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VOICES

Money Diaries An administrator on €41K in the east of the country on health leave from work

This week, our reader is really open about mental health struggles and managing spending while dealing with anxiety.

WELCOME TO HOW I Spend My Money, a series on The Journal that looks at how people in Ireland really handle their finances.

We’re asking readers to keep a record of how much they earn, what they save if anything, and what they’re spending their money on over the course of one week.

Are you a spender, a saver or a splurger? We’re looking for readers who will keep a money diary for a week. If you’re interested send a mail to money@thejournal.ie. We would love to hear from you.

Each money diary is submitted by readers just like you. When reading and commenting, bear in mind that their situation will not be relatable for everyone, it is simply an account of a week in their shoes, so let’s be kind.

Last time around, we heard from an investment consultant on €60K living in Dublin. This week, an administrator on €41K is on sick leave for a while to recover from mental health challenges. 

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I live in the east of the country and work as an administrator for a large company, but I’m currently on sick leave due to poor mental health. I live in my late parents’ home, my family home. The plan is to buy out my siblings early next year and get a mortgage myself on the family home but I highly doubt any mortgage provider would give me a look in, considering my current working status. In an ideal world, my boyfriend and I would be living together full-time, but part-time will have to do for now while I’m in recovery and working on my independence. I have been off work for a number of months now and more recently spent a good chunk of time as an in-patient in a mental health hospital. Normality seems lightyears away but at least now I’m getting the help I need and hope to return to work in the not-so-distant future.

I’m currently in receipt of Illness Benefit and while I’m thankful for having this income, it is simply not possible to live off it alone. Luckily I have savings to dip into, but it’s not ideal constantly seeing the money I’d put by for a deposit on the house dwindling away. I try to live off €100 a week but something(s) always seems to pop up. I also allow for extra spending if it will help towards my recovery and dip into my savings when these “investments” arise. Hoping this money diary will highlight areas I can improve in and any recommendations from readers in the comments section are welcomed. While I’m lucky that I have no outstanding loans, rent or dependents, it is really difficult to live off Illness Benefit and I can’t even begin to imagine what life would be like if my circumstances were different.

Most of my direct debits come out around the 25th of each month so on the 24th, I organise funds for the month ahead. I move money from my savings into my current account to cover my direct debits and transfer €740 (€100 x four weekly kitty, €200 groceries and €140 diesel) to Revolut and organise them into pockets that I can dip into as needed throughout the month. Illness Benefit of €232 is paid directly into my bank account every Saturday and I transfer this into my savings to try to offset some of the month’s spending.

After a tough few days (on the noggin) the aim is to prioritise my self-care and navigate being back in the “real world” for the week ahead. You become institutionalised after a lengthy in-patient stint, so it’s baby steps for the foreseeable.

Occupation: Administrator

Age: 30s

Location: East of the country

Salary: €41,000 (when in employment)

Monthly pay (net): €232 weekly Illness Benefit

Monthly expenses

Transport: €20 approx. Leap Card, €140 diesel, €20 approx. tolls.

Rent: N/a

Household bills: My boyfriend and I split these. €260 approx. gas and electricity (€130), €156 management fees (€78), €24 property tax (€12), Sky TV and broadband €80 (€40), TV licence €160 annually (€80)

Phone bill: €25

Health insurance: Paid for by employer (so grateful!)

Groceries: €200 (€50 a week and when my boyfriend is here we tend to take turns paying or splitting the cost)

Subscriptions: €15 Spotify (dual account with my boyfriend), €5 donation

Savings: €200 to cover car maintenance (insurance, tax, NCT, service), Christmas and emergency fund.

***

Monday

8.15 am: The usual alarms start going off and I get up for 8.30 am. I was in a bad pattern of staying in bed for hours every morning prior to my admission but I got into a good routine in hospital for getting up early and I’m trying to stick to it. A cuppa, homemade granola with fruit and yoghurt and morning tabs before my bi-weekly online check-in with the hospital.

10.15 am: I log in online for my hospital check-in. It is great to still have the connection after being discharged. It’s fairly daunting getting back to normality and this bridges the gap on waiting for outpatient psychology appointments (there is a hefty waitlist). I talk about how my weekend went and the steps I can take this week to help cope and manage my mood better. This is followed by a lecture on emotion regulation and how to manage emotions in a more positive way.

1.00 pm: Lecture finishes and it is time for some lunch. My boyfriend is working from home today and we have last night’s dinner leftovers – Thai green chicken curry for the win. It’s my best friend’s son’s birthday on Friday so I order his present online for €40.

