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Alamy Stock Photo

Peter Flanagan is on holidays 'Put Tramore and Stoneybatter in a blender and you get Margate'

The comedian compares his holiday experience in the UK countryside to the craic chasing at home.

HERE’S SOMETHING I don’t like to admit – the English countryside is much nicer than Ireland. The towns are prettier and the weather is better.

Rolling green hills are diced by walking trails, sheer white cliffs cajole France in the distance.

Timber-framed Tudor cottages line medieval streets or sleepy pathways curled around a central place of worship and a pub. Ireland’s abandoned, chicken-fillet-roll hamlets feel cheap by comparison.

The problem though, is the people. Otherwise a rural renaissance idyll, on Guy Fawkes Night the village of Lewes sees its residents march through its cobbled streets brandishing lit torches and burning effigies of the Pope. It’s called culture.

A visiting American would think they’d stumbled upon a Ku Klux Klan rally, an Italian traveller would have to be sedated. Imagine ‘the Purge’ with blokes in wellies and tweed jackets, and you get the idea.

burning-crosses-form-part-of-a-breathtaking-parade-of-fire-and-fireworks-on-bonfire-night-in-lewes-england Burning crosses form part of a breathtaking parade of fire and fireworks on bonfire night in Lewes, England. Alamy Stock Photo Alamy Stock Photo

Hospitality just doesn’t come as easily to the English as it does to their neighbours. The hint is in their songs – “Rule, Britannia! Britons never will be slaves.” While other once great powers like Austria or Spain have settled comfortably into flabby irrelevance, many English people still see themselves as the Master People of the North Atlantic. Service is a form of subservience.

The old sod

The most silken-tongued savant of Madison Avenue couldn’t have pulled off what the Irish tourist board has managed. Cash-rich holidaymakers come from all over the world for a taste of an ill-defined, ephemeral quality known only as ‘the craic’.

Of course, it’s only we who know how to distil it, how to administer it correctly. It’s the cod of the century.

Our infrastructure is terrible and there isn’t a huge amount to do except get pissed. It’s a miracle people come to Ireland in the numbers that they do, and yet they keep coming. They find us charming, sexy even. I’ve lost too many good men to American tourists over the years, now married and living in places like New York and Nashville.

man-dressed-up-as-leprechaun-in-temple-bar-dublin-southern-ireland Alamy Stock Photo Alamy Stock Photo

We’re all in on the joke, you see. Irish people have a natural, involuntary tendency towards public displays of humility. Our grievances are kept private, bottled up, and occasionally expressed through sudden, hysterical outbursts of trad.

The English have never been oppressed by anyone so it’s never occurred to them that they shouldn’t say or do whatever they want, when they want.

Perhaps their tourist board lacks the creativity of the one in Ireland. But I suspect that many of the well-heeled residents of the Home Counties would prefer not to have outsiders poking around and upsetting the ambiance. The Irish are masters of self-interested obeisance. But for the Old Boys of Kent and West Sussex, making deferential small talk with a dour Kraut or boorish Yank would be Hades-adjacent.

The crown jewels

London does the heavy lifting in all aspects of the British economy, and tourism is no different. An overgrown metropolis on an otherwise provincial island, its palaces and phone boxes offer a cartoon version of Englishness for the selfie-thirsty visitor. But you’ll need to escape the tentacles of the tube line to experience the real country.

Kent is too English for most English people. Think of it like Wuhan for red trousers – the original outbreak was here.

Yet deep in the heart of Brexit country, something quirky is happening. The seaside town of Margate has become a refuge for ageing hipsters priced out of London, a trend only accelerated by the pandemic.

margate-beach-from-the-promenade-with-the-deckchair-hut-in-the-foreground-flying-the-union-jack Margate beach from the promenade with the deckchair hut in the foreground flying the union jack. Alamy Stock Photo Alamy Stock Photo

This was the place I chose for my first English summer holiday. It’s a peculiar experience. Fish and chip shops sit seamlessly alongside vegan cafes. Put Tramore and Stoneybatter in a blender and you’d get something similar. On my first morning there I enjoyed a pickle and cheese sandwich with a barista-made oat milk latte, a fusion of cultures I didn’t know I wanted until I did.

Waves broke in the distance. It was 99s in the afternoon, followed by £5 IPAs at the local drag show. This Is England, apparently.

