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Opinion The increase in toxic positivity driven by social media is destructive and unhelpful

Therapist Bernie Hackett says the culture of ‘staying positive’ denies a person their true feelings and stifles healing.

TOXIC POSITIVITY IS the expectation that we have only positive emotions at all times. Although the exhortation to “think positive” has been around for years, and certainly, there are situations in our lives for trying to avoid or reduce emotional pain and “looking on the bright side” can be a form of consoling ourselves when life can feel overwhelming.

However, “to think positive” is becoming increasingly pervasive, with slogans such as “positive vibes only” abounding on social media.

Unfortunately, to exist with positive vibes only is an impossibility – it is contrary to the complexity of emotions that comprise a human person.

Positive or bust

Social media itself feeds on the idea of continuous positivity – it suits the medium. It is easily consumed and requires no in-depth contemplation. On social media, people’s lives are curated and presented so only the best is on show.

In this curated world, our validation can literally be measured in likes. Toxic positivity discourages the expression of difficult and messy emotions, and ultimately, our difficult and messy selves, which can’t be sanitised and tidied into a slogan or an appealing picture.

It should however be noted that some social media has been hugely transformative in opening up conversations around difficult topics, and that is to be welcomed. But, for all that is good, much of it is peddling perfection.

There are many dangers with a mindset that is relentlessly positive. Negative emotions more often than not crop up for a reason, and if we are to ignore that, we will miss what our emotions have been trying to tell us. In some cases, real harm can be ignored – a 2020 study by The University of East London suggests that overgeneralised positivity exacerbates harm and abuse and that an optimistic bias can put victims of abuse in danger, refraining to leave abusive relationships.

Being superficially positive can be deeply negative. If we are no longer authentic, our true selves may not be seen and our real needs may not be met. Relationships may suffer through a lack of true relating and genuineness.

Toxic positivity is like a straitjacket, limiting human emotion to only those that are perceived to be most palatable to others.

However, other people can naturally perceive when a person is being true to themselves and conversely, it may become the case that the practice of toxic positivity becomes more repelling than attractive.

The search for happiness

Positivity is a mindset that attempts to evince happiness. Ironically, putting a premium on happiness has been shown to lead to unhappiness, with studies demonstrating that the more people value happiness, the more likely they will feel disappointed.

Further studies have shown that a culturally-pervasive value placed on attaining happiness can represent a risk factor for symptoms and a diagnosis of depression.
Growth lies in self-acceptance and self-acceptance means having to come to terms with the true nature of who we are, and our full emotional palate.

A 2018 study from University of Toronto and Berkeley suggests that individuals who accept rather than judge their mental experiences may attain better psychological health.

Through laboratory, diary and longitudinal studies, it was found that acknowledging feelings reduces distress and anxiety symptoms. Toxic positivity means to deny our unwanted emotions, effectively diminishing our own experience.

Suppression never works

Repeated studies have shown higher levels of negative affect, lower levels of positive affect, poorer social adjustment and decreased wellbeing are associated with repeated emotional suppression.

Toxic positivity is an invitation to suppression. By encouraging people to know and present only a modified version of themselves, it is also a recipe for loneliness, as true self-expression has no outlet, and opportunities for real connection are curtailed.

Pain and suffering are inevitable facets of life. They cannot and they should not be avoided. Our trials strengthen us, make us more resilient, give us character and colour. They also strengthen our compassion for others. It is one thing to suffer, but to pretend that everything is hunky-dory is to add to the suffering.

We will carry pain with us whether we consciously acknowledge it or not. We don’t relieve pain by escaping it but by facing it.

We need to remind ourselves that happiness does not mean avoiding the reality of our lives but accepting ourselves in all our humanity with our strengths and weaknesses

We can stem the tide of toxic positivity in simple ways. One of them is to limit time spent online, muting those you find grating, or following those who you truly admire for themselves. We can invite authenticity, when meeting another person, by simply asking “how are you really feeling.”

Journaling can give us the opportunity to clarify our thoughts and feelings. It is vital that we welcome the full range of the human experience into our hearts and endeavour instil the more holistic mantra of “all vibes only.”

Bernie Hackett is an accredited member and Chair of the Irish Association for Counselling and psychotherapy (IACP). 

