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WOMEN HAVE BEEN shackled over time by a fear of sexual violence. As a little girl, I was taught to protect myself.
By the time I became a woman, it was instinctual. To stay safe. That somehow being more cautious, dressing ‘appropriately’, or keeping to daylight hours would prevent sexual assault.
The onus is always on the woman yet 98% of reported sexual crimes in Ireland in 2018 were perpetrated by men. It’s not all men but it is enough men.
Some high-profile rape trials in the past have shown that men’s understanding of consent is also incredibly warped. To fully tackle rape culture and femicide we MUST teach young boys about consent and boundaries.
A 2013 Rape Crisis Network Ireland (RCNI) report found that 37% of sexual violence towards children is perpetrated by children themselves; 97% by boys. This clearly indicates an urgent need for early invention. So why then do we still have an archaic sex education system focused on puritanical notions of virginal purity and sex as a sin?
Mixed messaging
Herein lies a tale of two Irelands – the abstinence-only approaches versus comprehensive sexuality education. Abstinence seeks to sweep sex under the rug, with the echoes of a historical past seeped in sexism.
Comprehensive sexuality education teaches the cognitive, emotional, physical and social aspects of sexuality, which fosters healthy relationships and is proven to delay young people’s engagement with sex. It’s not hard to guess which is more effective, yet the tenets of Catholicism are woven tightly throughout our Relationships and Sexuality Education (RSE) in Ireland.
Ninety per cent of all primary schools and nearly half of all secondary schools here are run by the Catholic Church. This means the ethos of a school dictates how RSE is delivered.
Flourish is the latest conflation of religion and RSE. Designed by the Catholic Church, it teaches that sex is an act from God to be avoided until marriage. Abstinence-only approaches have been found to be ineffective, stigmatising and unethical and the Irish Family Planning Association (IFPA) says it doesn’t provide information on the full range of contraceptive methods. They also focus exclusively on heterosexual relationships, denying the experiences of LGBTQI+ students.
To top this off, young people recently said RSE was not taught early enough and was ‘selectively addressed’, which means 90% of them are accessing information on the internet. Twenty percent of these found pornography ‘useful’ to learn about healthy sexual relationships, which is fairly indicative of a failing curriculum.
Secondary schools are also only required to teach six RSE classes a year and just over a quarter of these are taught. This infrequency merely compounds the atmosphere of awkwardness.
Teachers left powerless
Teachers are often tasked with teaching RSE to make up hours and a teacher’s own beliefs can lead to personal interpretations. It brings me back to being taught about the dangers of sex by our Religious Education teacher with the usual puberty tropes aided by a video about our changing bodies.
‘Just don’t do it’ was the general sex education message shouted across the chorus of giggling girls.
The National Council for Curriculum and Assessment (NCCA) is thankfully developing a new curriculum but it could take years. Niall Behan IFPA CEO says the development of inclusive and age-appropriate sexuality education needs to come hand-in-hand with the structural, legal and policy changes needed to implement this too. In the meantime, an interactive toolkit is embedded within the current curriculum as part of the Gender Equality Matters project led by Dublin City University. This focuses on tackling gender stereotyping, gender-based violence and gender inequality.
However, psychologist Elaine Byrnes argues that even the best curriculum can’t effect change if it isn’t delivered properly: ‘Teachers are moonlighting as sex educators. A maths teacher wouldn’t say I’m not comfortable with Pythagoras’ theorem so I’m not teaching it. Cherry-picking isn’t comprehensive fact-based information.’
Although the NCCA admits that teacher competence is a problem, there are no mandatory trainings and many schools rely on external facilitators. The issue here is there is no official register of qualified sexual health experts vetted by the Department of Education.
So, effectively anyone with the ‘sexpertise’ of a potted plant could facilitate a class. ‘Accord’, the Catholic marriage care service, is the second most popular external provider across Ireland.
In the Netherlands, children are taught comprehensive sexuality education from the age of four. The approach teaches boys and girls about love, consent and boundaries through play and builds up to discourse around forming healthy relationships, gender identity, and bodily autonomy. This provides children with the tools to navigate healthy sexual relationships when they’re older. In Sweden, it has been taught since 1955.
Challenging societal conditioning
Some experts have cautioned that children could be left more vulnerable to sexual abuse by remaining ignorant. Hans Olsson from The Swedish Association for Sexuality Education says ‘There is a fear around what children should or shouldn’t know but they are naturally curious so the ostrich in the sand approach never works.’
Young people have reported less sexual and gender-based discrimination where sexuality education is integrated into schools. The Netherlands has the lowest percentage (15%) across Europe of sexual activity under the age of 15 and the number of women under the age of 25 experiencing sexual coercion decreased as a result of progressive sexuality policies.
A societal acceptance of boys not being able to control their urges simply gives some of them a carte blanche to do certain things. Boys are often peer pressured to initiate violence.
Olsson argues that if we teach boys to reject violence as a means to resolving conflict or exerting power then we can reduce violence as a whole. Conforming to stereotypical concepts of strength and masculinity leaves young men ill-equipped to navigate their emotions.
