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THE FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS board on the parenting website I used to frequent was going off.
“HellfireMom32” was apoplectic because her SIL (sister-in-law) had announced that kids were not invited to the wedding.
Outrage, objections, skin and hair went flying.
Who did she think she was? Bridezilla for sure.
Kids are family. The day just wouldn’t be the same without them! Refuse to go!
I was there purely for the answers. No one in my family was planning on tying the knot any time soon, and at the time, my baby was a teeny tiny dinky newborn. The perfect size to bring anywhere. I was pretty confident, should I have found myself in that tricky situation, I could have smuggled him in no problem.
A decade or so ago, excluding small kids from family get-togethers was a relatively new practice. Times had moved on, and we were no longer adherents to the “children should be seen and not heard” mindset — an ancient English saying dating back to the 15th century.
These days, people have become more, shall we say, inured to child-free spaces, even if they don’t necessarily agree with the concept, or feel it’s just as handy to bring the kids along. The inconvenience of rustling up babysitters at the last minute springs to mind.
Personally, as long as it isn’t my child hitting Mariah Carey decibels and/or I don’t have to tend to any child-related face-offs, I’m happy to have them present at any function.
Could it be argued that this paradigm shift is a case of people becoming more outspoken in their requests to leave the kids at home so they can enjoy themselves without (a) stressing that Johnny Junior might overhear something unsuitable, (b) being able to relax without having to keep a constant eye on Little Linda so she doesn’t get hold of an unsupervised G&T thinking it’s sparkling water, or (c) grabbing the opportunity to let their hair down without worrying that the kids have witnessed it.
Of course, there are some venues and occasions that are unsuitable for small children and where they absolutely should not be present.
But dare I go out on a limb and suggest perhaps the pushback against children in adult spaces is more about discouraging those parents who allow their kids to run riot, rather than a direct and blatant exclusion of kids?
For all the chatter around kids not being welcome at family weddings, certain holiday resorts, cafés and even holiday flights, it isn’t something I have experienced. We had, at the time, four kids under six. With zero interest and even less motivation to board a plane, destination anywhere, with that many small humans, I was always going to be spared any recriminating glances.
Plus, we were never going to impose on parents who had emerged from their own childcare trenches.
One of the people I spoke to for feedback on holidaying with young primary school charges and small babies was my sister. Just back from her first family break away with her husband and seven-month-old baby girl, I was stressed for them…
How was this going to work with a highly inquisitive child who didn’t take too kindly to sitting still? What would the trip to Cork airport be like? What would the plane be like?
I’d heard horror stories about the air pressure playing havoc on tiny eardrums.
Would the buggy arrive safely? How would they manage bottles and formula and sterilisers and travel cots, and would it be blisteringly hot in Lanzarote?
The first video was of my niece having great fun with some kind of fidget spinner stuck to the seat in front of her. Smiling her little head off, there wasn’t a bother on her.
I did forget my sister and her husband were seasoned travellers. Both of them are also a bit too fond of spreadsheets for my liking, but it looked as if their meticulous planning weeks in advance was now paying dividends. They were taking it all in their stride.
They went so far as to say the service was excellent everywhere they went because they had a baby with them.
“Nowhere turned us away for having a baby if we just showed up. If anything, they were nearly delighted to see us. It was odd. I wasn’t expecting to receive the treatment we got. It was like we were VIP customers because we were travelling with a baby.”
The other families also had marvellous things to relay, and it was unanimously agreed that holidays abroad with kids are usually great. In fact, it was reported that the only time they met with resistance was on the plane. Irish people, apparently, weren’t impressed with being in close proximity to babies or very young children.
One mam and dad who are frequent fliers to Germany with their five-year-old and hardy toddler did say they favour places that cater for families, actively avoiding hotels because it is hard to keep kids quiet at certain times.
“But that said, we have a very close eye on the kids that they’re behaving.”
Another parent of three was in agreement, adding she steers clear of anywhere solo travellers or couples frequent. “I wouldn’t go anywhere that wasn’t centred around kids or child-focused.”
However, all were very mindful of their kids potentially kicking off in restaurants and disturbing other diners, so there was a bit of careful planning there, around naps, feeds, etc and making sure to bring toys and extra snacks to keep the older ones occupied.
No one likes to be in the presence of unruly children, even if they are on holiday and are just letting off steam. But neither is it realistic nor fair to expect a young child to know how to behave in a restaurant or cinema if they are infrequent visitors.
We have to start somewhere, and perhaps that is when they are small and grow up quietly accustomed to and confident in adult spaces.
Gwen Loughman is gatekeeper of four boys, one husband and watcher over two dogs.
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When I was young, a bit of good weather was something to be enjoyed.
But when you open up this site, the minute there’s a bit of sunshine, all you’re told is floods, lightning, and forest fires.
These leftists in the Journal can find joy in nothing.
Misery and degeneracy are hardwired into their brains.
@Marjory: This is one of truest comments ever in the Journal. Well done Marjory. Life is too short for moaning.
@Marjory: News outlets report facts. You can always choose not to read them if they upset you. Should floods and forest fires not be reported? Should weather forecasts be banned?
