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ALCOHOL IS SO normalised in our society that we sometimes forget that supplying alcohol to someone under 18 without their parents’ permission is against the law.
Christmas or not, giving drink to children is not just against the law – it’s damaging to their developing bodies and brains. Human brains keep developing into the early to mid-twenties.
The really uncomfortable truth is something that we all know on some level – that in order to keep our children safe, we need to start thinking about our own drinking because the example we set is one of the most powerful influences on our children’s future behaviour.
Start with this simple Drinks Calculator and get a quick assessment of your own drinking. It only takes a minute.
Drinking alcohol effects our behaviour, so we need to consider this if we are to use alcohol in front of our children, because what we do and say affects their decision making in relation to their own substance use.
It won’t be news to parents of teenagers that they will always try and push the boundaries and rules that keep them safe – it’s their job as they test the world around them. And it’s the parent’s role to set the boundaries and teach the reasons why the boundaries exist so that we can guide them safely to adulthood.
What if the break the rules?
So say you’ve heeded all the medical advice and set a ‘no alcohol under 18’ rule and your child breaks the rules and comes home drunk. It’s a common problem but one that people really struggle with.
So what do you do? Chalk it down to experience and hope they learn their lesson?
It might be easier to pretend it’s not happening – but actually, it’s the perfect opportunity to have a conversation and to figure out what’s going on with your teen so that you can help prevent it from happening again in the future.
Here’s your step-by-step guide to handling the situation:
This isn’t the time to get angry. Shouting at or giving a lecture to an intoxicated child is more likely to yield an unwanted reaction and is less effective than speaking when they are sober and rested.
The key is to show your displeasure but to WAIT to have the discussion about the incident.
Make sure your child is safe – this depends on how much alcohol they have consumed.
Try and find out what they’ve had to drink. This may involve asking questions of friends who are more sober. Mostly, you will be able to let them sleep it off but it’s important to consider staying with them while they sleep in case they vomit.
If they have had a lot to drink, they may need medical attention.
Be aware of the signs of alcohol poisoning which include irregular breathing, pale and clammy and bluish tinged skin, low body temperature, vomiting and seizures.
When they’ve sobered up, use active listening to find out as much as possible about what happened.
Start by asking open questions – this means questions that don’t have a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer, questions like the following:
After this, it is possible to get more specific information by the use of closed questions such as:
Think about what your child needs to know so that it doesn’t happen again. Factual information about risks and how to reduce harm is helpful.
Help them learn
Without overwhelming them, give them some information, based on what is shared with you.
For example:
This doesn’t mean blaming the child. It means giving a clear message that you don’t approve of the behaviour and the reasons why.
Consequences might be taking away a mobile phone for a period of time, reducing pocket money, expecting them home earlier in future, or grounding.
Setting boundaries and using rewards and consequences are considered effective parenting practice and it works. The purpose is, of course, to keep our children safe, not to damage our relationships with them by being overly authoritative.
How to stop it happening again
Discuss with them which rules need to be put in place to stop it happening again. This doesn’t mean locking them in a room, but working collaboratively and taking steps so that you can let them go out without worrying about this happening again.
Make sure that they know you’re doing this because you care about them and want to keep them safe.
Dr Gerry McCarney is a Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist. The HSE booklet, Alcohol and Drugs: A Parents’ Guide www.askaboutalcohol.ie also contains information on what to do if you think your child is taking drugs, how to handle resistance, your guide to parties, building resilience and handling emergency situations
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Congratulations and a fantastic idea.
I only wish this was around when I was in school.
I spent years typing in basic code from computer weekly for simple games, and there was nobody else doing it at the time and I dropped it after school. Would have taken a different path if this had been around.
Well done, hobby today, career tomorrow.
perhaps something like this could be done for adults too? i know id be interested
@Abi, I just did a crash course in scratch programming, you can download it free from scratch.mit.edu, check out a few videos on how to do it and you can look at what others have made and how they made it, and you can copy and evolve their code, ideas etc.. works a bit like Lego, the more you play with it the better you get. It’s quite basic at the start but you can do some cool stuff once you get good
Fair f*cks to him. Also, there’s Enda Kenny, as usual embarrassing everyone like your cheesy Dad at Christmas dinner.
Well done James. I’ll be bringing my young fella along to the cork dojo in September. he’s only 7 but already made a simple game and a calculator in Python :)
Well done, I’m firmly convinced everyone has their ‘speciality’, be that an academic thing, a caring thing, or an arty thing, etc…all should be applauded in equal measure, all are of equal importance, in the greater scheme of things. This is a superb idea, fair fu.ks to you, you’ll go far and so you should’
A simple solution to a complex problem. Brilliant. Pity this couldn’t be encompassed in the schools curriculum and genuinely teach this stuff to the kids a few times a week, not for an hour a week by someone who’s a few years from retirement and afraid of computers. He’s right, he and others like him are filling a void in our educational system that has been there for years. The trouble is now that he’s doing it, the void will still be left there.
Great idea, we’ll done James.
Great success story congratulations James . Great to see someone who enjoys teaching and passing on a skill that could be life changing for some of the children .maybe the next bill gates is out there amongst them. Continued success for the future
That picture was taken at a special sitting of the CoderDojo which took place in the Dail. We are the first country to hold a “class” in their parliament buildings as far as I gather. CoderDojo is amazing and it’s scary how much some the kids know at them. God help the lecturers in third level when the kids eventually meet them.
Would love to be able to attend something like this. Shame I’m well out of school :(
absolutely brilliant idea and badly needed in Ireland. got to say the pic of cash-in-kenny made me sick because this stuff should be part of the everyday curriculum imo. govt are totally dragging their feet on this to the detriment of Ireland.
I think dojo came from the Japanese meaning of “place to learn” and then coder as in they are training to become “Ninja” Coders. I would imagine it was an interesting process picking that name.
I agree this is a great idea. I think it should be kept outside the education system and sponsored/funded like a charity. This will allow the people running it full freedom to let it develop in any direction it wants. I love the idea that google has given it a facility to use. The kick a kid must get out of walking into that building like that. It gives it a real buzz feeling.
I never thought of it that way, I guess you have a point there Robert, I still think if these folks are giving up their time to fill a void in our education system, the least the state can do is help them, maybe with equipment or premises.
I have to ask, where did you get the name CoderDojo from?
I cannot understand why you got a single down vote, why would people be against such an overwhelmingly positive idea? Does anybody stand to lose anything?
people scrolling down on mobile devices tapping the thumbs up/down by accident, I suspect as much as 50% of the ups and down’s here are unintentional.
Such an uplifting story. Well done and may you continue to grow.
This is a great idea, and it has really taken off. Well done James!
Well done. A brilliant idea.
Would work for all ages
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