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Róisín Lanigan’s new novel, ’I Want To Go Home, But I’m Already There’ tells the story of Áine, who has just moved in with her boyfriend Elliot in an affluent neighbourhood in London.
Áine should be happy with life, given her new home is in such a good area, surrounded by bakeries, yoga studios and organic vegetable shops. They even have a garden. And yet, from the moment they move in, Áine can’t shake the sense that there’s something not quite right about the place…
Here, the author shares her thoughts on rental buildings and all the experiences that come with those — good, bad and mildly terrifying — and includes a chapter from her new book…
THE MOST REPEATED writing advice is ‘write what you know’. I know landlords. Like most people my age, I can delineate the phases of my early to mid-adulthood as a series of landlords.
I left home a little over 10 years ago, and I can’t count on two hands the number of places I’ve lived since. I’ve rented single rooms from agencies, studio flats and bedsits, slept in bunk beds and on sofas. My buildings have been plagued by carbon monoxide leaks and stabbings, windows that don’t shut, and doors that don’t lock. I’ve finally started to believe in sage smudging when I move into somewhere new.
After a while, constant renting, moving all your earthly possessions from one address to the next at the whim of those landlords and with little to no information about the owners themselves or the safety of their properties, is something that becomes normalised.
In a sense the landlord himself becomes the only constant in your life, your life being a non-stop carousel of new addresses, unfulfilled deposits, dwindling hopes of security, homes that are only allowed to be a home for a little while, as long as you behave yourself for the owner and don’t make any changes you can’t undo when you leave. Once that’s normalised, it’s normalised too to begin demarcating your life based not in years, but in tenancy agreements. Where we live matters because it affects our day-to-day emotional state, our frame of mind, but also our relationships.
Just as I measure out my own life in tenancy agreements, I can chart the course of my ups and downs with boyfriends and friends, with flatmates who became enemies and then strangers, or strangers who became friends or lovers, in 12 or 18 or six-month periods, however long I was contractually allowed to stay. This — thinking of your life in the terms of capital given hand over fist to someone else that you might never even meet — is normalised, but it’s not normal.
Once I began to pick apart that expectation of normality, I realised that what was underneath it was rotten and grim. It seemed to me that the only way to properly describe renting — and the feeling of being wretchedly trapped in a situation you feel you can’t ever properly escape — was in the context of horror. After all, every haunted house story is essentially about the financial burden of owning property and being unable to escape it if you think something is not quite right.
Áine, the protagonist of I Want To Go Home But I’m Already There, is not a typical horror heroine. She’s neither a wife nor a mother (and of course, neither a homeowner nor homemaker), but then the book is not a typical horror. She only moves in with her boyfriend, Elliot, in the first place because her best friend and flatmate, Laura, decides that the time has come to move on and move in with her own boyfriend.
Áine is left adrift and uncertain about her own life and where she wants to live it – and more importantly, who she wants to live it with. She could flee her life if only she knew where the door was to let her out of it. The characters in this book could leave if they wanted to, if they really believed they were being haunted. But where would they go, and who would they live with? How can you really escape if all you’re running to is the next landlord?
***
EVER SINCE UNIVERSITY, Laura and Áine had a tradition called ‘Sad Wednesdays’, where they’d pause mid-week if they were stressed or miserable and bring all their bedding down in front of the sofa.
They’d watch the worst that their YouTube algorithms could offer – woman reviewing soap, eight hours of elderly Japanese craftsmen making shoes, smoking inside and drinking canned gin and tonics. Afterwards, the flat would reek of tobacco, but they would feel, despite the hangover, cleansed, light, free of misery.
Laura thought it was a good idea to compartmentalise sadness like that, so you could get on with the rest of your week without the heaviness leaking into all the other days. Now, Áine worried about the myriad of emotions bleeding out across her weeks and months without Laura to contain them. Previously, she’d always had Laura there to check whether she was overthinking something, whether she was correct or in the wrong. She could test out all her spirals on the person who knew her best and had seen them already.
Sometimes she didn’t even have to ask. She’d have a week where she didn’t shower for a few days, where she stayed up all night watching reruns of Family Guy on her laptop in the living room, surviving solely on pick ’n’ mix, and then sleeping 17 hours a day to make up for it, and Laura would notice and ask if everything was okay. Sometimes Áine didn’t even realise things weren’t okay until Laura asked. She missed her friend, but her friend was standing there. It was complicated and it wasn’t.
“And now you get to live with Elliott!” Laura was saying. “It’s going to be so exciting.”
“So exciting,” agreed Áine.
