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BRINGING UP THIS sensitive subject with your teenager can be difficult and embarrassing for both of you but it is essential that you set some time aside to talk about these issues.
The chances are between their friends, TV, the internet and in-school sex education, they know the basic facts about sex, but teenagers have so much more to deal with in the area of sex and the changes that they experience and so we need to discuss the wider issues with them. Some of these issues to cover include ensuring they are confident that they know the facts and if they need to ask questions, then they can ask you.
Try to choose the time, place and approach you can take carefully. Try to be relaxed! Don’t sit the teenager down and the table and say ‘Now- lets talk about sex’ – that clearly will embarrass the teenager and certainly not initiate an honest and open conversation. It is best to bring the subject around based on something else. For example, if you are watching a TV and there is a programme discussing drugs, bring the subject up by asking your teenager what they think about the discussion. Ask them what it is like for teenagers today.
Don’t react
If you can share something from your own experiences when you were that age, this will benefit the conversation as it is showing your willingness to talk to them about how you felt. The teenager may open up and discuss the subject with you. If so, be very careful on how you react. Be very respectful and appreciate that this is difficult for your teenager so avoid commenting on or judging their opinions. Press the essential pause button if you are shocked by something, listen and let them finish. Do not react without thinking through what has been discussed and how you feel you should deal with it. Let them speak, listen carefully and keep calm. If you want to explore something that was said, refer back to it for discussion. Try not to show shock or disapproval while the teenager is speaking as this may discourage them and they will not continue.
It often helps to dispel feelings of embarrassment if you use the proper terms for body parts and other sexual matters. Using proper names such as vagina, penis, womb and so forth can keep the discussion more matter of fact and concentrate on the facts rather than colloquial or street names.
Sexual health and sexually transmitted diseases are also subjects that you need to chat about. Make sure that you are fully up to date with current sexual trends, wording and so forth. Check out the HSE for leaflets on helping to talk to teenagers about sex and contraception and you can also check with your GP for leaflets or booklets to help. Many bookshops stock excellent material for teenagers which you can let them read and then discuss the material with them.
Keep safe
Your teen needs to be informed about sexual health and the importance of keeping themselves safe. The first thing that you should do is get the facts. Research the more common sexually transmitted diseases and make sure that you know the subject before you talk to your teenager. The vital message to communicate to them is the various infections and how to make sure that if they are going to have sex, the know how to protect themselves sufficiently. It is not easy for a parent to think about their teenager having sex but we have to overcome that.
Informing your teenager does not mean that you are telling them to become sexually active. Instead, it is ensuring your teenager is aware of how to be safe and also that you are willing to discuss these matters with them. Reassure them that they can talk to you about any problem they may have – whether they are worried about something, they need more information about something or have a problem that they need help with. Remind them that you are always there for them and willing to help.
Don’t expect miracles. Not all teenagers will find it easy to talk about these subjects. Keep trying and keep the lines of communication open. If the teenager won’t talk to you, then you keep talking to them. This reassures them by showing that you are there for them and when they are ready to talk, you are ready to listen. It may take time but remember, they are trying to find their way in adulthood and need the loving support of their parents.
Martina Newe, from HelpMe2Parent.ie, provides parenting classes, teenage self development, antenatal classes and much more.
Have you had the experience of having the talk with your teens – tell us how it went in the comments section below.
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How to you go paperless and avoid electronic stuff at the same time?
Karl shoots and scores
I often want to go a day without electronics but the urge to Google something check Facebook or even check the Journal always prevails!
Some good advice there Ciara.
Been struggling to ease off the electronic stuff for the last 2 weeks.
Had no idea of the hold this stuff has over me.
Saying that, I read this on the journal!!
Sounds great…………… in theory!
I destroyed a smart phone by accident about a month ago and I’ve gone back to an antique phone, no apps or internet. It’s been bliss since.
I particularly appreciate the advice to drop multi-tasking as I’ve long felt we were being sold a pup with that particular piece of corporate BS!
Not good for thejournal.ie to be suggesting going electronics-free days!!
Here’s some additional tips for a carefree happy and less stressful life.
1. Stop paying your rent or mortgage – you’ll be amazed at how much money you can save
2. Cancel that pesky direct debit for the iPhone or mobile bill , you’ll easily save enough in 3 months to be able to afford that 100 euro property charge you keep putting off
3. Don’t go into work , it’s full of distractions and annoying people that makes your day more stressful
4. Be sure to leave only your mobile number with employers and banks who may want to call you and interrupt your more harmonious life
I like the sarcasm. That said there’s actually a strong philosophy being developed which urges people to minimise their wanton consumerism, their excessive borrowing and become more independent to enjoy the best the modern world has to offer without being a slave to the rat race….
Gave up using the Internet and mobile phones a week ago, so far so good.
How did you read this and post that then? Share your secret please!
They’re obviously using the paper edition of TheJournal ;-) http://jrnl.ie/400860
We adore chaos because we love to produce order.
Is this not a bit contradictory? Switch off yoir email notifications and then receive your bills by email?
Bills don’t HAVE to be paid straight away, you usually have a week or so to sort them out. Turn off the email notifications, check email once a day and make a note (diary or otherwise) to pay when due.
BOOM!
Had to laugh at tip 6. Sounds a bit harsh Ciara!
Shes just too nice to say DUMP LOOOOOOSERRRRRRRRRRRRRS :)
Shes right…
Was nodding “sensible, sensible..” until I got to this one. It is indeed a euphemism for “dump losers” and is depressingly common advice in so many articles that it’s become very acceptable. It’s even seen as healthy, being called a friend detox and other names.
It’s depressing, and a bit appalling. As far as I know, I’d have thought having friends was good for you and you never know when your positive buddies might feck off and the sad loser might be there for you when you need them.
That’s not to say frenetic social activity is good for us or that it isn’t useful to take a step back and avoid getting sucked into other people’s drama. And by “friends” I mean people you actually know, not “friends” in the facebook sense.
im currently in the process of scanning all my personal files and WinZip’ing them with a password into a gmx mail account, each one stashed in its own folder category ie medical, banking, receipts and so on, by scanning and emailing them to myself I’ve managed to remove about 20 manilla folders each 4 inches thick, the joy of tearing up my files afterwards is wonderfully therapeutic. try it
I am s Conlon by marriage . They are very controlling people. I don’t have a voice I’n my home.
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