@Brendan O’Brien: that’s NOT what she means. Way to go to misconstrue her comment
@Marjory: there was no mention of floods and lightening the last few days as there was no risk of them happening. Today, according to this article, there is a risk of floods and lightening in the west. It’s called a weather forecast, and thunder storms, when appropriate, have been part of the forecast for as long as I can remember
@Brendan O’Brien: I’d forgotten how naive people can be.
Thanks for the reminder.
@Des Daly: You don’t think it’s a tad excessive to claim that ‘Misery and degeneracy are hardwired into their brains’ (with reference to Journal reporters)? How would she know about the ‘degeneracy’?
Looks like an extremist rant to me.
@Brendan O’Brien: & let’s face it …’ extremist rants’ are brennys forte, lol
@Marjory: Lol! Left/right dummies… You literally don’t HAVE to read anything :’ )
@Des Daly: ” twisting and deflection” is brennys stock- in- trade in fairness
@Buster Lawless: What does ‘in fairness’ even mean in this context?
I really don’t understand why people throw this useless phrase into their sentences. To me, it denotes an inability to think coherently.
Enjoy the sun everyone, and f u € k the begrudgers!!!
@Marjory:
The article: “Hey just be careful today cause there’s probably gonna be a thunderstorm even though the weather is nice! Be on the lookout because danger is possible, and you should be aware of it and make decisions with that in mind!”
You for some reason: “those goddamn leftists are taking my sunny days away”
@Marjory: ain’t here to give vocabulary lessons ol’ stock …. Google is your friend. Anyhow, you’re right bout’ this glorious weather —– ENJOY!!
@Des Daly: The only one who misconstrued anything is the OP. Talk about a rant ! The headline says THE FORECAST ” Hot weather in store again today, but there’s also ,annoyingly , a thunderstorm warning.” The very fact the word ‘ annoyingly ‘ was used contextualises that the hot weather is being enjoyed but may be disrupted. It’s incredulous the amount of trolls who get triggered by a weather forecast.. even when it’s bemoaning the possibility of disruption to good weather.
@Marjory: If weather forecasts upset you so much don’t read them.
Checked my own forecast, quite excited to hear there’s gonna be rain later in the day. I just really like hot days and then the rain comes falling down, it’s such a lovely feeling atmospherically (Also maybe I’ll be able to actually fall asleep.)
A little jealous of the thunderstorms, not super jealous of the risk of flooding.
@Fishlord “Fishlord_Username” Username: What’s with the able to sleep bit? In the winter people heat their bedrooms close to 20celsius (we don’t, we like warm feet and cold nose tips) so they can sleep. Yet the same temperature in summer prevents them from sleeping. That doesn’t make s ns. Or are your sleeping quarters overheating as your well insulated attic is “keeping the heat in”?
@Athena: the temperatures have hit nearly 30 degrees, that’s gonna cause sleeping issues for alot of people because we’re not used to that kind of heat, simples
@Athena: It’s humidity in summer rather than heat. Also in winter, people don’t leave their heating on all night, so it gets a lot cooler. And the temperature in our house yesterday evening was 26 degrees. We never heat our house close to that temperature in winter
@Tom O’ Donnell: But that’s what I mean. The house shouldn’t be 26 Celsius indoors. Modern house design (i.e. big window for a light and airy feeling), insulated attics, airtight rooms etc will sooner or later mandate air-conditioning, another demand led branch of industry, pushing more geared air out into an already heated environment.
Why aren’t houses build with roof overhangs, or roller shutters to produce shadow and keep heat out?
While our upstairs rooms (Midland location, 29.7 yesterday) were a “toasty” 18 Celsius, we enjoyed a good night’s sleep in a cool 14 Celsius downstairs room. No air conditioning, just an old house with thick walls and small windows, surrounded by shrubs, bushes, trees, built 130 years ago by people who understood the lay of the land and the environment.
Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah…………
@Andrew Kenny: You’re quoting Cozy Powell?
@Brendan O’Brien: Wow Brendan, Cozy Powell, What a memory that is,Great Drummer
If people would only have listened to the green party we wouldn’t be in this boat. The extra taxes would have offset the weather patterns. People need to learn the war in Ukraine and gaza emissions there have little effect on the earth even highly populated countries like India and China. Its mary in the micra going to dunnes for the shopping when she could have walked around the emissions played a part. If she was taxed more she wouldn’t have used the car and less emissions hence less weather sinarios. Roderic and eamon are highly educated in such practices especially Roderic who invited the world in to INCREASE emissions, well done.
@Paddy C: people wouldn’t use cars as much if ireland had more reliable, cheap and well placed public transport. Taxation is great, especially to fund this cheap public transport, but I think the focus should really be on our infrastructure and how that influences human behaviour. And it has the benefit of better infrastructure.
I was in malta the last 10 days. Its actually as warm here.
@Brian Dunne: I hope you had a great time Brian,one of my fave places for holidays. Been 5 times,lovely friendly country
@Larry Betts: fantastic time Larry! Didnt get to that restaurant after, ran out if time. Did go by it on a choo choo train though and thought of you! Its a lovely place, our 3rd time there.
@Larry Betts: absolutely gorgeous……& Reasonable too……we went just before Christmas……. A beautiful Island/ great people
I love CO2 and its apparent results in these beautiful sunny days we are having.
Connaght?? Look at what the heat does.
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