Sit down with each of them so that they feel listened to, and then try a sit down together.
No, you’re not being unreasonable, but have patience. Three of my kids are teenagers currently and they swing between completely ignoring each other to killing each other. Getting along is rare and wonderful but I see it happening more as they get older. If you’re intervening to set boundaries around respect and not being hurtful to each other, you’re not being a bad parent – but stay patient too.
So what’s the final tally? Is our reader being unreasonable?
Yes – 3
No – 2
Tell us your thoughts in the comments!
Help! Am I being unreasonable? We’re looking for parenting dilemmas from our readers for our Am I Being A Bad Parent? feature. Drop us a line with your reader dilemma on family@thejournal.ie.
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These projects are really good for kids. And teachers like that are worth their weight in gold.
@Marg murphy,
They’re not kids, they’re 18-22 year olds, and this looks like something you would see in the jungle.
Talk about dumbing down.
@eamon go back to bed
@Donnacha Bhoicaire,
You’re easily impressed, no wonder Ireland’s colleges have such low rankings.
GMIT is far behind MIT.
@eamonn. I should have read beyond the first line the article where I read “schoolchild”. I thought it was a primary school project.
@Marg murphy,
Yes, if it was young children who built it, then it would be impressive.
Eamon Mac I really feel sorry for you and your negative life. It’s very sad for you
You don’t really seem like someone people would like.
Tis a little on the exposed side for a winter classroom.
Good for cider parties in the summer though.
Good thinking.
Robinson Crusoe would be proud of you.. !!
You can’t be doom and gloom all the time, sometimes a bit of been positive can lift you up.
Agreed
Housing problem solved, no morgage.
Well you can’t beat there optimism about the weather!
Fantastic to see how rapidly Mayo civilisation is advancing.
This is simply awesome. Yes it’s not brick and mortar boring thinking that would leave a huge carbon footprint. It’s out of the box thinking that encourages more out of the box thinking. I remember looking out glass windows of lecture rooms on a nice sunny day wishing for something like this. The fact that brick and mortar buildings are assumed to be a “continuous improvement ” from such structures as this makes one think about construction methods and it’s success could probably be measured by the pride that all involved have when they look at it. Large scale team building exercise with a functional result that can be used by many. Not all will see but not all have creative ability and less have creative ability with follow through. Congratulations to you all.
Thank you for your comments Croistoir. The project is part of an ongoing Green Campus initiative under Local Agenda 21 funding. The students explored the principles of place based education whilst constructing the classroom. The module that students were taking which this project is part of was sustainable environmental management. If you require any further information please contact me via the Facebook page.
Aodan
There’s an awful lot of ar$eholery in this thread.
See if you can spot who I’m on about.
I’ll post the answer in a short while. :-)
Eamon MacGowan?
Too easy
Well at least it’s air -conditioned!
Great to be able to do this without planning permission, wheelchair access, fire restrictions etc……..
It’s part of an environmental sustainability management module, exploring the principles of placed based education. It for the entire community not just the college but for local national schools and youth organisations.
Amazing health & safety has not shut it down !
They’ve been watching too much Bear Grylls.
I hope they wont be given the job of designing social housing.We might freeze to death!
Yeah wow fair play, threw it together as a wee little project!
When the sad fact remains that millions of children around the world do actually have their whole schooling in such lacking facilities due to poverty.
This is so Irish, any old halfhearted effort will do.
Shure it’s grand!
Relax eamon I’m sure it was meant as an exercise to get some youngsters out of a lecture hall and thinking outside the box, no one, well except Gerard, was suggesting this was the solution to all the worlds ills
Get some help Eamon. You appear to have a major malfunction. Well don’t gmit
Racist comments, to me, are suggestive of a certain tardiness with regard to the evolutionary process.
It doesn’t look a bit impressive to me.
A bit naff.
Students should be out protesting and throwing stones at the police.
Not wasting their time building such ridiculous childish tree houses.
P.S
I built a better tree-house than that when I was 9 years old.
Erm, can I ask is it hurricane proof?
Are you thinking of teaching a class there during one of our frequent hurricanes?
I could be cynical and point out how hedge schools came into my mind when I first saw this article. The country was under an administration that cared little for the common people at that point. Some things don’t change
have your say