According to Yuri Ohlrichs, of Rutgers, a Dutch Sexual and Reproductive Health and Rights NGO, toxic masculinity is often due to misconceptions over power dynamics. Boys should be encouraged to discuss vulnerabilities and develop their kind and nurturing side.
Empathy is key
Teaching empathy from a young age is proven to decrease aggression. The Roots of Empathy programme run by Barnardo’s across 200 schools in Ireland is based on immersive learning in which children develop empathy and socio-emotional competencies.
A small baby is brought in once a week with a trained instructor who coaches students to observe the baby’s development and to label the baby’s feelings. Children then identify and reflect on their own feelings and the feelings of others. A key component is children must always ask the baby for permission, teaching them about boundaries.
Children learn that although the baby may not have words to express how they feel, they are a ‘theatre of emotions’, which enables them to read body language and facial expressions. A study in Northern Ireland showed reduced aggression was sustained beyond programme participation and it is now funded by the UK government to tackle violent crime.
Repression only increases violence, which is why we need to do away with abstinence-based preaching. Far too much autonomy is still given to those who would re-enact policies that enabled an entire generation of women to be punished and shamed.
The Department of Education must put an end to an education system governed by religious doctrine and create a mechanism to vet external educators. Age-appropriate RSE should be delivered weekly by a qualified RSE teacher and all schools should be required to hold sexuality education workshops for parents.
Behan says: “Comprehensive sexuality education is an indispensable primary healthcare measure. Yet Irish education is failing our children and young people. Every day in IFPA clinics, we see the impact of inadequate, inconsistent, and poor-quality relationships and sexuality education.”
Less consideration is given to RSE as it is not an exam subject. Yet, it is arguably the most important life lesson we will ever learn.
Cultural and societal constructs form our prejudices and as Cliona Saidlear, RCNI Executive Director points out we can’t simply educate away sexual violence. However, early intervention can combat rigid gender roles, reduce harmful stereotypes, and shift patterns of inequalities.
Through comprehensive sexuality education, we can teach children to engage with those around them to create a less violent, less sexist, more equitable society in the future.
Dearbhla Crosse is a freelance writer, teacher and advocate on sexual and reproductive health and rights.
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Career choice and career often turn out to be two different things.
@Brendan O’Brien: When i done my leaving cert in 1999 i got very low points. I was never collage material any way. I done an apprenticeship in fitting and welding. I have worked all over the world building bridges, tunnels and oil and gas refinery’s. Home now and mortgage free at 36. Collage is not the be all to success. Even people who do poorly in school can be successful if they choose the right career.
@Jamie Jj Tobin: fair play to you Jamie – you are right – its not for everyone. but whatever you do, it is important to commit to it and take your opportunities as you seem to have done. good example for many in the next few months…
I know someone who always wanted to be a doctor but didn’t get the points so their parents (very ambitious) persuaded them to aim for teaching, I remember the father telling me “nice secure government job”, I told him if their heart wasn’t in they would regret it. Either way they did a science degree. The second it was done they turned around and used graduate entry to get into medicine.
If you want something bad enough, there is a way.
I work in a supermarket as a checkout supervisor, not the most glamour job in the world but I love it! I meet new people every day, I like to talk alot so that helps :) and I’m a good problem solver, I had good leaving cert results but money for college was a factor but I have to say I love where I am pays the bills let’s me live a decent life and I’m never hungry I could ask for more..
@Conaire DeBhairduin: What are your views on the potential of automation replacing all check outs in supermarkets over the coming years. Is this something that worries you?
@will: boom!
@will: who’ll check the check outs?, who’ll check the check out check out?
@iohanx: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NrmMk1Myrxc Nobody apparently!
I was in a terrible place mentally, recently diagnosed and placed on medication, but was told that completing the leaving cert was my best option. I passed everything, did brilliantly in the only subject I cared for, but still not enough points to get into college. I went to further education, it was close and affordable and would give me a taste of what I could be in for from college. I completed the level 5 with a partial due to coming off of the medication and instability, then spent the next 3 years working after I moved up to Dublin. Got work hours reduced and reduced and reduced until I couldn’t afford rent, and had to move back home. Did a level 6 this year with Distinctions in all subjects, now looking to move on to do an English Bachelors at 24 and then go into teaching.
Took me 6 years before I found out what I wanted to do.
@Shannon Mcg: good luck, don’t give up!
My career advise at school was,
“You may as well emigrate, there is nothing here for you.”
So I did, and had a great time before eventually returning.
@Brian McDonnell: I did the same but without having been given any advice. It forced me to become independent at 22 and was a very positive life lesson.
@Brian McDonnell:
how long ago? Just curious, as members of my family were told and did the same in the eighties.
@Denis Moynihan: Yeap….the career choice was work elsewhere or the dole here, so any job would do, from warehouses to offices, building sites to factories. As long as I could pay my way I wasn’t too fussy.
@P.J. Nolan: Late 80′s.
The notion that when you sit your leaving cert is when you should make your career choice is totally outmoded and ridiculous anyway.
@Conor Paddington: the way careers change and jobs change, continuing education is vital. 46 and still don’t know what to do.
My parents supported me in every step I took to get my degree but they always said that the subjects I picked to study at college was my own choice.
