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THIS IS NOT just any old Christmas; this is a holiday season during a pandemic. As well as the usual pressures that come with Christmas we are also at the end of a very turbulent year, a year that was fully out of our control.
As well as the usual pressures of Christmas and the onset of winter we are also at the end of a year of unexpectedness. Unknowing, a sense of not being in control, are all factors that affect our health.
We have had to be adaptable in a way that we may have never experienced before. Homeschooling, working from home, all in the same environment at the same time, lack of choice and some would say lack of liberty.
This is a time for us to practice being gentle with ourselves and others. Have a chat with that inner critic and ask it to be gentle with you and yours!
In my experience of working as a psychotherapist I have seen a marked increase in anxiety and what one might come to call “Covid Fatigue” and “Covid Guilt” – “What if I give this virus to anyone?”. People have also had to find many ways to deal with bereavement, loss, lockdowns, isolation and loneliness.
It’s quite normal to feel a level of disconnect in these challenging times, perhaps you have been working from home and not feeling part of the team, no socialising, missing friends and families or if dealing with isolation in your normal life, this time may have intensified it.
Change is possible
Now is maybe the time to look for new and more creative ways to connect. Some of us have been challenged by the virtual world however there are ways to develop hobbies and connections online.
Do some research and look into finding a counsellor or a group/class that you feel you could engage with. As this pandemic passes these resources will eventually return to face to face so that there will be a time when you can have that human contact again.
In terms of getting back to spending a little time with the wider family, this can be challenging. Be aware that our close ones can bring up past experiences and trigger us. It’s ok to set your boundaries.
It’s ok to decide what is acceptable to you and what is not. Have a think about general family triggers (alcohol, certain family members or conversations) and have a plan in terms of your reactions.
Quite often, our interactions and communication with family are automatic and we don’t even think about it until we are in the middle of another drama. Change the pattern. Often when we change how we act others have to change how they react!
Christmas is a time for giving and receiving. These gifts don’t have to be wrapped up in Christmas paper! Give of oneself, notice who around you might need your support. Notice who may be feeling isolated or in an abusive situation and gently just let them know that you are there for them.
With this as our background coming into Christmas this year, how do we maintain our already valiant attempts at being mindful of our mental health and “up the ante” in terms of minding ourselves over the break?
1.Manage your expectations: At the best of times, we have somewhat romantic expectations of Christmas and “family time”, in particular this Christmas where we have all come through a tough year, we may have even bigger expectations of the holidays. Just be aware of this and if things don’t go to plan, be as gentle and accepting as you can be with yourself and your loved ones.
2.Plan: If you find that you may be spending time alone over Christmas maybe look for others in your circle who may be in the same situation, do some research in your area for events that might be coming up for people who would like to join up for company. Try not to be nervous to open up about your situation, sometimes others are delighted to respond.
3.Fun: Fun can be seriously underrated as a way to help maintain our mental health. Seek out laughter (funny movies, funny stuff that has happened) encourage laughter and silliness as much as you can.
4.Exercise: Moving our bodies is so intrinsically connected to our mental health. Try to get out and walk. Wrap up well and grab the dog and off you go.
5.Talk: We all know how important it is to talk. If you have a sense of being overwhelmed or you are affected by what’s going on around you, make sure to keep in touch with confidantes or if that’s not a reality for you, seek out listening services who are there for you, such as an accredited therapist or a counsellor.
6.Boundaries: Boundaries can protect your own mental health. They are not “selfish”, so try to be aware of certain situations or irritations that might be triggering to you. Have a think about what you have to do, and the time you will be spending with others (or not) and decide on what you will and won’t accept. What you will not react to at this time, what you will not “bring up” at that moment.
7.Eat well: As Christmas is often a time of indulgence, try to look at eating as many fruit and vegetables as well, to ensure you’re still getting adequate nutrients in your diet and maybe consider supplements aimed at winter months and mood.
8.Watch the booze: If you’re not in a great place or are feeling isolated alcohol will again tend to intensify these feelings, so be mindful of how much you are consuming.
9.Social media: Be mindful of social media. It’s a terrific medium to help you feel more connected however like most things in life, social media also has its shady side. Most of the posts on social media present “perfect lives” that don’t necessarily exist but it’s hard not to go into “comparing” when you are feeling isolated so it makes sense that you might limit your time spent on them.
10.Don’t sweat the small stuff: Again, being mindful of your circumstances try to remember that Christmas, like pandemics, will pass. Bring yourself back to the moment and BREATHE.