She finished the fizz and put the tinsel in their recycling bin, and thought about how long it would take before it disintegrated into the earth. A long time. Maybe never, actually.
It was exciting to move in together. Laura was always right about these kinds of things (things that implied happiness, positivity, personal growth). They constituted many of her specialist subjects, along with the best small plates restaurants in a five-mile radius and the exact length of time to leave between messages to lovers, colleagues, distant relatives and friends in order to appear the perfect amount of ‘breezy’.
Áine was not breezy. Elliott, however, had an air of genuine breeziness that she enjoyed. Together they achieved perfect temperance, she liked to think. And she liked the way he texted her good morning and how they felt the same way about several important things – the necessity of having creative outlets, the unfairness of the British class system, the fact that wrestling was a sport – and that they could argue about things they felt differently about – art-house movies being pretentious, rom-coms being art-house, ready salted being the best crisp flavour, whether it was okay to listen to earlier Smiths songs even though present-day Morrissey was a racist – without heat.
They were arguments where the stakes were so low, nothing was really at risk. They weren’t real. They were safe. And she didn’t like that he lived a 30-minute train ride away and sometimes more if there were leaves or a dead body on the line, and she didn’t like his two flatmates, anonymous-ish recruitment consultants he’d linked up with via a Facebook ad when he needed somewhere to live.
They’d had lots of experimental and kind of bad sex when they first met, with mixed results, and now they had sex less regularly but with more success because they both knew what the other person liked.
They were in love, she supposed. This was what love felt like. Maybe. And people in love were supposed to live together. People in love were meant to keep moving towards some sort of tangible end goal, or they’d fall apart. Sharks, Elliott once told her, had to keep swimming, or they would die. Cool, Áine had said, although it was a fact she’d already read on the internet.
I Want to Go Home But I am Already There, by Róisín Lanigan, is available now.
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they should have a second announcement now, “number of strike days this year …ZERO”
Try living in a world without Ryanair …Dublin to London one way €420 , and the trolley dolly will be in her seventies
Never understood why Ryanair get so much hate, flown with them many times, play by their rules and everything is grand. Majority of those who complain are ignorant to what is required of them by the airline..
Sheesh, I must be stupid for getting miffed at the 7 hour delay I had with them a fortnight ago so. Walking into an airport at 5am for a 7am flight, that eventually left at 2pm. When checking in while the Ryanair staff said absolutely nothing to me even though she was fully aware of the issue. I did receive a text message 5 minutes before the flight time announcing the 7 hour delay, and the Faro airport staff had to eventually “locate” Ryanair staff to talk to the many flyers who had run on flights from Dublin, only to tell them that they could do “nothing”, even though Aer Lingus had a flight leaving in 2 hours. The cream on the cake was the mandatory lunch money that European law forces airlines to give their passengers when their flight is delayed 2 hours or more. We received €5 paper slips and were told that they could be used anywhere in the airport, but if at all possible to try to buy the cheapest meal available! Off we all went to the closest shops, to find out that none accepted Ryanair monopoly money, after choosing our food and going to the counter. Most people paid cash out of shame. Cheap airline, yes, cheerful customers, no.
I was in Barcelona last year, our flight home happened to coincide with the French air space strike, which was no fault of Ryanair, but the way they dealt with the whole situation was an absolute shocking! There was a winding queue with what must have been at least a 1000 people. The queue was moving at a snails pace and the wait was horrible. We were supposed to be flying home at 2pm. There were heated arguments between people over skipping the queue and I couldn’t help but feel sorry for the elderly people and the people with children. We were standing in the queue for 8 hours before we got to the front only to find out they wouldn’t cover the cost of a night in an hotel. The only thing they would do for us was to get us a flight to Brussels at 7 the next morning and then from Brussels to Dublin at 4pm. We ended up sleeping on the floor in the airport that night and when we were finished the queue was still as long as it was when we joined it. We then had to wait in the airport in Brussels for 6 hours. We were absolutely wrecked after only getting maybe an hour or two of sleep after being up at 8am the day before. I know people have had worse experiences but it really was horrible, I was never so happy to get home from a holiday. It’d put you off going anywhere.
Not to mention the weather in Barcelona was sh1t while there was a heatwave back home. TYPICAL
French air control strike*
Anyone ever notice how the flight/arrival time is always given as 15/20 mins longer than it actually takes? Easy to be on time or early then.
Yes the say flight time from London-Dublin takes an 1hr 30 mins. When it only takes an hour. But all airlines do that not just Ryanair.