On my last morning, I took a visit to Dalbys, an infamous greasy spoon hidden away from the seafront. Despite the snootiness of the ruling classes, the English caff is still one of the most egalitarian places left on earth. Dalbys is no different – a place where builders can get a good breakfast, where hungover ravers can get a fry.

3866-food-signs-margate-kent-uk Seaside views in Margate. Alamy Stock Photo Alamy Stock Photo

Pete Doherty is on the Wall of Fame (he completed ‘the Mega Breakfast’ challenge in 19 minutes) and Lily Allen recorded an episode of her sitcom here.

My girlfriend is Spanish. When the staff heard our accents, they couldn’t have been friendlier. They treated us like celebrities. “You two will have beautiful babies”, the waitress said. Then, still smiling, she continued “The British and the Spanish, together”. I didn’t correct her. It was still Kent, after all.

Peter Flanagan is an Irish comedian and writer. You can find him on Twitter @peterflanagan and Instagram @peterflanagancomedy.       

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    Mute Peter Denham
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    Jan 5th 2019, 7:28 PM

    Legalise it.

    610
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    Mute Peter Hughes
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    Jan 5th 2019, 8:09 PM

    @Peter Denham: Under no circumstance should any religious bodies be it the church itself or some branch of it have any say on policy in this country, lets face it they have zero credibility and have been proven lairs to forward their agenda no matter who is effected, sure just look at what they done to the children of this country how the hell are we listening to them in any shape or form!

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    Mute dublincomments
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    Jan 5th 2019, 8:11 PM

    @Peter Hughes: hmm. Confused. This has nothing to do with church.

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    Mute Peter Hughes
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    Jan 5th 2019, 8:15 PM

    @dublincomments: The law was pushed by religious groups so yes it has EVERYTHING to do with the church.

    125
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    Mute Quentin Moriarty
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    Jan 5th 2019, 8:24 PM

    @Peter Denham: and get the pimps to pay taxes …….

    51
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    Mute Chemical Brothers
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    Jan 5th 2019, 9:09 PM

    @dublincomments: Ruhama ARE the church…former baby dealers actually.

    106
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    Mute The Thinker
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    Jan 5th 2019, 10:12 PM

    @Peter Denham: and rightly so

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    Mute Jason O Flynn
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    Jan 5th 2019, 10:31 PM

    @Peter Denham: you show me one other country that has legalised the sex tradeable has a crime rate lower than Ireland?

    Of course I’m being sarcastic. , and in the pub.

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    Mute Conor Kleaver
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    Jan 6th 2019, 11:22 AM

    @Peter Denham: they keep swallowing the evidence.

    15
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    Mute Seamus Mac
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    Jan 6th 2019, 12:22 PM

    @Peter Denham: would you like your daughter to work in this “trade” or is it just for other people’s daughters?

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    Mute Peter Denham
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    Jan 6th 2019, 9:37 PM

    @Seamus Mac: I would prefer my daughter working in safe and legal environment.

    8
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    Mute Seamus Mac
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    Jan 6th 2019, 11:36 PM

    @Peter Denham: let’s legalize everything then.

    4
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    Mute Gaye D
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    Jan 7th 2019, 10:08 AM

    @Seamus Mac:

    Stupidest argument ever – the daughters of good fathers are unlikely to wind up selling sex as long as their father lives unless thy really want to, and if they really want to sell sex a good father does his best to support her choice.

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    Mute Seamus Mac
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    Jan 7th 2019, 10:45 AM

    @Gaye D: wow

    1
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    Mute Stan Papusa
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    Jan 8th 2019, 10:41 AM

    @Seamus Mac: let’s stop invoking this nonsense shall we?
    There are plenty of things I wouldn’t want my daughter (if I had one) to do, but that doesn’t mean we should make them illegal.
    There’s a difference between not embracing a certain lifestyle/choice, and stigmatizing (or even worse, criminalizing) people who do.
    I for one am one of those old fashioned people who believe a certain degree of ‘live and let live’ and ‘mind your own business’ is needed in a healthy society.
    Otherwise let’s outlaw sex outside marriage, sugar daddies, gold diggers, adult movies, strip clubs, etc.

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    Mute Seamus Mac
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    Jan 8th 2019, 11:10 AM

    @Stan Papusa: like I say, let’s legalize everything then.