If we consider the five main components of health and wellness being, physical, emotional, social, spiritual and intellectual it makes sense that we try to pay attention to all of these aspects of ourselves.
If nothing else, whatever our circumstances this year 2020 has taught us that our priorities may be nearer to home than we think. Our mental and physical health is of vital importance to us all year round.
Christmas is just a couple of days. We are now in a position to somewhat get off the road of frantic planning and enforced “happiness” and truly consider what we need from our lives, our religious holidays and traditions.
Never have we been more aware of the connection between our mental and physical health. We have resources now to support ourselves, not least counselling and psychotherapy. Slow down the pace!
Liz O’Driscoll is a member of the IACP Board of Directors. She is an accredited therapist and supervisor. She has developed RSE (relationship & sexual education) and PIPS (personal and interpersonal skills) in schools. She also has over ten years’ experience in the field of addiction in project leadership and group facilitation. She currently works in private practice.
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The judges in this country have jumped the shark now with their gross incompetence, to the point it is almost treasonous to the normal people of Ireland.
@Henry Fingleton: are you allowed to jump sharks? I don’t get it.
@David Dickson: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jumping_the_shark
@David Dickson: it’s a term used to describe when something becomes completely predictable that it does something completely stupid so that it manages to surprise you. Made famous from an episode of happy days where fonz ski jumped over a shark. Probably not a great analogy in the case of the judges though
Let me apologise with a scene of fonz jumping said shark
@Henry Fingleton: repo man don don don don don
@Henry Fingleton: totally off point here….but that expression “jump the shark” came up in “the chase” on tv recently….I had never heard of it before that but You give an excellent description.
@Henry Fingleton: WTF!!!!! The judge should be arrested if any person is injured by this lunatic
How did this kant get garda vetting to work with kids?
@Henry Fingleton: at first I thought it was a reference to the scene in one of the Jaws movies where the shark jumps but that was just my simplistic brain at work
@Dave O Keeffe: I’m with you Dave. Never heard the phrase myself.
@lavbeer: no, I had heard it before today but when I first heard it I guessed it was about Jaws
@Margaret Mcgarry: hiya Margaret.
@David Dickson: jump the shark is a phrase commonly used in reference to the reduction in quality of something. Normally a tv show. Why jump the shark? Remember happy days? Good show till one day Fonzie gets on water skis and jumps over a shark. It was a watershed moment and the show was shite thereafter.
@Colin McCarthy: close but it’s more about things having to get progressively more ridiculous after something like that to keep viewers interested. Like our judges sentencing. We all know it’s bad in general so it takes something really bad to get our attention
@Henry Fingleton: Who police’s these judges, is there any justice for the citizens who pay this idiot and get bad value for their taxes?
@Henry Fingleton: the judges in ireland know there are few prison spaces available due to the lack of prisons built here, I’m surprised it was an Irish man escaping prison usually its non Irish who get that privilege in Ireland
@nick mullen: so jumping the shark is a stupid phrase to use in the context of judges tbh. Doesn’t make sense.
The poor lad, no matter what he does they won’t lock him up. He will try better next time probably.
@David Dickson: I know the justice I’d be giving to this thug…… It’d be both swift and fatal.
@David Dickson: A few tips about his hobby is all he got for a violent crime? Unreal.
@David Dickson: if he doesn’t pay for his tv licence he’s f@cked!! 10years minimum
10 previous convictions and he gets a suspended sentence. Why should we be surprised.
@Michael Dowd: we’ll have to wait till he has 50/60, wont be long now
>no great benefit to society if he was sentenced to jail
say that to women everywhere
@Veronica: with you on this one. I
@Veronica: You must of missed the part where he kicked out the teeth of some other guy? This guy is a societal problem and a danger to everyone.
@Niall Sullivan: doesn’t count for Veronica,she only counts crimes against women,perpetrated by men.
@Tedser: I see the Spanish are looking for a paddy in a domestic.
@Niall Sullivan: you must have missed the fact that Veronica was quoting the judge, try reading the article before commenting
@Veronica: And men too right? Like the guy who got four teeth kicked out of his head
@Veronica: You’re an almighty pain in the a** but in all fairness how is this s€umb@g not locked up?! We’re not likely to read a story like this with the genders reversed.
He already had a suspended sentence for kicking the crap out of someone previously, yet gets rewarded with ANOTHER suspended sentence for besting the crap out of someone? What a country.
