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ON A SUNNY day in the first lockdown, I remember going to my local Lidl to do the weekly grocery shop. As I was standing in the queue, I heard a voice shout “Get back on the mark – you are too close to me”. I thought the person must have been speaking to someone else.
They then came over and demanded to know why I could not see the mark on the floor. I tried to explain that I had a visual impairment. The woman just responded by saying that having a visual impairment was not an excuse to get out of abiding by Covid rules! Of course, I just hadn’t seen the markings.
Another time, I was in my local post office and, as I wasn’t standing exactly on the designated spot, a man physically pushed me onto it. I asked what was he doing and he said he was putting me in the circle where I needed to stand as I was too close to the person in front of me. Again, I said I had a visual impairment. I was even holding my cane. But he said he had never seen one of those before!
So, it seems for the first person, my visual impairment didn’t align with their views of disability and, for the second person, it would seem that people with a visual impairment are confined to those using a guide dog.
These experiences did leave a mark on me and I found it very hard to go shopping on my own afterwards.
Diagnosis
My story of sight loss begins at the age of 17. The red flags were raised when my older sister went to see an optician for contact lenses so that she could play badminton. She was subsequently diagnosed with retinitis pigmentosa, the name for a group of eye disorders that cause vision loss. It would mean that the entire family would need to have our sight tested.
And, so, it was that I was diagnosed with the same condition. It came as a shock, but also somewhat as a relief. I hadn’t been imagining things after all.
You see, at the time, I was having problems reading small print and looking at the board in school. I was finding it difficult to see in the dark and, if I was going doing a steep hill, or an escalator, I would feel like I was falling into a black hole.
I was told that these problems were due to short-sightedness and I was having to change my glasses frequently. However, it turns out they were all part of life with retinitis pigmentosa.
I did go on to finish my Leaving Cert and followed that up with a Degree in Social Policy and Sociology at Maynooth University. I was doing my Masters in Social Policy and Social Rights last year when Covid struck and I found out that my college campus was being shut down. I remember the anxiety I felt and that I wouldn’t be able to do my course on my own at home.
Additional challenges
Technology can be frustrating and there were many times when I wanted to throw my computer out the window. But I persevered, and thanks to great support from my department, and my disability officer, I got through it and graduated last September.
Apart from having to live differently due to Covid, in the past 18 months my sight has also deteriorated more significantly than I would have expected. Lockdown was challenging enough. Add to that my additional sight loss and it was all taking a heavy mental toll.
I used to be independent and be able to go for a walk on my own. Now, all I have left is my central vision. I have to rely on my mam to go walking with me as I find that I don’t see someone until they are right in front of me.
Sometimes people walk in threes and fours and they expect you to move into single file which is dangerous for me as I have to un-link arms with my mam and may not see if there is a slope or uneven path.
Since the reopening of society, and with outdoor dining becoming more common, that has thrown up new challenges too. I had an incident where I caught my cane in someone’s shopping bag and nearly fell over them sitting at an outdoor table. That was a shock for both of us! Another time I was walking along and two people came out of a premises, didn’t see me coming, and this time I did fall over.
I have been accused of faking my disability. People sometimes think that I can see more than I can. Maybe they think I am doing it to get more assistance.
However, there is a spectrum for vision loss. You may have some sight but need tools to be able to get around safely. I have now started the process to apply for a guide dog as, unfortunately, I don’t feel safe using the cane anymore.
Sometimes people overlook my sight loss which can be an issue. Other times people can’t see past it. It can be a lose-lose situation. But I try not to let it get me down.
Gillian Stafford lives in Trim, Co Meath and is an ambassador for Fighting Blindness’ Retina 2021 Public Engagement Day, which takes place on Saturday 6 November. Aimed at people with sight loss and their families, the conference features motivational talks and updates on the latest treatment advances. Registration is free at www.fightingblindness.ie.
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What a brave lady wishing her well
Gillian thank you for sharing your story and my partner has the same condition as you. Since all this begin he has had pretty much the same treatment as you , he gets the looks from people not wanting to see his symbol cane.
