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CHRISTMAS CAN BE a very stressful time of year for the best of us but it can be especially difficult for some people with autism.
Planning and preparation can be the key to a ‘perfect’ Christmas.
A perfect Christmas – what is it? We are bombarded with images of contented, joyful, well-behaved children, family homecomings and perfectly roasted turkeys placed on beautifully decorated tables.
Families are under such pressure to live up to a sort of fairytale and the reality for many of us couldn’t be more different. If you are a family who must adjust to the needs of a child diagnosed with an autism spectrum condition then your Christmas is possibly going to look, feel and taste somewhat different.
And that’s not such a bad thing.
The holiday season can be an intense time and when you are vulnerable to becoming overloaded by sensory stimulation, it doesn’t come more overloaded than Christmas and the lead up to it. Much of what we expect to encounter during the festive period season can pose difficulties for others.
Sensory Overload
From Christmas music, the scent of minces pies, shiny tinsel, flashing fairy lights, and Santa Claus smiling at you from cards, the TV, and a few real life ones popping up in unexpected places at the wrong time, it is overwhelming. This is not to mention crowds of people shopping for presents and shelves heaving with toys of every imaginable kind.
For children who experience difficulties in social communication, social behaviour and sensory overload, Christmas can be a source of extreme stress, as they find themselves overloaded by sounds, vision, taste, smell and movement.
To quote the title of the book by Sharon Heller, on the subject of sensory defensiveness ‘Too Loud, Too Bright, Too Fast, Too Tight’ – Christmas can be a nightmare of anxiety and stress for both parents and children with autism, at least until we figure out how to do it well for our particular family.
Maria, a mother of an autistic child says:
In the early years of getting to know our daughter we did our best to live up to the advertisers’ dreams. We soon learned that Christmas was presenting us with a number of problems. When does it start and when does it end?
They created their own advent system, she says and encouraged their daughter to participate in tearing off a dated ticket for each day in the run up to Christmas. They wrote something about the day and each ticket and then they put the ticket in a box.
“This is how our daughter learned to count down the days to Christmas and to pretty much anything after that,” says Maria.
Emotionally her daughter couldn’t cope with all the presents at first – when she was four, she came down to see the array of gifts left under the tree and just went straight back up to her room.
But over the next few Christmases, she learned to adjust. “She grew into that particular joy as the years went on and that’s the thing,” says Maria.
Autism is not a static condition, it shifts and shapes and changes with context, time, experience and support.
Some people with autism will learn to enjoy many aspects of Christmas and some will have limits on what they can tolerate and that won’t change very much. Another parent of a son with autism said:
My son sat down to Christmas dinner, took one look at the splendid display of Christmas fare and left the table. He came back into the room with a packet of soup. That says it all.
Less is More
Less can be more when it comes to Christmas and every family will experience, with time, lots of mistakes and figure out what works for them. Consider the following in the weeks approaching Christmas:
Not all of the above will impact all people with autism. However, it is important to be aware of the myriad of changes that can occur at this time of the year.
The wish for all families is that they have ‘their perfect Christmas’ and that means the perfectly unique, special Christmas that works for their family with autism.
Tara Matthews is the Deputy Executive Director of the Irish Society for Autism. More information on Autism Spectrum Disorder can be found at autism.ie
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My 5 yr old is on the autism spectrum. Last Christmas he wanted a bike, Santa brought the bike and at least 10 other gifts. Within 2 hours, Christmas was over in our house, the tree was taken down and the toys were put away and never reappeared, our little boy just couldn’t cope with the unpredictability of Christmas. This year Santa is bringing what’s on list, a robot and a watch, nothing else. The daily routine will remain unchanged as much as possible and he’s sitting on the bed beside me at the moment planning his day for tomorrow, what time he’ll wake up at, what time he’ll brush his teeth, what time he’ll go downstairs at……You can learn so much from these amazing children, I wouldn’t change him for the world
@Asha: Happy Christmas to you and yours.
@Asha: we have autistic children in the family as well. They were allowed to put the decorations up themselves, so they chose colour, shape, disposition, etc. The Christmas tree decorated by a 4 years old, looks weird, guaranteed, but they are so happy and no anxiety Tomorrow they will have their separate menu that includes the only food they are really happy to have: spaghetti for one and beef for the other. So this is Christmas with autistic children
@Daniela Monza: happy Christmas from our house to yours….. fish fingers or weetabix will be served as a main course tomorrow lol
@Asha: You are a great Parent. Happy Christmas
Is there a conditioning aspect to overcome sensory overload?
@Shawn O’Ceallaghan: is there a conditioning aspect to overcome insensitivity?
@Dave O’Keeffe: what’s wrong with the question?
@Shawn O’Ceallaghan: for my son it helps to have visual aids to explain things or to break down a situation in as many steps as possible so they can process it.
@Shawn O’Ceallaghan: ABA methods link quite closely with operant conditioning in fact. Many parents have had their lives changed through ABA therapy,and some not so much. All kids with autism are unique though so what works for one wont with another.
In simple terms yes it is possible to be de-sensitised to certain noises/textures over time with alot of hard work and patience.
@Shawn O’Ceallaghan: yes, there is, but occupational therapy is often needed and can be a very slow process
@Shawn O’Ceallaghan: As others have said, yes but it depends. On the person, the sensory issue, other potential stressors, etc and it’s often not static
@Brendan Cooney: Reasonable question and yes there is. We spent years working with my son. Almost anything could be turned into a teaching moment. He eventually created some of his own coping techniques and desensitised to a point. Giving him the ability to do things like concerts, cinema, the city at Christmas. Stimming(rapid movements or vocal noises) are often used as a good form of sensory regulation for those on the spectrum. For years Christmas presents went to the charity shop after sitting unopened the entire year. Now, he dresses as santa on Christmas eve and opens presents Christmas Morning. Training or teaching has be life changing for the better. Unfortunately some would rather we embrace autism as it presents in an individual rather than helping them live their best life.
Fair play for using “condition” and “can” affect. Only through my own narrow lens of course (secondary special class teacher for students with autism) but Xmas exams are a huge disproportionate stressor, comparative to their peers who don’t have autism, for the vast majority of the students I teach.
Excellent artticle. Great to see such a balanced, informative post about autism.
We are incredibly luck in the sense that our daughter is so high functioning that it doesn’t bother her to extremes from what we can see. When things get overwhelming for her she’ll head away to her bedroom for a while and come back feeling better. She’s learned a good few self help tricks and the older she gets the more in tuned with her body and mind she’s getting. We are so very lucky and I am well aware that it’s not like that for many asd families.
@Helen O’Neill: We could all learn from this…when we are stressed, head to our room and wait until we feel more able to cope. Sometimes quiet is the best answer.
It’s worth remembering that there are autistic adults out there too, many of them undiagnosed. You don’t grow out of autism, the sensory sensitivity remains, you just learn to regulate exposure.
Great article. Re-run next year only earlier in dec. or even late nov.?
Not just autistic people are stressed!
Just failed another of the myriad of quiz tests, this one from the Howa ya phone outfit, making me feel a proper dunce. Huawei is ok in China, Howa ya will do me fine.
Anyway, why can’t we pronounce, or garble & even mispell words to suit simple phonetics.
Some, like cockney or other street slang, are quite good.
have your say