    2
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    Mute Keith McDonagh
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    Jan 5th 2019, 7:42 PM

    If everyone involved in it willingly chooses to go into it & it’s all consensual then what’s the problem?

    384
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    Mute Random_paddy
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    Jan 5th 2019, 7:54 PM

    @Keith McDonagh: i would say there’s a fair proportion who do are not providing their services willingly, ie. being human trafficked or slave to drug addiction

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    Mute Peter Hughes
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    Jan 6th 2019, 1:50 PM

    @Random_paddy: There are folks working in jobs they hate but have no choice or they are on the street, one needs to put food on the table however unplesent the job, people are working themselves into an early grave with the stress of it all……..I would rather by on a beach someplace they slaving away in the rat race but thats never going to happen lets face it.

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    Mute Al Fresco
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    Jan 6th 2019, 11:37 PM

    @Random_paddy: you would say that would you? Good man,

    1
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    Mute Steven Moens
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    Jan 5th 2019, 7:50 PM

    The Good Shepherd Sisters and the Sisters of Our Lady of Charity, aka the Magdalene Laundries, aka Ruhama…if I need anyone to comment on morality and legal issues you’ll be the last I’ll come looking for an answer to. Any chance of starting the asset disposal to compensate your victim’s anytime soon? In a way it makes sense you’re harping on the way you are. Nobody in Ireland has the same level of expertise when it comes to abuse and human trafficking…. .

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    Mute Peter Hughes
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    Jan 5th 2019, 8:03 PM

    @Steven Moens: Haha awesome.

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    Mute Peter Hughes
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    Jan 6th 2019, 1:53 PM

    @Steven Moens: The crazy thing is the likes of these groups are forming policy in the country, they should be banned not listened to……nuts to think we are still in the grips of these oppressive religious nutjobs with their twisted logic…..some day we will rid ourselves of them all once and for all!

    20
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    Mute Stephen Duffy
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    Jan 5th 2019, 8:33 PM

    It should be legalised… their body; their choice…!!!

    While I’d never seek the service I don’t think the state should intervene in a transaction between two consenting adults..

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    Mute Greg Blake
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    Jan 5th 2019, 11:32 PM

    @Stephen Duffy: that’s true, but they should come down very hard on trafficking and servitude, rather than the escort activity itself.
    The deeper underground they drive it, the deeper it goes into the comfort zone of the criminal organizations.

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    Mute Stephen Duffy
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    Jan 6th 2019, 7:15 AM

    @Greg Blake: absolutely; and that is one of the most compelling and cogent argument from legalising the occupation..

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    Mute Siobhan Rosemary
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    Jan 6th 2019, 9:32 AM

    @Stephen Duffy: 80% are not consenting so should we not try and protect them ?

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    Mute Jensen Bhroin
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    Jan 6th 2019, 3:13 PM

    @Siobhan Rosemary: the 80% figure doesn’t come from anywhere except a conversation someone had with a sex worker once? It’s not based on impartial research. Of course trafficking and coersion are wrong and should be prevented but relying on groundless figures won’t help understand that issue or prevent it and neither does criminalising buyers

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    Mute Stephen Duffy
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    Jan 6th 2019, 6:32 PM

    @Siobhan Rosemary: again… this is another reason for legalisation. When legal everybody in the business will be there willingly.. it’s when it’s pushed underground that exploitation takes placed. Let them operate in the open, pay taxes and benefit from the full protection of the law. It will also assist public health..

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    Mute Dave Thomas
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    Jan 5th 2019, 7:40 PM

    It’s almost like prohibition doesn’t work…. Hmmm

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    Mute Martello Mulligan
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    Jan 5th 2019, 8:12 PM

    Defending the legislation, Labour party TD, Ivana Bacik said, “We spoke to a woman working in sex industry. When I asked her how many of her colleagues operate of their own free will, she said 20%. As legislators, we have to provide for the 80%.”

    Ivana is a Senator – not a TD. She is an elite academic type so she knows well she is being disingenuous by quoting one person to get the 20% and 80% figures and then treating them as fact. This is why people voted for Trump – they prefer his bare-faced lies to the type of sly lying of the academic elites. Perhaps if she changed her name to Ivanka she might get elected as a TD.

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    Mute the-baldie-lad
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    Jan 5th 2019, 8:57 PM

    @Martello Mulligan: what’s your point? Because you don’t like bacik you think…? What exactly in relation to the central topic of this article.

