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Column Now, more than ever, we need to Mind Our Men

Today is a day for appreciating and spoiling the men in our lives – but, with the rate of male suicide in Ireland continuing to rise, we also need to look out for their mental health now more than ever, writes Joan Freeman.

WHILST FATHER’S DAY reminds us to appreciate and spoil the men in our lives, we need to look out for them now more than ever.

Earlier in the year, at Pieta House, we launched our Mind Our Men campaign with the aim of reducing male suicide in Ireland. We are educating the people of Ireland on the signs and symptoms of suicide so that they can look out for the men closest to them. We believe that friends and families can play a key role in looking out for people with suicidal thoughts – we’re not asking them to be therapists, but to be the link between the men in their lives and services like Pieta House.

The rate of male suicide in Ireland continues to rise

The last couple of years have seen a torrent of dialogue around the subject of suicide and although there has been an upsurge of organisations and increased awareness of suicide prevention, the rate of male suicide in Ireland still continues to increase.  Every week in Ireland, ten people die by suicide. Eight of them are men.

We decided to go back to the drawing board to try to find out why the numbers of male suicide continue to increase. Our own data was confusing, because our records showed that 53 per cent of people coming to Pieta House were female, and 47 per cent were male. These figures did not reflect the national figures of men engaging in services and the lack of reduction in male suicides also further questioned our own findings. When we carried out a deeper analysis, we discovered that the majority of appointments for males were booked by females. The recession obviously had some impact on suicide rates but we came to a very simple truth which was men do not ask for help. While some men may seek help, the majority do not. That truth made us look at the characteristics of men.

Even though men are known for helping both men and women they don’t tend to seek help for themselves and if they do it’s usually at the point of crisis. The reasons for their reluctance are because they believe that they can ‘fix’ the situation or that it will pass. We need to accept that men communicate differently to women and also to be aware that they find it more difficult to verbalise their feelings.

The Tipping Point

While some people with mental health difficulties may be suicidal, it is our experience that many people who are in crisis or go on to take their life is usually a reaction to a life event.

There are two common triggers that can deeply affect men. The first is the loss of a major relationship either through breakup or bereavement. Men depend very much on women for emotional support and traditionally women tend to encourage men to seek help when they are physically unwell or emotionally distressed. When a man loses a relationship through death, he may be thrown into a world of chaos, uncertainty and obviously grief.

The other trigger is usually concerned with uncertainty in career and work matters. Men often view themselves as the provider for their partner and family, work not only allows them to provide but also creates a purpose to their day. Being unemployed, losing a job or facing redundancy or retirement can result in men having a sense of failure. This of course has a knock on effect on their role within the family, the man is no longer ‘the provider’ and his status has changed. In younger men, it can lead to social isolation. A job loss can also lead to lack of male companionship and a lack of identity and purpose.

What to look out for

There are some common signs to look out for if you think a man in your life is in distress. If he is withdrawing from most social situations such as meeting with friends, visiting family, going to training etc. Gradually isolating himself by turning off his mobile phone, not answering calls, spending a lot of time on his own or in his room. If you notice a change in his attitude or performance in school or work – he may become disinterested and not put effort into his studies or his time at work.

He may have either angry or tearful outbursts or seem emotionally withdrawn where he doesn’t react emotionally to situations. Behavioural changes such as a loss of appetite, getting little or no sleep or if he has become agitated or lethargic or an increased dependence on alcohol or drugs.

The most telling sign of all symptoms and probably the most important one is when people talk about suicide in either very direct or indirect ways. They might say ‘I see no light at the end of the tunnel’, ‘I have no future, everything is bleak’ or ‘my family would be better off without me’.

What can you do

The Mind Our Men campaign is asking the men and women of Ireland to learn the signs and symptoms of suicidal behaviour and to then carry out the psychological version of CPR which is a lifesaving procedure we call APR.

A - Ask

Tell the person that you have noticed that they seem down recently and try and find out what’s bothering them. There are many ways you can ask this question such as: ‘You haven’t been yourself lately, what’s wrong?’ or ‘I know that you are feeling very down, sometimes when people are like this they may have thoughts of suicide, do you have thoughts like that?’.