@Dave Murray: He will be three times as sorry next time he does it so they can let him off again. Disgraceful decision
Like seriously? I am sick reading this craziness. Until he kills her, then there will be an inquiry. Such judges who let these animals loose should be sued by victims families if they get killed by these animals. This is just wrong.
So she was his ex and he wanted to know about her contact with other men. That shows he is not just violent but also controlling. I think admission of references should not be allowed in cases such as these because it distracts from reason the person is before the court. The judge let him walk free- no counselling or reform measures imposed on him whatsoever. That does nothing to assure people it will not happen again and that is supposed to be the ethos of having an effective criminal justice system.
@Fiona Gregg: He also walked away from 9 other convictions and one far more serious than this where he knocked some other guy’s 4 teeth out. Amazing a sports club would allow him work with kids, but to actually write a reference for him is beyond belief.
Just goes to show St Patrick’s Athletics football club, or people connected with it at at least, don’t take the wellbeing of the kids very seriously. I take it they don’t bother screening the coaches, as is appropriate?
@Niall Sullivan: exactly. How did he get garda vetting to work with children after 10 convictions, including kicking someone’s teeth out, and telling his ex she would never see her child again.Who would let him near children?
@Niall Sullivan: “far more serious than this” I mean he only beat the shit out of her and threatened to kill her and told her she wouldn’t see her child again
@Fiona Gregg: Agreed,this character appears to possess an extreme psychological disorder.Would not be inclined to allow him into a position of power and control of young people unless he were vetted by appropriate regulatory authorities.
@Fiona Gregg: it is shocking, I would remove any son of mine from the team this brute coaches. , what kind of message is this misguided leniency sending out? His job and so on has nothing to do with the charges for which he is answerable, he has left his ex a total nervous wreck, which also has to effect her child badly. He could have killed her and was not far off from doing so. Sack the judge, blindside the employer, remember he could be sending that brute to work in your daughter/sister/nieces home, he could Knock your teeth out if you objected. What are the garda doing? Obviously not enough. This brute has been before the court 10 times, including for serious assaults. At the very minimum he needs close supervision, a curfew, an ankle bracelet, sinc3 there is no intention of locking him up.
The judge may as well draft his apology now for the family for the future murder victim of this animal. The gardai must be wondering why they even bother with results like this.
Woefully inadequate sentence , what does a criminal have to do to get locked up now , actually murder someone .
Final year apprentice or not , he should be going behind bars .
A judge who thinks a violent attack on a woman does not warrant a prison sentence is in the wrong job
Surely the DPP will appear it?
Have to say, the lad has 10 previous convictions yet the judge states that it would be of no great benefit to society to lock him up. I just don’t get it. Is it because there simply are not enough prison spaces anymore? Do you now have to have 160 previous convictions and have committed murder before you end up in a cell? Better to have these people out and about on the streets according to the judiciary it seems.
I bet if he failed to pay tax they would lock him up.
Our legal system needs a shake up. This suspended sentence is another punch in the face for his victim.
@Claire Henry: Absolutely. Terrible decision
Not having a tv licence seems to have a harsher punishment
Hope I don’t ever need an electrician to call around seeing as it seems they can have as many convictions as they want
Regarding his involvement with coaching young people has he not been Garda vetted?
@Mary Ryan: He probably has but you can put your conviction on the form and it wouldn’t necessarily preclude you from volunteering. Rightly or wrongly.
If you want to beat up women and escape jail work hard at your job and coach children. In fairness only 10 previous convictions. Amazing judge only sees him as a risk to women and not children also. Such insight from a judge is almost mystic.
“Kelly then threatened to drive the mother-of-one up into the Dublin mountains and kill her”
Suspended sentence? WTF?
Message for Judge: It would be a great benefit to society if you could see your way please to JAILING this man so that he doesn’t do the same or worse to more of us. It’s kind of what we pay you for.
regulator for the courts?
Youth coaching with St Patricks Athletic Club is a great get out of jail free card.
What a string of convictions!
He threatened to kill his ex-girlfriend but instead was content with a carefully planned scheme to badly beat her up and leave her permanently traumatised.
The full victim impact statement should be published.
@Fiona deFreyne: what parent would want that absolute maniac coaching their kids??
This judge will have blood on his hands. He’s going to do worse.
Presumably the DPP will appeal the extreme leniency of this sentence.
Is it April already because this must be a joke
How that pig avoided jail is beyond me!
Mmm nothing surprises me anymore about judges and the courts in this country.Sad!