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21 Comments
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    Mute RJ
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    Jan 22nd 2022, 8:10 AM

    I’d be more worried about the influencer culture who spout advice with absolutely no qualifications. It’s worrying how they are influencing very young and vulnerable people.

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    Mute IamEggBot
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    Jan 22nd 2022, 8:28 AM

    @RJ: absolutely! Also sad that kids are aspiring to be “influencers” rather than doctors, teachers, solicitors etc.

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    Mute Pat Casey
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    Jan 22nd 2022, 7:17 AM

    If you want to see toxic just read the comments on any Journal article on any given day.

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    Mute John Brennan
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    Jan 22nd 2022, 9:25 AM

    @Pat Casey: Might I add IMO a lot of the articles are clickbait and a high percentage of toxic comments are made by people hiding behind pseudonyms.

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    Mute Munster1
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    Jan 22nd 2022, 7:48 AM

    Positive or negative should be irrelevant when it comes to news. Facts should be the issue. Social media is full of emotional people posting their opinions.

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    Mute Seamus Mac
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    Jan 22nd 2022, 8:32 AM

    @Munster1: sadly a lot of news outlets are the same

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    Mute Mark Malone
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    Jan 22nd 2022, 7:17 AM

    Whoever coined the phrase Social Media is a genius because it is anything but.

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    Mute Edward Reid
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    Jan 22nd 2022, 7:27 AM

    It’s funny because the toxicity wouldn’t be as prevalent only for news media.

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    Mute Paul
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    Jan 22nd 2022, 7:18 AM

    Good thing there are critical thinkers and debaters here

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    Mute Xanadu Marmalade
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    Jan 22nd 2022, 7:47 AM

    @Paul: Master debaters

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    Mute Paul
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    Jan 22nd 2022, 9:27 AM

    @Xanadu Marmalade: And Master Baters lol

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    Mute David cotter
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    Jan 22nd 2022, 7:47 AM

    Great to see the journal commentaries community does not buy into this positive epedemic
    Positivity is just another form of control particularly in business
    Our banking crash happened in large part due to mindless positivity
    Give me the negatives like o Doherty,marina hyde Kimmage and o toole …read them and rejoice in realism and honesty

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    Mute DJ François
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    Jan 22nd 2022, 8:41 AM

    If you don’t have the b alls to comment or express your opinion using your real name you are part of the problem. Hiding anonymously behind tr0ll accounts is pure c0wardice.
    Not sure why I had to substitute numbers for letters to make an innocuous point…

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    Mute Paul
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    Jan 22nd 2022, 8:45 AM

    @DJ François: Some people have more important things to be doing than entrapping themselves with an uneasy truth

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    Mute Henri Poincaré
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    Jan 22nd 2022, 11:21 AM

    @DJ François: the irony in your post is just amazing

    Think about it, you wrote this and still hit submit on your comment: “Not sure why I had to substitute numbers for letters to make an innocuous point”. Maybe stop and think why!

    I have a fairly successful career. I make comments on here that I feel are well grounded and innocuous.

    That doesn’t mean that some overzealous clown in HR is going to think they’re innocuous too! We live in a cancel culture world.

    Let’s take your comment and apply it to me: “not sure why I’m being fired for making an innocuous point”.

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    Mute DJ François
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    Jan 22nd 2022, 5:06 PM

    @Henri Poincaré: Eh? Not the definition of irony by the way-I’ll stand by any comments I make.

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    Mute Henri Poincaré
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    Jan 22nd 2022, 5:34 PM

    @DJ François: your post is the literal definition of irony. Dramatic irony, to be precise

    “A literary technique, originally used in Greek tragedy, by which the full significance of a character’s words or actions is clear to the audience or reader although unknown to the character”

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    Mute Sean Ryan
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    Jan 22nd 2022, 9:03 AM

    Yup, the pendulum has swung to far and has become toxic. Fact over feelings, always. Of course, we can be honest without being brutal. Seerut K. Chawla has some great advice IMO on similar issues – her social media is a nice reality check.

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    Mute Mark Dawson
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    Jan 22nd 2022, 8:36 AM

    So we should be focusing on all the negative things in out life and make ourselves more miser_able as we be happier been mise-rable

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    Mute William Tallon
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    Jan 22nd 2022, 9:57 AM

    @Mark Dawson: Yes and no…

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    Mute ciaran enright
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    Jan 22nd 2022, 8:53 AM

    Well you just have to look at Nokia to see how that went.

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