P   – Persuade

Persuade the person to allow you to get help for them – don’t leave it up to them to get help. If somebody had a broken leg, you wouldn’t expect them to get help for themselves, why should it be any different if someone’s life is broken?

R – Refer

Refer to organisations like Pieta House or go with them to their GP or local therapist.  They can contact the HSE or Pieta House wherever they are who will advise them of the nearest support.

Studies have shown that more suicides are prevented by family, friends and colleagues than by professional institutions, so together we can make a huge impact. We can all learn to spot the signs and save a life.

For more information see www.mindourmen.ie

Joan Freeman, CEO of Pieta House

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28 Comments
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    Mute thephantomshit
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    Sep 19th 2019, 9:28 AM

    Is this the most pointless poll yet?

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    Mute Eoin O'C
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    Sep 19th 2019, 9:35 AM

    @thephantomshit: Yes
    No
    Not Sure

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    Mute Jerry Donovan
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    Sep 19th 2019, 9:52 AM

    @thephantomshit: run a poll to see ?

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    Mute Jim O Brien - TechBuzz Ireland
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    Sep 19th 2019, 10:47 AM

    @thephantomshit: The polls are silly full stop.

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    Mute Orpuk Jones
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    Sep 19th 2019, 11:34 AM

    @thephantomshit: its primary purpose appears to be to give people the opportunity to use the word ‘inconceivable’ in the comments section.

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    Mute Jerry Donovan
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    Sep 19th 2019, 12:30 PM

    @Orpuk Jones: seems implausible

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    Mute Squiddley Diddley
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    Sep 19th 2019, 9:30 AM

    Inconceivable!

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    Mute Reuben Gray
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    Sep 19th 2019, 11:44 AM

    @Squiddley Diddley: The perfect response….

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    Mute The Quare Fella
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    Sep 19th 2019, 1:02 PM

    @Squiddley Diddley:
    You can imagine what a remake would like.
    (Inclusion rider)
    It was successful for good reason. Leave well alone

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    Mute Jodi
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    Sep 19th 2019, 9:29 AM

    Yes, I’ve watched it 20 times. No, I wouldn’t watch any remake. As Cary Elwes said – “There’s a shortage of perfect movies in this world. It would be a pity to damage this one.”

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    Mute Peter Cavey
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    Sep 19th 2019, 10:04 AM

    @Jodi: to be honest, just as long as no one touches the Goonies, then I don’t mind what they remake

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    Mute Dave Thomas
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    Sep 19th 2019, 10:09 AM

    @Peter Cavey: don’t give them ideas.

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    Mute Nollaig Elliot
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    Sep 19th 2019, 10:42 AM

    @Peter Cavey:

    Surely you wouldn’t watch a remake of Stand By Me?

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    Mute Diogenes
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    Sep 19th 2019, 9:37 AM

    Plundering greed, nothing original left in Hollywood.

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    Mute D Writer
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    Sep 19th 2019, 9:52 AM

    @Diogenes: the studios find its easier to rehash previous successful stories than to risk doing something original.

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    Mute Grumpyoldtroll
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    Sep 19th 2019, 9:34 AM

    Hello my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my movie prepare to die.

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    Mute Dave Harris
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    Sep 19th 2019, 12:21 PM

    @Grumpyoldtroll: fun fact. The same actor played Saul berenson in homeland

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    Mute Tony Murphy
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    Sep 19th 2019, 3:13 PM

    @Dave Harris:

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    Mute Tony Murphy
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    Sep 19th 2019, 3:14 PM

    @Dave Harris:

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    Mute Tony Murphy
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    Sep 19th 2019, 3:14 PM

    @Dave Harris:

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    Mute Tony Murphy
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    Sep 19th 2019, 3:14 PM

    @Dave Harris:

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    Mute Nathan Carr
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    Sep 19th 2019, 10:10 AM

    As you wish

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    Mute Cosmological
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    Sep 19th 2019, 9:51 AM

    Who gives a toss? That should have been an option.