Disgraceful allowing this sad excuse of a person roam free after that attack
“no great benefit to society if he was sentenced to jail”
“previously received a suspended prison sentence for an assault in which the victim was knocked to the ground and kicked.”
ok
@Meh: was describing the judges in this country ??- no great benefit to society ……
@Meh: Exactly. How is the benefit not blindingly obvious?
I wonder what class of a suspended sentence he’ll get when he eventually kills someone?
And how the actual fack does a violent thug like him get garda clearance to work with children?
At least his name is out there for all to see. Might warn off future victims.
On the day of the Hawe inquest, this is the “sentence” this abusive monster gets, because he COACHES FOOTBALL??? All sounding very similar to the “he was an upstanding member of society” nonsense that was spouted about Alan Hawe in the days after he murdered his whole family. All you can do is hope this coward of a man in this case doesn’t flip out and hurt another person. It beggars belief.
This judge should be disbard with immediate effect, he’s clearly incompetent. Justice has been denied to the victim and high probability of future victims (given the fact that this thug has 10 prior convictions). A disgrace.
Which St Patrick’s athletic football club? I wonder if there’s a link to their Facebook page? Perhaps parents and others could let their views known there?
What did I suspect that this individual will end up attacking others after the suspension period is over? He is hard wired for extreme physical violence.
He has a clear propensity towards violence and even did a hit and run on a minor.
Regarding his involvement with coaching young people was he not Garda vetted?
I do believe the judge should be required to step down. Permanently.
Ridiculous. Ten similar convictions and the judge can’t see any reason to jail him. Absurd
I stopped reading after “positive features that would be at risk”……he has 10 convictions and has beaten someone up before; HOW can this pr1ck be given a suspended sentence? The sentencing in this country is astonishing.
I think it’s the judges that should be locked up for our sake. Where people are jailed for not having a TV licence yet walk free after committing violent crimes
Why?
I would like to direct the board of St Patrick’s Athletic Football Club to the following link as it would appear as though their coaching staff are not downloading, completing and submitting these forms…
Cathal “WHY” do you believe a 2 year suspended sentence is appropriate for this sicken crime and to make it worse he served a previous suspended sentence for a similar crime .
It is really about time the people of this country marched on Dublin in a bigger way than ever before insisting on proper sentences for all crimes .
DPP definitely has to appeal the leniency of this sentence. Judge says ” the appropriate sentence would be 2 years, but….”. The guy is a serial offender with a history of violence. The appropriate sentence would be 10yrs+, no buts.
This is the second ridiculous sentence in the past week where the offenders work history was used as mitigation !!
Is there no ombudsman for judges? That poor woman.
This Judge is a disgrace , defend this ?
If you want justice you will not find it in an Irish Court.Keep your mouth shut and deal with it yourself.If you can’t, it’s quiet easy to find someone who will.
@Tedser: I agree I wouldn’t even report it, make sure I had it sorted myself.
Like everyone else on here I am left mystified by this sentence, I wonder if his victim had been from the same social class as the judge or was from a more affluent area and upbringing would he (the judge) be as lenient, getting to the point where the state just is not there for ordinary people, as in housing, health care and justice.
This a typical example of the lack of a justice system in this country. Another evident thug left to walk our streets who has proven to reoffend and will reoffend as talking with his fists is all he knows. The judge clearly has high tolerance for domestic abuse if he thinks this is ok. And please tell me how the hell is this man allowed to work with children with Garda vetting required to work with children???
How did this guy get vetted and pass? Unbelievable.
I am in actual disbelief reading this. The judge is every bit as much of a s€umbag as the perpetrator here. You have blood on your hands you absolute disgrace. Seething with anger.
The mind boggles beyond belief.
Ah but sure isn’t he involved in youth football coaching, couldn’t be jailing him for all the good community service he’s doing, sure we’ll wait until he kills someone….
@Damian Clarke: how did he pass the Garda vetting stage of becoming a youth coach?
@NiallSullivan judges have a lot of discretion. He could have refused to consider the references and instead imposed some sort of mandatory counselling to force the man to face his problems and adjoined it for a few mths. So the man could get to work on ending his cycle of violence.
The media will always use the parts of the trial that are sellable. The worst quotes etc. People giving evidence will have their comments albeit unsubstantiated reported as fact. As I am not present I give the benefit of the doubt. It just seems to be happening so often these days that it has to be questioned. I understand trying to help people back onto the right path but you a) need to keep the victim as a central part – the most important thing and b) no punishment sends them the message completely.
And this is why the crime rate in this country is so high, do the crime do the time? Not at all do the crime get a suspended sentence, do another crime get another suspended sentence. We should lock up the judges in this corrupt system country!