Its taxi time Niall, in Dublin you have to add 10 minutes onto the flight time and in London Airports its 15 minutes, so that adds an extra 25 minutes, all airlines do it, not just Ryanair
Didn’t think of that! D’oh! :/
Im going to the canaries next month from London, flying with Ryanair. The flight cost me £104/€120. Some friends want to come from Dublin. The cheapest flight they can find is €270 with Ryanair. They’re not happy. Lack of competition is the problem in the Irish market. As much as I like Ryanairs ticket prices they should never be allowed to takeover Aerlingus.
That’s because the last 5 passengers to book pay the most and offset the limited cheaper fares offered.
What cost to london + the €120
id say bobby that’s google tracking and reading your emails and then hiking up the price knowing that youd pay…….oh the future….
The big rush to the canaries in June from Dublin. The flight to London is €65, it’s just not worth all the hanging around airports and connecting flights.
Ryanair better off not associated with the Aer Lingus…at least you can depend on Ryanair
17 Red thumbs ? Some people obviously don’t understand how low fare airlines operate.
Flown with Ryanair probably a 100 times. I have never had one problem and the flight attendants are always very friendly . I wish I could say the same about those cranky oul cows on aer lingus
Well we wouldnt beable to afford to get off the Island if Airlingus were the only airline, I thank god for Mick every time I go abroad, almost no delayes! remember going on charter holidays the great comparison wasnt hotels it was “how long were you delayed” 4, 6,8, hours was common!
The whole flight time is a con.A flight that takes 2 hours flight time from when the wheels lift up until it lands again has on Ryanair websites approx 2 in a half hours listed so if they are late 29 mins they can say it was on time
People outside the aviation business also think Michael O Leary is great which is another con,ask anybody who works in the aviation business and they are disgusted with Ryanair plus I pity the poor staff working for them!!
Re flight times. I thought I was the only one who spotted that. They build a possible delay into their times
I’m in the aviation business working for a big airline and I can tell you a lot of my colleagues fly Ryanair while going abroad because even with staff discount Ryanair still come out to be cheaper. So I don’t know where you’re getting this malark from.
Thomas
Do you realise that flight times will vary with different passenger loads and wind direction / strength ? Predicting flight times is not as precise as you make out.
I don’t work for Ryanair either but I am in the industry and can tell you they have many staff with them over 20 years, no need to feel sorry for them, they are quite happy.
Try and look at Ryanair for what they are : a hugely successful Irish company, employer of a few thousand people.
No one has gun to their head making them work for them thomas so save your pity and whether you like it or not we all get to travel more often I lived in England in 70s when only aerlingus or a 7 hour boat trip after a 8 hour drive and neither were cheap so was lucky if got 2 trips home a year
Helan times have changed since the 70′s and 80′s
Loop de loop,
As a matter of fact I do realise all the calculations regarding wind, speed etc etc,I’m involved in the aviation business 12 years now,but Ryanair put more time on it then most airlines
Are you working for Ryanair management haha?
Well aware of that, but we would still have aerlingus ripping people of if not for likes of ryanair, like them or loath them no one forcing anyone to work for them its 2014 they are not been frogmarched onto flights no more then the millions who use them and while its not the 70s there are a lot of people from this country working in england and rest of Europe glad of cheap fares to be able to come home a bit more then twice a year also with way country is we might s well be in 70s or 80s
Helen you are missing the point, yes I fully agree with you that Ryanair was good to increase competition,actually Ryanair trying to buy Aer Lingus would be a bad thing in that they would monopolise the business but Ryanair behave terribly towards people and their staff
I give you an example, Aer Arann started a route from Cork to Dublin a few years back ,Ryanair decided to also start that route but slashed the prices forcing Aer Arann to pull out, but then later Ryanair pulled out.Ryanair did it on purpose and bullied Aer Arann off that route on purpose.it would have been fine if they kept that route for people but they didn’t
Pilots have to pay their own medical,their own jet type rating(Boeing 737′s 800 series), their own accommodation if their laying over, they get only paid from when the plane pushes back and stops still having to do pre and post checks
Cabin crew are treated a lot worse,and if you ask any parent or anyone you know how Ryanair treats them then they can tell you stories that you would be disgusted with
Yes it is great having Ryanair for competition and the customer but people praising Michael O Leary is unbelievable considering how he really thinks of his staff.Richard Branson is the opposite who believes in treating staff well
It is not north korea no one forced them to work for him and I know a couple people who work for him and no worse then a lot of big companies ,who because of state of country treat staff badly Tesco been just one example …..its the state owned airline staff who are going on strike in couple of weeks , I do agree he should not be allowed buy aerlingus but neither would I like to see BA or likes of easyjet get hands on it mind you Enda and co will probably sell it for couple of bob to Denis O Brien just like our water
Quite simply it is impossible to get through to complain therefore Ryanair receives virtually nil complaints just try it and see
…and the complaints procedure is on a par with North Korean media access
They now need to do something about screaming babies on their flights.
