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RECENTLY I WAS reading a popular Irish fashion/celebrity gossip blog post on Facebook that had a picture of child actress, now all grown up.
It appeared to be her professional head shot. The caption under the post read “Remember her?” and I smiled as I did – she is a theatre actress now in adulthood.
However my smile faded as I scrolled down through the comments posted underneath by other readers, including “Lesbian head on her” and “She has a creepy face” to name but a few. (There were pleasant comments too it should be noted.) It got me wondering if any of these people would be so casual and comfortable about saying this to the actress in question’s face. I doubt it – far more likely to ask her to pose for a photo with them and say how much they loved her in her movies.
So what is the difference between saying something online and to someone’s face? I believe it is twofold: the degree of empathy that gets lost online; and the fact that when you say something online about someone it doesn’t feel like you are saying it to them. It doesn’t feel real, and therefore the potential consequences are not considered.
We are all too familiar with the at-times-tragic consequences of being at the receiving end of nasty things said about you online. We have lost three teenagers this year in Ireland, amid a public outcry for the State to regulate and somehow control social media sites such as Facebook, Twitter and Ask.fm. But I’m not convinced that this is the answer, because I don’t think it is the correct question to ask.
Rather, consider the why. Why is it that our young people (and let’s be honest, it’s not exclusively young people – there are many adult internet trolls out there) feel it is OK to denigrate, harass and demean others – sometimes people they barely know and other times people they sit beside every day at school or work – once you do it online and not to their face?
Recent research by NUI Maynooth showed that teenage girls are more likely to engage in this form of bullying than their male counterparts, and also that participants felt that cyber-bullying was the worst form of bullying because it could be seen by more people and go unnoticed by adults.
A 2010 research study by the University of Michigan measured the empathy levels in college students, compared them to previous generations at the same age (14,000 students over 30 year period) and found that today’s young people show a significantly lower level of empathy towards others than previous generations. The biggest drop came after 2000, when empathy levels measured up to 40 per cent lower than their counterparts 30 years previously.
It is estimated that the average person is now exposed to three times more non-work related information via media (and, increasingly, social media) than previous generations and this cannot be overlooked as a possible reason for the drop in empathy levels. Having hundreds or even thousands of ‘fans’ or online ‘friends’ allows people to relate at a removed level. You can change who you are, comment on photos and activities of others, often people you barely know in the real world.
This combined with the rise of reality TV – which is always more sensational than reality -encourages people to mock, denigrate and comment publicly (and anonymously if you choose) on the mistakes and misery of others, in a way that you simply wouldn’t do if they were your friend and needed your sympathy.
It has become so easy to interact virtually that we are investing less and less time engaging with people at a personal level, and this is having a profound effect on our empathy levels.
Children develop empathy skills from approximately three years of age onwards (though the capacity is building from infancy) through projective play. We see an increase in narrative-based play and playing with dolls/teddies to re-enact real life events as a means of better understanding them.
Teddy 1: No teddy, you must go to bed when you are told.
Teddy 2: But I want to stay up and watch TV!
Teddy 1: It’s bedtime now and you can watch TV tomorrow.
Teddy 2: Oh, OK then.
Engaging in this kind of play forces the child to consider the perspectives of others and thereby develops empathy, understanding and problem-solving skills – all of which are developmentally essential and help to build our social intelligence levels, enabling us to read potentially dangerous situations and also forge and develop relationships.
What we are seeing now is a generation, so-called ‘Generation Me’, who have not successfully negotiated this stage – likely because of an increased focus on virtual play and virtual interaction with people who do not exist for them in the real world.
Parents can take control of this by monitoring the amount of access and time spent on virtual play, communicating and connecting with your child/teenager through creative and imaginative means. Remember to ask “I wonder how that would feel for someone to do or say that about you?” and ensure empathy is a key part of your parenting strategy.
Joanna Fortune is a clinical psychotherapist working with children and families for over 12 years. She is the founder and director of Solamh Parent Child Relationship Clinic in Dublin. For more info, call 01 6976568 or follow on Twitter: @solamh
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Go to bettystown – laytown beach after a nice day – plastic – cans – wipes – chipper bags – you will find rubbish every 2-3 meters walking along the beach – then high tide comes and washes most out – this is just one beach so no wonder the ocean is a mess . And its adults doing so and youngsters learning from them – the older I get the more I hate the majority of the human race
Society going to the dogs. The selfishness of most of us is disgusting.
‘I care about me, what I want, the way I want, whenever I want. Who cares about anybody else or future generations?’
@Pajo Mata: allowing dogs to take a dump on a beach and walking away is just as bad.
Kids step and swim with it .
Increase fines and enforcement
Hitting pockets hurt most
Common sense isn’t so common after all..
@mark hollywood: Common decency is the problem with these vermin.
A warden should be employed to to charge € 100 Euro to all campers some of it refundable when site is checked and found to be in tact or some such arrangement ,not the easiest thing to do I suppose but it would to clear up the problem or the money would help to clear up mess
A growing problem all round Ireland ,weak legislation on waste management ,lets get professional and employ proper litter warden s with powers for on the spot fines .this should not be left up to those great people that volunteer to keep our country side an beaches clean .people have to be continously reminded littering is not acceptable .
This is what happens when private companies take over rubbish collection. You can’t keep squeezing people and expect them to pay bills they can’t afford. When it’s a decision between food, rent, school uniforms etc… and bins the environment is always going to suffer.
