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AS ANY CONNOISSEUR of apocalyptic aggravation knows, one of the vital jobs you have after the apocalypse begins is to find appropriate shelter to wait out the rampaging undead or saucily dressed motorcyclists that wish to steal your petrol.
If we can learn anything from George A. Romero’s zombie horror classic ‘Dawn of the Dead’ its that modern shopping malls are deathtraps, so don’t be enticed to hide out in Liffey Valley! Instead consider some of the ancient monuments of Ireland. Walls that kept out Viking raiders a thousand years ago could keep out bands of Mad Max style motorcycle nutters, or can they?
Here are my suggestions of the top five sanctuaries to consider during today’s supposedly impending apocalypse:
The Rock of Dunamase, Co Laois
Image: Abarta Audioguides
This fortress is perched 45 metres above a flat plain in County Laois. The site was extensively refortified after the Norman invasions of Ireland and was said to be part of the dowry given by Diarmuid MacMurrough when his daughter Aoife married the leader of the Norman Invasions, Richard de Clare (Strongbow). It was granted as a wedding gift again when Aoife and Strongbow’s daughter married the famous knight William Marshall.
He carried out extensive works at the Rock and lived there from 1208 – 1213.
In the fourteenth century, the Rock of Dunamase was given to the O’Moore family butit was left abandoned. It is likely that the site was ‘slighted’ (basically blown up) by Cromwellian Generals Hewson and Reynolds in 1651.
There are advantages and disadvantages to the Rock of Dunamase as a sanctuary following the aftermath of a zombie-style apocalypse – on the plus side its commanding position high above the flat plains of Laois give it excellent views, you will certainly see the shambling hordes of undead approaching. The still-steep ditches will also offer some protection. However the enclosing walls are in a ruinous state, so you won’t be able to hold back the tide of brain-hungry zombies for long!
Dunmore Caves, Co Kilkenny
Image: Olivier Bruchez/Flickr/Creative Commons
Just north of Kilkenny you can find the Dunmore Caves. These stunning limestone caves are today open to the public and are a popular attraction for school trips and those wanting to dig a little deeper into Irish history and geology. Handily enough they could also make a good hideout during the worst of the days following the apocalypse. Just getting in can be daunting enough: in folklore the cave entrance is described as ‘the mouth of a huge beast, with ten thousand teeth…’
The deep and dark cave could be a good location to discretely hide yourself, and if you can manage to develop a taste for bats then you may not go hungry. Be warned though, Dunmore Cave once failed a group who sought refuge in its inky blackness. The Annals of the Four Masters record that in 928 AD, a group of a thousand, mainly women and children, were massacred in the cave, and human remains discovered in the 18th century provide archaeological evidence of this grizzly event.
Trim Castle, Co Meath
Image: Abarta Audioguides
The mighty Trim Castle was constructed between 1176 – 1206 AD by the powerful Norman Lord Hugh de Lacy and his son Walter. This is the largest Norman castle in Ireland, with its large enclosing walls and deep moat surrounding a unique cruciform-shaped central tower known as a ‘keep’ or ‘donjon’. At the time it was constructed Trim Castle was the height of medieval defensive technology, and still over 800 years later this building would be almost ideal for a small group to escape the coming zombie apocalypse.
There is only one entrance to the keep so as long as you have a strict door policy it should be easy to hold back the hordes. Even if they manage to get inside then the staircases are designed for defence. They are narrow spiral stairs that only allow one person to ascend at a time. They also wind to the top in a clockwise direction favouring right-handed defenders.
The downsides to hiding in this ancient fortress is that its water supply is a well outside of the keep, unless you remember to bring a bucket to collect the rainwater. You may however get sick of the taste of pigeons.
Dun Aonghasa, Inis Mór
Image: Abarta Audioguides
Where better to wait out an apocalypse than in the stunning setting of Inis Mór, the largest of the Aran Islands? The island itself would offer great protection, with the stormy Atlantic serving as a huge moat, protecting you from all but the most seaworthy zombie. The prehistoric fort of Dun Aonghasa is towards the west of Inis Mór, and is superbly protected by a series of massive drystone walls and 100 metre high cliffs to the South.