We were once in an Aldi car park and we parked in a disable spot only to have a woman scream across a car park at us “No No No “ she didn’t see his cane. We have had people abused him because he would get mixed up with the queues in banks and people thought he was skipping them..As for the outdoor dining that is a complete nightmare for a person with a disability.
The level of abuse that visually impaired people can get or even any person with a disability that you cannot see is shocking.
I wish you all the best and once again Thank you
Well done Gillian…a true and accurate account of your particular eye condition. It is terrible that some people in our society have no regard or respect for those with visual impairments. I wish you well in life and your future endeavours.
Well done on your hard work. I had a college lecturer who was blind and she’s was inspirational. Unfortunately people are sometimes ignorant when it comes to hidden disabilities. Well done for creating awareness. Best of luck for the future.
People nowadays are so concerned about only themselves and they are extremely selfish. Gillian and all those with various disabilities are great ambassadors and fantastic at raising awareness.
I myself have a visual impairment called Diabetic Retinopathy I was diagnosed several years ago after my sight almost completely went all I was seeing was blackness I went to my local specsavers he referred me to Waterford Eye Casualty where after some tests I was diagnosed with Diabetic Retinopathy I’ve had countless amount of laser and well over 85+ eye injections to both eyes thankfully now my vision is stable all thanks to the team in Waterford hospital eye department and Dr Emer Henry. I’m so thankful to them for maintaining the sight I have.
It’s an allfull shame, more people are going to become Sick because of C19 and nothing to do with the virus! Just yesterday I was walking the dog and a woman jumped out into the road to keep the 2m rule! Lucky a car was not on the road at the same time. Hospital have been closed for 18 months can you imagine how many people have not received any treatment, if I even felt sick I wouldn’t go to the doctor at the moment because all it is at the moment is COVID 19.
@Heisen berg1: if you feel sick call your gp. They will do a consultation over the phone before you come in. That’s more about making sure you don’t have covid symptoms so they can keep patients safe. If you feel sick don’t ignore your symptoms. Hospitals and GPS have not been closed for the last 18 months
Your amazing. This article helped me more than you know. I have glaucoma and where you mention about the elevator or hill, I nearly cried. Finally someone understands. Keep doing what your doing and the very best of luck
This is the case all across the country. it is even worse for those with invisible disabilities. We don’t have any visual clue to inform people that we are people with disabilities.
Not seeing the cane is the worst excuse yet. Maybe they need an eye exam.
I have a card explaining my disabilities a Jam card and a sunflower lanyard. Maybe shave ny head and paint it purple.
It still wont work some people are completely in the dark about disability and their lack of empathy is frightening.
Some persons with disability can’t wear masks and that brings a different abuse.
The parking spaces and the rest of it, we in the disability community are sadly all too aware of too many people who only think of themselves.
My son has a hidden disability and we got him a lanyard so he doesn’t have to queue at Dublin Airport. We were faced with a massive queue at another airport and we explained about his disability and showed his landyard, the lady asked to see him and looked him up and down and said he doesn’t look disabled. Another time I went to the disabled access toilet which was also a baby changing room someone stopped me and said you don’t look disabled to me. Unfortunately people are ignorant to hidden disabilities there should be more awareness
@SmallbutMighty: MY answer to the you don’t look disabled comment is this “You don’t look stpuid either but looks can be deceiving”
Thank you for sharing and highlighting some of the problems people with visual impairment face. All good wishes to you.
I am convinced that these people feel so insecure in their own skin that they believe that by being rude to those less fortunate makes them feel ‘superior’ in themselves. It is sad, very sad but as ‘adults’ their rudeness deserves little more than scorn.
Ifcanyone touches you again call tge gardai that’s assault!
If you get a white stick ( not saying you should) use it to hit them with it!
@Aidan Conway: White canes fold up so they would not work to defend yourself. There was a man in the UK found using a Samurai Sword as a long cane. The police stopped him and he said his last cane was broken by a person pushing past him. With the sword everyone gives him space. Sadly he had to stop using it.
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