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As the country faces further restrictions in the face of the third wave of Covid-19, we hear from Don Smith who is in his 8os and lives alone. He uses the services of the charity ALONE and his ‘befriender’ is Dutch woman, Dana.
She visits Don regularly and the two have become great friends because of the process. Below, Don shares his thoughts on his 2020 and Dana discusses their friendship:
I WILL BE spending Christmas alone again, the loneliest time of the year. I am 83, have a serious heart condition and I am angry.
A widower for 12 years, I live alone and I made a new life for myself. I have no relatives nearby and am mostly self-sufficient. My arthritic back and knee make walking more than a short distance impossible.
The first lockdown was difficult, but I got through it – thanks to my ALONE befriender, Dana. She is in her twenties and a wonderful person.
Without her weekly one-hour visits to look forward to, I would have become very depressed. She has visited me for three years and will be my lifelong friend!
The reason I am angry is that many people have been breaking the Covid rules and regulations with impunity. Large numbers of people are still holding house parties and ignoring other rules.
These people are not only stupid but also selfish, putting people like me at risk. There should be a law against it with large fines for the guilty.
Most people have observed the guidelines but several have become complacent. Our government must deal with them ASAP.
I am one of the very lucky people with a close family, loving partner and large circle of friends. Christmas has always been enjoyable for me and even though it looks a little different this year due to Covid-19, I am still very much looking forward to the festive season ahead.
I’m 28, originally from The Netherlands and have been volunteering with ALONE for the past three years. Due to my work with the charity, I am very aware of what Christmas is like for those who aren’t in this same fortunate position.
Every ad on TV shows families sharing delicious meals, restaurants and shops bustling, and happy Christmas music on the radio on repeat. If you are feeling lonely and isolated, all of these things are constant reminders.
Loneliness is especially prevalent this Christmas for those who have already had a year of limited contact with loved ones due to the pandemic.
The older person I visit once a week, Don, suffers from loneliness. With no family in Ireland and a widower, Christmas is the hardest time of the year for Don.
Admitting that you are lonely and reaching out to ALONE takes courage, and Don had that courage which led to our meeting three years ago.
We were quickly matched up through the ALONE befriending program and the rest is history! Don always says to me ‘’I wish I did it sooner!’’ and would be the first person to say how much my weekly visits mean to him.
Giving back
As you can imagine, it is extremely rewarding to know you are making such a positive difference in someone’s life. Volunteering is a big reason why I have an even greater appreciation for the people in my life and would recommend it to anyone looking to give back.
We all go through tough times and it is people who help us through them. I urge people to check in with those in their community during this time.
Many older people may have been expecting visitors and that could now be cancelled. Calling a friend who might be feeling lonely or assisting with small practical supports where possible such as shopping for an elderly neighbour, all make a difference.
There are many ways to support someone you care about this holiday season. If you are feeling lonely, remember that this feeling is not forever. Talk to someone you trust or reach out to a support organisation for a friendly chat.
The ALONE National Support Line is available seven days a week from 8 am – 8 pm on 0818 222 024. It is open throughout Christmas. Further information can be found on www.alone.ie.
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Happy Christmas Don I hope you have a better 2021
From the start of the article I was tears. I’m so glad Alone is there and I really hope you know that so many people will be thinking of you this Christmas xx
I left my job in residential support this morning, after an overnight shift, excited at the prospect that some of our residents would be going home, delighted their families would see them. And then a few hours later I had to have a cry in the shower because all of the form filling,risk assement and families who have self isolated for the last 2 weeks means nothing.
If people haven’t been affected directly they don’t care or seem to understand.