Ryanair Condoms perhaps.
They have them. What more can they do. They don’t need more.
Can’t really do anything about kids in fairness planes can be a scary situation especially for a child/baby
@Frank…So were you grown to adult size in a lab?!?!…
Harry byrne …….Ryanair didn’t exist when I was a kid.
Guaranteed to make you ‘arrive’ on time
Nobody should be flying anywhere with small kids. You’ve made your baby, now you have to lie in it.
What about forcing passengers to sign disclaimers for damaged bags last week in London…….
Would not be Ryanair, would be a handling agent
Back on Xmas eve in 2006 I won a Xmas draw on the flight which was a one way ticket anywhere, just pay taxes and charges but had to be booked by phone within 3 days. I just gave it back to the steward who wasn’t happy. Neither was I as that was my last flight with them. Crazy clown airlines then now and forever.
ryanair good airline . sit down be quite and just hope enough focking A1jet fuel
I have no problem with Ryanair for the most part but they are a flying bus service trying to act like an airline trying to act like a bus service!!! If I go Ryanair I just want to hop on the flight and be left alone for however many hours.. I get that with bus eireann and have been on longer trips.. I’d be so much happier if they just left us to enjoy the flight in peace and quiet!!
The government should take a leaf out of their book & listen to it’s people, imagine the turn around!
Ryanair always extend arrival times on the clocks so when they arrive “early” they can play that crappy song and cheers from the passengers that simply drives them mad. That said their complaints are low, well done.
Taxi time dude, it can take 15-20 minutes to get off the ground at rush hour in airports
“Dude” is not a word any self-respecting adult should ever type, except in quotation marks.
I rember been on a plain to Ayia Napa wit me mate Tracey nd we had so much WKD dat she pised all over da seat!
Ah, Ryanair…
Two years ago, flew to Girona with them for a family holiday. Flight arrived “on time”. We left the aeroplane – and were held standing on the tarmac, in mid-afternoon sun, for 30 minutes, before being let into the terminal.
Didn’t bother complaining because we just wanted to get on with our holiday…
Same holiday, on the return flight – out we go to board. No, we can’t get on the plane yet. No explanation. We’re held corralled on the tarmac, in blazing sunshine, for 45 minutes. Babies and kids crying, no shade… eventually we’re let on, no explanation, no apology, and they won’t even give us a drink of water. We can buy bottled water when the plane takes off, we’re told…
Tried complaining when I got home, got absolutely nowhere.
Ryanair are a cheap and cheerful airline. Gets you to your destination on time. As for aer lingus with all their strikes. They will lose business in the long term. Ryanair will gain
People that complain about Ryanair are morons. It’s cut price flying and yet they still expect first class.
2600 complaints? Aye and the rest !
Only complaint I have with Ryan is the F*****s left without me at Stanstead (I was late) they left on time!
Looked up Ryanair website for “quiet flight”.
Sadly, it doesn’t mean one where children are banned.
C’mon Michael. Listen more attentively.
That’s 3,900 bag complaints and and around 2600 complaint in general
when you carry a couple of million passengers that’s a very small percentage.
It’s 3,900 too many
Brian ,
good airline
To be honest the British press really had it in for Ryanair. The sun and the daily mail regularly run stories blasting them for any little thing but never a bad word about any other airline. I couldn’t see them doing this if it was a British company
Just checked and flight to Edinburgh from Charleroi (70km south of Brussels) 700 euro for family of three.
Or 818 euro for small bag and seat choice.
Still the flight times are nice :)
#lowfares
People who complain about Ryanair are snobs! All they do is complain for the sake off it!! Let them get ripped off by Aer Lingus! Prefer not to sit beside these people anyway!
The *company’s
Is that the 51st silly photo of MOL or have I missed some.
That’s 4, Michael…..
I am not one bit happy with Ryan air :( Cost a lot more than should have to book flights and baggage which was a joke ppl Be aware they charge extra for Hand luggage they classed it as baggage only weighed 7 kg cost 30 euro to board and 55 euro to get it home which was all included in the flights . Ryan air Staff were very rude
I would rather go the extra and fly with any other Air line Rather than go through that again
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