The fort was first constructed in around 1,100 BC with activity continuing throughout the Bronze Age and into the Iron Age. Radiocarbon dates suggest that the fort began to become far more defensive and fortified after 500 BC. This also ties in to a building boom of coastal promontory forts along the western coast of Ireland. Surely this suggests that it was a time of great social upheaval, possibly indicating a war, an invasion, a famine making people desperate or some combination of the three – or even perhaps a killer zombie invasion of the past?!
Skellig Michael
Image: Andreas Juergensmeier/Shutterstock.com
If you have access to a boat and the necessary skills to use it, there would be no better place to hold out during the post-apocalyptic zombie invasion after today’s Mayan mayhem, than the World Heritage Site of Skellig Michael. Located nearly 12km west of the Iveragh Peninsula in Co Kerry, the island boasts some of the best preserved monastic remains in Europe. The monastery was founded here between the 6th – 8th centuries AD, and it would be the perfect location to spend your days, safe in the knowledge that zombies would never be able to reach you.
Unless of course, they are zombie Vikings, as the Vikings successfully raided Skellig Michael in 824 AD, but come on, who actually believes in zombie Vikings? Ahem…
Neil Jackman is the director of abartaheritage.ie, a newly launched Irish company that provides audioguides to some of Ireland’s wonderful heritage sites. You can find Abarta on their website at abartaheritage.ie or on iTunes, Eircom Music Hub, Sony Quirocity and Amazon as well as Facebook, Twitter and Google+.
Neil doesn’t really believe in zombies (although he is a big Walking Dead fan), and he certainly doesn’t believe that the world will end today. Otherwise he will be annoyed that he has already bought some Christmas presents.
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300 and odd cheaper than the iPhone 6 plus rip off
465euro on Piximania for SIM unclocked Samsung S5.. why anyone would pay 55euro a months for a 24month contract its silly. That’s well over a thousand euro for the phone… costs half that to buy Sim free, granted you might get free calls,free texts and internet.. but you can get all that with SIM only plan for 20euro a month.
20 per month, over the next 24 months is 480, added to the near 500 upfront for the device means you pay a grand either way… except you don’t have to shell out half a grand at the start… As the missus might say, why are you so afraid of commitment?
@Pinel g if your buying your phone not to make phone calls or texts , you are correct in saying sim free is half the price
@Sean Delaney – comparing this to the iPhone 6 Plus? Did you read the article? 4.7″ screen.
To me, it seems like Samsung made some odd choices. Loses the plastic crap and keeps the replaceable battery, good, but no SD card?
Maybe they should have just waited to launch a S6 Alpha version and made it an attractive proposition to Galaxy fans.
Eh pinel it’s not much of a savings and u spread the cost over 2 years
Fair play if u can afford it up front some can’t
@Ciaran Ó Fallúin Yes, 20 per month is 480. but you are not tied down to any contract, so you do not have to top up every month, (these days i think you need to top up at least every 6months to keep it active on the network was 12months before) therefore it does save you money, instead of being tied down to a contact where you always pay more. like when you go over your internet usage a month. What annoys me is Meteor offer Unlimited Data for €10 a topup. yet this “Unlimited Data” is subject to Fair usage allowance of 7.5GB, To me this is not unlimited data…. capped data more like.
7.5gb is more than you should ever need for your phone.. if your steaming buck loads of netflix, would you really enjoy any of it watching it on a phone. It’s meant for internet browsing and yes video playback but not watching season after season. It still is a phone after all.
In tescos “unlimited” sim only plan you get 10,000 mins, 10,000 texts and 15Gb data for €25 per month and its only a 30day contract.
I’ve held this phone in my hands. It feels fantastic. Unbelievably light. Tough decision between the alpha and S5.
Looks great! Samsung’s biggest fall down was the quality of its plastic!
Nah. Samsung biggest downfall is Touchwiz. I’m typing this on the S5. Brilliant phone. I’ve no problem with the plastic back.