2.00 pm: It’s a miserable and wet day but I have to get out for a walk. I’m awful at “self-care” so I’m trying hard to get out for a walk every day, even 20 mins around the block. I’ve to head to Aldi to pick up bits for the dinner too so I incorporate that into my walk so it doesn’t seem like such a struggle. Food shop is only €8.28 and comes out of the groceries Revolut pocket. Mince was on special a couple of weeks ago so I bought an extra one to freeze and defrosted it last night for today’s dinner hence the cheap shop.

4.00 pm: Quick pitstop home to change into something dry and leave in the shopping. Back out the door for a reflexology appointment. On route to said appointment, I call to say I might be a few minutes late due to heavy traffic to be told my appointment is actually tomorrow so it’s a U-turn and back home for me. I miss the days when my brain worked effectively and didn’t mix up dates and times. Oh well, tomorrow is another day.

4.45 pm: Home again and the anxiety is not playing ball today. A cuppa, chocolate and some breathing exercises followed by reading my new book is the plan to lower the anxiety for the next while.

6.00 pm: I put down the book and get to work making dinner while the boyfriend goes out for a run. He did all the prep so it was a handy spaghetti bolognese on the menu tonight.

8.00 pm: We retreat for the evening and watch some TV. We turn on Upfront with Katie Hannon later and the topic being discussed is asylum seeker accommodation. This government would make you sick. Probably not the best thing to be watching before bed. Blood is boiling.

10.30 pm: Time to call it a night. Night meds, skincare and meditation to wind down before hitting the hay around 11 pm.

Today’s total: €48.28

Tuesday

8.15 am: Alarms start at 8.15 am again and I drag myself out of the bed for 8.45 am. Woke up not feeling great and I can safely say that if I didn’t have an appointment to get up for, I would’ve been staying in bed a lot longer. I’ve an hour to get myself ready and out the door but all I can manage is a cuppa, morning tabs and to dress myself. A Nakd fruit bar and banana in the car for breakfast will have to cut it this morning. It’s better than skipping breakfast altogether I try to convince myself.

9.45 am: Leave for my appointment. It’s a follow-up for a specialist to do with gut health a friend recommended to me. It’s been an issue for as long as I can remember so I’m happy to invest this money into myself finally as I’ve already noticed a huge difference since my initial appointment. It’s a bit of a trek inland but worth it. €70 for the appointment that I take out of my savings.

12.30 pm: Appointment done and dusted. I noticed signs for Loughcrew Estate on the way so I head there for lunch and a walk, might as well visit somewhere new while I’m out this direction. Soup, toastie and water comes to €12.50 and access to the gardens and woodlands is €7. Feel hard done by paying €7 to get today’s walk in but I’m pleasantly surprised. The walk is gorgeous, sun shines all afternoon and the history here is remarkable. My inner historian laps it up. €7 well spent!

3.00 pm: Back on the road and heading straight to my reflexology appointment. Second time’s a charm, right? Reflexology was so relaxing, just what I needed after a day of near-constant anxiety. I’m incredibly lucky my employer covers my health insurance and I can claim back the majority of the €75 bill (taken from my savings). I’ll be refunded €52.50 so it comes in at a cost of only €22.50 for me. When I receive the refund, I’ll transfer this back into my savings.

6.30 pm: Finally home after a stop to fill up on diesel. Sets me back €67.11 and I take this out of my diesel Revolut pocket. It’s leftover spag bol for me tonight. Boyfriend has headed home so it’s a quiet evening by myself. A shower followed by tea and replying to some texts. Riveting.

10.30 pm: Anxiety is exhausting so I call it a day and take my nighttime tabs, do skincare and head to bed.

Today’s total: €179.11

Wednesday

7.50 am: Wake up to scroll the news and do some online window shopping just to tease myself. Up at 8.30 am and the anxiety is still uncomfortably present so I relax with a cuppa while replying to texts and emails.

10.00 am: Dressed and out to Tesco to pick up a few bits that Aldi don’t stock. I try so hard to stick to my list and not give into all the “Clubcard price” offers accosting me at every turn. €24.02 later and I’m wondering where the hell my money went. I also stop by Lidl to get eye cream and night cream that come to a total of €6.98. I haven’t used their skincare range before, but I’ve heard good things so I’m willing to give them a try and forgo my usual €65 eye cream.

11.30 am: I get in the door and roll out the yoga mat and put on a YouTube yoga for anxiety video. Anxiety is unbearable at this stage so I pause for 30 mins to give my body the rest it’s crying out for. Have a late breakfast of granola and fruit after yoga and then I put a wash on, put away the groceries and give the kitchen a tidy.