I wouldn’t even say I am angry. I’m just so disappointed in people to be honest to be honest
@Sarah Murphy: Hi Sarah, is this because of the inter county travel restrictions after 26th? Surely we can start a petition or mass email ministers about this….would love to know more details
@Ali Ryan: thanks so much for your comment…. there is a few factors — inter county travel is one factor for sure, but another such as the resident returning back and not having sufficient space/staff to be quarantined for 2 weeks for the safety of other residents and staff is also a major factor. Unfortunately operating under all the different guidelines is difficult for everyone involved, you have to think of the individual’s safety,the famiy safety, the other people in the care of the service and the staff. I understand everyone is trying their best at this time and I hate to be negative about things but it’s like trying to swim upstream
@Sarah Murphy: That’s so disappointing, especially as you say given that families of residents have been making such sacrifices by isolating in advance of their lived ones coming home.
I’m disgusted that all of this careful hard work by yourselves and the families for such deserving people is now being cast aside due to last min goc decisions, which of course are necessary, but it’s a complete slap in the face when gyms, pubs, and other non-essential shops and services are all still open and, in many cases, packed due to lack of enforcement.
@Ali Ryan: Totally agree. But all we can do is just make it a lovely Christmas for them and hope the wifi can handle all the video calls!!! I appreciate your sentiment and I hope you have a lovely Christmas x
I’m angry, disappointed, and very sad at how general society is really not all that interested in the elderly or disabled. As soon as crisis hit, they were the first to be expendable. I hope Don has a better 2021 and hope he can remember there are still a lot of decent people who do care about others. Good on him for speaking out and reaching out.
Sorry you are feeling this way Don, but let’s not blame the people but the lads in charge who seem to think they know what’s best.
@Seosamh: ya sap
@Seosamh: another fake account
@Seosamh: Right… because covid is a government conspiracy and being transmitted by those pesky 5g towers right?
@Seosamh: Don’t the lads in charge get their advice from those thar do in fact know best? Muppet.
@Seosamh: So you think the Government are holding house parties, gathering in large groups, ignoring social distancing and mask rules?
Who else but the public are to blame!!
@Mick.: Sure aren’t the government to blame for tossing the elderly out of hospitals and back into their nursing homes where a lot of them passed away from neglect… Alan Kelly on a bus/train with no mask, golf gate no restrictions there..MSM rte having great parties with no social distancing and mask wearing..hhmmm you are right, must be the publics fault
@Seosamh: daftest comment I’ve ever seen on the journal.ie, and that’s saying something
@Edward Natali: you’ve assumed that’s my opinion. They don’t have a clue what to do.
@Seosamh: what’s your solution?
@Aaron O Brien: you forgot the IRA funeral….
@Seosamh: WHAT !!!THANKFULLY YOU ARE NOT IN CHARGR
Happy Christmas Don,my 90 year old nanna lives alone.I ring her regularly and my dad(67) sends food down to her via Tesco..unfortunately she lives in Dublin and we live in Laois. Due to her age we only drop up when we are not in lockdown and have social distance visits in her garden….lockdown again she will also be spending Christmas alone which is very upsetting
@Sandra Conlan: There will be no lockdown in effect on Xmas day.
Angry at someone who walks for 3km instead of 2Km but fine with thousands of people coming in from the north because they’re not breaking any rules…..
Its a virus that transmits very very easily. There is no reward for anger at anyone who didnt live to the spirit of restrictions. People are human and will seek connection. Its a shitty time for all involved and will hopefully be over sometime in 2021. Dissapointing news today but we can hold on to hope that this will pass. Chin up pal.
@Damien McDaid: agreed but I think those of us that followed the guidelines are allowed be angry at those who didn’t. It was never going to disappear but it shouldn’t be this bad if everyone did as they were asked
@D: it wouldn’t be this bad the state stuck to their word and sorted the health service out. The public is being blamed to hide their failings.
@Damien McDaid: Making excuses for those to selfish that couldn’t follow a few every simple rules, simply doesn’t cut it.
The vast majority of the country have done everything thing required of them, but a few self centered selfish cu#t’s with no regard for anyone else have brought this down on us all.