I had a look at the Alpha in a shop during the week. It is very fekin light.
That touch wiz thing is a nightmare, constantly crashed or froze my Note 3. Samsung just tell you to connect it to Kies which didn’t work. Tried all of the suggestions on forums but to no avail. Last system update caused my phone to crash completely had to do a hard factory reset which was a pain but on the positive side no more touch wiz errors.
Had a note 2 and loved it. But I hated taken the back cover off because it would stay out of shape.
I’d you don’t like touchwiz Michael, install an alternative. Dozens of options available. Next Launcher is my personal favourite
That doesn’t change the fact that it’s still running on touchwiz, which is laggy as hell. If 2.5GHz quad core lags it means that there is something very wrong with the system and its optimization. Samsung insane hardware is always held back by that atrocious system. If they only developed something new and light, they would gain a lot of new consumers.
Yup. That’s the advantage of Android. Touchwiz is awful. First thing I do after a factory reset is install Apex.
Biggest reason I stick with Samsung is the replaceable battery and huge support from third party ROM distributors.
Have not plugged my Note 3 into its charger ever. Three external batteries and a battery pack and I’ve never been let down.
Apple are great for their fans, or have been, each to their own. A phone is a personal choice. If Apple fans want the experience they’re getting, that’s their choice. I actually admire Apple for being able to command such brand loyalty in the face of better alternatives (in my opinion). I know many Apple to Android converts but I don’t know any of the reverse.
Again, each to their own. It’s not as if those Apple fans don’t know of any alternatives. If I knew there was a better CAR than a Toyota for the budget I had for buying a car, you can bet that no matter how loyal I was to Toyota, I’d be buying the better bang for my buck.
Yep I use Nova Launcher. Still only a half measure. I rommed an S4 worth the Google edition rom. That runs better than my S5.
If Samsung sold their phones with the Google edition is buy that version every time. Their hardware is brilliant (on some models).
@dave davis
I am an apple fan but would be very happy to move because of the increasing privacy-invasion by Apple.
I was really hoping the article would compare the two but strangely it didn’t!
What is your view on how this new SS compares with the 4s ?
@gareth – touchwiz isn’t the issue.. just like when running any pc, it gets full up with crappy programs, files left behind etc. A factory reset is recommended oncè every 6 months to clear all the crap we install and remove and install again from the playstore. The days of the nokia 3210 are gone.
I’m a big fan of Android but would never even contemplate buying a Samsung phone given the amount of bloatware and horrible skins they put over Android. Samsung seem to just saturate the market with absolute tripe and in very few cases do they ever focus on quality (bar maybe the Note and Galaxy lines). They have a new phone out every 2 months,, it gets boring very quickly.
Darragh,
What phone do you use ?
LG Nexus 4. I don’t think that pure Android can be bettered by any third party skins and extra apps!
I love these articles… They highlight the radio silence from Apple users that are too busy enjoying their technology to flock like the squeaking seaguls from finding nemo to desperately convince the world their cheap Korean plastic is the greatest…
This is unknown, risky territory for Samsung. Starting from €549.99 SIM-free, the Samsung Galaxy Alpha is priced like a flagship phone, but it’s technically out-specced by the Samsung Galaxy S5.
ultra power saving mode? dosent stop you from having to charge it EVERDAY!
Eh yeah it does. That’s the point.
Had a similar feature in htc one – it lasted over 3 days. But then again, phone is stripped from majority of its features so this isn’t a solution. We need new batteries that will handle the smartphones as they are, not software that will dumb them down big time to preserve their power.
Ultra Power Saving mode is a fantastic feature that works very well.
Pinel g. Yes it does. I think u need to read things and have a little think before u post
Review? This is a pay ad from 3.
Looks great. Would love to see this kind of build and design on future devices from them. The S5 is as fantastic phone and would be even better with this kind of build.
Samsung has already won the race. They hold the leading market share.
People go on about it “looking great”. If the functionality and general browsing on the usual samsungs is anything to go by, I’d steer clear
have your say