Jesus Wept, He flakes the head off the poor girl then threatens to kill her, and gets off Scott free because his employer spoke very highly if him, 10 previous convictions as well FFS
Veronica? Comments?
@Don Shavago: she actually made a measured comment for once. Didn’t even blame everyother man for this scu”bags behaviour.
@Misanthrope: must have missed it! Measured? About this story? I was hoping I might finally get to agree with her!
@Don Shavago: maybe my standard of reasonable has been diminished in her case given the trash she posts on a daily basis lol
What if he punched or kicked the judge in a fit of temper? Would he do jail time?
Ah FFS look at the next story on the app.
Assuming the employer knew what this guy had been charged with and it’s pretty reasonable to assume this then I can only conclude that he/she is just as big a ***** ,who in their right mind would give this ***** a reference only a fellow *****
This sends out the wrong message ..i feel sorry for the victim .it took some guts to go to court and to be let down like that is just a disgrace. Something needs to be done about these judges.It would make any victim think twice about reporting it .I bet if she bumps into him in the street he’d have a big smirk on his face .Toerag
So.. if I feel like killing my brother, and I only have one but I take a successful shot at it. Will I get a suspended sentence on the basis that I am unlikely to do it again because the old dear is not up to producing me another?
Where has the punishment element gone from sentencing?
The only things that should be suspended are the perp and the judge. Failed state.
Shouldn’t the DPP complain about this sentence and ask for a REAL Judge.
Infuriating.
Kidnap her, beat her, threaten to kill her.
And he’s now shooting the sh*t with his sparks boss about how he sorted his girl out and got away with it.
They’re laughing over breakfast rolls.
Justice
Wat a joke the justice system is. If someone did this to a dog,,put them in back of a van,beat it,then dropped off at the gates of park there would be uproar. Seriously the judges should face trial themselves if any of the filth they are letting off reoffend. Maybe they think it’s enough of a sentence for him in his last year to know that when he is full time he will be taxed to the hilt,meaning government will gain and then judge can ask for a rise which we will all pay for,for more ridiculous calls like this,, Only in Ireland !!
Why would anybody bother to report an assault to the Gardaí after reading the outcome of this and other trials? It is an absolute disgrace that this judge is still in a job. Nothing will change in or so called legal system until the judges and their families become the victims. There’d sure be a change of heart then.
” and to no great benefit to society if he was sentenced to jail” yawn if this old fart believes this he should be retired forthwith
What the hell do you have to do to go to prison in this country???
@Aideen Pollard: don’t pay your tv licence
@Aideen Pollard: or block a politicians car
Jail the little shitebag… he shows promise my ass… any man who hits a woman is a coward… this sentence; (joke) sends out the right messsage… beat the missus… its ok.. nothing will happen…
The dpp should interfere here
Judge needs a dig or two to bring into the land of the living
This is absolutely disgusting, the poor girl. This is why so many woman don’t report! Whats the point when he gets off scot free. One thing for sure if something like that happened to me it wouldn’t be the garda id call!! Only one way to sort these pri@ks out
Dont blame the Judge, He couldnt jail him, the prisons are full of real hardened criminals, you know, the ones who dont pay their TV licences.
Have my doubts that Kelly would be brave enough to play football against his own age group.
I hope she has family that will step in and carry out the proper sentence on this boil in the bag boll!x
women are 2nd class citizen in the misogynist state that is the republic…batter his ex partner/girlfriend…put her in fear of her life and get a suspended sentence… oh just in case it passed anybodies notice the enquiry into the hawe family open today…violence against women and family …great wee county :)
Which youth football team exactly is this violent thug working with?
2 years is a joke for kidnapping and GBH.
Only a matter of time before we have complete mayhem vigilante justice
Now I am not the Cops biggest fan but you have to wonder why they bother their ass hauling these idiots before the courts when this inevitably is the outcome
If it were not so serious it would make you laugh
Beat with a bag of nails, he should be!
Well done
Jesus Christ what had this country come to if this animal isn’t locked up. Aside from the 10 yes TEN previous convictions. More banana republic judicial stupidity
Nice guy . The courts are a complete waste of time , fuking joke
Don’t think I would like him coaching my son
To be a guard, work hard to bring this guy to trial and sit in a court watching this. Of course the guy is no danger to society and women. Yet again the judiciary cover themselves in glory. Bless them, they make us safer
He will eventually murder
That’s a disgrace. He’ll do it again. and worse. That girl must be terrified.
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