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How to spot a tourist in London

We still can’t figure out that bloody Tube.

WE THINK WE’VE got it bad with tourists in Ireland, but spare a thought for the Londoners. London attracts around 30 million tourists per year, so it’s safe to say their heads are probably wrecked with it.

Here’s a handy guide on how to spot a tourist in London. (Not that the Londoners will need it!)

Can’t use the tube properly

See that group of people, peering at a map in a busy station? Tourists.

Image: via Transport for London

Every visitor to London has felt that sinking feeling when they realise they’re got on the right train – but in the wrong direction. Sigh.

Laughing at train stop names

“Cockfosters…Hornchurch…Barking…Mudchute…”

Image: via Glenwood

The people on the train giggling aren’t Londoners – they’re definitely tourists.

Don’t know where to stand on escalators

We’ve all learnt this the hard way. A London businessman (the kind who would have worn a bowler hat in Mary Poppins) yelps at you to “stand on the right!”

Image: via CollegeHumor

Lesson learnt.

Walking slowly in busy areas

Nothing is sure to drive a true blue Londoner crazy more than slow-moving tourists. Hey! We’re just trying to take it all in. See also – tourists blocking busy paths taking pictures.

Image: via Flickr/ewendonabel

It’s definitely not a good idea to stop at the top of the Tube stop steps on Oxford Circus… BUT you really need that perfect snap for the folks back at home.

You’ll take a Cockney voice giving out. It’s worth it!

Wearing a fanny pack

American tourists mark themselves out like a beacon with their stylish money belts.

Image: via Flickr/Instant Vantage

The glamour.

Cramming Buckingham Palace, Trafalgar Square, Madame Tussauds and the Science Museum into one day

London has an almost unlimited amount of exciting things to do.

Image: via Flickr/internetsdairy

Most tourists will try to do them all in one day.

Irish tourists

There are special ways to pick out the Irish tourists.

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Image: via MemeMachine

Most will be fervently avoiding the Union Jack memorabilia, popping into shops we don’t have at home, seeking out the nearest Irish pub, or bumping into recently-emigrated pals on the steps of Brixton station. Ah sure, they’ve only hopped across the water after all.

Want to get to London cheaply and easily? Aer Lingus Regional, operated by Aer Arann, are celebrating one year of their London Southend route. They’ve flown over 55,000 passengers to Southend in the past 12 months and that figure looks set to grow.

Flights depart Dublin at 7.15am and return at 19.30pm on the same day – ideal if you want to be a tourist for the day. Or even pop over to spot them…

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    Mute Brendan Brennan
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    Nov 5th 2020, 10:40 PM

    I seen Barnardos run a fantastic online safety programme for kids. They do it with schools and with parents, which I believe parents need to know more about this also. Here’s a link to it on their website…. http://www.barnardos.ie/osp

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    Mute Billy
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    Nov 6th 2020, 3:58 AM

    The Journal is one to talk about cyberbullying. If someone disagrees with you here they can call you every name under the sun, as long as their views are ‘liberal’. I’ve seen people here wish death on others for not wearing a face mask or for perceived ‘racism’ and getting hundreds of likes.

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    Mute Mark Walsh
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    Nov 6th 2020, 6:59 AM

    @Billy: You’re spot on Billy, people just come here to abuse people, I’m sure of it. There is no way they would open their mouths in the street. Children aren’t learning Online Bullying from themselves.

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    Mute thesaltyurchin
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    Nov 6th 2020, 1:27 PM

    @Billy: Right or left it’s all just shouting into the back of digital cupboard, the type of country we’re building is one of chips on shoulders, resent everyone, sue where you can, blame game, remember when the ‘Irish were a friendly, welcoming people?’ well that is clearly not what the majority of us want anymore.

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    Mute Amiga Ireland
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    Nov 5th 2020, 10:52 PM

    Bullying can be absolutely crushing and even moreso when the victim doesn’t have solid support at home and among other friends. Parents aren’t familiar with each other like we used to be. Devices create even more opportunities for bullys where the victims most private spaces at home are no longer a sanctuary.

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    Mute WCS
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    Nov 5th 2020, 10:40 PM

    Cyber everything increased during lockdown

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    Mute Vanessa
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    Nov 5th 2020, 11:10 PM

    Just sad to see that the bullying rates of the reviewed countries are the highest over here.

    I’m just wondering if parents are aware what their children doing online.

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    Mute David Connell
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    Nov 6th 2020, 12:46 AM

    Just block them or take the phones off the kids.

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    Nov 6th 2020, 3:15 AM

    Why does it take Facebook so long to remove hateful and vile comments and videos. What is wrong with them and when you do report something that goes against community standards they than tell you it doesnt. So a video of someone being hateful and using absolute obscene laungauge to another person and being a bully seems to be ok in FB eyes

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    Mute thesaltyurchin
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    Nov 6th 2020, 1:27 PM

    Feel the hate.

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