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    Mute Martello Mulligan
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    Jan 5th 2019, 9:26 PM

    @the-baldie-lad: It’s a comment, teacher, it doesn’t have to be to the central topic. But I’ll indulge you anyhow: Senator Bacik is a supporter of the legislation and is being disingenuous – deliberately – therefore it calls in to question the integrity of the Act. As one comment here mentioned why does the Act not provide for the prosecution of both parties. I’m not saying I agree with that comment just that if the proponents of the law are falsifying or careless with the facts then the Act itself is suspect.

    I did go on to make a larger point – forgive me if that is not on the curriculum – which is that elite academic types such as Senator Bacik are just as bad as Trump even though their lies and obfuscations are “cleverer.”

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    Mute Michael farrelly
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    Jan 5th 2019, 9:29 PM

    @the-baldie-lad: it’s pretty obvious. Are you dim ?

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    Mute Gaye D
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    Jan 7th 2019, 9:59 AM

    @Martello Mulligan:
    For Bacik see page 24
    http://www.ihrec.ie/download/doc/reaserch_prostitution.doc

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    Mute Winston Smith
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    Jan 5th 2019, 7:04 PM

    Did any of the sites mentioned pay for the infomercial?

    140
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    Mute Crocodylus Pontifex
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    Jan 5th 2019, 7:44 PM

    @Winston Smith: link for Escort Ireland doesn’t work

    81
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    Mute erotik-date.ch
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    Jan 23rd 2019, 7:23 AM

    @Dick Face: it also seems like new sites similar to escort-ireland are popping up… they should legalise this sex business it will not go away… https://paysex.net/

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    Mute Francis O Toole Art
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    Jan 5th 2019, 9:12 PM

    New Zealand became the first country in the world to decriminalize sex work in June 2003, with the passage of the Prostitution Reform Act (PRA).
    The legislation is designed to safeguard the human rights of sex workers, protect them from exploitation and promote their welfare, health and safety.

    Five years after its implementation, New Zealand’s Ministry of Justice ordered a comprehensive assessment of the PRA’s impact on sex work in the country.

    The 2008 investigation by the Prostitution Law Review Committee concluded that “the vast majority of people in the sex industry are better off under the PRA than they were previously”.

    Contrary to what critics predicted, the researchers found little change in the number of sex workers and no increase in levels of trafficking following decriminalization.With some research pointing to a downward trend
    Research submitted to the review committee by the University of Otago and New Zealand’s Prostitutes’ Collective (NZPC) found that the majority of sex workers “articulated increased power” in their negotiations with clients and management post-decriminalization, and felt more supported by the legal system.

    Of the sex workers who responded to the NZPC survey, 96% said the law made them feel safer.

    The researchers concluded that decriminalization had resulted in “few, if any, negative consequences” in terms of the health and safety of sex workers, and had not led to an increase in their numbers.

    “Despite the oft-repeated claims of its shortcomings, the academic evidence that has been gathered so far clearly supports the New Zealand decriminalization model as an ideal starting point,” says criminology expert Dr Armstrong.

    “No law is perfect, but this is the best approach we have so far for supporting sex worker rights and facilitating access to justice,” she adds. “There is no alternative worth pursuing.”

    Amnesty International publishes policy and research on protection of sex workers’ rights

    https://www.amnesty.org/en/latest/news/2016/05/amnesty-international-publishes-policy-and-research-on-protection-of-sex-workers-rights/

    Sex Work Criminalization Is Barking Up the Wrong Tree
    https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5529480/

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    Mute Chemical Brothers
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    Jan 5th 2019, 9:50 PM

    @Francis O Toole Art: Wonder why did the unions in Ireland join forces with Catholic Church on this one?

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    Mute George Salter
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    Jan 6th 2019, 1:42 AM

    @Chemical Brothers: Because both groups dislike citizens being able to run their lives without their input/control.

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    Mute Steven Moens
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    Jan 6th 2019, 10:01 AM

    @Francis O Toole Art: what can be done legally in broad daylight generally is not a place where organised crime wants to be. The leverage for coercion and exploitation diminishes quite substantially if the need for covert carry on disappears.