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    Mute Vocal Outrage
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    Sep 19th 2019, 10:15 AM

    @Cosmological: I was, but rephrase to be less insulting as ‘I’m not sure’ but at least you got your name into the comments section of the Journal. Well done you

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    Mute Reuben Gray
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    Sep 19th 2019, 11:51 AM

    I’d prefer a sequel to be honest. Most of the actors are still alive and it could be the next Pirated of the Caribbean if they continue the story of the Dread Pirate Roberts.

    Feck it, Arya of house Stark could join the crew….

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    Mute Will
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    Sep 19th 2019, 12:52 PM

    @Reuben Gray: That would involve coming up with some original ideas. Hollywood won’t go there.
    Good idea though!

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    Mute Buster Cat
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    Sep 19th 2019, 12:50 PM

    I went to a quote along screening of this movie in the Prince Charles cinema in London years ago it was fantastic! people were dressed as the characters everyone was quoting along to the script and cheering at the fight scenes it was a great night out. this film is a classic and has a cult following leave it alone!
    https://princecharlescinema.com/PrinceCharlesCinema.dll/Home

    what’s next a remake of ET

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    Mute Eddie Mc Keown
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    Sep 19th 2019, 11:12 AM

    Noooooooooooooooooooooo

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    Mute Ed
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    Sep 19th 2019, 11:02 AM

    I haven’t watched the original.

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    Sep 19th 2019, 11:58 AM

    Who would write the music?

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    Sep 19th 2019, 12:04 PM

    No and I never heard of it, whatever it is.

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    Sep 19th 2019, 12:23 PM

    I’d watch but only if it was a straight adaptation of the original Morgenstern.

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    Mute Edmund Murphy
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    Sep 19th 2019, 1:14 PM

    It’s one of my favourate movies and the first reason I got into fencing. I am happy to see it remade, it’s not like the old one will disappear or be any lesser for it.

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    Mute Whatever
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    Sep 19th 2019, 11:10 AM

    Would still watch the remake just to potentially hate it

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    Mute Keith ☘️
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    Sep 19th 2019, 12:16 PM

    No but I ‘haven’t’ seen the original. Poor grammar lads!!

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    Sep 19th 2019, 12:19 PM

    I don’t watch any of these nonsense films- I prefer a dry documentary.

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    Mute Jas
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    Sep 19th 2019, 12:17 PM

    I’m not sure

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    Sep 19th 2019, 3:18 PM

    @ Dave Harris: Sorry my mind exploded

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    Sep 19th 2019, 11:16 AM

    Great idea, just look at how well the remake of the Ten Commandments did. Not heard of it you say!

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    Sep 19th 2019, 10:11 AM

    I wouldn’t watch nottin…..

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    Mute vfagan
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    Sep 19th 2019, 11:36 AM

    @John Hayes: that’ll take a while.

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    Mute Garreth Byrne
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    Sep 19th 2019, 3:26 PM

    Who cares about all this distracting chewing gum for the eyes?

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    Mute Buster Cat
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    Sep 19th 2019, 12:50 PM

    I went to a quote along screening of this movie in the Prince Charles cinema in London years ago it was fantastic! people were dressed as the characters everyone was quoting along to the script and cheering at the fight scenes it was a great night out. this film is a classic and has a cult following leave it alone!
    https://princecharlescinema.com/PrinceCharlesCinema.dll/Home

    what’s next a remake of ET

    1
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    Mute Buster Cat
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    Sep 19th 2019, 12:50 PM

    I went to a quote along screening of this movie in the Prince Charles cinema in London years ago it was fantastic! people were dressed as the characters everyone was quoting along to the script and cheering at the fight scenes it was a great night out. this film is a classic and has a cult following leave it alone!
    https://princecharlescinema.com/PrinceCharlesCinema.dll/Home

    what’s next a remake of ET

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    Mute lelookcoco
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    Sep 19th 2019, 1:17 PM

    @Buster Cat: Buster. Did you once go to a quote along screening of this film?

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    Mute Fergus Murphy
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    Sep 19th 2019, 1:48 PM

    @lelookcoco: He went 3 times at least

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    Sep 19th 2019, 2:01 PM

    @lelookcoco: yes once it was years ago but they had it on once a month a long time now

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    Sep 19th 2019, 2:02 PM

    @lelookcoco: there is something wrong with submit page it tells me it didn’t submit but then it does sorry

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