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EACH WEEK, WE hear from a reader who can’t figure out what to do about a tricky parenting situation. To get a balanced take on the dilemma, we ask three Irish parenting experts to weigh in.
From deciding whether to push toilet training to allowing a baby to ‘cry it out’, being a parent often means making a decision based on what’s best for your child, not what’s easiest.
This week, one parent is conflicted about what to do with her new child minder – who her three-year-old hasn’t taken to.
Have a parenting dilemma you’re struggling with? Let us know anonymously here and we’ll share it with our panel of experts.
We recently hired a new babysitter/childminder for our kids (18-months-old and three-years-old). She came with amazing references and works around our schedule. However, she’s been looking after our kids for two weeks and they’re really not settling in with her – especially our three-year-old, who has started to have tantrums every morning and is refusing to eat for her.
It took ages to find someone with good references and who suits the hours we need, and we really don’t have the capacity to go through all of that again. Am I being unreasonable by keeping a babysitter my kids don’t like?
No, you’re not being unreasonable. Your three-year-old is clearly reacting to change. It would be interesting to know if you had a babysitter before this current one, or whether you were at home with them. Behaviour is a form of communication and your three-year-old is communicating that they are not happy. However, I feel this is not personally directed at your babysitter but more so at the change which has taken place. Children will react to change in different ways.
- Brian Purcell, Occupational Therapist.
I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. These situations can be very stressful and you’re obviously trying your best as you’ve put a lot of time and thought into the hiring of this person. I would give it more time as really, two weeks is very brief in getting to know someone. It’s very new and a big transition for everyone. I would discuss the feelings your child has with the minder and involve the child in the problem solving process. Make sure they feel heard and their feelings are taken seriously. Sometimes this alone can be very helpful. I would definitely give a longer settling in period and perhaps create a list of preferred activities the child and minder could do together during one-to-one time to help the bonding process.
- Deirdre Holland Hannon, Behaviour Specialist at @deehollhan.
You’re not being unreasonable. First of all, congratulations on finding a babysitter you have confidence in. If possible, try to impart how you feel about this babysitter to your children in actions and words. We don’t really know that your children don’t like this babysitter – they are reacting to a new situation, of which this babysitter simply forms a part. Children of three years old react in very similar ways to starting pre-school or having a change in their day-to-day circumstances. Maybe your children are testing this boundary, but it’s up to you to distinguish between a “protest” and deep unhappiness. If you feel that it is genuine unhappiness after several months, then you may have to consider other options.
- Krysia Lynch, Maternity Care Expert at Krysia.ie.
So what’s the final tally? Is this reader being unreasonable?
Yes – 0
No – 3
Tell us your thoughts in the comments!
Have a parenting question you want answered? Let us know anonymously in our survey here or email us on family@thejournal.ie and we’ll put it to the experts.
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How to you go paperless and avoid electronic stuff at the same time?
Karl shoots and scores
I often want to go a day without electronics but the urge to Google something check Facebook or even check the Journal always prevails!
Some good advice there Ciara.
Been struggling to ease off the electronic stuff for the last 2 weeks.
Had no idea of the hold this stuff has over me.
Saying that, I read this on the journal!!
Sounds great…………… in theory!
I destroyed a smart phone by accident about a month ago and I’ve gone back to an antique phone, no apps or internet. It’s been bliss since.
I particularly appreciate the advice to drop multi-tasking as I’ve long felt we were being sold a pup with that particular piece of corporate BS!
Not good for thejournal.ie to be suggesting going electronics-free days!!
Here’s some additional tips for a carefree happy and less stressful life.
1. Stop paying your rent or mortgage – you’ll be amazed at how much money you can save
2. Cancel that pesky direct debit for the iPhone or mobile bill , you’ll easily save enough in 3 months to be able to afford that 100 euro property charge you keep putting off
3. Don’t go into work , it’s full of distractions and annoying people that makes your day more stressful
4. Be sure to leave only your mobile number with employers and banks who may want to call you and interrupt your more harmonious life
I like the sarcasm. That said there’s actually a strong philosophy being developed which urges people to minimise their wanton consumerism, their excessive borrowing and become more independent to enjoy the best the modern world has to offer without being a slave to the rat race….
Gave up using the Internet and mobile phones a week ago, so far so good.
How did you read this and post that then? Share your secret please!
They’re obviously using the paper edition of TheJournal ;-) http://jrnl.ie/400860
We adore chaos because we love to produce order.
Is this not a bit contradictory? Switch off yoir email notifications and then receive your bills by email?
Bills don’t HAVE to be paid straight away, you usually have a week or so to sort them out. Turn off the email notifications, check email once a day and make a note (diary or otherwise) to pay when due.
BOOM!
Had to laugh at tip 6. Sounds a bit harsh Ciara!
Shes just too nice to say DUMP LOOOOOOSERRRRRRRRRRRRRS :)
Shes right…
Was nodding “sensible, sensible..” until I got to this one. It is indeed a euphemism for “dump losers” and is depressingly common advice in so many articles that it’s become very acceptable. It’s even seen as healthy, being called a friend detox and other names.
It’s depressing, and a bit appalling. As far as I know, I’d have thought having friends was good for you and you never know when your positive buddies might feck off and the sad loser might be there for you when you need them.
That’s not to say frenetic social activity is good for us or that it isn’t useful to take a step back and avoid getting sucked into other people’s drama. And by “friends” I mean people you actually know, not “friends” in the facebook sense.
im currently in the process of scanning all my personal files and WinZip’ing them with a password into a gmx mail account, each one stashed in its own folder category ie medical, banking, receipts and so on, by scanning and emailing them to myself I’ve managed to remove about 20 manilla folders each 4 inches thick, the joy of tearing up my files afterwards is wonderfully therapeutic. try it
I am s Conlon by marriage . They are very controlling people. I don’t have a voice I’n my home.
have your say