1.00 pm: I was due to meet a friend for a walk this afternoon but she bailed so I’m left feeling somewhat bewildered with how to spend my afternoon now. I spend the next couple of hours catching up on random jobs around the house. It still amazes me how far I’ve come in a few short months. Prior to admission for treatment, the productivity levels were at an all-time low and it’s a great feeling ticking off multiple to-dos that would’ve felt beyond doable before.

4.00 pm: Time for a late lunch. It’s the last of the spag bol, thankfully. I treat myself to TV after my productive day. I’ve set myself a new rule that TV is only allowed after dinner so I don’t fall back into a bad habit of sitting in front of the box all day but this is a deserved exception.

6.00 pm: Head out for a walk to get some fresh air and clock up some steps. I’m starting an online course this evening so I need to wake myself up to concentrate on the 2.5hr class.

9.30 pm: Course finishes and I’m exhausted. Really informative class and nowhere near as triggering as I’d catastrophised it in the lead-up. Quick tidy before I start winding down for the leaba. I realise I haven’t had dinner but it’s too late now and I make a mental note to plan my meals better ahead of next week’s class. Skincare, night meds, quick call to say good night to my boyfriend and it’s lights out for 10.15 pm.

Today’s total: €31.00

Thursday

6.00 am: I wake up after an early one last night and can’t go back asleep. I rise at 8am and the anxiety has finally left me. What’s rare is wonderful. Alexa sorts me out with some chill morning tunes, I have the usual granola and fruit for breakfast and I shower and get ready for my second online check-in of the week with the hospital.

10.00 am: The anxiety relief is short-lived as my laptop decides now is the time it wants to do an update and I’m late logging in. Anxiety aside, the check-in and lecture go fine.

1.00 pm: Lunch time for me and I have hearty soup my boyfriend bought me at the weekend. He knows I’m still struggling with organising and making meals especially when it’s just for me so this was very welcomed. He’s a keeper. I text my friend I didn’t get to see yesterday to see if she’s free today and she pops over for the afternoon for a catch-up over tea. I definitely could have not reached out to her but I really understand the value of social connections now so I’m making a conscious effort to meet friends even when my anxiety is acting up.

4.30 pm: My friend leaves and I realise I haven’t left the house today. It’s lashing but I’ve to head to Aldi so I reluctantly head out to get my walk in and stock up. Groceries come to €21.04 so there’s my €50 grocery budget gone for the week. I’ve more than enough in the freezer to do me, I’ll just need to plan ahead.

6.30 pm: Home and shopping put away, I sit down to update this money diary. I then crash and the thoughts of cooking dinner are too much. My nutritious dinner will have to wait ‘til tomorrow as it’s a toastie for me tonight. I spend the evening watching TV before I do a guided meditation before bed.

10.00 pm: Meditation done, so I’m off to get ready for bed. Call the boyfriend and it’s lights out just before 11pm.

Today’s total: €21.04

Friday

7.00 am: Woke up early again and rose at 8am. Feeling very flat this morning so I get things going with replying to texts followed by doing my nails. I got a shellac nail kit for Christmas and although it’s time-consuming, it’s worth it – especially when money is tight.

11.00 am: My friend is coming over for lunch so it’s a power hour of dusting, hoovering, cleaning the bathroom and a quick yoga on YouTube. I fit in a shower and get ready in time to get the lunch on before she arrives. I realise I forgot to have breakfast so I scoff a banana to keep me going.

1.30 pm: Friend arrives and lunch (last night’s dinner) is served. It’s a short visit as my uncle is coming over to help with a few jobs around the house. At 2.30pm she’s out the door as my uncle arrives, armed with his toolbox and fresh cream cakes. He’s the best.

4.00 pm: Jobs completed so uncle goes on his merry way. I change the bedsheets and crash again. Entertaining or just being in people’s company is super tiring with anxiety. I’ve had a successful day so far so I’m content to put the feet up. No walk done but sure who’s counting? I scroll Adverts for too long and then order an extension lead and skincare on Amazon at €45.23. There goes my €100 weekly kitty. It’s going to be a very quiet weekend. It’s a good thing I can’t really drink on my tabs as I couldn’t afford to anyways.

7.00 pm: Dinner is a no-go again. Starting to see a trend here. It’s another toastie. Better than nothing I tell myself.

11.00 pm: I spend the evening scrolling and I’m in bed for 11 pm.