@davo gazeley: exactly.
Left school after a not so great leaving cert about 30 years ago, went to UK and became a Telecom Engineer in London – - 5 years later became a Commercial Diver in the Middle east – - 6 years later did a degree in Computers as a mature student and now working in the IT area. My parents did not influence me but they always had my back which is the most important thing and thats what I will try to do with my children. Do your best in the exams but try not to get worked up on it (its hard I know).There are so many avenues you can go down when choosing a career and you will change as it suits. Just be there for the kids when needed with a helping hand and supportive guidance.
The number of points I got in the leaving decided
My mother was a stripper and my father a debt collecter. I became a priest. They’re still struggling with the shame of it.
Me uncle Paddy. He gave me his old van and a gallon of diesel and said:
‘There you go kid – the world is your oyster’
I never looked back.
No. For most people, only themselves know what they want to do
My parents were very supportive of any choice I was to make. They didn’t inspire the career I would take, but they inspired me to be hard working, ambitious and to do exactly what I wanted and they would support me as much as they could. I couldn’t have asked for better.
No one’s parents should directly influence or choose their child’s career or CAO. It is up to the individual to choose a path they are interested in. Advice can go a long way, but it is ultimately your life and your choice.
TBH I don’t care what career my kids choose. I will be proud of them regardless. Though I did dissuade my daughter from putting nursing and midwifery as her first choices along with help from the guidance counselor. Weighing up pay, working conditions, social life, family life, benefit packages and so on. She has stem subjects at her 5 top options. Nursing and midwifery as last resorts.
@Lily:
So you did influence her decisions
@P.J. Nolan: not really, the guidance counselor did. I told her what i thought but she was adamant to do midwifery that was until the guidance counselor told her the realities of her choice and explored stem subjects. So really it was the guidance counselor who influenced her cao choices. I can’t force her to choose any subjects neither would I want to, it’s her life to live how she pleases. If she dose midwifery I’m sure she will be happy and I’ll still be proud though probably worry if she is eating enough, getting her legally required lunch breaks and so on.
Generally when a parent says one thing, kids do the complete opposite.
Dissuading her was just me pointing out all the bad bits of the job. But she didn’t listen until the guidance counselor advised her not to go for it. The guidance counselor didn’t know my thoughts but I was delighted that we were on the same wavelength and convinced her to do stem subjects. She really did help. Had the guidance counselor told her to stick with nursing I could accept that too.
I have much respect for people in health care. It’s a noble job.
@Lily: Jesus Christ will you go and tell that girl that she can do anything she wants! It doesn’t matter about money and life balance when you love what you do! How dare you influence a young person away from what she is telling you what she wants to do! I work long hours, weekends and not for amazing pay but with great people. I’d prefer my child was a nurse than working in a stable, well paid banking role or many others instead of working among the kindest hard working people around. Give her the approval to change her mind and don’t live through her!
Yeah my Ma was a huge influence ‘Get off your arse and get a job, you lazy shite’ worked wonders.
@Dermot Lane: Same here. Best of luck son and don’t come back was about the jist of it.
Now I have kids I finally understand.
As the first person from my all-girls secondary school to do engineering of any sort in college it’s fair to say I wouldn’t have even considered it if my father hadn’t been an engineer. As he was a computer engineer we always had technology around the house so I had far more experience with computers than anyone else in my school. Heck when my primary school got a photocopier for the first time I was put in charge of it rather than any of the teachers and I was only 10.
I wouldn’t say parents but older sisters and brothers as well as their friends where able to give realistic advice. If you know what you want at 17 I’d almost be worried about you. It’s tough to know at any age.
Parents were supportive of my choices but never told me what I should do. School was useless, they wanted me to follow one of my parents path and do the same degree as one of them and any attempts by both me and my parents to explain that wasn’t what I was interested in fell on deaf years. Just had to grin and bare it with them while doing my own research outside school.
@ztoical: same happened from my guidance counselor. She swore I should be an accountant. Had to have her look at my last maths tests so she could understand how wrong she was.
Yes, I decided at age 17 I would never be a parent, clergyman nor have anything to do with “mental health,” whatever the f. that is…
@Paul Jennings: I take it you’re not working in comedy?
No it was the computer that told me to be a taxidermist or wig maker… Oh the 90s…. coincidentally years later I am now a careers adviser trying to add a bit more thoughtfulness to the process
I think a mistake some make is they choose a course they will enjoy rather than a career they will enjoy. If i was going back to college this is what i would tell myself before i choose a course. Dont do what you will enjoy in college because you will only be in college for 3 to 6 years, whereas you will be working for thirty years.
When I was applying to university in 1989 my father told me not do computer science as it was “played out” things worked out ok but imagine getting into the field almost 30yrs ago. Still bring it up whenever I can
Had shite career guidance teacher but other teachers were much better at proposing options that suited my aptitudes. Parents worked in the hospitality industry – they only wanted me to have a 9-5 job with weekends and bank hols off – never tried to push particular subjects
Ffs, no. No one did. My choice was my choice… I’m not one who would ever be “influenced” by anyone, family member or not…
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