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    Mute Dara O'Brien
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    Jan 5th 2019, 8:02 PM

    Stupid law anyway. The sellers are no longer prosecuted, just the buyers – that’s like letting the drug dealers off the hook and just arresting the junkies. If it’s illegal then arrest both parties, other than that, legalise and regulate it.

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    Mute Jesus Christ
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    Jan 5th 2019, 9:26 PM

    Phew! Glad to have these religious organisations to tell us what’s right and wrong.

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    Mute Adam O'Donoghue
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    Jan 6th 2019, 12:48 AM

    @Jesus Christ: Sure I hear you’re fond of the ladies of the night yourself !

    19
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    Mute john doe
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    Jan 5th 2019, 9:17 PM

    Surely the best way to deal with the portion of sex workers who do so against their will is to legalise and regulate the whole thing.
    Then whatever government department areresponsible for the regulation can call to the brothels, interview the workers to make sure they are ok.

    This strange law criminalising one of the parties stinks of moral crusade rather than sensible legislation.

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    Mute Ronan Sexton
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    Jan 5th 2019, 10:49 PM

    @john doe: Sellers of sex are good, buyers of sex are bad… mkaaaayyy? Utterly moronic.

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    Mute Paul O Faolain
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    Jan 6th 2019, 12:39 PM

    @Ronan Sexton: thats why were called tbe stupid Irish

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    Mute Charles Williams
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    Jan 5th 2019, 9:53 PM

    Sex have always been bought and sold, Royal families, farms, business etc all depended on a payment in the form of an arranged marriage, the possibility of producing a heir or just for the fun of it. It was the first service on earth put up for sale and will be the last to survive, human nature will make sure of that and no law will ever change that human drive.

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    Mute Peter Hughes
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    Jan 6th 2019, 9:21 AM

    @Charles Williams: Sure we can control the drive look at the priests in the country sure they controlled it well didn’t they?….oh hold on maybe not……

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    Mute PC Principal
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    Jan 5th 2019, 9:15 PM

    Thanks for providing some useful websites!

    46
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    Mute tommytukamomo
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    Jan 5th 2019, 8:40 PM

    Wife finds out husband is seeing Prostitutes.

    Wife, ” Why are you seeing Prostitutes ” !!
    Husband, “You never have sex with me ”
    Wife, “You never said you were willing to pay for it “

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    Mute niamh ryan
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    Jan 5th 2019, 8:01 PM

    One “reviewer” called the interaction very mechanical and awkward. Maybe, just maybe, that’s because she(or he) didn’t enjoy it, could possibly have been there under duress and most likely wouldn’t have sex with you in a million years had you not paid her

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    Mute dublincomments
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    Jan 5th 2019, 8:15 PM

    @niamh ryan: presumably others he tried weren’t ‘awkward and mechanical’ and hence she was useless at her job?

    She might need more training

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    Mute Darcy
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    Jan 5th 2019, 8:21 PM

    @dublincomments: or maybe he was a skin flint and just paid for the basics and that’s what he got .

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    Mute niamh ryan
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    Jan 5th 2019, 8:25 PM

    @dublincomments: or maybe he needs more training on how to get a woman who doesn’t charge by the hour

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    Mute Porter Mechanic
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    Jan 5th 2019, 8:46 PM

    @niamh ryan: maybe he never clean his lad

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    Mute EDun
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    Jan 6th 2019, 8:48 AM

    @niamh ryan: he needs to pay for dinner and drinks for a CHANCE of a ride you mean?

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    Mute niamh ryan
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    Jan 6th 2019, 2:14 PM

    @EDun: God forbid he put in a bit of effort

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    Mute dublincomments
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    Jan 5th 2019, 8:10 PM

    Spain isn’t technically outside Irish jurisdiction. Spain IS outside Irish jurisdiction.

    Just block the phone numbers on the site after a quick check.

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    Mute Timbob Slip-ons Dennehy
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    Jan 6th 2019, 4:53 AM

    It should be legalised, why don’t they make gambling illegal, it is far worse, 6 different bookmakers on the same street in places, tell me what is not trafficked and smuggled in to the island, Not any of the following, drugs, weapons, fireworks, knock off clothes, cars, qualifications, ivory, endangered species, Pakistani’s? Religion?, what is being smuggled out of Ireland?

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    Mute Ciaran Fairley
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    Jan 5th 2019, 8:16 PM

    I wonder how many of you clicked on the links and/or visited the websites

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    Mute Ronan Sexton
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    Jan 5th 2019, 10:48 PM

    @Dick Face: Do they charge you twice because of your face?