@Mark Jones: hope you’re being sarcastic there
@Mark Jones: you’re blaming private rubbish collection, for people leaving their sh#te in greenland areas and beaches that the’ve visited? Tents , pottys? If they were able to haul all that crap to the area, then they can haul it to the dump, and that’s cheaper than paying for bin collection. You’ll find that ppl who act like this, are the same selfish ppl to cut in a line, or park in a handicap spot etc etc. In other words they just don’t give a f#k
@Mark Jones: it’s more a case of this is what happens why people are selfish pr1cks and don’t care about the environment or society in general. It’s not hard to bring rubbish home with you and doesn’t take any intelligence to consider what it’d be like to turn up at somewhere, imagine the disappointment at finding it spoilt by someone else’s rubbish and not think to bring their own rubbish home so they are ruining it on someone else.
@Mark Jones: really?
@Mark Jones: If they have enough money to go camping and enjoy the beautiful surroundings, eat food, have a few tins and get home again then they have enough money to dispose of their rubbish. You’re some tube.
@Mark Jones:
Bullproduct!
These folk would still leave their litter if they had a gilded council truck doing a daily free pickup.
@Mark Jones:
@Mark Jones: it has nothing to do with that all mark it’s the persons choice to go camping they can manage to carry all the goods there full no issues so could bring them home too there is enough free bins at service stations and most towns they could put rubbish in without bringing it home
Some clown left a carrier bag of rubbish on the ground at a service station that I used to deliver to. Myself and the owner went through it and found identifying items and he was also on CCTV. Litter warden came around, called to yer man, issued a fine of €125, job done. The crazy thing about it was that the bag was left on the ground only about 10 metres from an empty bin! I make that €12.50 a metre it cost the litterer.
@Ennui Kenny: if they paid it
@Seamus Mac: Well there was a case that came to court of a guy that didn’t pay a fine of €300 for 2 bags of rubbish and one carrier bag. He didn’t bother to turn up for the case (big mistake!) and the Judge increased the fine to €4,000! Even the litter warden looked surprised. Since then which is about 2 years ago I have never seen another litter case come before the court.
@Ennui Kenny: a costly mistake
Not just the beauty spots!! There’s litter everywhere now, people don’t seem to give a crap anymore!!!
@John Murray: people don’t like paying private rubbish collectors lots of money. Bring back council collections and the problem will diminish.
@John Murray: we’ve always been a filthy nation
Guys all over facebook offering cheap rubbish removal. They should have to provide a certified refuse collector number on advertisments
@Tony Murphy: There are people of a certain ethnic background doing that in Cork. They pick up your rubbish and then either illegally dump it ( you get the fine if it’s found by the litter warden) or burn it in skips provided by the council at their place of residence. What people don’t realise is that if your rubbish is dumped up the forestry it is you who is responsible and the fine is for each bag dumped. At €150 a bag that can add up very quickly.
Unfortunately a can pay but won’t pay for anything attitude has crept into our society and here is yet another example of it. It’s disgusting behaviour.
Just a question really and I don’t mean offense, but I really notice that Ireland is particularly bad at littering. It’s absolutely baffling. Do a lot of parents not teach their kids not to throw stuff on the ground? More often than not if I see kids in the park with crisps or lucozade, I know they will throw it on the ground. I get so upset by this and often would go over ask them to not do it just in case they have never been made aware. Where do they think it goes? Would their parents do it in their back gardens? If not then why in public? There must be a reason?
I just hope that the tents, sleeping bags etc which are in good condition are not dumped in a skip but put to use with some organisation.
If everyone just cleaned up after themselves like socially responsible people, we’d have no litter!
Time to arm litter wardens & give them the power to kneecap offenders.
Not new. Has been and will continue to be a problem for long time.
Just Wicklow? Check out West Dublin. Neillstown,ronanstown, all through Liffey valley area, looks like an explosion in a bin factory. My estate in Earlsfort nearby is the same. Feral kids of feral parents dropping bottles cans and all sorts of crisp bags where they stand. And since the property tax, nobody cleans up.
Dubs……
@redhandtyrone: So how do you account for litter in the Midlands, Cork, Galway etc?
The Blessington lakes are starting to look like a halting site with the amount of rubbish being left behind
Why aren’t there forestry rangers and beach patrols working these areas like in the States and Australia? This is why their beaches and camp areas are so spotless ; well that, and the fact that Aussies and Americans actually give a damn. Here, not so much. We are a nation of brats.
So supply more bins in the area. Not rocket science
@pearse: why though they didn buy the stuff from any shop there as there is none in the area . They can bring it back to shop they. BOught it in as most have bins around them
All the litter on all the beaches, I wonder how many litter fines were issued?, if it is very very little then our litter laws are ridiculously stupid, weak, pathetic.
Unfortunately, there are far too many people in this country who don’t take pride in the amenities and landmarks at their doorstep. For example, I was up in The Glen Of The Downs with my better half and was appalled out how much the Octagon near the top was vandalized. Minus the graffiti, it is a truly amazing place. The start of the walkway adjacent to the N11 also had some discarded litter scattered throughout.
This will likely affect the perception of tourists who might view us as a filthy nation due to our lack of care for invaluable resources. While litter, graffiti and other vandalism is also endemic in other nations, it still doesn’t take away from the fact that there is absolutely no excuse for it. The recent brush fires which we have had in light of the uncharacteristically warm weather are another by-product of such carelessness.
In time, we may need to invest in sophisticated CCTV systems in our public parks and other amenities to deter careless patrons who feel they can treat it like a land fill or who are generally negligent towards the consequences of their actions. Bottom line, we need to start setting a positive and clean example to current and future generations to minimize the possibilities of “a minority spoiling it for everyone”.
just bring a black bag with you and toss all of your trash in there. then throw the bag into the car’s boot.
have your say