@Mícheál Seán Mac Conmhaic: Nothing to do with whether our health service is good or bad. In fact, if we currently had 3500 ICU beds instead of 350 we would arguably be in a worse place regarding severe illness and deaths. We currently have to bring in restrictions earlier than most countries in order to protect out limited hospital capacity. More capacity would mean not having to restrict so early meaning more spread, more hospitalisations, more ICU admissions and more deaths. And by the way, we have never run out of ICU beds in this country even with the supposedly small numbers of beds we have. If we had had double the amount just lying idle for years people would have been complaining about the waste of money.
@Mick.: Not making excuses just saying theres no reward for being angry.
@Damien McDaid: I don’t believe it’s up to anyone to tell anyone else how they should feel about people who break guidelines and make life harder for others. Don’s feelings are absolutely valid and much better expressed than held in to make him suffer in silence.
@Mícheál Seán Mac Conmhaic: I really do not see what “sorting the health service” has to do with it. 1000 spare ICU beds and 10,000 hospital beds will not save any more lives than have been saved today because thankfully our heath services were never stretched to capacity and we always had space beds unlike parts of the UK and Northern Ireland and Sweden and Belgium and Russia …
In fact has we more spare capacity then people looking at low usage might just decide to act even more reckless… and allow the figures get to 1000 ICU cases before taking action… so maybe careful ICU bed management encouraged compliance and saved lives.
What do you think the sate should do specifically – we have enough beds and ICU capacity and can draw on reserves if needed. We did not have to build prefab hospitals in car parks.
Whether we like it or not our health service does not transmit the virus the public do. It is the failing of the public that has things this bad and trying to blame anyone else is deflecting…
In saying the “failing of the public” it may often be without blame but the five individuals, who imported the A20.EU1 strain from Spain at the end of July and that has been detected in 60% of the wave 2 genetic samples in Ireland and 80% of genetic samples, may have travelled against advice or failed to isolate upon arrival in Ireland (direct or via the UK).
We know of another who came back via Belfast and infected 13 (I think) members of their own family upon arrival… they told their own story to explain to others how important following the advice was.
No amount of ICU beds or health services “fixing” would have changed the outcome it is the small and often forgetful or instinctive actions that can cause issues… someone used to shaking hands may slip up onec or forget to wash hands as they fumble to turn off the alarm or switch on lights in the dark. I am giving these as examples where no one is to blame but the people who deliberately break the rules are certainly to blame (not all but some) who actually knowingly ignore the advice, fail to isolate and thereby spread the virus – these people are responsible for infection spread, resulting in hospitalisations, ICU cases and deaths.
@Damien McDaid: point well taken, and maybe anger is the wrong word in this context as it must be a combination of despair and sadness and a feeling of being cheated by those who do not care. It could be a sad anger rather than a rage anger – but I cannot speak for others just those I know myself.
@Damien McDaid: no, those of us who have stuck to restrictions are allowed to be angry at those who haven’t. Making excuses for them just doesn’t cut it as someone else said. We’re all only human and we all seek connection. This is not an excuse to not give a damn about restrictions
2Km exercise circle, €9 meals……you’re upset with the wrong people
@Damien Grogan: you can be upset with both the government and the public you know?
I heard somebody got food poisoning in a restaurant and died. Even though they were 82 years old, obese and had several underlying health issues I want all restaurants shut down and everyone to order takeout until nobody ever gets food poisoning again. Anyone who challenges me or says I’m crazy needs to be attacked and ridiculed and called an anti-takeout
@Bar O’Choc: Just to clarify your analogy. The elderly are old, hand could have underlying health issues and might die from covid, but that’s alright because the majority of people will survive the virus? I wonder if you’d be thinking the same way if you were in their shoes…
@Edward Natali: *and* not hand
@Bar O’Choc: but would you go back to the same restaurant a day or two later and the hsa hadn’t looked into it?
I think not!
This is a propaganda post to brainwash society with the nonsense from the Gov. lockdowns don’t work simple!
Are you taking vitamin D supplements?
People stop blaming the government there not rising the cases the people are if they will just listen am do what there advised to do sooner cases come down and lockdowns stop
have your say