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    Mute TechBuzz Ireland
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    Jan 6th 2019, 12:17 AM

    Seems more like an add with the numerous repeated links. Oldest trade in the world. Nothing will ever be done.

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    Mute Stephen Nix
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    Jan 6th 2019, 1:08 AM

    A woman killing a unborn child in her body is choice but having sex isnt? Crazy world we live in.

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    Mute Stan Papusa
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    Jan 7th 2019, 8:05 PM

    “It’s not about them, it’s about the 80%. It’s about ‘Do I have a right to go online and find an 18-year-old Romanian woman, or girl to do whatever?’”
    First, I’d like to see the data supporting the 80% claim.
    Second, it’s not the state’s business to dictate what people do with their private parts, where and with whom, when both partners are consenting adults. Furthermore, taxpayer money should not be spent on a witch hunt on behalf of religious lunatics, radical feminists and various NGOs.
    The way the above question is phrased confirms a long held suspicion: the said law has less to do with women’s rights or human trafficking, and more with middle aged Irish women looking to close down what they see as the last avenue of guilty pleasure for their husbands, boyfriends, sons and brothers.
    I can see why certain people find it appalling, but that doesn’t mean we should legislate opinion.
    Nobody even addresses the core issue anymore, i.e. why so many men still do it in spite of the new legislation.
    I guess it’s far tougher to talk about the growing disconnect between genders, than pulling statistics out of thin air.

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    Mute Al Fresco
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    Jan 6th 2019, 11:40 PM

    Legalize it and make it safe.

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    Mute Ciaran Fairley
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    Jan 5th 2019, 8:16 PM

    I wonder how many of you clicked on the links and/or visited the websites

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    Mute Marc Power
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    Jan 6th 2019, 1:40 AM

    Dumbest law on the books

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    Mute Stan Papusa
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    Jan 7th 2019, 8:22 PM

    And speaking of Romania, as well as Hungary, Czech Republic, Poland, Bulgaria (and most Eastern European states), the citizens of those countries have complete freedom of movement within EU.
    Add to that low cost flights and the fact that most young people have at least a basic grasp of English language, and human trafficking organization have lost their raison d’être (unless we’re talking about kidnapping).
    Just because some of those women arrive here by enlisting the help of an agency or a more experienced friend, that doesn’t mean they aren’t fully aware of what they’re getting into.
    Try as they might, but the likes of Ruhama don’t have a case when they try to convince the public that these women are some innocent children lured away to an uncertain fate by a predator stalking them in the dark. Certainly those of central and eastern European extraction aren’t.

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    Mute Gaye D
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    Jan 7th 2019, 8:36 AM

    20% working of their own free will is actually quite good compared to the 15% working of their own free will in the more general sense:
    https://news.gallup.com/opinion/chairman/212045/world-broken-workplace.aspx
    I guess the shortfall must be down to the extra free time and money sex workers have to find and train for jobs they do want to do?

    As I hear it, if you ask them (instead of making up some old bogus) 98% of sexworkers reject the Nordic Model that justifies such sky high salaries and expenses for Ruhama (incidentally their parent company CAP International of which Sarah Benson is chair is registered in France and has yet to file accounts).

    Nobody seems to have gathered any statistics on the percentage of sex worker who want less client and less money, but common sense suggests it will be really small.

    There are no viable “exit services” in Ireland, Ruhama cornered that market long ago and, however badly they want to get out, nobody can be expected to cope with the cognitive dissonance generated by Ruhama’s decades of deceit and misrepresentation of the life they have actually lived upon which their real memories and opinions are founded.

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    Mute Stan Papusa
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    Jan 8th 2019, 10:42 AM

    @Seamus Mac: let’s stop invoking this nonsense shall we?
    There are plenty of things I wouldn’t want my daughter (if I had one) to do, but that doesn’t mean we should make them illegal.
    There’s a difference between not embracing a certain lifestyle/choice, and stigmatizing (or even worse, criminalizing) people who do.
    I for one am one of those old fashioned people who believe a certain degree of ‘live and let live’ and ‘mind your own business’ is needed in a healthy society.
    Otherwise let’s outlaw sex outside marriage, sugar daddies, gold diggers, adult movies, strip clubs, etc.

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