Today’s total: €45.23

Saturday

5.30 am: Unusually early wake-up time and my body is intolerably restless so I’m up before the birds at 6.15 am for a cuppa. I potter around the house from 8 am and before you know it, I’m fixing a light fitting that’s been left untouched for maybe three or four years. I hang a picture I bought in 2017, rearrange some furniture and catch up on jobs I’d thought were too far beyond my reach. The sense of achievement is something I don’t think I’ve experienced before, somewhat euphoric.

12.00 pm: Around midday, I notice my energy levels dip and I realise I haven’t had breakfast, again. I sit down to my bowl of granola and my inner critic and negative self-talk spiral over forgetting breakfast yet again to feelings of complete and utter hopelessness. I curl up in a ball on the sofa for the afternoon.

4.30 pm: My boyfriend calls to say he’s on his way. I really didn’t want to talk to anyone but I know he worries a lot about me, especially when he can’t get through to me so I force myself to answer the phone. I peel myself off the sofa and go for a shower to freshen up and try to lift my mood. I try to put on a smile when he arrives but he knows I’m not good, he can read me like a book. He sits with me for a couple of hours before suggesting a few drinks in our local.

8.00 pm: Off to our local and my anxiety goes into super drive the minute we step foot in the place. It’s uncomfortable, to say the least but I persevere and we have two drinks each. I get the second round at €11.70. I take it out of next week’s kitty without shame, it’s a small price to pay for a couple of hours out of the house after my low afternoon. We stop by the chipper on the way home, my boyfriend’s shout.

10.00 pm: We laze on the sofa watching TV before heading to bed around midnight.

Today’s total: €11.70

Sunday

5.30 am: Another early morning and the restlessness is in full swing so I get up at 6 am. I spend the next five hours going from scrolling to napping on the couch.

11.00 am: My boyfriend and I both get up, down a smoothie and get ready to head to Le Zeitgeist markets in Phibsborough. It will take all of my willpower not to buy something (self-confessed shopaholic) but I repeatedly tell myself “You don’t need anything”.

2.00 pm: Stroll around the markets complete and not a single purchase in sight. Success. We are starving so we hit up a local venue for lunch. Really good feed and we split the bill, €30 my half that I take out of next week’s kitty.

5.00 pm: We had great intentions of going for a sea swim but our food coma takes precedence and when we get home, we nap on the sofa. We spend the evening watching Netflix and I fit in a short 20 min walk around the block as I feel bad for not going on one since Thursday.

9.00 pm: I have an outpatient appointment in the hospital tomorrow and while I had a relatively low anxiety day, it skyrockets now worrying about my appointment. I get ready for the morning picking out my clothes and getting things together in the other room so as to not disturb my boyfriend in the morning and to attempt to lower my anxiety. I top-up my Leap card by €10 to do me for tomorrow.

10.00 pm: Anxiety still rife, I find refuge back on the sofa next to my boyfriend watching TV. There is something very calming about sitting close to him when I’m stuck in a bout of short, shallow breaths. I think I subconsciously mimic his slow, relaxed inhales and exhales and my anxiety finally settles. We call it a night around midnight and do a quick tidy up so we don’t have to wake up to any mess in the morning.

Today’s total: €40.00

Weekly subtotal: €376.36

***

What I learned –

  • While I did overspend (happens more often than not), I’ve no guilt around that extra spending as it went towards activities more so than materialistic impulse buys like clothes, etc. While constantly worrying about money isn’t fun, the silver lining of being forced to live frugally does make you stop and think before splurging. I’ve a newfound appreciation for eating out, the odd treat and less of a care for materialistic things that only ever gave me a temporary hit of dopamine and no lasting memories.
  • I urge everyone to have savings. You don’t need to have something you’re specifically saving for, but a rainy day or emergency fund is a must for all. You never know what curve balls life is going to throw at you and if money worries can be removed if/when a curve ball comes your way, then you’ve already won half the battle.
  • Don’t be afraid to tell a friend or whoever you’re meeting up with that funds are low and suggest a coffee or even just a walk instead of lunch/dinner/activity. This was something I struggled with for too long but I’m learning that people genuinely don’t care. They want to see you and understand if the funds aren’t what they used to be.
  • Lastly, but most importantly, I’d like to shine a big bright light on mental hospitals in Ireland. I think as a nation, we have come a long way with regards to mental health but I feel like we’re still miles off the stigma, shame and awkwardness being fully removed from society. I know we have a bad reputation for mental hospitals because of our past but after my time spent in one, I can safely say they’re a far cry from One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. They are no different to any other hospitals apart from they are treating mental ailments such as anxiety, depression, ADHD, bipolar, OCD, the list goes on, instead of physical conditions. I cannot stress enough how helpful and life-changing my stay was and there should be no fears or judgement around mental hospitals or mental health in general.

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